That wasn't ok and I'm sorry it happened to you

jetscreaminagain
jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
in Motivation and Support
Sometimes you have to be the change you want to see on the boards.

I'm waking up dealing with the aftermath of two very difficult threads yesterday. I only personally saw one of them and it was bad enough. These threads focused on a group and were quite hateful. That is all I will say about that, because I'm not wanting to flame or create drama or dwell in negativity.

What I want to do is say, lots of people saw it, and lots of people didn't think it was ok. People did what they thought was right, but I think a lot of people (at least this one) want to say to whoever may have felt excluded or ostracized from this MFP community that those people DON'T speak for us. You are welcome and wanted here. You are accepted and there are people here who will support you.

It bothered me so much I've been conducting a conversation with Mike (the guy that started this site and has to deal with all of us). He didn't like it either and he deleted it when he saw it. Further, he is ever working to improve the site and try to not have something like that happen again. I trust his sincerity. You can read it for yourself and know what his stance is, what some of the other folks' stances are here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/393443-recent-homophobic-bullying-on-mfp-what-did-you-do.

I also want to say that I am a member of the LGBT+ group. I'm a straight ally and have found the group to be an extremely warm and welcoming place. I have already learned a great deal. In no way is it a discriminatory place. If this is a resource that might be valuable to you, please check it out. It is by far the best group I'm in. And particularly it is the best group I'm in for creating an open and supportive space on MFP.

There are other groups and I'm not a member of all of them, of course. I encourage you, if the groups I mentioned aren't your thing, and you need some extra support around your own stuff, please, look for it. My experience here is that people are willing to help and support genuinely seeking, kind people. I hope that will be your experience.

So in closing, if you were hurt or off-put by what happened yesterday, *or at any other time* that someone has not been treated well, I mean this sincerely:

It wasn't OK and I'm so sorry that happened to you!

Replies

  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    absolutely +1.
  • MzFury
    MzFury Posts: 283 Member
    I third that emotion, thank you.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    Well said! I didn't get to see the post, but am glad I didn't have to. Thanks!
  • robinaddison
    robinaddison Posts: 232 Member
    Well stated.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    :flowerforyou:
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I completely agree. I am also a straight ally who is a member of the LGBT+ group and I was sickened by what I read. Please bear in mind that most of the posts in the thread were supporting the LGBT+ community and it was only a handful of posters who were attacking.
  • Sepa
    Sepa Posts: 243 Member
    I didnt see the thread but i have seen people express their feelings on it. Im shocked because everyone i have come across has been really nice and supportive. At least it is being dealt with (not that it is much conciliation to the victims of the hate)
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
    I did not see those threads yesterday, but I have noticed that at times there are some absolutely hateful things said on here. That, and people post sexual stuff that has no business being on here, in my opinion. This is a place to get fit, not get laid. I've found that 99.5% of the time, this is a very inspiring, encouraging and motivating place to be, which is how it should be.

    Thanks for posting.:smile:
  • sharkman74
    sharkman74 Posts: 6
    looks like the page has been removed.. saw something about bullying on the news last night, never thought i'd hear about it on here.
  • _Amy_Budd
    _Amy_Budd Posts: 378 Member
    I didn't see the post, but I wholeheartedly agree.
  • rebeccaME207
    rebeccaME207 Posts: 90 Member
    Thats very sad indeed. We need not judge people for race, monitary scale, job, weight and certainly not for who they love! Love is great for who ever is lucky enought to have it and it comes in all diff shapes! Who cares lets just be accepting!
    This site is to better ourselves not to hate or slander anyone!
  • busywaterbending
    busywaterbending Posts: 844 Member
    I'm hurt that this bothered you and you have to bring it back up as a separate thread the next day.

    I'm sorry that a discussion of Christian Scripture in a Christian Group discussing a topic very dear to you seems to be dragged through the mud yet again here on MFP. As one of the two topic threads that you are referring to, I wish you had been able to read the Christian pov thread. Perhaps that would have been a better read for you than the debate thread?

    As you know, groups were created so that likeminded people can politely discuss matters. I support your idea to contribute to making MFP a less hateful place and thank you for understanding that groups are a wonderful way to have a safe place to dicuss matters from specific p.o.v.s or goals.

    peace to you.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    I did not see those threads yesterday, but I have noticed that at times there are some absolutely hateful things said on here. That, and people post sexual stuff that has no business being on here, in my opinion. This is a place to get fit, not get laid. I've found that 99.5% of the time, this is a very inspiring, encouraging and motivating place to be, which is how it should be.

    Thanks for posting.:smile:

    I know this is hard for certain people to understand (not aiming at anyone in particular, and certainly not you), but the LGBT+ group is the least sexual group I've seen. It is about support and kindness and figuring out and/or expressing who you are in a place where people agree to accept even if they don't necessarily "get".

    I can be a little prudish, and I have been made to blush by some things on here. But, I'm also ok with that, when it is between people who are adults and are agreeable to it. Similar to the LGBT group, I don't necessarily get it, but I'm a live and let live person. This is the internet. Anonymity inspires behavior one wouldn't do on a street corner, but it is viewed by more than would see the street corner behavior.
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
    I thankfully didn't see the threads but have seen others upset by some of the things posted. It's a shame that people feel this need to spew their ignorance for all to see.
  • Samerah12
    Samerah12 Posts: 610 Member
    I completely agree with your post but I don't know if I entirely trust the sincerity of the people running this site when they say they are supportive of the community and then instruct mods to tear down every thread where the OP even mentions LGBT support. Yeah they're supposedly locked to prevent bullying, (holy don't ask don't tell, batman!) but why not just deal with the bullys??? There is no way it should be put in the same category as politics and religion. It is not something you choose or a stance you feel like taking, its who you are. And the recognition that it can be a divisive/difficult issue for a lot of the idiots in the world is exactly why it is relevant to look for support/supporters on a site like this one- I see posts every 5 minutes about emotional roots of disordered eating. What is more emotionally devastating than being bullied and treated as less than a person for a core part of who you are?

    Glad the groups are finally here, hopefully that fixes the problem, but what I've seen so far from the people in charge of MFP looks at best like condescension and at worst intolerance to me.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    looks like the page has been removed.. saw something about bullying on the news last night, never thought i'd hear about it on here.

    One more try with the link:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/393443-recent-homophobic-bullying-on-mfp-what-did-you-do

    It's still there for me, but the previous link didn't work for me either. If you really want to see it, it is in the MFP Bullying has to stop group, which I am a member of. Perhaps that is a group that you need to be a member of to see the posts? No idea.
  • Thomasm198
    Thomasm198 Posts: 3,189 Member
    I'm hurt that this bothered you and you have to bring it back up as a separate thread the next day.

    I'm sorry that a discussion of Christian Scripture in a Christian Group discussing a topic very dear to you seems to be dragged through the mud yet again here on MFP. As one of the two topic threads that you are referring to, I wish you had been able to read the Christian pov thread. Perhaps that would have been a better read for you than the debate thread?

    As you know, groups were created so that likeminded people can politely discuss matters. I support your idea to contribute to making MFP a less hateful place and thank you for understanding that groups are a wonderful way to have a safe place to dicuss matters from specific p.o.v.s or goals.

    peace to you.
    Disregarding the discussion in the Christians Unite group, there was a thread last night on the main forums. There was some extremely hateful comments being made in that thread.
  • leynak
    leynak Posts: 963 Member
    looks like the page has been removed.. saw something about bullying on the news last night, never thought i'd hear about it on here.

    One more try with the link:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/393443-recent-homophobic-bullying-on-mfp-what-did-you-do

    It's still there for me, but the previous link didn't work for me either. If you really want to see it, it is in the MFP Bullying has to stop group, which I am a member of. Perhaps that is a group that you need to be a member of to see the posts? No idea.


    In the original post the web address had a period at the end- I had to delete the period & I got to the page fine
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
    I'm hurt that this bothered you and you have to bring it back up as a separate thread the next day.

    I'm sorry that a discussion of Christian Scripture in a Christian Group discussing a topic very dear to you seems to be dragged through the mud yet again here on MFP. As one of the two topic threads that you are referring to, I wish you had been able to read the Christian pov thread. Perhaps that would have been a better read for you than the debate thread?

    As you know, groups were created so that likeminded people can politely discuss matters. I support your idea to contribute to making MFP a less hateful place and thank you for understanding that groups are a wonderful way to have a safe place to dicuss matters from specific p.o.v.s or goals.

    peace to you.

    As I read both threads I have to say I was equally sickened by both. The intolerance shown in the Christian Group thread was very disturbing and although not as forthcoming in hate as the post on the main boards it was still visible and I am glad the mod of that group finally took the post down altogether.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    I read that thread but I didn't post. I did report it. There were two people in that thread that should be given the boot IMO. You can't have that on a site like this. It was embarrassing to me as a human being. I'm glad you posted this because I thought about that thread already this morning as well and still couldn't believe that people would be so blatantly prejudice and outright rude like that.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    I'm hurt that this bothered you and you have to bring it back up as a separate thread the next day.

    I'm sorry that a discussion of Christian Scripture in a Christian Group discussing a topic very dear to you seems to be dragged through the mud yet again here on MFP. As one of the two topic threads that you are referring to, I wish you had been able to read the Christian pov thread. Perhaps that would have been a better read for you than the debate thread?

    As you know, groups were created so that likeminded people can politely discuss matters. I support your idea to contribute to making MFP a less hateful place and thank you for understanding that groups are a wonderful way to have a safe place to dicuss matters from specific p.o.v.s or goals.

    peace to you.

    As I read both threads I have to say I was equally sickened by both. The intolerance shown in the Christian Group thread was very disturbing and although not as forthcoming in hate as the post on the main boards it was still visible and I am glad the mod of that group finally took the post down altogether.

    This. I didn't hear about the thread in the Christians Unite group until later, but after reading it, I was very disturbed also. I'm all for spirited discussion on hot-topic issues, but there's a line that should not be crossed when doing so.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    Just want to pull us back on the topic, which is that anyone who has felt marginalized and hurt (no matter what group you are in and agree with or aren't in and don't "get"), I don't think it is ok for anyone, individual or segment of society, to be ganged up upon and ostracized.

    This means, even the people I disagree with. You should feel welcomed here and should feel magnanimous enough to be welcoming and accepting of others, even if you disagree.
  • Savemyshannon
    Savemyshannon Posts: 334 Member
    +1 to everything said.

    I read one of the topics, but did not even know there was a second in the Christians Unite groups until I read this post.

    I'm not trying to turn this into another debate on beliefs or anything, but it really bothers me when I see people use religion--ANY religion as a backdrop of bigotry. I myself am not religious, but I work with people who are. In fact, I work directly with and under a convent of nuns on a daily basis.

    Let me just say, I see these women every single day, embracing everyone of all walks of life. Even if they do not share that persons beliefs or lifestyle, they consider every single person a brother or sister and love them with all their heart. I cannot speak for them, but I cannot imagine that this hatred and bullying would be something that they would want tied to their religion and beliefs. It's a shame that some people take teachings that embrace love and then twist it into something so ugly.
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
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    Topic locked at OP's request



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