Feeling rather hopeless

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DesertSunsetRain
DesertSunsetRain Posts: 194
in Motivation and Support
So, going through a lot of frustrations right now and just wanted to vent about them on here. Hopefully I can get some encouraging words that will help. I tend to ramble... sorry.

I started exercising and eating less a couple months ago. I have lost about 15 pounds total. It feels good to see the scale go down. I know that sometimes the numbers don't matter much, and I am not even sure how accurate the number on my cheap scale is (it's not digital), but I like seeing the lower number. My clothes also seem to feel a lot looser, things aren't as tight on me anymore. So there are a couple good things I guess.

However, it seems like even with those factors... you can't really tell I have lost any weight. I forgot to take before pictures in a swimming suit or something, so I have no idea how different I look. That is if I even look that different at all. I took some measurements and I have lost a couple inches in my legs and arms, but my hips haven't budged an inch... not one. My waist seems to have lost about an inch, but that's about it. It's confusing too because even though my pants are getting looser, I still seem to be in the same size. I have gone to the store to try on a lower size and they don't seem to really fit. It's hit or miss, sometimes they fit and sometimes I can't even button them.

I have asked a few of my friends if they can tell I lost weight and all of them say they haven't been able to tell a difference.But they also say that they never really paid attention. It makes me really sad because I've been working fairly hard and I thought I was making progress, the scale was going down... but no one can tell. It's getting frustrating. No one I talk to from my classes has said anything either, so I must look the same.

If I haven't really lost any inches in my hips, my pant size remains the same, and people can't tell... where in the world did I lose those 15 pounds from?

I figure, if no one can tell the difference between now and 15+ pounds, why I am even bothering trying so hard? If there aren't really any big changes in my measurements, what does it matter? On that note, I am also kind of... lonely and I have low self esteem. The fact that I have been trying so hard and I've lost this weight and people don't see a difference, it makes me feel like no matter what I do, no matter what weight I am... I am still going to be unattractive and alone. So why not just, eat what I want? Why not just live the lifestyle I want? Working out and eating healthy hasn't really improved my mood much. I am still depressed most of the time. I can't really say that eating chocolate and pizza all the time made me happy, but I felt more content when it wasn't thinking about food ALL THE TIME and wondering what I can eat or when I can eat or feeling guilty for eating or feeling lazy because I had a piece of chocolate and didn't run off the calories.

I think I'd still want to walk, ride my bike and try to be active. I will still get in vegetables and fruits. But I just want to stop with this dieting, stop with counting calories and watching my portion sizes. I want to not worry about it anymore, not care.
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Replies

  • fitnfreeme
    fitnfreeme Posts: 102 Member
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    Hey, keep it at just a little bit more. I've lost 13 pounds, so not even as much as you. And I was feeling the same way. My clothes fit better and stuff, but it didn't seem all that. That was when I was at 9 pounds lost. And then, bam! Just a few more off and I look and feel so much better.

    And, really is it even about other people? Or is it about what is right to you?

    Keep at it. You can do it. You are worth it!
  • comeback0903
    comeback0903 Posts: 114 Member
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    It certainly easier not to care!

    But its not really what you want is it?

    You want people to notice? then lose more weight..... if what you want is people to say something about it get to the 25 or even 30 mark....

    As for yourself.... The scale and your clothes are changing therefore YOU are changing. Try before and after pics they help boost your ego up, they certainly help me! You no matter who you are are beautiful, there is always something beautiful about everyone... the problem is until you see it in you... NO ONE will see it...

    I hope things get better for you.... DONT GIVE UP!
  • CindiBryce
    CindiBryce Posts: 438
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    So I gather you are more focused on the aesthetic/physical aspect of weight loss than the health benefits? You seem very much concerned about your looks, and how people perceive your looks.

    "Why not just live the lifestyle I want? Working out and eating healthy hasn't really improved my mood much."
    - So you want to return to an unhealthy lifestyle? Would you be happier then?

    "I felt more content when it wasn't thinking about food ALL THE TIME and wondering what I can eat or when I can eat or feeling guilty for eating or feeling lazy because I had a piece of chocolate and didn't run off the calories."
    - That is the wrong attitude. You are probably restricting too much.

    "I figure, if no one can tell the difference between now and 15+ pounds, why I am even bothering trying so hard? If there aren't really any big changes in my measurements, what does it matter?"
    - Who cares whether others have noticed your weight loss or not?! You are not losing weight for others, but for YOURSELF.
  • Beckym1205
    Beckym1205 Posts: 217 Member
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    15 pounds lost is great! I understand your hopeless feeling, cuz I'm struggling with it too. Maybe try just uping your calories a little so that it doesn't feel as much like a diet.
  • hatravers
    hatravers Posts: 166 Member
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    Dont give up you are doing really well to have lost 15 pounds. the more you lose the more it will show. ive lost 12 pounds and no one has noticed either. i havent gone down a size but my clothes do feal a bit looser but not enough to get new! i did take pics and u can tell a very slight diference on my belly... but the scales are moveing all be it slowley so every pound lost is another im not carrying around. so my advice is stick with it, hold your head up high and prove to yourself u CAN do it. sending u a friends request, i will suport u all the way if u want me to
  • ChickyVicky
    ChickyVicky Posts: 4
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    I think everyone is starting a weight loss regime feels the same way. It seems that us humans are an impatient lot. We feel that because we've been watching what we eat, how much we exercise etc. we expect to see results PRONTO!!

    I'm in the same boat as you. I asked my fiance just yesterday if he thought I looked like I had lost any weight. His reply?? I see you everyday, you look the same to me. The important factor is how you're feeling in yourself. If you can notice that already you've started dropping off, then something is happening. Your hard efforts aren't going to waste, and internally your body is thanking you for giving it a rest from pizza and chocolate! :)

    It certainly can be disheartening not having people notice the difference. But imagine the feeling when your clothes start dropping in size and people will notice. It will not be in vain. Persevere through this horrible rough patch, it's just the beginning.

    I've been told that the more you train, the quicker it feels that it is dropping off. And it's true. Once your body readjusts to what you're doing, it will react by doing what it is you set out to achieve. Unfortunately, doing it the "healthy" way is not a quick fix, it's a long term lifestyle change that will get you the best results.

    Hang in there!! :)
  • abyssfully
    abyssfully Posts: 410 Member
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    First off CONGRATULATIONS on losing 15 lbs. Seriously, that is amazing. You need to remember that losing weight isn't just for looks (that's a bonus) it's for health and quality of life.

    Secondly, I would KILL to be losing inches from my arms. I have lost 32 lbs and I've lost 1.5 inches off my arms and 4.5" off my hips - care to trade? lol. We are opposites - I tend to gain weight on my arms and belly the most and not on my legs or hips. If/when I do gain weight on my lower body it's the first thing to come off. The motto of the story? All of our bodies are different. No body is the same. Look, you've lost SEVERAL inches off of your arms AND legs AND a whole freaking inch off of your waist --- all that in 15 lbs. Be happy and proud! Your hips will come in time just like my arms will. Good things take time and effort.

    If you are just trying to lose weight for others' approval it's not going to work. You need to do this for YOU.

    Do you really want to think about where you could have been 2 months from now when you're sitting on the couch eating doritos after having gained your 15 lbs back?

    Keep going! You've done so great. Chin up and man (or woman) up!
  • fridayjustleft04
    fridayjustleft04 Posts: 851 Member
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    It took 40 pounds for anyone to say anything to me about looking different. It took the same amount for me to get into a smaller pair of jeans. Don't sweat it. You're on a good path regardless of whether or not anyone takes notice. They will eventually. If you've mostly just been changing your eating habits, you will shrink, but generally your body will look the same. Cardio burns fat, and muscle changes the shape of your body. Do all three things (diet, cardio and strength), and you'll get the results you want. Don't get discouraged! To this day if I look in a mirror, I don't see a difference. I have to look at pictures to tell how far I've come. Take a picture today and pull it out when you need a reality check. Even if no one ever says anything, your body notices the change. You're getting healthier everyday, which means you're lowering your risks for all kinds of health issues in the future. That's enough of a reason to keep going.

    Edit for an after thought: If health reasons don't motivate you, what about progress? What can you do now that you couldn't do 15 pounds ago? How have you improved? When I started, I could barely get up the stairs to get to my apartment. Now I can do an hour of intense cardio easily. Maybe you can give yourself an awesome pedicure because you can reach your toes easier now. Find something you've improved in and try to improve even more.
  • Le_Joy
    Le_Joy Posts: 593 Member
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    I have a question for you. Why are you doing this? Is it so other people will notice you have lost weight or so you can feel better? Cuz I gotta tell you from experience even if people do notice and you are very successful at losing weight if that is your only motivation it won't be lasting weight loss. You have to do this for you and ignore everyone else.

    That being said I can relate to being annoyed when no one notices. I have lost almost 30 lbs and only one out of my 10 classmates has noticed. I only see them once a month but still 30 freaking pounds and apparently they don't notice! Which is frustrating, but I continue because I am doing this for me. not to get noticed or for anyone else.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Those were my numbers too when I lost that amt of weight! Don't fret and try not to feel the need to be recognized for it. You are doing it for yourself. Also I've notived that each pant size is about 10 or slightly more lbs, but I've seen big girls squeeze into smaller sizes than they should be wearing. Keep going! This is just one of those low periods that come and go.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    Those were my numbers too when I lost that amt of weight! Don't fret and try not to feel the need to be recognized for it. You are doing it for yourself. Also I've notived that each pant size is about 10 or slightly more lbs, but I've seen big girls squeeze into smaller sizes than they should be wearing. Keep going! This is just one of those low periods that come and go.
  • rrgrove
    rrgrove Posts: 73
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    you have to want to do it for yourself not for others. i would take pics and keep up the good work and you will beable to see a difference. also maybe try finding a certain brand and style of pants and stick with them not all clothes are exactly the same ive noticed old navy jeans i have to get a smaller size than if i were to get my them from walmart. also do you were clothes that are semi baggy if so try something that is more fitting or made to show shape i had the same problem then my sister helped me find some new clothes and i heard alot more how my friends could see a difference if you ever need to talk im just a message away whether it be about food and this site or your just lonely and would like someone to talk to
  • 1234terri
    1234terri Posts: 217 Member
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    That's a really honest post. Just a couple thoughts...first off congratulations, you have worked hard and lost 15 lbs! That's more than many folks do. You're not giving yourself near enough credit for that great job. But that's the key, knowing that you did it for yourself, not others. First it has to be for us, only we know the daily struggle, the changes, the hard choices we had to make. So know you did all of that. Something tells me you don't feel good about other things you've done for yourself, either..so maybe look at that.

    Only you know which will feel better for you, stopping and allowing yourself to return to how you used to eat and exercise, or stay the course, go a few more months and see what happens. You didn't say what your goal weight was...so if you have no goal, you won't reach it. But you may be 50% towards your goal already...;-)

    Not my business, but think about anti-depressants from your Dr., too. It makes a world of difference when embarking on a huge change like redoing eating habits and exercise habits and dealing with body images. Use every tool out there!

    You sound like you really want a community of support, and it's here on MFP, but you have to reach out and be in support mode and be active, not in 'giving up' mode..

    wishing you good things!

    -Terri
  • 16mixingbowls
    16mixingbowls Posts: 205 Member
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    I feel/felt the same loneliness and self-loathing too. It is so much easier to stop and eat some yummy ice cream, and live in the moment. For me, I broke down crying one night realizing hat I'm 31 and have spent the last 15 years hating my body, and I was fed up feeling this way. I think that night I FINALLY decided enough was enough. It was my own rock-bottom. Ironically, I was actually swimming laps when I had this emotional break down. I wanted SOOOOO bad to get out and quit. Amazingly I do have a highly supportive boyfriend that jumped into the pool and started swimming laps with me. He didn't let me give up. I cried and swam and kept going for 15 more laps. (I say amazingly I have a BF because we've only been together for 2 years and I was chronically single up until then. Match dot com!!!!!)

    I think I FINALLY began to see that he loves me not because of my physical body, but for what I offer inside. ANd when I started to give myself credit for all that I can do, and have done, I began to believe that weight loss was POSSIBLE. Even for me.

    It is possible for you too. One day you'll figure that out. Keep searching for your self-esteem. It's in there somewhere.
  • kathrynlouiseellis
    kathrynlouiseellis Posts: 22 Member
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    I know its so hard it feels like you always have to think about what you can and cant eat and how much exercise you need to do and it just seems so monotonous it would be easier to give up BUT, if you give up you are giving up on yourself, and I have learnt, after dieting my whole life ( im 34 now) that all that matters in this life is how you feel about yourself, and when you start to feel in control of yourself and develop some pride, you will be happier, believe me. I too have suffered from depression and the exercise does help. If your clothes are looser its because you are losing pounds and also cm's, and you know that. There comes a point when you embark on getting healthy and losing weight that it gets hard and normally you would probably give up, but this time you need to face it head on, push yourself through these thoughts and just do it, dont make excuses, dont make it seem really bad, dont talk yourself out of it, you want this or you wouldnt have joined this site or even written your post, please please dont give up on yourself, you can be what you want to be, and you can change anything, only you decide your fate, believe in yourself and only worry about how you feel about yourself, and I guarentee if you get through this little bump, you will feel so proud and happy, everytime I feel like giving up I excercise, every time, whether I walk, run, excercise DVD, I just force myself to do it and then I feel so much better for it. This took me all my life to work out, so I hope it helps, good luck!
  • yprince1
    yprince1 Posts: 10 Member
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    I am sorry to hear you are having a temporary moment of hopelessness. You are certainly entitled...we all have them. The important thing is to realize that this is normal, temporary, and you will not always feel this way. I understand completely about thinking that 15 lbs would result in more obvious and visible changes, but it may depend on how much you have to lose. I just lost about 15 lbs also and I can still wear all of my same clothes. I noticed that my work slacks are really loose around the waist but the hips are still fitting, but not tight like it used to be. My jeans just fit without lots of bulges. I mostly lost in my waist and thighs I think. I think you are doing great! Loosing weight is not easy, so you are obviously quite successful in what you are doing. Please don't let outside lack of encouragement from others, negatively impact what you are working on on the inside. In the end, you're going to win. I don't know if you read scripture or not but this one helps me...I am paraphrasing for simplicity - Don't become discouraged when you are doing good, because you will reap the reward, if you don't give up! Galations 6:9. Cheer up Buddy! It will be alright!
  • cazzincali
    cazzincali Posts: 337 Member
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    You're right. You should quit.

    Is THAT what you want to hear? You want others to give you permission to say "screw it, stay fat"? I rather doubt it.

    But I say... if it success is making you THAT miserble... quit.
  • em1976
    em1976 Posts: 119 Member
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    So I gather you are more focused on the aesthetic/physical aspect of weight loss than the health benefits? You seem very much concerned about your looks, and how people perceive your looks.

    Is what set me on this path from the start.Perhaps that also applies to others.My fat photo motivates me daily.Im almost at my goal weight and now understand the healthier aspect but initially I walked the path of 'Physically im eww'.How we got here I feel is not so important as to how we carry on:)

    Stick with it,there are a heap of areas where your probably losing that you haven't even noticed:)Our faces change for starters.The weight you have lost to date is fantastic and your shrinking even though there are no doubt days you wonder why or how you keep going.You will simply because you can and you'd be amazed at the changes that will take place over time.Baby steps:)
  • DesertSunsetRain
    DesertSunsetRain Posts: 194
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    You're right. You should quit.

    Is THAT what you want to hear? You want others to give you permission to say "screw it, stay fat"? I rather doubt it.

    But I say... if it success is making you THAT miserable... quit.

    It's not that I want people to tell me to quit. It's that at the moment I am not really seeing the benefits of this. No one can see my progress, my progress isn't really showing and I am fairly unhappy. So it's just like, what's the point? Maybe posting was more of a way to have people get me back in the right frame of mind. Sometimes when you have nothing and no one else- I only have a couple friends and we aren't that close and I have zero family out here. I have *no* support system. I can say that I want to do this for myself, that I want to be healthier for me. But what's the point of being super healthy if you are still alone? Also, it's really not going to matter whether I am fit or healthy as far as making friends goes. It's not like I am going to make more friends because I am thin and healthy. It's not like I am going to find more dates because I am thin and healthy.

    That's all I was thinking. I know it's not for other people, but in a way I feel like if not counting calories and I have nothing else really going for me... why not just, give up? It's just a low point. I don't want people to encourage me to quit, but I still need a place to talk about my negative self-destructive thoughts that seem to always come back.
  • yprince1
    yprince1 Posts: 10 Member
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    I was waiting to see your final reply to all the positive encouragement that you got last night. I find it interesting how it seems like you only focused on the one response that was not so encouraging. Redirect your focus and reread, and then reread the other 17 extremely positive posts from people who sincerely wanted to help you and move FORWARD from there - not BACKWARD.

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