No real friends and depressed about it...........

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  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I'm the same way. My family - siblings, nieces, in-laws, etc. - are my best friends. I have loads of online and long distance friends, but it's hard to see them often. I never formed lasting friendships at jobs, and my bff's from school have all moved away. I'm like a social dead end!
  • KellyBurton1
    KellyBurton1 Posts: 529 Member
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    I have people I know and talk to but not on that level either. My mom is my closest friend. I can call some to go out with but they dont really call me. I thought there was something wrong with me to but I just said screw em. I join a vollyball team and have a good laugh there but nothing close. Sometimes I just thinks it got to do with age, relationship status and so on.

    Maybe we should start a support group for people like us.
  • alexisdc
    alexisdc Posts: 117 Member
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    But I've just found that you have to get over it, and if YOU want to go out, YOU have to initiate. You may or may not find a true friend, that kind of seems like hit or miss, but at least you can try to connect.
    I agree! If it's something you desire, go for it. Don't wait on others! Your a strong woman!! And sounds like you would be a great friend! Those who you let see that will gravitate to you before you know it. I notice too, as I have matured (ok gotten older :)) Those friendships do fizzle out. People go in different directions; different priorities etx. But that should not stop you from finding new peeps to hang with :)
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
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    I feel your pain.

    I have had 3 'besties' in my life.

    After high school, one moved off and I only heard from her when she needed money. She was finally diagnosed with a mental illness. I still hear from her every once in a while - but nothing constant, and the friend that was there in high school - that friend no longer exists.

    Another married my uncle (yes - I said uncle, he is the youngest of 4 brothers, my dad is the oldest) and she moved to the country with him. We see each other mostly during the holidays.

    The 3rd bestie - that's the saddest - we met in college, roomed together for a while, lost touch, got back in touch and were almost inseparable. Now we've lost touch again - even though she is around - she won't call me. Something else in her life became more important than anything or anyone else. Long story.

    I relayed all that sad stuff so I could get to this. I have had one of the greatest years of my life this past year. I met 2 beautiful ladies through work. They were already here - but recent circumstances allowed us to talk more and become closer friends. They have become my new besties. There is an e-mail or poem that went around a while back... about people being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I don't know for sure which these ladies are, but I am enjoying the time while I have it.

    The point is - don't give up. You keep being you and eventually there will be a friend. One that was always there or a new one.

    (((HUGS)))
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,495 Member
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    I'm the same way. My family - siblings, nieces, in-laws, etc. - are my best friends. I have loads of online and long distance friends, but it's hard to see them often. I never formed lasting friendships at jobs, and my bff's from school have all moved away. I'm like a social dead end!

    This is completely me. The friends that are still around now live completely different lives.
  • alexisdc
    alexisdc Posts: 117 Member
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    great ideas!
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    I feel the exact same way - I'm 36, been married 10 years with two kids. I was just saying I miss all of my old girlfriends who have moved away or we have grown apart. I'm a socially awkward/shy person and its hard to make new friends. :sad:
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
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    I don't have time for friends. I am too busy pretending I have too many friends!!!

    Anyway, people drift away... It always happens. So just try, as other people have said, to go to a club or to do something you enjoy with a group in order to meet new people (then don't hesitate to ask "Anyone is up for a drink after this session?", so that you can catch people off guard ;-) in a more intimate way).
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
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    I'm right there with you! I especially don't have any female friends. My best friend is a man.....26 years my elder actually! He's a great friend....but it sure doesn't fill the spot that a female friend would! And I kind of really suck at making new friends!!
    Me too! My Best friend is male also and he is 15 yrs older than me
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    My mother was painfully shy growing up. Extremely socially awkward. When she had me she decided that she didn't want me to be like that (thankfully, I'm not and that is largely because of that decision). She got out and started doing stuff with me. Going on hikes, having play dates, stuff like that. You end up meeting and becoming friends with folks by putting yourself out there and getting to know more people. I do believe that it really is that simple.
  • Katefab26
    Katefab26 Posts: 865
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    Awww I've felt that way a few times also. A lot of people have been giving great advice as far as going out and getting involved in different activities that you're interested in. To add to that, people always like talking about themselves. I'm an extrovert, so it's probably easier for me, but I always start with asking someone about themselves. What do they do for work, why are they excited about the class, etc. It's amazing what you can find out about people just by asking them about themselves. Generally, they start to realize that they've been talking about themselves an awful lot, so they'll get around to asking about you :wink:
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    It does seem tougher to make friends now than it was when I was younger. I have about 4 friends that I feel like I can talk to. Granted, we live in different cities in Texas so I don't see them often.

    The problem with me is that now that I'm 32, friendships mean alot more than when I was 20. At 20 I just wanted friends to chat about boys and to go dancing with. Now at 32, I want friendships with substance where we talk about anything and who will be there for me with wise words when I need them. Also, in my years of experience, I've learned you can't trust everybody, even those that you thought were friends. So I'm definately alot more slower to let people in. I'm pickier too.

    But we have to start somewhere. I guess it starts with meeting people you have common interests with. I've met many ladies on meetup groups, forum meetups, etc.

    3 out of my 4 friends I mentioned above I met through a meetup group and a forum. We hit it off and hung out alone after that and they've been good good friends since then.
  • janet6567
    janet6567 Posts: 129 Member
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    Your post touched my heart, because I've been there too. For years, I felt like an outsider looking in. As I've gotten older, I realized that I had put up walls to protect myself and was trying to be "superwoman". . .if something needed to be done, I did it. I felt I had to be perfect for people to like me. . .I've finally given myself permission to make mistakes, fail, act stupid, and be irresponsible (well, just a little.) I married my DH 7 years ago and moved to a new city. I've joined a couple of groups and have really worked to cultivate friendships with a couple of neighbors my age. At first, I did all the asking. After a while, they started asking me. One of them told me recently that she was a little intimidated by me at first because I seemed so in control and confident and competent. . .so my trying to be perfect and please everyone was hurting me. Your situation may be totally different from mine, but don't give up. The fact that you feel depressed concerns me and may be part of the reason people "avoid" you right now. If you think you are really depressed, please seek help. It is treatable and when you are better, life will be better. (I know, because I've been there too!)
  • nothingisred
    nothingisred Posts: 292
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    You have to get over this idea about waiting for others to call you or make plans. I used to be like that and was miserable because of it, I used to think people didn't value me as a friend. But then I decided, *kitten* it, I'll call them. I'll suggest going out. If they say no then I'll move on. But people are very receptive. This mentality also reconnected me with some friends I haven't seen since I left school, who I'm now not only seeing on a regular basis but am planning to possibly live with 2 of them next year!

    You can't wait around for other people to build your friendships, if you make an effort they will too. If you start speaking regularly it will become a natural thing. The best thing you can do is get over that reservation, because you'll probably find a lot of other people are like that too.
  • ADTeachTX
    ADTeachTX Posts: 204 Member
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    I purposely don't make deep friendships at work. I try to keep work and home separate. Most of my friends I met through a church retreat. While they aren't what I would call besties they are people that I hang around with on the weekends and do things with. That being said...remember that there is not one person that can fulfill your every need. You are a complex person and each person that you meet is in your life for a reason. Try to see what that reason is and enjoy it but don't expect them to be the person that you tell everything to. You might tell a little to this person and a little to that person and that is OK.
  • KateHubb
    KateHubb Posts: 366 Member
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    I have ONE girl friend that I hang out with regularly. Her hubby is best friends with my hubby. We all get together for dinner, cookouts, etc pretty frequently and our kids play together. But she is the only friend I have! I used to meet all my friends at college, but I graduated 3 years ago. Meeting people at work isn't an option because I work with all married men that have kids. So... not many ways for me to meet new friends right now. I just moved to a new town last October also. I am going to try and get involved at our church here or see about volunteering at some organizations around town. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!
  • lmataloni
    lmataloni Posts: 33 Member
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    Nobody ever tells you how hard it is to make friends as a grownup! I absolutely feel this way. Married 25 years with two boys...a great man in my life, but I need that female companionship. My dearest friend is a military spouse...and has moved away twice from me. We do our best with internet and such, but I miss the day to day stuff...Just the way women relate to one another. It is tough being in a household of men too! I love 'em, but they are just wired differently. We even had only a male dog until recently. I recognized I needed a little female balance in my life, so I got a little girl puppy who is my dear "friend" but of course not the answer for it all or for everyone. I have benefitted greatly from just accepting the fact that there is nothing wrong in feeling that I am not getting all I need from the relationship with my husband. I am not the type to make friends easily...you cannot just add water and make a friend with everyone. I think there are a lot of women out there who feel this way but we put our needs last and rarely have the time to offer up to build friendships. I know I need to make more of an effort and put myself out there more. Wish I had some great advice for you...
  • lmataloni
    lmataloni Posts: 33 Member
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    Excellent advice ADTeachTX

    PS I love your goal schedule and REWARDS!
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    Sometimes people just grow apart. There's probably not anything wrong with you or them. Lives get busier with spouses, families, activities, etc. Sometimes you don't feel like there aren't enough hrs in the day to be with even your family. It's sad but sometimes harder to get together with friends.
    Everyone's lives are busier these days. Sometimes it would be nice to get back to a life when it was more simple. It's funny how when you were little and were playing with friends. You had so much fun and the days seems to last forever. Now the calender takes over sometimes.
    The great thing about online friends is that if you have a moment here or there, you don't have to make plans ahead of time or free anything up to talk to them. No traveling of any kind. It's really nice that way! :)

    Online friends are actual friends. You talk about things you would with your friends in person and sometimes more often. Even if they are online, they are real people- just in a different location. :)
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    someone mentioned the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem. Here it is:

    Reason, Season, or Lifetime

    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
    When you figure out which one it is,
    you will know what to do for each person.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,
    it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
    to provide you with guidance and support;
    to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
    They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
    this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

    Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
    because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
    things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
    and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    — Unknown

    I have realized, as I've gotten older, that life's changes bring different people into your world............as a young Mom with 2 daughters, working full-time, I had little time for friendships - and most of my friends were from church. As I grew, and they grew, things changed..........my x and I had couples as friends, and we would do things together. Now that I'm divorced and my kids are grown, I have friends from work and other social arenas who I hang out with.

    Life is like that - if you can get through the 'barren' times of friendship, it will all change again :)

    Hang in there :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

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