having a tough time.................need some cheering up pl

tifanietiberio · November 2011

this is a shameless request for compliments, jokes, funny stories, whatever..........

today is exactly 2 months since i put my mayer to sleep and i am having a really tough time. some days i think i am doing ok, and then it just becomes so obvious that i am not even in the same neighborhood as ok.

i have been super unhealthy. i barely eat. i barely sleep. and i drink my face off almost every night. and i looks like i am now in a super unhealthy relationship. i know i need to get some help for this and i plan to do so. my work hasnt been affected, i just run on empty almost every day. i just can't stand to be at home because it is just too hard. so i just go out and drink instead. i am trying to find another way to deal, but i don't know how i can. my biggest fear is that as sad as i have been, and as much as i have cried, that it hasn't even really hit me yet and when it does, i won't be able to recover.

everyone tells me it will eventually get better, but that doesnt seem to be happening for me. and i can't imagine that it will. and now that the holiday season is starting, i feel like it is going to get way worse before it gets any better. so i just need a few kind words bc i feel super crappy today.

and just to save everyone the time-
1. i am not ready or willing to have another pet. i dont know that i ever will but for sure not for a while.
2. i dont want to go to the shelter and volunteer. i worked at the one where i got may for 3 yrs as the marketing director. its not for me. it isnt going to help me.
3. i really dont want to volunteer anywhere. i worked in nonprofit for 10yrs and at my current job, i oversee the internal philanthropy projects, so that's enough for me.

thanks guys so much! i just need some happy thoughts.

oh and as of today, i am down 67lbs since june. i wish i could be excited about it.

scapez · November 2011

To me you sound depressed, and you're not able to pull yourself out of it on your own, furthermore you're escaping your feelings by drinking - another red flag for depression.

If you are truly depressed, what you're feeling may go away on its own...or it may not. Or it might take a long time, and you seem like you realize that what you're going through is not good. And I suspect you don't want to continue living like you have been for the past few months.

No, I'm not a professional, but I *have* been depressed in the past. It really sucks, and sometimes you have to address it head on. You might want to considering seeing if your employer offers any mental health assistance or programs. Mine does and I have taken advantage of talk therapy in the past. It can be very helpful.

Best of luck to you.

cmriverside · November 2011

Watch some comedy movies. Take a walk. Write in a journal. Allow 10 minutes a day to wallow in grief, set a timer, then stop.

Change your thoughts. When a sad thought comes in, immediately replace it with a thought of a happy thing or time in your life.

Stop the heavy drinking. It makes it worse. Really. Been there.

Iamfit4life · November 2011

Does working out help at all?
Could you spend a bit more time at the gym?

I know for me, when I get super depressed I just need a good angry workout.

And also let me say, I'm so very sorry you are having a hard time.

mamafrahm · November 2011

I have no idea what you are going through to be honest, I have lost a ton of pets and have never been depressed over it (I live on a farm, either my pets have been run over by trucks/tractors or slaughtered for meat). But I think that you are a step in the right direction by acknowledging that you have a problem. If you keep drinking your problems away, eventually you are going to not only destroy your body, but destroy any memories you have of your pup. Take it day by day, try to smile a little more, remember the good times, and if you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, then GET OUT NOW!!!!
May I ask why you had to put him down?

macpatti · November 2011

A man was standing on the scale, sucking in his stomach. The man's wife sarcastically said, "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "How else could I see the numbers?"

tifanietiberio · November 2011

thanks, i appreciate it. unfortunately, depression and i are lifelong friends. this is a little different than how it usually affects me. i have just never suffered a loss this serious before. and i don't really know how to handle it. but i really don't want to continue to bury my feelings in drinking and going out. i already made an appt with a therapist for next week. i am already taking an antidepressant and maybe i need to have the dosage increased for a bit. but mostly, i just want my guy back. and i realize that isnt going to happen, so i don't know how this is going to work.

mleoni092708 · November 2011

I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. I have a pit too and I love him to death.

I don't have much advice, except to see your doctor if this continues much longer. You may be developing depression and need meds for a little while. Drinking is only going to make it worse, but I understand you are just trying to dull the pain.

(((HUGS)))

tifanietiberio · November 2011

"May I ask why you had to put him down? "

to answer your question, he got really sick out of nowhere, the friday of labor day weekend. i took him to the animal hospital and they had to cath him. it was all blood. we were hoping for a bad kidney stone or prostritis. they did the ultrasound and they said he had cancer everywhere. his prostate, his bladder, his spine and into his lymph nodes. there was nothing i could do. so i laid on the floor with him while they put him to sleep. and i have been a mess. he was all i had in the world. i'm not married, i have no children, i don't really have any family, i live alone- he was really my world. and now he is gone. and i am just broken.

mleoni092708 · November 2011

Just saw your other post. I had problems with depression, and then when my grandma died of cancer and we had several other horrible deaths in the span of 6 months (babies, etc), I was inconsolable. Death is very hard to deal with. I think you are definitely right to try the therapy.

scapez · November 2011

I'm glad you made an appointment. Please do me a favor and try to focus a little more on the "talk" than on the "drugs". IMO, when you're depressed, your mind thinks only one way. Talk therapy helps because it allows someone neutral to have a completely perspective on what it making you tick, and eventually they present opinions and thoughts that you might not have considered...and with good talk therapy your mind will eventually begin to shift and you will see things differently than you do now.

Don't say "I don't know how this is going to work"...but rather, say "this could be the fresh start that I need and I'm excited for this opportunity".

Again...good luck. This won't last forever - promise!

Liopleurodon · November 2011

I would say definitely go and see your doctor and get your dose of antidepressants reviewed. People like us who are prone to depression can be set off my this kind of thing and sometimes getting the dosage tweaked can help. You might want to try looking at some bereavement resources - bereavement is bereavement and the pain is real even if it's not a human you're grieving for. A dog can be an awesome friend and leave a big hole in your life. I'm sure you'll be ready for a new pet eventually but it sounds like you're definitely not there yet. I think the main thing is that it's okay to be where you are at the moment - you don't need to beat yourself up over being sad. Get through each day individually and it will get better - unfortunately nobody can tell you exactly when. Two months is not a long time. Good luck.

ejmcam · November 2011

I know you said you dont want it, but I'm going to say it anyway...I hope that doesnt offend you! Why are you unwilling to get another pet? It sounds like you are a pet lover (maybe i'm wrong) and animals can be very therapeutic. It does not have to be about replacing Mayer, because obviously you can not do that. But it will help find a way to fill the hole that his loss has left you with. and you will have something to focus on other than your grief.

tifanietiberio · November 2011

I know you said you dont want it, but I'm going to say it anyway...I hope that doesnt offend you! Why are you unwilling to get another pet? It sounds like you are a pet lover (maybe i'm wrong) and animals can be very therapeutic. It does not have to be about replacing Mayer, because obviously you can not do that. But it will help find a way to fill the hole that his loss has left you with. and you will have something to focus on other than your grief.

i adopted mayer on a whim. i never planned to have a pet. i love dogs obviously, but he was so perfect and any other pet would just be a cruel reminder of what i don't have. and mayer was my life. i didn't go out, i didn't go on vacation or anything for 7 years. and i don't regret that at all, but i don't want to make that kind of commitment again if that makes sense. i have been able to really throw myself into my work since i don't have to worry about getting home to him and i want to continue to do that for now. i hang out with my neighbors dogs, but that is about all i can deal with for now. but i do appreciate the suggestion.

Begood03 · November 2011

It is so very hard dealing with the death of a pet. That is why I went a long time without one. But the love they give makes it so worthwhile. Have you thought about getting another one? I know it won't be the same, but in time you will love the new one also.

chocolateandvodka · November 2011

end every sentence you hear with "in my mouth"

imagine everyone's O face.

take the woman you least like on earth and the man you least like on earth and imagine what their offspring would look like.

name the spawn.

create an imaginary friend and demand everyone around you address them when speaking to you.

tifanietiberio · November 2011

end every sentence you hear with "in my mouth"

imagine everyone's O face.

take the woman you least like on earth and the man you least like on earth and imagine what their offspring would look like.

name the spawn.

create an imaginary friend and demand everyone around you address them when speaking to you.

um................................AMAZING. every single suggestion. if you lived in pgh, i would invite you to happy hour tonite to be honest

thank you.

chocolateandvodka · November 2011

end every sentence you hear with "in my mouth"

imagine everyone's O face.

take the woman you least like on earth and the man you least like on earth and imagine what their offspring would look like.

name the spawn.

create an imaginary friend and demand everyone around you address them when speaking to you.

um................................AMAZING. every single suggestion. if you lived in pgh, i would invite you to happy hour tonite to be honest thank you.

awww. you're sweet. i'd totally go. i love alcohol. and puppies actually. i'd be completely devastated if i lost my Zoe.

agwilker · November 2011

We had to put my dog to sleep in March 2010, it still feels like it just happened. She was almost 10 and we had her since she was a puppy. A lot of my routine revolved around her and she always put me in a good mood. Oddly..what happened with her seems very similar to yours. I was on spring vacation from school, so luckily I was home. She started throwing up blood on a Saturday afternoon and we took her to an emergency vet and they determined she had a kidney disease. We tried to keep her going, but it was very expensive and the vet told us she was getting worse so we put her to sleep (Edit: Put her to sleep that Tuesday, so there wasn't much time to mentally process it). It was at least 6 months, before I started living normally again. I think it will just take time as far as that goes... Distractions/hobbies help. Couldn't even think of getting another out of respect for her. Just now mulling the idea around.

Sounds like you're going through a lot at once. From personal experience, I know when I was in a bad relationship I could think of a million reasons why I should leave it. But I guess I wasn't strong enough to leave the comfort of it. My life got 100% better when I had to learn to not rely on anyone or anything for my happiness or comfort. It wasn't easy or quick though, still in the process. I think the therapist would be a great idea.

Eleanorjanethinner · November 2011

Hey there,

To me is seems clear as day to me that you may be generally depressed, but mainly you're grieving!!

My mother died three months ago and I'm going through the grief process. I've been going to a weekly group and some learning that might be relevant is:

* Grief = love. It sounds like you loved your dog a whole lot and don't have a lot of other love and support in your life. Your grief is totally valid and understandable, given your situation. (I'd be the same about my cat).

* Time by itself doesn't heal, it's what you do with the time.

* Grief comes in waves - if you fight them, they'll knock you down. Dip your toes into the water, feel the waves, but don't wallow too much.

* Self-care is really important for your healing. I'm sure you know the right things to do and talking to a therapist is a good thing to help you find new ways of living.

* After a loss you never really 'get over it' or forget your loved one, you need to find a new way of living, new relationships while keeping the relationship with the lost loved one (they're not there, but the relationship lives on). (PS - to those suggesting a new dog - think about it as if you're suggesting a new husband less than a year after the old one died! They're not interchangeable.).

* We don't choose grief. It freakin' sucks. But we have to learn to deal with it.

Good luck on your journey!

NZblue · December 2011

My heart absolutely goes out to you.
When we were dating, my husband's dog got his paw tangled in a bit of wire in the back yard. They couldn't save his paw, and my husband couldn't afford to pay for the surgery. His brother had been paying for the vet bills, but at this point, it was getting too expensive. He got his dog put to sleep, at less than two-years-old.

It was the most heart-breaking thing. (He wishes he'd tried nursing the dog on his own, and all sorts of other things to try and save him.)

I completely understand what you're going through. Dogs are such beautiful and loving animals. The heartbreak can be devestating.

Big huge virtual hugs, lovely lady.

having a tough time.................need some cheering up pl

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