I could use some help.

I don't have any advice to give. Just want to give you props for caring enough to help this young man. It's easy to forget that the playing field isn't level and some kids are at a great disadvantage. I wish you and the young man lots of luck.:flowerforyou:

I'm not a developmental psychologist, but I genuinely believe that even the most stoic realists* just wants to have value. To feel like life "matters."

I've never been in a situation that I haven't felt in control of; however, I imagine that it's terrifying. Tutors, mentors, coaches, friends...these are all things that need to be in his life.

Best of luck to the two of you.
-wtk



* Me

I work at an all boys school, so I mentor, teach, counsel boys his age all the time. I would do what you can to help him finish high school. Tell him how important it is to get a high school diploma, even if he doesn't plan on going to college. I totally get that he doesn't want to live with his mom anymore, and that's okay. Can he attend the same high school if he lives with his Grandmother? If he agrees to stay in school, tell him you'll help but only under certain conditions. Let him know you will be in touch with all his teachers and his school counselor (make sure to get his counselor involved, but after you've let him know). Most teachers will tutor their own students before and after school, on their free periods, or even during their lunch times. Create a schedule for him of when he will meet with which teacher and when he will study (maybe he needs help figuring out where to even begin fixing these grades). Ask if he feels he will be able to study at his Grandmother's, or see if he's opening to studying at your home (if you're open to that).

I'll keep him in prayer!

Patti

It's hard when society makes you feel like you have to finish school and college to be a worthy person. The most successful person in my family left school at 15, and did a mechanic apprenticeship. He now owns his own workshop and loves his life, 15 years later. I on the other hand, finished school, tried university, left to work full time and still now have no idea what i want to do with my life. Uni wasn't for me, and I wish I'd felt less pressure to go.

While I agree that you should definitely listen to him and what he wants I just want to point out that his chances of succeeding, as you probably are well aware, are vastly higher if he finishes at very least high school. Yes, there are stories out there like the above quoted ladie's relative, but there are FAR more failure stories from high school drop outs.

So basically what I'm trying to get at is I'd try to advise him in a way where he sees for himself that school is important and worth the effort. Let him do most the talking but then you just kind of guide him to figuring this all out.

Good luck. You're a great guy.

EDIT: One more thing, make sure you don't do anything, ie talking to counselors, teachers, etc., without his permission.

I'm going to start off by stating that I'm not an educator but I have a few thoughts for you and for the others posting here. I also want to stay that I think you are a wonderful person for wanting to help this boy.

While I get where some of the other posters are coming from, I think that allowing him to drop out when he has less than a year to go is not the right approach even if it's what he wants to do. It's becoming more and more prevalent in our society that you need at least a high school education to get a decent job. My husband is the HR director at a company that hires most workers at $9.00 an hour and they require a HS diploma or a GED to get those jobs. For $9.00 an hour. I don't think this boy wants to make minimum wage the rest of his life. It's a sad fact that the middle class is rapidly disappearing in the US and almost all that will eventually be left are low paying "anybody can do" jobs and higher paying jobs which require a degree or some sort of formalized training ( tradesmen, medical technicians, etc.) I'd use arguments like this in your talk with him to make him understand why education is so important.

You're first going to need to determine if the Fs are coming from a lack of effort or a sincere inability to produce passing work. I'm suspecting it's the former, but the possibility does exist that he just can't do the work on his own. Fixing the lack of effort will be a lot easier than the intelligence issue if you can simply motivate him to work to his potential. Also, are these core classes or electives? Failing home ec is not as devastating as failing English, but if he's failing two classes the chances are he's probably getting Cs and Ds in everything else. This issue is probably bigger than just the two Fs, in any case.

You might consider relying more on tutors than your own skills, depending on where he needs help. I know at my son's high school, for example, they have a math center where kids can go after school to get help with their math homework for several hours. Ask at the school what tutoring options exist or if they have a pool of fellow students who tutor. Also, the teachers may be willing to sit with him and help him if they know that he's serious about turning things around academically, as well as his attitude towards school. That said, your simple act of offering to help and caring about his situation, may go a long way to getting him motivated enough to help himself. Also, checking over his work, reading his papers and helping him to correct mistakes will also be very helpful to him.

I hope some of that helped. Please keep us posted!

Just to get it out of the way, Here is my plan so far.
If he accepts my help, I am going to speak to his grandmother and make sure it is okay that he would come by on a regular basis. Every day after school, if need be.

I think providing him with a safe quiet place to study is the first thing. I can do that. I can give him a couple hours each night. I want to be available if need help, but I would really like to see him work his own way through this. I see myself as someone to facilitate knocking down any barriers he has.

Do you think asking him questions to help ascertain where he is at could put him off? I would like to be direct and get an honest self assessment from him. Questions like what he thinks is holding him back? Is he taking any drugs? Is he dyslexic? Is he lazy? Does he really want to put in the effort?

I am very intelligent, but that doesn't give me the ability to educate others. Beyond teaching TKD, I have never tutored anyone. I feel I have one shot at this and I don't want to mess it up. When it's all said and done, I can walk away, but he has to live with it. So, thanks for the feedback I have received so far. I'll check back tomorrow and gather all your advice up and see where I am.

Ask him all those direct questions. Since he accepted your offer for help, he's willing to talk to you and he probably wants the help. Don't say anything in an accusatory way, just tell him you're trying to figure out what's going on. He'll respect that.

How did you go? I'm so curious...

Mike ~ I have a feeling you have done way more than you realize!

You are a beautiful man with a very very big heart!