Why would a guy do this? Angry and creeped out :S

i_love_vinegar
i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
Why would a guy keep making plans with a girl, and then ditch her last minute?

:indifferent: ANNOYING PART :indifferent: :
There is a guy I liked (not so much anymore), and I got mad at him yesterday because I feel he is leading me on. I am supposed to be helping him with his TOEFL...He always asks, "Can you help me?" but never actually asks for help.

Anyways, I decided to make peace with him because there is only 1 month till his test so if he becomes a complete douche after the test, I can tell everyone <.<

He will bring up, "we should hang out," but whenever I try and set a date/time, he is like, "Um...Maybe..."

Now I am getting annoyed though, because recently whenever HE asks, "Can we meet ____ at ____?" and I agree, he will ditch me!

Today we had planned to meet at 2:00. I apologized for getting mad at him, and we supposedly reconciled far enough in advance for him to show up as planned. He texts me at 2:00 and is like, "Sorry I cant make it. I am changing my school schedule."
I tried to be polite, "I understand ^^" So later today I decided to check his FB as I am basically the only person he uses it for (as far as wall posting...I have no idea about messages obviously).

:indifferent: CREEPY PART: :indifferent:

So keeping in mind that he basically only uses his FB to communicate with me (although I have no clue about messages obv), he writes, "It is so nice relaxing and watching ____(a tv show that I told him I started watching WTF) :D" ...I notice the number of hours ago and it was EXACTLY WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET! <.<

I am almost 100% certain the post was meant for me to read...esp since he posts this stuff in English and not only am I basically his only English-speaking "friend," but a lot of his posts seem to mimic me...and some are seeming almost crazed now...<.< I am developing a lot of hatred now....and getting a bit creeped out <.<

I am confused because he flirts with me in person and sometimes online. He asks for my help, but never actually asks for help. He mentions hanging out, but then goes, "Um...Maybe..." Then when it comes down to, "Can we meet at ___ at ____?" He ditches me...In class sometimes I will see him just staring at me...and now when he calls me he makes this really creepy voice like a serial killer and whispers my name...o_o Also, I was thinking about it, and when we are in a large group he always ends up next to me or I will see him kinda following me...

...I am getting a bit worried as I was stalked so much at my old school that I had to move...This guy is really good looking, but last year a guy who looked like a model tried raping me...o_o;;; I feel like I am being used for my English ability, but logically I'm not as he never seems to ask for help, and when he does he ditches me...

Does anyone have any idea what is going on here? I used to have a crush on this guy...until yesterday actually ^^
Sorry this is so long~but I have been posting about my crush on this guy and am now realizing he seems to be a little...off.
Thanks :embarassed:
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Replies

  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    the answers you got yesterday should suffice in answering your question today.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Didn't you post a similar thread yesterday where you said you weren't going to see him anymore? STOP SEEING HIM. Move on. There is nothing here for you. He can find someone else to help him with his English.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Didn't you post a similar thread yesterday where you said you weren't going to see him anymore? STOP SEEING HIM. Move on. There is nothing here for you. He can find someone else to help him with his English.

    are you stalking me . . . or am I stalking you?
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    I didn't post yesterday, but I should have. You should have told him to f@ck off?
  • CathiAnne
    CathiAnne Posts: 193 Member
    Run fast, run far. Get the heck away as fast as you can. There are red flags waving everywhere on this. Good luck.
  • harriet_tubman
    harriet_tubman Posts: 52
    stop wasting your energy on him and focus it on more important things.
  • trailgetter
    trailgetter Posts: 29
    He's Just Not That In to You....read the book. Stop telling yourself he'll change. He's a douche. I would "un-friend" him on FB and let him fend for himself on the test.

    You deserve better...but have to believe that first.

    Good luck girl.
  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
    cut ties, move on.

    You are worth more than this jerk gives you credit for.
  • trilikeagirl
    trilikeagirl Posts: 218
    Why would a guy keep making plans with a girl, and then ditch her last minute?

    Because he can.
    We teach people how to treat us. You can't make him do what he says he will, or what you want him too, but you can make sure it's not you he's treating that way.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Something about you does not sound right to me. I just don't think I believe everything you are saying, part of it might be that the type of person you are frustrates me and comes off as pathetic and wanting attention. If you had real respect for youself and this **** is actually happening to you, you would have already done what you know you should do. I think this is really why I am calling bull****. I'll save my advice for someone who will take it and use it, this is your second post about this in 2 days so you don't really want peoples advice you just want opinions. Mine is worth too much to waste on you anymore
  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
    kind of sounds like you are the one stalking him. Most people would just cut him loose and move on. It's not like you are getting anything out of it but driving yourself nuts and checking his fb to check on him. is this the person you want to be? if not, then you need to just cut any and all communication. Guys absolutely hate that so he will probably try to get you back, but if you are strong enough to be on MFP then you are disciplined enough to ditch the db.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    It seems obvious to me that this guy;
    A) Comes from a culture that doesn't respect women.
    B) Has no idea how to deal with "Western" women.

    I come from a very very mixed family so I think its great when cultures mix, but its a 2-way street and some people just aren't willing to work from their end.

    Find someone else.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    I would say unfriending him on FB...so you can't e-stalk him anymore or vice versa and completely avoiding him when you see him out will solve your problem. It might do you some good too. It works like this, you seem him approaching, you walk away or walk right by him even if he starts talking. That's the best advice I got.
  • jaid28
    jaid28 Posts: 4
    My suspicion would be that he is married or has a girlfriend at home. At any rate I would suggest you not wasting anymore time and energy on anyone that is going to treat you like that. He may be obsessed with you, but he is really not "INTO" you. Spend time on something or someone else that will appreciate you. Good luck!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Didn't you post a similar thread yesterday where you said you weren't going to see him anymore? STOP SEEING HIM. Move on. There is nothing here for you. He can find someone else to help him with his English.
    are you stalking me . . . or am I stalking you?
    :laugh:
  • Elisirmon
    Elisirmon Posts: 273 Member
    Ok if he is this way right now when your not dating he isn't going to change if you guys do end up dating so seriously you need to value yourself and cut ties with him he isn't right for YOU! Plus if your concerned now about his weird behavior that's your indicator that he may end up hurting you emotionally and physically.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    I'd say get the hell over it. Move on. Unless you like weird people that act like immature kids, then go for it.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Maybe he doesn't want help .. he thought he would get laid ... and when he realized he wasn't going to get the goods, he didn't want to try to hang any more. He's sending you a message though, loud and clear, that he's not interested in hanging out with you. (because a guy would never do this if he was interested) .. so, take the hint and move on.
  • cppeace
    cppeace Posts: 764 Member
    He's an inconsistant creep. You deserve better. Move on hon
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
    I'm agreeing with everyone here. Doesn't matter how good looking he is...seems like a POS to me, and no matter how pretty you make it...it's still a POS.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    You have been talking about this guy for weeks now. His behavior is getting weirder all the time. When are you going to leave this jerk alone?
  • jskaggs1971
    jskaggs1971 Posts: 371 Member
    Speaking as a guy, I think you need to cut him off. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect your time, and he's shown that he can't even meet a simple commitment like "meet here at this time." Don't be his doormat.

    He's a loser. Kick him off your Facebook feed (since that's his only line of communication), and if he asks you, tell him you've got better things to do than wait around for him to show up for something.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    The first time someone ditched me would be the last time I would make plans with them.

    Look at it from his point of view. Why should he treat you any better? You obviously will stick around no matter what he does. No reason for him to change.
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
    ...I am getting a bit worried as I was stalked so much at my old school that I had to move...This guy is really good looking, but last year a guy who looked like a model tried raping me...o_o

    I mean this is the most respectful way possible, but it sounds like you may be misreading certain people's attention. I could be totally wrong, but I had a stalker once and it was a very scary and terrible experience. To say that you've been 'stalked so much' and have almost been a victim of sexual assault is incredibly serious and I'm sure traumatic, but maybe you need to cool it with these people if that is where it is ending up. My stalker was a complete stranger/neighbor, but I know if I had numerous stalkers, I'd be a bit more cautious of who I let in. Good luck!
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Unsubscribe.
    -wtk
  • LittleVikki
    LittleVikki Posts: 88 Member
    I would move on and find someone more worthy of your time. You deserve better :)
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Ditch the flake!
  • Snakey74
    Snakey74 Posts: 276 Member
    This guy is really good looking

    NO man is good looking enough for it to be okay to jerk someone around.
    Cut all ties. Immediately.
    If you don't respect yourself enough to be treated properly by someone, then why would he bother to do it?
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    ...I am getting a bit worried as I was stalked so much at my old school that I had to move...This guy is really good looking, but last year a guy who looked like a model tried raping me...o_o

    I mean this is the most respectful way possible, but it sounds like you may be misreading certain people's attention. I could be totally wrong, but I had a stalker once and it was a very scary and terrible experience. To say that you've been 'stalked so much' and have almost been a victim of sexual assault is incredibly serious and I'm sure traumatic, but maybe you need to cool it with these people if that is where it is ending up. My stalker was a complete stranger/neighbor, but I know if I had numerous stalkers, I'd be a bit more cautious of who I let in. Good luck!

    ^^^ This is great too. It seems pretty obvious you over-analyze and misinterpret things often. Also seems you become far too attached to people.
  • maryh1986
    maryh1986 Posts: 12
    Your post is really a two part so I'll address it that way.

    1) No matter what the excuse is, it is completely rude and inappropriate for him to keep making plans with you and then not showing up or being late. Even if they are loosely made plans, you rearranged your schedule to help him with the test or to meet up with him. Next time he wants to meet up, say that you're not going to make plans with him because he is inconsiderate regarding your schedule and you're not available at his beck and call.

    2) I'm confused on one part of this. You think he's cute and like that he flirts with you, but you also think he's creepy. Generally speaking that doesn't make sense. I'd say if you even have the slightest inkling that something's not right with him that you should keep your distance. That includes helping him. I agree with the other posters you should stop seeing him.

    Also I'm not going to down play the seriousness of stalking, but you said you were stalked before. And it seems like you rather enjoy this guy's attention, but you yourself said it's creepy. It makes me wonder if you're subconsciously ingratiating yourself with someone who could be dangerous because it boosts your self esteem. I think you should go get some counseling to try to work it out. You could go to either your school's counseling service or to an outside therapist. Either way, good luck.
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