Pssst! Your insecurities are showing...

Shanna_Inc86
Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
Logically, I knew losing weight was NOT going to fix my insecurities or magically fix my body image issues...

Now that I've lost most of the weight I wanted to lose and I'm down to that last 10-15lbs and I've been in this range for a while, it seems like a whole new list of insecurities are popping up!!! Now, like I said, logically I know this is crazy.
Finally said something to my sister (Rkamps) and she is going through the same thing.

Women....WHY do we do this?! I'm at a loss now on how to get over these lil things that I zero in on
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Replies

  • theprices
    theprices Posts: 97 Member
    as for why - i do not know. but what i do know is i know the feeling! how unexpected that i would not be the confident (inside) woman i had envisioned!
  • Rachaelluvszipped
    Rachaelluvszipped Posts: 768 Member
    Lol...stop over focusing.. haha, that's just our downfall.. hubby does his eye rolling to me all the time... take one day at a time... its just being human... something always seems to pop up... :tongue:
  • nikkioli
    nikkioli Posts: 4 Member
    It's almost like the weight is a blanket that you hide under. I'm starting to notice the same thing. I want to keep losing but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about losing more weight.
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
    I'm not a woman, but you just gave me a whole new thing to fear. I think our weight problems are often more of a symptom of other issues rather than just a cause. Maybe they all get unwrapped in the order we adopt them. As you get closer, you've to go back and address some things that have gotten covered up along the way. Good luck with that.
  • staceyseeger
    staceyseeger Posts: 778 Member
    Old habits are hard to break...:noway: :noway: :noway:

    I am finally learning how to have self-confidence...It's so much more appealing to others! :wink: :wink: :wink:
  • ryvenna
    ryvenna Posts: 83 Member
    :(

    First of all, I'm sorry, and I can relate.

    We live in a society that judges women on appearance and men on deeds-- and though many of us would like to think this doesn't hold true, that's self-deception.

    I guess the best any one of us can do is surround ourselves with positivity and find our own beauty and/or spend more time thinking about the good we do in our own lives and how we improve the lives of others.

    There are plenty of days I feel overwhelmed by my insecurity, but I just try to stop being overly critical of myself. I'm always my harshest judge >__>
  • jacobhayes1
    jacobhayes1 Posts: 28
    Well you say this is for the girls. I do the same thing. I always want more. I hate it....
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
    i hide mine well...get to know me and you'll realize i'm a freekin basket case.
  • flea2449
    flea2449 Posts: 499 Member
    i hide mine well...get to know me and you'll realize i'm a freekin basket case.

    That's me to the tee!!!
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
    I wish I knew why. Knowing what is probably going to happen is a good head start though. It may take some 'mental' work... positive affirmations. We need to find things we like about ourselves. If we are already taking steps to be healthy - we should be able to focus on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. All easier said than done! I am NOT looking forward to possible loose skin issues... but I definitely AM looking forward to looking smoking hot in clothes!

    Also... based on conversations with males... I think this is not limited to females, though the men do tend to 'dwell' less.
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,079 Member
    the more weight i lose the more i find wrong with me :/ if anyone has the answer to y women do this man id love to know it :P
  • SunshineKisses_2012
    SunshineKisses_2012 Posts: 471 Member
    As I lose weight, I am learning how to deal with these emotions. The slow progress is very helpful so that I can deal with them as they come instead of magically becoming my UGW and not having the opportunity to deal with those issues would mess me up MAJORLY.

    Today was the first day I saw a reflection of myself and saw me at my UGW and *knew* I could do it. 31 lbs down - 69 to go! Maybe more, depends how I feel when I get there, but I remind myself that I have to take this one day at a time.
  • deniseg31
    deniseg31 Posts: 667 Member
    I don't know why but I bet it happens to most of us. Like the other MFPeeps I hide mine well. We need to hang in there, take a step back and applaud all of our accomplishments. We need to be proud of who we are and what we are achieving.

    Good job everybody!!! I see ^^^ good numbers! :bigsmile:
  • starracer23
    starracer23 Posts: 1,011 Member
    Before I saw a very overweight and unhealthy woman. Now I see saggy skin, saggy breasts, floppy butt....the list can go on and on.

    I think about getting plastic surgery...lift the boobs and plump them back up, tummy tuck (after 3 kiddos my belly is a mess). Then I wonder if I would be happy with that...or would I find more that needed to be "fixed".

    Then I remember the muscle that I have gained and how I know have calf muscles. I look at the pic of my back and I am excited to see the progress. My husband constantly tells me that I am beautiful, so I strive to see myself the way that he does. It's a step by step thing....

    It most likely also didn't' help that my dad would always "joke" about my weight. And his jokes were on the line of "Whoa...you need to do some sit ups and put on a shirt!! *laugh laugh*" (I was wearing a bikini on the beach...thanks a lot dad!!)
  • hojo94
    hojo94 Posts: 140 Member
    UGH... Me too... people comment on how well you are doing, and it is like this "omg, they are looking at me... I still have a pudgy belly, they can see it... they noticed it... OMG"...
  • kya101
    kya101 Posts: 37
    Oh, how I know what you mean!!! I've reached weight loss goals that I never even knew I wanted and for someone who was never "worried" about how I looked or what I weighed, I have a hard time looking in the mirror some days. It's insane, I know this and everyone around me tells me I'm crazy if I even mention anything about my insecurities. Part me believes it is definitely a media/societal issue that makes me feel this way, but trying to love myself has become a challenge all on it's own aside from my weight loss journey. I do take comfort in that I am not the only one who feels this way because somedays I think I must be crazy and the only one who thinks this way!!!! I beginning to believe no amount of weight loss is going to "fix" my self confidence issues, only I can love myself, nobody else can myself for me ; )
  • Dr_Farru
    Dr_Farru Posts: 63 Member
    Logically, I knew losing weight was NOT going to fix my insecurities or magically fix my body image issues...

    Now that I've lost most of the weight I wanted to lose and I'm down to that last 10-15lbs and I've been in this range for a while, it seems like a whole new list of insecurities are popping up!!! Now, like I said, logically I know this is crazy.
    Finally said something to my sister (Rkamps) and she is going through the same thing.

    Women....WHY do we do this?! I'm at a loss now on how to get over these lil things that I zero in on

    Take all the people who make you feel insecure out of your life! That helped for me! I'm only my own worst critic now~
    And even though I'm slightly over-weight right now, I do feel confident in my own skin and with who I am~!
    Inner peace is a hard thing to find, but you need to focus on yourself and do the things that make you happy. Cut out negative people from your life! Hopefully, some of this will help you!
  • Sweet_Southern_Tea
    Sweet_Southern_Tea Posts: 63 Member
    We are always much harder on our self than others judge us. People keep telling me to stop losing weight or I will disappear. It's really annoying to hear especially when I know I'm not that small.
  • Dr_Farru
    Dr_Farru Posts: 63 Member
    Before I saw a very overweight and unhealthy woman. Now I see saggy skin, saggy breasts, floppy butt....the list can go on and on.

    I think about getting plastic surgery...lift the boobs and plump them back up, tummy tuck (after 3 kiddos my belly is a mess). Then I wonder if I would be happy with that...or would I find more that needed to be "fixed".

    Then I remember the muscle that I have gained and how I know have calf muscles. I look at the pic of my back and I am excited to see the progress. My husband constantly tells me that I am beautiful, so I strive to see myself the way that he does. It's a step by step thing....

    It most likely also didn't' help that my dad would always "joke" about my weight. And his jokes were on the line of "Whoa...you need to do some sit ups and put on a shirt!! *laugh laugh*" (I was wearing a bikini on the beach...thanks a lot dad!!)

    The hardest part is loving yourself! Putting yourself first, loving yourself first, and being your own best friend!
    Would we ever tell a friend how flabby or fat they look in a harsh way? No! So why do it to ourselves?
    Plastic surgery is a big No No! It won't do you any good!
    I'm a medical doctor, my Uncle wants me to specialize in Plastic surgery(where the money's at), and I refused to!
    I feel like its A disease of the mind! There is nothing wrong with anyone's body. Once you get under that knife you'll never stop, you'll always find something you want to fix and tailor! Its your body not your clothes! Wear it proudly! Tailor your clothes to compliment and present your body well, whatever weight you may be!
  • cbear017
    cbear017 Posts: 345 Member
    I can totally relate.

    I think the most important thing you can do is to focus on something that is non-weight related, like a great fitness goal because once you reach your goal weight, what then? It's anti-climactic. The weight loss is just the beginning.

    I want to lose another 15 lbs but I don't think I'll be happier when I get there. I've got to decide to make myself happy now. Life isn't what's waiting for you when you reach your goal. It's all the moments that come before it and how you choose to spend your time NOW. Okay, that sounds cheesy but it works for me.

    Appreciate the little things you do every day that contribute toward your confidence and security. Since I've started working out I notice I take much better care of myself. I dress up, I'm more social, etc. Focus on those things and talk to someone about your insecurities. There is no shame in it :)
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    I take some small comfort that I'm not nuts...thank you for posting

    It's already been stated but there are some great numbers I'm seeing...doing a wonderful job.

    And yes men do this too...I had an ex that was more insecure about his stomach than I am about mine hah
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    Before I saw a very overweight and unhealthy woman. Now I see saggy skin, saggy breasts, floppy butt....the list can go on and on.

    I think about getting plastic surgery...lift the boobs and plump them back up, tummy tuck (after 3 kiddos my belly is a mess). Then I wonder if I would be happy with that...or would I find more that needed to be "fixed".

    Then I remember the muscle that I have gained and how I know have calf muscles. I look at the pic of my back and I am excited to see the progress. My husband constantly tells me that I am beautiful, so I strive to see myself the way that he does. It's a step by step thing....

    It most likely also didn't' help that my dad would always "joke" about my weight. And his jokes were on the line of "Whoa...you need to do some sit ups and put on a shirt!! *laugh laugh*" (I was wearing a bikini on the beach...thanks a lot dad!!)

    OH THE BOOBS AND STOMACH....
    I'm more insecure about those than I ever was before!
    Seriously terrified to become intimate with a guy
    And my dad use to make those comments as well...or "oh, you're eating AGAIN" well YEA I'm on pms and I want some effing chocolate...I have serious issues with eating in front of ppl I don't know or I'm not comfortable with

    I would also like to say, I would not guess you at 163...figured at least 20lbs lighter than that. You look great

    All of you ladies are doing so good!!
  • em1976
    em1976 Posts: 119 Member
    Im down to my last 2 to 3 kgs after quite a few years work.I look in the mirror and I see the same areas...saddlebags,muffin tops:)To me,I see the exact same issues I had when I was fatter.I overlook the arms,no double chin,the overall width Ive lost and I cannot seem to get past the BITS.Is very strange and now Im at the point where Im deadset determined to get rid of them.

    I figure If i only look in my bathroom mirror (which is chest up)I wont go bonkers,lol.Even though Im healthy and relatively happy I still pick the crap out of my figure and wonder if one day I will be content with where I am.*shrug*.

    Ps.In regards to plastic surgery,well in my case what was once a large chest is now almost gone(literally).I have issues with it and will probably turn toward help later on down the track.Having said that,I feel if there is something we genuinely do not like about our bodies,something we are incapable of changing via weight loss or other non surgical methods then im of the opinion go for it.Just my thoughts on that:)
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    I'm not a woman, but you just gave me a whole new thing to fear. I think our weight problems are often more of a symptom of other issues rather than just a cause. Maybe they all get unwrapped in the order we adopt them. As you get closer, you've to go back and address some things that have gotten covered up along the way. Good luck with that.
    Well you say this is for the girls. I do the same thing. I always want more. I hate it....

    Thanks for posting guys...Yes, men are much better at hiding it!
    I will say i don't talk about what I don't like or what I'm insecure about except on here and to my sister.
    Recently I have spoken up to a couple friends of mine that had NO CLUE I was so insecure about certain things
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    i hide mine well...get to know me and you'll realize i'm a freekin basket case.

    eh-hem....separated at birth like we discussed :laugh:

    I think you look amazing for what it's worth :smile:
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
    i hide mine well...get to know me and you'll realize i'm a freekin basket case.

    eh-hem....separated at birth like we discussed :laugh:

    I think you look amazing for what it's worth :smile:

    thanks hunny. we can sit and eat effin chocolate cake together when we're pms'ing :)
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,343 Member
    it's kinda like when us men get a cold....and we think we act like we are on our death bed....being huge babies. women have a cold, you don't hear much complaining.

    some things just cannot be explained. :smile:
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    it's kinda like when us men get a cold....and we think we act like we are on our death bed....being huge babies. women have a cold, you don't hear much complaining.

    some things just cannot be explained. :smile:

    :laugh:
    It's funny b/c its true
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
    i hide mine well...get to know me and you'll realize i'm a freekin basket case.

    eh-hem....separated at birth like we discussed :laugh:

    I think you look amazing for what it's worth :smile:

    thanks hunny. we can sit and eat effin chocolate cake together when we're pms'ing :)

    I'm obsessed with Chocolate brownies :ohwell:
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    I recommend reading a book called "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz to anyone who is dealing with these types of issue. Even though it is over 50 years old it is an amazing piece of work on this subject of self image. Essentially, Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon who noticed a curious phemenon in some of his patients: they were no happier after the surgery he provided, sometimes even after scars or malformations were removed and still felt "ugly" or unchanged.

    This lead him to explore the reasons why and how self image guides or behaviour and goals. He outlines the use of affirmations, visualisation techniques, objectivity and rationality amongst other things to change a negative self image to a positive one. This coupled with things like self hypnosis, anchoring, NLP to help with improving the way you view yourself.

    Sometimes just as you take conscious steps to improve your body so must you take steps to improve your self image. The two don't always go hand in hand and you have to manually "reset" the faulty image that you have previously chained to yourself and no longer need.

    So much of life is just perception. Make it work for you.
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