Tell me your best joke...

What do you call a cow with no legs?
groundbeef

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mother-in-law

Knock knock

Knock knock

Knock knock

"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."
--Christopher Case

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
--Jerry Seinfeld

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams

A tall, burly redneck walks into a bar. He struts up to the bar and demands the bartender server him a 12 year old scotch. The bartender brushes it off and server him a 5 year old scotch. The redneck drinks it, shakes his head and says, "Boy, apparently you are hard of hearing. That there was a 5 year old scotch. Serve me what I asked for or I'll put a hurtin' on you."

The bartender is slightly intrigued that the man could tell how old the scotch he served was. He decides to test him. He serves him an 8 year old scotch. The redneck drinks and says, "Boy, are you looking for butt whoopin? That 8 year old scotch just don't hit the spot. This is the last warning. Now give me what I want." Finally the bartender pours the 12 year old scotch. The redneck drinks and smiles a mile wide. "Now that's what I'm talking about."

An little old man who witnessed the whole thing is sitting there, jaw dropped and utterly amazed. He says, "Hey buddy! Drink this!" The redneck grabs the bottle takes a big swig and immediately spits it out. "THAT TASTES LIKE PISS!!!!" The old man says, "How old am I???"