I had a major realization today...

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Kslice39
Kslice39 Posts: 146
in Health and Weight Loss
:cry: I dont know if this has ever happened to anyone else or maybe im crazy or something but heres the story...

I've always known that i was overweight, i never doubted that. And recently I have gained a few extra pounds,( even though there should never be an excuse for not exercising and wanting to take care of your body and im not making excuses because it all falls on my own shoulders), but life things have kept arising... like one example my mother came and visited us for a few days and we wanted to take her out, the it was a baby shower, then a birthday, then halloween etc...just life stuff that keeps coming up. Like i said iver always known i was overweight but i never considered myself or labled myself as "obese." and just thought i could lose a few pounds...

well here is my realization, I saw a picture of myself from halloween(as in as picture taken yesterday) and i just cried...i cried for like 3 hrs straight :cry: ....i never realized how BIG i really was. I feel like a disappointment...i dont even know how my man could possibly be attracted to someone so nasty...i want to start crying again just thinking about the picture. I feel so helpless and lost right now. Im just so disappointed with myself to allow myself to get to this point, especially without even realizing how far i was letting myself go. Im starting to thing that maybe i knew how big i was but just didnt want to realize it, maybe i just pushed it out of my mind...i dont know...:frown:

Im sorry for ranting because i know this isnt what this is for but i was hoping i wasnt the only one who felt like this or had a situation like this... i hope you all have a beautiful day.
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Replies

  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,397 MFP Moderator
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    Well keep in mind that you are your worst critic and your bf see's you for what you are, so I wouldn't question it. Also, when you stop accepting where you are and work to change that, things will change. I never accepted myself at being overweight so I am working to change it. Acceptance will harm your motivation for change. This is why setting goals is very important.


    The biggest thing is, you came here to start a journey, now continue it and push harder now.
  • babbityboo
    babbityboo Posts: 98 Member
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    I totally get that. I had lost 20lb since starting on MFP. On Sunday I got back from a week's holiday, was looking through the holiday snaps last night as got really down about how huge I still look. I can't see any difference 20lb down and it's infuriating and upsetting.

    Keep your head up, keep strong. It's not a quick fix or an easy ride. But the end result will be worth it. That's what I have to keep telling myself.

    Could really do with listening to my own advice today!! xx
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
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    This IS what that is! This is a place where you can come and say, "Hey, I'm fat, I can't do it by myself and I need help" and actually get the help you need and want. There are people here that will help you to stay accountable and get you on the right track to change your life. And when you have a bad day, we're all here for that too. To offer support and encouragement.

    A LOT of us here have had realizations, just like you have and we've made the choice to work on it and do something about it. So you've had your cry now. It's time to pull yourself up and start changing you life. You can do this!!!
  • WordToYourMamma
    WordToYourMamma Posts: 31
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    :(
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    nope you're not alone. but it's not about how you start, it's about how you finish. and you will loose this weight and finish your journey strong, at least you realize it's time to change and just take one day at a time
  • paulabob
    paulabob Posts: 3
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    I have been there...every time I've started a weight loss journey it was due to a picture. I saw a picture of myself at my kids birthday party back in 2006. I literally looked at the women for about 30 seconds trying to figure out who she was since I didn't remember her being there. Of course, it was me. And I felt shocked an disgusted. I've lost 100 pounds over the last 5 years and still have a bit to go - but pictures along the way definitely help me see my progress. Cause when I look in the mirror...sometimes I see what I want to see!

    Love the woman you are now, and the thin woman will show on the outside eventually. But you are the SAME person underneath, and worthy of love.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    Hugs to you - and it's ok.

    Look, you're here, right? Ready to make changes that will improve your health, appearance and self-esteeem. Props for that. You can find a lot of stories on here (search feature) of what was the turning point for people in realizing that they must begin living differently.

    It is often something like a photograph that does it.

    Rather than be sad, use this as an opportunity to go forward, without looking back! You are ready, and you are worth the effort.

    Blessings.
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    I think we all get that realization at some point - whether it is a picture, a medical condition, someone saying something, etc. My realization happened last year because I saw the scale hit 200 (I am 5'3"), and I have 2 babies plus high cholestoral, diabetes, etc run in my family. I was determined. Remember, this is a process and it takes time (1-2 lb/week). I always say slow and steady wins the race. It has taken me over a year to get where I am - I just wish I could see what everyone else sees. My ex has totally destroyed my self-esteem, but I am working on it.
  • TruckerChick
    TruckerChick Posts: 263
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    Oh Honey, you are most definitely NOT the only one out there who feels like that.

    I have been morbidly obese for most of my adult life and it still amazes me when I see pictures of myself how big I've gotten!

    I haven't been doing very well either! I've gained weight again, and actually saw that number that I NEVER wanted to see again. Does it stop me from eating some of the kids' halloween candy?? NOOOOOO....

    But I know that I will beat this!!

    And so will you!!
    With your friends here at MFP, you can do it!!!!

    I love you!!
  • Melbel85
    Melbel85 Posts: 240 Member
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    Definitely not alone! I did the same exact thing... you just gotta dedicate yourself to this change.
  • kevin3344
    kevin3344 Posts: 702 Member
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    The most important thing is that you know. No matter where you start from, you can get there from here.

    If you log your meals every day, work in some exercise, you CAN and WILL get there. Just look through the Success Stories on MFP. Others have done it, you can, too!
  • adrianneboyd
    adrianneboyd Posts: 89
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    I know how you feel. That's exactly what happened to me...About four months ago I demanded from my husband that we go with our kids and get new family photos taken...what I saw afterward was a total shock to me...I didn't feel like I looked that big. But the photo said everything. I was at least twice as wide as I thought and even had the extra chin to boot.

    What happened was my first reaction? Then crying, self-pity, and then courage...I started MFP the very next day and have lost 20 Lbs. We went back to get pictures done and I didn't feel dissapointed in myself this time. BIG difference! Keep your head held high and you can accomplish anything!
  • bgredenbaugh
    bgredenbaugh Posts: 65 Member
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    Hi,

    I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I've been there so many times, I can't even count them. For years, I wouldn't even let people take my picture, or I'd hide behind other people, or only let someone do a face close up (you know "such a pretty face!").

    Take your time to be sad and then get angry. Use those feelings to push yourself. Read some of the success stories - there are so many amazing people on this site and YOU CAN BE ONE OF THEM!!

    Good luck!!
  • kdchick99
    kdchick99 Posts: 104 Member
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    Not the only one! I felt that way too, but just kept thinking it wasn't that much weight. Then my mom started eating healthier and losing weight. I went and bought some jeans and picked up a 14 and 16. The 14's fit but breathing was not really happening well, so I stayed with the 16's. My mom wanted some new jeans to and tried on the 14 and then the 16. The 14 fit her fine, if not loose. That's when I realized! I will not let myself be fatter than my mother! :sad: Now we are loosing weight together and giving each other tips and suggestions. My mom helps measure me bi-weekly and I give her weight lifting tips and recipes.

    Thank goodness for my mother getting skinny at her lovely age of 68 (She's doesn't use this site, so she can't kill me for giving out her age!) :love: It really does show you that you can do it at any age, weight, or reason!

    Feel free to add me too! :smile:

    Danielle
  • allie0630
    allie0630 Posts: 139 Member
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    Yes...I've been there. In my mind I look a certain way, or I could look in the mirror and turn different ways to look more flattering but seeing myself in pictures is painful. I have to use that as motivation now and not give up! However, DO NOT get discouraged! Life is a journey and all you can do is learn and start again. Make today be the first day of your new path. You are not nasty! There is much more to you than what you weigh, and those that love us know that too.
    You can do it!!!
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I think body image is a hard thing to come to terms with. I didn't "see" myself as obese, even though my BMI and the scale said I was. Then I saw a picture of myself and I was mortified. It still took me another 2 years or so to really do something about it. By that, I mean that I would lose 10-15 lbs and then fall right back off the diet I was on.

    Now I am down 31 pounds and have 20 to go. I am still in the overweight category of BMI, but not by much. I saw a video of myself on vacation and was surprised at how slender I looked. People at work have been telling me that for a while now, but I couldn't see it. Still can't when I look in the mirror. That will be my next step once I reach my goal.

    I'm sorry you feel so badly. You are more than a number on a scale. Don't ever forget that!
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
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    well here's my thing - after this realization do you want to do something about it? If so -- GREAT!!! if not, then I believe this is where you should be crying for 3 hours straight.

    Now you have the motivation to be how you want to be - you do not have any more excuses, not just for your man, but for yourself.. I know you this a lot, but we are all excellent human beings and sometimes we need a push!!

    I'm wish you all of the luck in the world.. but really you do not need it... you need endurance and self motivation!!!
  • TBHunter
    TBHunter Posts: 28
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    You are not alone my dear!

    I totally get what you are saying.

    I have never been "tiny", even in high school I was bigger but I was fit. I played softball, did yoga and rode horses. Then I went to university and was way less active and the pounds just keep coming. Then I lost my mom to cancer just under two years ago which made me realize how little time we get on earth when we have unhealthy habits (she was a smoker for 25+ years, and died of lung cancer).

    So that is when I finally got off my but to doing something about it!
    Its been hard, but I know its for the best!

    My boyfriend has seen me at my best and my worst, and he says that he loves me for me not how skinny I am :)
    And he is my biggest supporter!
  • Pronoiac
    Pronoiac Posts: 304
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    You are far from alone on this one. Pictures are often powerful awakenings for us. It takes real commitment to denial for us NOT to see the truth the camera provides. I have had that experience of seeing the recent photo and thinking..."who is that?". However truth provides the only platform for real and honest change (even when it hurts). Use it! Let the tears and pain flow until they are diminished, then find the angle that you can use to channel that energy into achieving the beautiful vision you hold inside. You can do this.

    That is your new "Before" pic, you can choose what the "after" will be!
  • GibsonDarlin
    GibsonDarlin Posts: 202 Member
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    Your focus should be - I dont like me this way - it is not healthy - and set out to change your lifestyle!!!
    I have been there - still go there now and again! I am working on ME (inside and out)

    Its amazing when something (a picture) makes your brain click!!!

    Take your new focus and disgust and make a change that will make you feel better inside and out.

    OH the BF loves you for the inside and those rose color glasses are wonderful!!!

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