Relationship Advise
WarriorMom2012
Posts: 621 Member
Please help me see this clearly!
My husband told me tonight that he'll always love me but if I hit 200 lbs, he wont be sexually attracted to me. As much as that hurt my feelings, I understand not being attracted to a fat slob of a woman!!
My psychiatrist just upped my anti depressants and I'm gaining weight like crazy. This feels like a vicious nasty circle.
How do I handle my marriage? What do I do about my meds? I'm soooo confused!!
My husband told me tonight that he'll always love me but if I hit 200 lbs, he wont be sexually attracted to me. As much as that hurt my feelings, I understand not being attracted to a fat slob of a woman!!
My psychiatrist just upped my anti depressants and I'm gaining weight like crazy. This feels like a vicious nasty circle.
How do I handle my marriage? What do I do about my meds? I'm soooo confused!!
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Replies
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Drop the extra weight.
By extra weight, I mean the *kitten* husband.0 -
Gee, that's harsh.
Maybe you need to talk to your doctor about the anti-depressant associated weight gain and see if maybe another AD would be worth trying. Or get a referral to a nutritionalist.0 -
Have a long conversation with your husband about what he said and how it made you feel. If you're dealing with depression, you need his unconditional love to get over the hump until your medication starts stabilizing your mood. I just got my bipolar medication all taken care of and at the right dosage and I tell you if my husband hadn't been there peeling me off the ceiling the entire time I don't know what I would have done with myself. Half the time I wasn't even aware of the last time I had showered or brushed my teeth let alone what I was eating.0
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Talk to your doctor about your medication.0
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exercise increases chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy ... So increase the exercise and decrease the meds!0
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Please help me see this clearly!
My husband told me tonight that he'll always love me but if I hit 200 lbs, he wont be sexually attracted to me. As much as that hurt my feelings, I understand not being attracted to a fat slob of a woman!!
My psychiatrist just upped my anti depressants and I'm gaining weight like crazy. This feels like a vicious nasty circle.
How do I handle my marriage? What do I do about my meds? I'm soooo confused!!
#1 have some respect for yourself. "Fat slob of a woman" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You need to start caring about yourself.
#2 Go back to your doctor and see what they can do about putting you on a different pill for your depression. Not all of them cause weight gain.0 -
That must have really hurt.
At least you know your partner is honest, which i know isn't much consolation. He is probably meaning best to be saying it.
You are on this site, so obviously you want to do something about your weight and your health. And yes you have the difficulty of being on medication.
On the upside exercise is a great natural mood booster, so perhaps if you start getting fitter and healthier you won't need as much medication. Also perhaps try fish oil capsules which have other nutritional benefice too.
I think you should be happy that you have a partner who loves you. And now get on with doing something about your health. You need this regardless of him. Do it for yourself.
If you need to get some professional help too - perhaps a personal trainer if you need the motivation, or discuss this all with your doctor do it.
But you deserve to be happy and healthy and get the most out of your life. And you (and we all on here) need a complete lifestyle change, not a short term fad diet to only solve things short term and make things worse later.
Good luck! Grab life by the horns and go with it!0 -
I think you need to give your husband an ultimatum. Let him know there are plenty of men who find women over 200 pounds attractive (as proven by the mutiple "why do guys only like skinny b1tches" threads). If he does not still provide love and intercourse once that weight is exceeded, let him know you will leave him for someone who will meet your needs. You should also tell him that the medication is necessary because it prevents you from smothering him with a pillow while he sleeps.0
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Well, it's good that he's being honest with you. That's pretty important.
Is he being supportive of your weight loss? How about your therapy? These are important questions to ask yourself.
Ultimately no one here will be able to tell you what to do; only you have all of the information needed to make any sort of decision. Personally I used to be on anti-depressants and other medications, but I quit taking them all because they made me feel even worse. It was difficult, but I'm ultimately much happier. It's definitely an option to consider if your depression IS NOT a matter of a chemical imbalance. Perhaps you could talk to your therapist about switching your medication to something that won't make you retain so much water.
If your husband isn't supporting you in both your physical and mental endeavors, then maybe it's time you reconsidered your relationship. Try having a heart-to-heart with him. What he said obviously hurt your feelings. Having someone around who is only blocking your progress will only slow you down.
I'm proud of you for being here. You will hit that weight loss goal if you keep at it, medication or not. Ignore all of the trolls, keep moving forward, and love yourself! You don't need someone else to tell you that you're doing great. Keep at it, girl.0 -
um... if he's not attracted to you... then leave.. simple isn't it?0
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READ THERE PROFILES...0
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So, if he gets fat, bald and smelly, which he will, does that mean you get to tell him so and leave him? You deserve so much better, babe. Give HIM the low down and tell him that his looks aren't anything to yahoo about!0
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READ THERE PROFILES...
*their0 -
Wow! That's so sad! My vows said in sickness and in health. He should be supporting you. Only you know what's right in your marriage, but this doesn't seem like something that is going to help you reach your goals and maintain them. Unhealthy relationships lead to unhealthy behavior. I can't see how that comment could be helpful to you in any way. I sorry to hear that someone has said such a horrible thing to you. I hope that you can figure out what is right for you. Best of luck!0
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READ THERE PROFILES...
*their
Cheers for that... Spelling is not my thing.0 -
His not leaving he just wont have sex with her. Men are visually stimulated...0
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lie. don't tell him how much you weigh. simple. or is he peeking over your shoulder when you weigh in??
we always take off 25 lbs anyway.. right?0 -
Probably the reason I dont hang out much in the chit chat...0
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Terrible. First .. no real man of any caliber would say this to a woman he truly loves unless it is in fun...and even then..
Second , as im sure was posted by someone by now i hope, dont get medical advice from a forum such as this as clearly no one would know your situation or have the knowledge to give u safe advice. Good intended or not. Lastly express your feelings to him on how he hurt yours. you will never look more lovely than u do today. Not to say u cant lose the weight, feel better about yourself and look amazing but age will catch us all. If 200 lbs is the cut off..what is the age limit cutoff? What requirements on hair if you ever got sick.? Will he still be attracted if u lost a limb?
Lose the weight for yourself, your health and not for anyone else. If not..and he cant preform..well thats on him..and i saw a few pics in your profile.....if he doesnt adore you...i promise u someone else will .0 -
Not cool at all! I was on anti-depressants and gained the same weight you are experiencing. It really does stink. You don't want people to think you've stopped caring about your body but you don't want to tell everyone "hey i'm gaining weight because of my anti-depressants!" I was able to ween myself off the pills and found that exercising helped me deal with the anxiety and depression. Do what YOU need to do, not what you think your husband wants! Best of luck
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His not leaving he just wont have sex with her. Men are visually stimulated...
Seriously? Wow.0 -
Drop the extra weight.
By extra weight, I mean the *kitten* husband.
I am almost inclined to agree with this............
I battle depression, bi-polar and schizophrenia and my husband has loved me ever since I met him when I weighed only 125 pounds and he loved me just as much when I weighed 285 and everything in between.
He needs to go to the Dr with you and find out exactly what you are going through.
Hugs to you.0 -
Probably the reason I dont hang out much in the chit chat...
Yeah, people tend to jump on the judgmental posts pretty quick. Funny .0 -
Does your antidepressant cause hunger or actual weight gain? Just curious because there are lots of options for different drugs you could try.
As for the husband, you need to have an honest (calm) discussion with him about how hurtful this was. It was very insensitive to your needs right now. Try to figure out if he's contributing to your depression. Does he treat you this way all the time or was it a one time thing?
Give him a chance to explain, and hopefully talk to your therapist (hope you have one), and evaluate your feelings and your marriage. He may not realize how hurtful it was, and I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker unless it's a recurring theme in your relationship, but he needs to know the consequences of his words, especially to someone with depression.0 -
His not leaving he just wont have sex with her. Men are visually stimulated...
Seriously? Wow.
Ive being there and I wasnt over weight at that stage, I had gained weighed after giving birth to our daughter. I was no longer the waif he once new. Though he didnt touch me once I concieved with our child. Did I take this on board **** YEAH... NOW no! Its taken me quite awhile to get over it.
Oh and I left him.
Im now very lucky to have a partner that would love me how ever I come (pun intended)... Though he is the one that I has helped me re claim my self confidence.0 -
Winner!!I think you need to give your husband an ultimatum. Let him know there are plenty of men who find women over 200 pounds attractive (as proven by the mutiple "why do guys only like skinny b1tches" threads). If he does not still provide love and intercourse once that weight is exceeded, let him know you will leave him for someone who will meet your needs. You should also tell him that the medication is necessary because it prevents you from smothering him with a pillow while he sleeps.0
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