Help me write a message to my crush!

i_love_vinegar
i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
Actually, he is not my crush anymore starting one hour ago. I liked this guy for the past month -- he is an exchange student from China who needs to pass the TOEFL next month in order to stay in the country. He was flirty from the get go, but I realize now he must have only done so because he could tell I liked him. :frown:

Why do I think this? I asked him to lunch, and he rejected me. I asked him to the beach, he rejected me. The final straw was he mentioned a few times, "After i take the TOEFL lets hang out..." "After the TOEFL lets go to eachothers dorms and the beach" etc.

So last night on chat I offered for him to visit me on the weekend, and I would help him with his English. He said, "I can go to school then I guess." I said, "You should just come to my dorm" (as HE originally suggested), and he went, "I still have time to think....let me think...bye" and went off chat. :frown:

After class today, I was supposed to help him with an essay and he comes up to me and goes, "Oh...I didn't finish it so can we meet tomorrow instead?" He had the entire weekend to write a couple paragraphs...I was like, "When tomorrow? I will be free sometime around 1" and he goes, "Howabout 4?" I was like, "I'm not waiting till 4 to help you." and had to bargain down to 1:30 when I am helping HIM!

I think the only reason he says, "We should do 'this and that' AFTER the TOEFL" is because after the TOEFL he won't need me anymore, and can say, "I change my mind."

He has done and said a lot of things that have led me to believe he liked me back. I guess not though. If he liked me, he would not keep blowing me off. :brokenheart:

So basically, I just want to send him a short message telling him I do not want to help him with his English anymore, that he should find someone else to help him, and that his English sucks so good luck to him because he will need it.

Thank you guys. :frown:
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Replies

  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 583 Member
    I do not want to help you with your English anymore, You should find someone else to help you. Your English sucks so good luck to you because you will need it.

    Hows that.
  • hstallings13
    hstallings13 Posts: 306
    I do not want to help you with your English anymore, You should find someone else to help you. Your English sucks so good luck to you because you will need it.

    Hows that.

    I would have to agree. Straight forward and to the point is usually the best way, keeps it simple.
  • Pinkmaddycat
    Pinkmaddycat Posts: 175 Member
    How about

    Good luck with you TOEFL because you are gonna need it!!
  • SetecAstronomy
    SetecAstronomy Posts: 470 Member
    So basically, I just want to send him a short message telling him I do not want to help him with his English anymore, that he should find someone else to help him, and that his English sucks so good luck to him because he will need it.

    Thank you guys. :frown:
    How about a short poem...

    When you fail your TOEFL,
    I'm going to be ROFL.

    Or a limerick?

    There was an exchange student from China
    Who I thought could never be fine-a
    He kept blowing me off
    So I'm saying "enough!
    'Cuz you have just crossed a big line-a!"
  • hyenagirl
    hyenagirl Posts: 206 Member
    I would say:

    It's over. You keep blowing me off, I can only take so much. You blew it, Larry. Good luck on your TOEFL exam and your search for that back door beauty. So long and thanks for all the fish.

    Best Regards,

    [your name here]
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
    That’s was quite a read..
    There may be a cultural differences here.. not sure.
    I don’t think I would be alone thinking that you are not appreciated.
    I see no reason that a young attractive person like yourself should have to pursue someone to that extent without the other party at least acknowledging your help. As the saying goes- Never make someone your priority if to them you are only a convenience or option. As for the letter I would think.
    <insert name here>
    “I no longer have time in my busy schedule to help you study for your English test. Good luck and keep in touch. “ should suffice.


    If not ,..a great sarcastic note never killed anyone
    Best of luck
  • jonzo21
    jonzo21 Posts: 446 Member
    well like one poster said on here, there could be cultural differences here. How you perceive his actions could very well be different from how he is perceiving his own actions. My best advice would be to just ask him if he is REALLY interested in spending time with you aside from the studying for the TOEFL. Don't ask him that through a text/phone though. Ask him in person, and watch his facial expressions. Culturally, East Asians tend to say one thing and mean another because they speak more through non verbal expressions/cues. If he has a strained look on his face while he says "yes I want to hang out with you" then he doesn't really mean it. (currently taking a cultural psychology class and just learned about this a few weeks ago).
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Thank you for the help everyone...I agree it could be cultural, and I think he has just been leading me on. I am really tempted to say something a bit more sarcastic, but I'm not sure as we still have class together. :/

    Does this seem okay? Any suggestions?


    I was thinking about it and I do not want to help you with your English anymore ~ You act like you're doing me a favor, and conveniently forgetting its the other way around. Find someone else to help you. Good luck!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    I just sent the message. ^^ Please wish me luck haha...i hope it does not cause problems ^^
  • Trueguardian
    Trueguardian Posts: 15
    How about this thought. Instead of actually writing something to him, lets just let it go. Not totally mind you, but something along these lines. (Thinking), ok so here it goes, let it go as far as writing him something, but when he approaches you to have you help him, just tell him right there on the spot, "no thanks". Your actions at that very moment wil speak louder then any words you could ever say to him. Just a thought, but pretty effective if you ask me. Take care, be safe...smile....
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,162 Member
    Aww so sad it didn't work out for you i know how you must feel but, you will eventually get over it. You will find someone else you find attractive and just go and tell them you like them right away and avoid all these back and forths.
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    Ummm, don't guys from China pretty much not value women at all? That , I believe , would be considered a cultural difference lol.

    what is this rascist rubbish? The chinese I know are very family orientated and very romantic, the girls are careful to wait for marriage etc.
    I think its pretty obvious the guy wasn't really particularly interested and probably wouldn't have even noticed if you'd just stopped messaging him and left him alone!
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Aww so sad it didn't work out for you i know how you must feel but, you will eventually get over it. You will find someone else you find attractive and just go and tell them you like them right away and avoid all these back and forths.

    Thanks for all your support Colombianwarrior. Same to you! I wish us both the best of luck ^^
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Ummm, don't guys from China pretty much not value women at all? That , I believe , would be considered a cultural difference lol.

    what is this rascist rubbish? The chinese I know are very family orientated and very romantic, the girls are careful to wait for marriage etc.
    I think its pretty obvious the guy wasn't really particularly interested and probably wouldn't have even noticed if you'd just stopped messaging him and left him alone!

    I agree. My ex boyfriend of 3 years was Chinese, and he was extremely romantic.

    I think I was in denial this guy doesn't care about me. I agree, he probably wouldnt notice haha :(
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I would say, "go away and good luck."

    read the book "he's just not that into you."

    You're efforts are better served elsewhere.

    Remember one thing, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, but you need to value yourself and demand that others value you also . . .
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    I would say, "go away and good luck."

    read the book "he's just not that into you."

    You're efforts are better served elsewhere.

    Remember one thing, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, but you need to value yourself and demand that others value you also . . .

    Thanks. I think I am gonna download that book...i dont usually like guys, so i doubt ill be putting myself out there again though haha >.<

    PS: Thank you Thedoctor90 for the "kind" message. It was a fun read while I was declining your friend request. :smile:
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    The brutal truth is .. It sounds like he's just simply "not that into you". He's a big boy, he can fend for himself. He's blown you off because he's not interested, and he's probably just trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings.

    No need for notes .. just back off.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Girls who look like you should not be waiting around for idiots like him.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I do not want to help you with your English anymore, You should find someone else to help you. Your English sucks so good luck to you because you will need it.

    Hows that.

    hahahahaahahahahaha, i like that.

    personally i would not say anything. and next time he approaches you asking for help (if he does) i would; just say 'sorry, i'm busy, bye'
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Girls who look like you should not be waiting around for idiots like him.
    So if she was ugly or plain, it would be OK to be treated like this?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member

    There was an exchange student from China
    Who I thought could never be fine-a
    He kept blowing me off
    So I'm saying "enough!
    'Cuz you have just crossed a big line-a!"

    THIS!!!!!! A MILLION TIMES THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    There's no need to be snotty just because the guy wasn't into you.

    You made obvious advances at least 3 times and obviously he's not interested. Just move on.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    There's no need to be snotty just because the guy wasn't into you.

    You made obvious advances at least 3 times and obviously he's not interested. Just move on.

    exactly. You owe him no explanation. Hes not into you... carry on.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    i'm sorry to hear that hun :( personally i wouldn't have sent him anything. i would have just stopped all contact and if he came to me with questions i would have explained.
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
    I wouldn't even send a message or anything. Just move forward. If he wants to pursue you then he will.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    the song "Bad Romance" by that hag Lady Gaga comes to mind.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Girls who look like you should not be waiting around for idiots like him.
    So if she was ugly or plain, it would be OK to be treated like this?

    While I agree with this, thank you for the kind message ^^ It made me feel better
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    There's no need to be snotty just because the guy wasn't into you.

    You made obvious advances at least 3 times and obviously he's not interested. Just move on.

    exactly. You owe him no explanation. Hes not into you... carry on.

    Thank you guys. I just feel like he pretended to be into me is all. He would get touchy and then told me multiple times, "We should hang out!" Last time he fed me with his chopsticks, and spent the entire day with me...he would text and call me a lot, so of course I feel played :(
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    i'm sorry to hear that hun :( personally i wouldn't have sent him anything. i would have just stopped all contact and if he came to me with questions i would have explained.

    Gahhh its just that we had plans to hang out tomorrow (after rescheduling) and so i felt it would be easier to just say it now rather than tomorrow when i see him. When I see him I feel very happy, but I always leave feeling disappointed. ^^
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    ...i dont usually like guys, so i doubt ill be putting myself out there again though haha >.<
    I will presume you are saying this in some sort of sarcastic sense. It seems like a lot of your messages are about juggling Asian men and liking all of them.

    That said, you don't need to say anything is over because it sounds like it didn't begin. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have gotten so emotionally invested in something that wasn't there, but if I did I would move on with no regrets either.

    The good news is that there is no big picture. No "if it's meant to happen it will happen." There is only "if it happens, it happens." So move on and go get emotionally invested in someone who will return your affections.
    -wtk

    Postscript: That said, I haven't seen a well-developed limerick in years. So that was my favorite advice.

    Edit: Post-Postscript: If there is anything more detrimental to building a relationship than the ability to text message, it is the words, "haha." Only use "haha" as a response to a joke and then, only if you laugh. If you use "haha" as a filler between your text messages [generally, where punctuation should go], what you are really saying is, "I don't know how to develop a conversation."
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