Partner Doesn't Eat The Same

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  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
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    Another one who's saying kick him to the curb. You are awesome and deserve someone who thinks that.

    You can't do anything about the ice cream and chocolate, but if he wants to eat what you've cooked he can suck it up. If he doesn't, then he goes hungry.
  • kristelpoole
    kristelpoole Posts: 440 Member
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    When I moved in with my boyfriend, his diet changed completely. No more soda, no more candy, no more junk, and no more meat. Just real food. How? I cook (and do it very well), he doesn't as much. End of conversation.

    He eats meat or fast food or whatever sometimes out with the guys or if we eat out, but that's about it, and I could care less.

    I don't think that you need to necessarily leave/divorce him, but if I were taunted like that or EVER (even with kids, please believe) was told I "had to" cook two separate meals, that yummy sundae would end up in his face and he would end up on the couch. Aren't I a dollface? :love:
  • wolfchild59
    wolfchild59 Posts: 2,608 Member
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    I do the cooking, so the hubby eats what I cook. I've never had him turn something down or refuse to eat it. Only occasionally will he make a suggestion to change something out the next time I do a similar dish, and his version usually ends up being better. lol

    Of course, before I started the healthier eating, if dinner was home cooked, he cooked it. I only do it now so I can make sure my measurements and portions are spot on.

    The only times we eat separate meals while both at home is if the timing for prep just doesn't work for some reason. In those cases it usually means a schedule changed and he stops and gets food on his way home. He does eat snacks and ice cream around me, but I don't mind since I'm the one that's made the choice not to eat that stuff. But he definitely never rubs it in my face at all.

    IMHO - any guy that forces you to cook two separate meals, makes you cry when you ask for support and mocks your goals and choices isn't a guy worth having around.
  • mmk137
    mmk137 Posts: 833 Member
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    ok so I don't have a partner, but I apply this rule with my kids. If they don't eat what i've cooked, they go hungry. (unless they do it themselves but they are only 3 & 5, and that's not happening anytime soon).
    So that being said. He has 2 arms, and 2 legs, what's stopping him from cooking his own meal.
  • stevwil41
    stevwil41 Posts: 608 Member
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    The next time he complains about what you cook try this line, "There's peanut butter in the cabinet. Make sure you put it back when you're done." That'll get his attention:)
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
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    Last time I asked For his support with me getting into shape he made me cry. He basically said its my stupid idea to get into shape so it's my job to do it by myself.

    He knows how eating chocolate ect in front of me makes me feel as he'll say stuff like "haha you can't eat this" ect.



    awwwwwww you don't have a "partner". you have a "*kitten*". how about you lose all 180 pounds of HIM too?
  • AmythistRae
    AmythistRae Posts: 107
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    support is support....My husband does not need to lose weight either but he makes sure that everyone eats what I eat.....love is supportive...hope things turn out well....hugs
  • significance
    significance Posts: 436 Member
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    I take vicarious pleasure from seeing my husband enjoying ice-cream and cake when I can't. I'm afraid I've been encouraging it, and while I have lost weight, he has gained. While I've been dieting, we've been eating the same for dinner (but I've been eating less for breakfast and lunch, avoiding dessert and exercising more). Now he's dieting too, he wants lighter dinners - so I'm going to have to adjust my balance for the rest of the day to make it work.
  • WalkingGirl1985
    WalkingGirl1985 Posts: 2,047 Member
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    Really sorry about all the stories I'm hearing..my sig. other is nothing but supportive and he will cook for himself at least 50% of the time. There's just days I'm pretty beat from a busy day, and just wanna make something quick for myself, and just want him to do his part. Sometimes, once in a while he will want to do fast food or something or order a pizza.
  • la_flaca
    la_flaca Posts: 17 Member
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    My partner doesn't need to lose weight, so I have to cook 2 different dinners every night...
    I'm just wondering how other people handle watching someone eat what you want to eat ALL THE TIME?!

    You have little kids, right? You want them to grow up eating a variety of healthy foods, and you want them to see healthy ways of interacting with family members. You don't want them to think it's OK to be unkind and mock the people around them.

    It might feel like you're the one with the problem - you feel like you have to cook twice, you struggle watching him eat junk food in front of you - but actually you're the only adult in your house who is modeling the right behaviors. You're the one who's pulling it together, even despite a loved one going out of his way to put up obstacles. You're the one thinking about the future. You're the one willing to do the hard work. You might feel like you're the weaker one, but I suspect that you're really the brains running this operation....so use those brains and ask yourself, why on earth would he want to see you fail? What's good for you and your kids in the long run?

    I don't know you or him, but I worry about a guy who can't be supportive about something as simple as a different way of eating. When the kids are sick, you're exhausted, money's tight, someone you love dies...when you experience all the other problems that eventually happen to everyone, in other words....where's this guy going to be?
  • BrewerGeorge
    BrewerGeorge Posts: 397 Member
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    It appears he is an insensitive jerk! I agree he can cook his own meals. It sounds like a bigger problem. If he regularly treats you with this type of disrespect and insensitivity you might reconsider the entire relationship. This is a character flaw.
    I've got 3 daughters your age or older, so I'll tell you what I'd tell them:

    This guy sounds like a jerk, and you almost certainly deserve better. We don't know your whole story from one post, obviously, but take a hard look at this relationship. Does he support you in other areas or does he regularly make fun of things you think are important? He might think something you are doing is stupid in his own mind, but a grown, well-adjusted person in love keeps their mouth shut about it!

    Stop cooking separate meals for him at the VERY minimum. As someone said, you're not a short-order cook. That said, there's nothing you can't eat that he won't eat as long as you don't have some medical conditions. You might have to eat less of it than him.

    My wife and family aren't dieting and I do all the cooking. Here's what I do. I've modified what I'm doing in the kitchen a bit to remove unnecessary fat and things like that. I will occasionally make an extra, starchy side for them (that I'm not going to eat) to accompany the protein and veg I've made.

    And for God's sake, don't eat something if you don't like it just because it's "good for you." If hate brown rice, skip it and get your fiber and vitamin B from somewhere else.
  • NPetrakis
    NPetrakis Posts: 164 Member
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    Sounds like a turd that needs to be flushed.

    Pretty much. What is it with all the man-children today???

    Become the change. He will either be smart enough to join you or expose how incompatible he is with your goals.
    You however, must soldier on...and to hell with making 2 dinners. Seriously.
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
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    I had a friend who was in a similar situation; she weighed around 230. She lost 100lbs. At first her boyfriend was very supportive and encouraging, at the point that he realized she was taking it very seriously he started to become very controlling demanding and very negative. It lead to a break up. Talking to a mutual friend of mine that was friends with her a hole of a boyfriend, my mutual friend pretty much hit it on the nail. He loved her at 230 because in his own little insecure world she was perfect at 230 because he saw no competition from other woman. He was attracted to her simply because in his pea sized brain he realized that he would not have to compete or be jealous of her because she had big boobs but he viewed her as "ugly". He had a sense of control over her when he became a jerk. He lost that control when she started shedding the pounds and was being gawked at by every guy (she managed to keep her breast size but lost every thing else). He became jealous and became a raging prick.

    I think this is more common than we think !
  • CalderaGal
    CalderaGal Posts: 45
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    Welcome to my world! I am so depressed about this - but I am sticking to my plan to matter what he does~~~
  • kristyemilia
    kristyemilia Posts: 32 Member
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    I had a similar dilemma until I realised its not all about my husband! We both eat the same things I just eat smaller portions. I've slowly added healthier options to our meals and he actually really likes them now. Every so often he whinges and wants some mashed potato or something so I steam a couple of potatoes and have it with a tiny bit of sour cream and he's happy enough with that.

    Ultimately, if he wont support you then tell him to make his own bloody dinner! LOL - if only it was that easy!

    Try for leaner cuts of meat and healthier alternatives to staples, such as mountain bread or other wraps for corn chips in nachos, grated zucchini or carrot for pasta instead! just google 'alternative for blah blah '
  • KatieCuth
    KatieCuth Posts: 569 Member
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    I just cook balanced healthy meals... if my partner and daughter want icecream they have it... I say no.

    If we have something like pizza or nachos i just have a smaller portion,
  • youngmum
    youngmum Posts: 114
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    Maybe talk to him about it to find out why he is trying to sabotage you & go from there. It could be he is just a jerk. Or, perhaps something else is going on, maybe he doesn't understand how you are eating & thinks it isn't healthy & needs some education. No one but him knows why he's acting how he's acting & so you need to ask him. Find out if he has a good reason.

    Other ideas on here are great such as making him the same but bigger portions, with a few extras on the side perhaps. Or getting him to cook for himself. Another thing you could try is making healthy versions of some of his favourite foods. For example a cheeseburger is easy to make healthier at home - use light cheese, use wholegrain bread, make meat patties out of lean mince mixed with grated carrots and an egg then shaped and fried with a small amount of olive oil & serve with lettuce, tomato, and a side of salad; then you could have your cheeseburger open top with half the amount of cheese as him.. If you put your mind to it you can increase the healthiness of almost any food. That way you serve him his 'normal' but you get whatever you need from it.
  • Bungee_tyme
    Bungee_tyme Posts: 67
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    It sounds as if he is so insecure that he thinks you will leave him if you succeed in your weight loss. If you reass
    ure him that heavy or thin you want to be with him he may realize his folly.
  • vs1023
    vs1023 Posts: 417 Member
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    For our family making separate meals works, but it's not easier. I have a picky 6 year old and a husband who eats no veggies, french fries with just about every meal and just not a great diet in general so he does the grilling of any protein and I'll make myself a veggie and he'll make his fries. I make DD's dinner since it's completely different then any of ours. For me this works because 1 - I cannot change him. Known him for 12 years, married for nearly 10 and this is how he is and has always been. 2 - if i ate like him I'd be 400lbs :lol:

    So for us it works. I don't buy ice cream or anything. If he wants it he'll pick it up. We have no cookies either, some chips and candy. I just don't eat it. I think you need to do what works for you.
  • asyouseefit
    asyouseefit Posts: 1,265 Member
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    Same as with the kiddo, eat what I eat or don't eat at all. The only exception is on our take-out night, he has French fries and I have Chinese but that's just a matter of personal preferences.

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