No real friends and depressed about it...........
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Awww I've felt that way a few times also. A lot of people have been giving great advice as far as going out and getting involved in different activities that you're interested in. To add to that, people always like talking about themselves. I'm an extrovert, so it's probably easier for me, but I always start with asking someone about themselves. What do they do for work, why are they excited about the class, etc. It's amazing what you can find out about people just by asking them about themselves. Generally, they start to realize that they've been talking about themselves an awful lot, so they'll get around to asking about you
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It does seem tougher to make friends now than it was when I was younger. I have about 4 friends that I feel like I can talk to. Granted, we live in different cities in Texas so I don't see them often.
The problem with me is that now that I'm 32, friendships mean alot more than when I was 20. At 20 I just wanted friends to chat about boys and to go dancing with. Now at 32, I want friendships with substance where we talk about anything and who will be there for me with wise words when I need them. Also, in my years of experience, I've learned you can't trust everybody, even those that you thought were friends. So I'm definately alot more slower to let people in. I'm pickier too.
But we have to start somewhere. I guess it starts with meeting people you have common interests with. I've met many ladies on meetup groups, forum meetups, etc.
3 out of my 4 friends I mentioned above I met through a meetup group and a forum. We hit it off and hung out alone after that and they've been good good friends since then.0 -
Your post touched my heart, because I've been there too. For years, I felt like an outsider looking in. As I've gotten older, I realized that I had put up walls to protect myself and was trying to be "superwoman". . .if something needed to be done, I did it. I felt I had to be perfect for people to like me. . .I've finally given myself permission to make mistakes, fail, act stupid, and be irresponsible (well, just a little.) I married my DH 7 years ago and moved to a new city. I've joined a couple of groups and have really worked to cultivate friendships with a couple of neighbors my age. At first, I did all the asking. After a while, they started asking me. One of them told me recently that she was a little intimidated by me at first because I seemed so in control and confident and competent. . .so my trying to be perfect and please everyone was hurting me. Your situation may be totally different from mine, but don't give up. The fact that you feel depressed concerns me and may be part of the reason people "avoid" you right now. If you think you are really depressed, please seek help. It is treatable and when you are better, life will be better. (I know, because I've been there too!)0
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You have to get over this idea about waiting for others to call you or make plans. I used to be like that and was miserable because of it, I used to think people didn't value me as a friend. But then I decided, *kitten* it, I'll call them. I'll suggest going out. If they say no then I'll move on. But people are very receptive. This mentality also reconnected me with some friends I haven't seen since I left school, who I'm now not only seeing on a regular basis but am planning to possibly live with 2 of them next year!
You can't wait around for other people to build your friendships, if you make an effort they will too. If you start speaking regularly it will become a natural thing. The best thing you can do is get over that reservation, because you'll probably find a lot of other people are like that too.0 -
I purposely don't make deep friendships at work. I try to keep work and home separate. Most of my friends I met through a church retreat. While they aren't what I would call besties they are people that I hang around with on the weekends and do things with. That being said...remember that there is not one person that can fulfill your every need. You are a complex person and each person that you meet is in your life for a reason. Try to see what that reason is and enjoy it but don't expect them to be the person that you tell everything to. You might tell a little to this person and a little to that person and that is OK.0
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I have ONE girl friend that I hang out with regularly. Her hubby is best friends with my hubby. We all get together for dinner, cookouts, etc pretty frequently and our kids play together. But she is the only friend I have! I used to meet all my friends at college, but I graduated 3 years ago. Meeting people at work isn't an option because I work with all married men that have kids. So... not many ways for me to meet new friends right now. I just moved to a new town last October also. I am going to try and get involved at our church here or see about volunteering at some organizations around town. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!0
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Nobody ever tells you how hard it is to make friends as a grownup! I absolutely feel this way. Married 25 years with two boys...a great man in my life, but I need that female companionship. My dearest friend is a military spouse...and has moved away twice from me. We do our best with internet and such, but I miss the day to day stuff...Just the way women relate to one another. It is tough being in a household of men too! I love 'em, but they are just wired differently. We even had only a male dog until recently. I recognized I needed a little female balance in my life, so I got a little girl puppy who is my dear "friend" but of course not the answer for it all or for everyone. I have benefitted greatly from just accepting the fact that there is nothing wrong in feeling that I am not getting all I need from the relationship with my husband. I am not the type to make friends easily...you cannot just add water and make a friend with everyone. I think there are a lot of women out there who feel this way but we put our needs last and rarely have the time to offer up to build friendships. I know I need to make more of an effort and put myself out there more. Wish I had some great advice for you...0
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Excellent advice ADTeachTX
PS I love your goal schedule and REWARDS!0 -
Sometimes people just grow apart. There's probably not anything wrong with you or them. Lives get busier with spouses, families, activities, etc. Sometimes you don't feel like there aren't enough hrs in the day to be with even your family. It's sad but sometimes harder to get together with friends.
Everyone's lives are busier these days. Sometimes it would be nice to get back to a life when it was more simple. It's funny how when you were little and were playing with friends. You had so much fun and the days seems to last forever. Now the calender takes over sometimes.
The great thing about online friends is that if you have a moment here or there, you don't have to make plans ahead of time or free anything up to talk to them. No traveling of any kind. It's really nice that way!
Online friends are actual friends. You talk about things you would with your friends in person and sometimes more often. Even if they are online, they are real people- just in a different location. 0 -
someone mentioned the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem. Here it is:
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
I have realized, as I've gotten older, that life's changes bring different people into your world............as a young Mom with 2 daughters, working full-time, I had little time for friendships - and most of my friends were from church. As I grew, and they grew, things changed..........my x and I had couples as friends, and we would do things together. Now that I'm divorced and my kids are grown, I have friends from work and other social arenas who I hang out with.
Life is like that - if you can get through the 'barren' times of friendship, it will all change again
Hang in there :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
Everyones replies have been so helpful and really heartfelt. I feel better knowing I am not the only one that has ever felt this way. I am going to start jotting down my interests and ideas for clubs or groups or other activities to join to get the ball rolling.
I also know that I am ultra sensitive and I need to relax. I know I need to get past my insecurities and initiate the contact/conversation.
I feel like I can breathe a little bit now. Thank you0 -
Tha'ts me! Life just got so busy with the kids, being married, working, home repairs, etc... Now I have 1 friend. I had 2, but one passed away suddenly last year (that's sad and very depressing). People I work with are nice and all, but not anyone that I could have a "let's get together and hit the mall" type if you know what I mean. Wondering about how to go about making friends again. Just want someone to sit and chat with once in a while (ok....probably weekly). Someone to have a girls night out with...shopping or a movie or catching a bite to eat while we catch up.
Don't want to post on a website because I don't know if there are any reliable ones out there. Any suggestions I would be happy to take too!0 -
It's definitely harder to meet people as you get older and life gets super busy. Why don't you use the MFP message board to get a group together in your area for coffee or a hike? Or try a site like meetup.com that has lots of local interest groups you could join?0
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I never thought I'd feel so validated seeing a post like this. I totally struggle with this. I am 32, married, no kids. I have had friends off and on through out the years. All but one of my high school friends gravitated away, mostly after I got back together with my husband after we were separated for four months. I have made friends at work, and we used to get together once a month to play poker, but due to economy and the state of the mental health field in NY, they all got down-sized, laid off, or transfered and moved. The coworkers who still work with me are people I have nothing in common with! I have a hard time getting to know people-I feel very uncomfortable initiating conversation and keeping it going. And I REALLY hate using the phone or asking people to do stuff.
My husband initiates the majority of our socialization, and when he goes out without me (I really hate bars), I am nervous something will happen and can't relax till he gets home safe.
I would LOVE to find people who enjoy what I enjoy. Going to hang at a coffee house, not a bar. Playing goofy board games or sports, not video games or fighting to have a conversation in btw text messages or tweets! Ugh.0 -
I know how you Feel. I've been at my job 6 years and I dont see any of them outside of work. Though MFP friends are always willing to talk. I want to get out of the house and go out for drinks or anything
Though my boyfriend is in the same Spot. he has no friends either. so we stay at home together... Its kind of sad. And When I'm the most stressed. I have no one to turn to except my boyfriend and if hes the one stressing me. its even worse
Girls- always remember to have good friends you have to be a good friend...no gossip, no judging, etc. I am so blessed with 2 very best friends and two great friends and 1 friend that is like a sister that I could wring her neck at times and I love at other times... with this one I don't always follow my advice about gossip and judging but I love her anyway. LOL
Join a club or a church group or something, there will be a golden friend in there if you keep an open mind. One of my very best friends and I met at church and when we shared a room at a womens retreat and after the service we snuck out to the bar I knew she was a keeper.
Best of luck - Terriann0 -
Another idea is to volunteer your time to something that you are passionate about. If you don't find a pal out of it you will certainly feel some fullfullment.
If you girls lived closer we could all hang out and drink skinny peppermint lattes. Hang in there.0
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