No Support

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Replies

  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    Not everyone needs compliments to motivate them, and not everyone is accustomed to giving them out.

    My wife, for example, gives compliments very sparingly. Why? That's how things went down in her home growing up.

    We talked about it, and she tosses compliments out a little more, but I've learned not to sweat it. I try to motivate myself.

    Dude probably likes his food, and is not trying to bring you down. You don't have to eat what he brings home.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    I would have to have a heart to heart with him!!!

    ^^^ This.. .he should be supportive of whatever you need to do to be healthy! Feel free to add me if you like dear. . other than that I wish you all the success in the world.:flowerforyou:
  • goobergop
    goobergop Posts: 29 Member
    Unfortunately u can't change him.... maybe prepare your own meals...treat yourself to mini rewards each time you reach a goal weight....remember you are doing this for you not for him.you also had the strength to START and that is a successin itself. You know you will be happy when you're feeling good. The hope is to lead by example and be smoking hot!! :)
  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
    Could he be jealous?

    im sure thats it

    i have noticed a lot of mean, childish behavior from my jealous peers.
    one of my friends asked me to go out to lunch!!!
    as if!

    Dammit...I was going to ask you to lunch cuz you're a yummy devil-bunny. Not cuz I wanted to sabotage you. Tho I am mean and childish. :P
  • Puddykat1026
    Puddykat1026 Posts: 164 Member
    Thank you everyone for your support. Yes, my hubby is overweight. Has been the 10 years we've been together. When I met him I was a whopping 105 lbs soaking wet (I'm 5' tall) and now I started MFP at over 200 lbs. His eating habits rubbed off on me most definitely.

    I go to a gym at least 4 times a week. I started just over a month ago. I've been swamped with birthday parties & family get togethers that I have had to put my foot down and say I don't want cake. I have to choose between what food is offered, bring my own, or not eat. I have taken a healthy approach to living for almost a year now, when his mother died of lung cancer. I helped her through 8 mos of chemo, hospice, etc. I quit smoking 2 mos after she died, and have been eating healthier ever since. SHE motivated me to live healthier. I just wish he'd realize that life was more precious.

    We have talked. He's not ready to live healthier. He doesn't want to go to the gym (I have free guest passes & he declines every time). I have weights at home, we have a HUGE pool. He'd rather sit on the couch & relax (to his defense, he works 2 jobs to support us). I get that, totally. It's his life. I just feel like his life is encroaching on mine, lol. Which is pretty messed up since we're married. I don't want to change him. I just want him to respect my decisions to be active & healthy & not offer me a giant bowl of ice cream at 9 pm or a 18" deluxe pizza he so generously brought home for the both of us. And a "hey babe, you look great" or "I'm really proud of you" every now & then doesn't hurt.
  • Puddykat1026
    Puddykat1026 Posts: 164 Member
    And I DO do the work for me. I want to get up the stairs without breathing heavy, walk the dog without feeling the need to stop every so often, hopefully one day have babies. I want to live til I'm 100. I want to see my feet again without having to move my belly out of the way, lol. I give myself daily affirmation. It's just nice when others tell you. Even nicer when it's someone so close to you. I know when he grew up they didn't dole out compliments all the time. However, it is something we've discussed before in our relationship. And when he does compliment me I take it to heart because I know how much it meant for him to bring it up. I think the last compliment I got was after his mother died. He told me he was so happy I could care for his mother because he knew he wouldn't be able to do it alone. And it meant the world to me to hear him say it.

    Guess I just have to toughen up. When he's ready, he's ready. Hell, it took us 4 years before we got married. I don't know about him, but I've got all the time in the world now :)
  • Gottastop
    Gottastop Posts: 67 Member
    it sounds like your husband likes to compliment actions (you taking care of his mom) not looks (you losing weight & looking better) my family is the same way; I can't get a compliment to save my life; it;s always "It's good but I would of done it this way"
    DH also doesn't support me right now (he is threatened) but since I do all the cooking he is living with it. I have a huge problem when he brings the kids into it (Mom, can we PLEASE get a pizza)
    So I agree, toughen up, this is the new you so get use to it.
    Tell him to stop offering you junk food. & I've heard it's better to bring stuff up like that out of the moment & not in the moment.
    Maybe suggest he buy a smaller pizza, or get half just cheese (If you are allowing yourself cheese pizza)

    Good luck!
    & GREAT JOB!!!!! quitting smoking if you did that you can tackle this weight loss
  • curvygirl512
    curvygirl512 Posts: 423 Member
    I think there are a lot of family and friends who are not supportive. They don't understand or care, are jealous or are unmotivated. So, we turn to places where we find support, like MFP. Don't lose hope! You can do this!
  • ZeroTX
    ZeroTX Posts: 179 Member
    There will always be those who will sabotage you. Some do it intentionally, but it's not necessarily consciously so. If you (and others they know) are failing to lose weight, then that's good justification of their lack of ability to do so as well. I agree, it's best to be able to do it without compliments and such, but you still need SUPPORT, e.g. willingness to help you in every way possible. If that means he eats bad-for-him stuff, fine. Maybe he could agree to only bring home enough for HIM and to eat it and throw away the leftovers, or take them to work. For a while I tried doing low-carb, while living with a roommate who is thin and could eat anything he wanted. That was TOUGH. Any time temptation hit, I was into his Little Debbie snacks *sigh* ... better would be if he would have hidden those in his bedroom or in a closet... but I never explicitly asked that... and he wasn't my spouse. Your spouse is obligated to support you. Period.

    Again, if he ignores that, it's not a diet problem, it's a marriage problem. Maybe he needs that explained to him...

    -Z
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