How to say it nicely

Shayyy01
Shayyy01 Posts: 290 Member
edited October 2024 in Food and Nutrition
I look at some of my friends diaries to either a.) steal some ideas for some good food =) Yum. b.) to help them out if they ask me to take a look and see if anything could be changed.

I dont eat perfect.. not even close, but i try really hard. I often ask friends to check my food intake and give me feed back positive or not. Anything is better than nothing, and usually i just want someone to "double check" i'm doing it right.

So i was looking through so diaries and little things here and there i think could help them, but i dont want to throw in my 2 cents when they havent asked for it. Torn being a good MFP buddy.. or minding my own business?

( Disclaimer: almost allll of my MFP friends have the most amazing diaries that i take ideas from all the time.. they all are very serious about this journey. The above statement applies really only to 1 or 2 people)

Also, if anyone would like to take a look at my diary and help me out, friend me. I appreciate all the help and advice out there =) Have a great monday!!
«1

Replies

  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I say something. If they don't like it then they can take me off their friends list! :] I do put it very nicely though
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    I'm in the "mind your own business" camp. Unless you are asked, of course.
  • KatesJourneytoLookGr8
    KatesJourneytoLookGr8 Posts: 74
    I would def throw your two cents in--if they get offended no worries because at least you offered them some tips they might consider :) I don't think that is being rude at all!! I think it's sweet you want to help other people and I think a lot of people just aren't sure...I have def learned a lot and try to help other people with what I have learned so I wouldn't be shy haha! :)
  • Liopleurodon
    Liopleurodon Posts: 63
    I'd avoid commenting unless they ask for feedback. In my case my diary's private but I don't want people to come along and make suggestions because I am an extremely fussy eater and struggle with finding a lot of healthy things utterly repulsive. So it has been difficult for me to make even the changes I have (and my diet is *much* healthier than it was before mfp) so having people come along and tell me to add salad wouldn't be helpful. I'm on the autistic spectrum and have the common aspie traits of being very fussy about smell and texture of food, being a creature of habit who wants to eat the same thing every day and having an insatiable love of salty food. Someone who didn't know this about me might feel tempted to tell me to cut down on sodium and add various things which I couldn't stomach, without knowing how many improvements I have already made and continue to make in a less scary and abrupt way.
  • Araldia
    Araldia Posts: 22 Member
    My diary sucks because I am focused more on learning portion size right now than worrying about what the content is, and its working out well for me.

    I wouldn't mind anyones comments on my food diary, but then I wouldn't necessarily change anything because of it either.

    I guess people have different goals, and different ways of getting there, so if they asked me to comment I would, or if it was something I had changed myself then I would maybe bring it up to see how its going for them.

    Something I like about my MFP friends (and I am always looking for more) is that they support even the little things.
  • jessashcher
    jessashcher Posts: 155
    If it were mine, and I didn't ask for your input, I would personally appreciate it anyways.
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
    I wouldn't say anything unless they have asked you to. I had a friend that would leave condescending comments after I completed my dairy for the day, and make me feel really bad about what I ate. And that was back when I was just starting out, so the little changes I was making seemed like really huge accomplishments back then.
    I had to remove him, because he made me feel awful and like my progress was just a joke, or something not to be proud of.

    Or at least send it to them in a private message, so they are not humiliated in front of all their friends, as well.
  • ChRiStA_1983
    ChRiStA_1983 Posts: 380 Member
    I'd say just keep the comments to yourself, unless they ask! That way you don't run the risk of unintentionally offending anyone, or come across as "preachy". Of course there are people who would appreciate the advice, but there are also those who wouldn't, and since you don't know exactly which type of person each "Friend" is, I'd advise you to err on the side of caution, and just keep your opinions to yourself.

    That being said, if they ask, by all means, tell it to them straight! :)
  • sara709
    sara709 Posts: 170 Member
    I'd say just keep the comments to yourself, unless they ask! That way you don't run the risk of unintentionally offending anyone, or come across as "preachy". Of course there are people who would appreciate the advice, but there are also those who wouldn't, and since you don't know exactly which type of person each "Friend" is, I'd advise you to err on the side of caution, and just keep your opinions to yourself.

    That being said, if they ask, by all means, tell it to them straight! :)

    I'm with her!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    if you really feel that strongly about it, put it in a PM. I personally do not make any comments unless asked to actually look their diary over. Then, and only then do I bother with really taking a long hard look at their diaries and give feedback. But, everyone is different.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    May say wait until they ask for help. You may not have all the info by looking at a diary like health issues etc. also kudos to the person or two for honestly listing food intake into public journal. They may tweak food choices over time as well. Good for you to be a good supportive MFP friend!
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    If their diary is open, they are looking for feedback (at least that's what I would think).
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    As someone who has experienced unsolicited advice from "friends," I think that unless your friends specifically ask for your help, I wouldn't offer it. Also, consider whether what you're finding is a one off thing. (Perhaps she/he ate that McDonald's Happy Meal or that pizza after being really good for last month...)
  • nakabi
    nakabi Posts: 589 Member
    If they are asking for comments, than I would. If they haven't, but you think you should say something as an accountability partner, perhaps message them in private? just an idea :)
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    I look at it like this. I have my diary open to my friends and I expect that they will comment on it. If I didn't want them all to see it I'd put it to private or password it. I make comments to be helpful not hurtful and expect that they will take them or leave them.

    Perhaps you could post a comment on your wall that they'll see telling them of your intent so they are forewarned that you will be commenting and that if it bothers them to tell you?!

    Good luck!
  • GibsonDarlin
    GibsonDarlin Posts: 202 Member
    I too like getting ideas from diaries, I am still in the new stage of figuring out what to eat. I know I dont eat enough vegetable and too many carbs,

    I usually mention if they dont drink water (or log it) and I mention if they ate something really bad (usually like oh I bet that was yummy, nice splurge day, tomorrow will be better). If you dont want to put it out there for all to see, send them a message.

    As long as its positive, they can only get mad because they chose bad!
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
    Only when asked camp here.
  • dancingj2
    dancingj2 Posts: 4,572 Member
    I know that for me, I usally know when I have eaten things that were not the best for me, too high in fat or calories or just plain too much. But having someone point it out to me just makes me feel worse and less likley to keep trying. I have yet to overcome this so I keep my diary private. If I were open it up, I would only let friends see it and would hope they make negative comments only if I asked for them.

    I think unless you are asked, its best to not mention anything.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    I don't comment unless:

    1) I'm asked for my opinion.
    2) I have a question on something I see.
    3) I'm saying something like "good job".

    One example of 2) above: One of my friends who has a very good understanding of nutrition in general, was continuously missing one of her macro targets so I simply asked if this was intentional. (My logic was: This person obviously knows what they are doing so I wanted to understand the reason).

    But as far as making comments about improvments or things that "aren't good", I try not to speak up unless I'm asked.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    Hm... I think I probably need to keep my mouth shut a bit more. I have (as nicely as I could) asked the odd question of folks who were under their calorie goal but eating meat, cheese, choc etc. and no fruit n veg.

    I do make sure I look at every diary before I say 'good job' and generally I just say nothing is it's something I think isn't healthy.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I wouldn't say anything unless specifically asked. If someone is having trouble and posts about it
    I think it's OK to say something. But to just randomly look at a food diary and then telling someone to change something isn't going to go over well.
  • FatGirlSlim899
    FatGirlSlim899 Posts: 37 Member
    I would have to agree with the majority on this one, and leave it unless asked. However since you're friends with them, you'll know them better to see how they would react to feedback.

    Personally I never comment on what diaries look like, as you never know someone's situation. If mine was public I think people would be very worried about my net calories, but after struggling with anorexia for 6/7 years I'm doing well at the moment.

    I would go with no feedback, but if you think they would appreciate it, send it to them in a friendly PM and I'm sure no offense would be taken.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    I only say something if it's positive feedback. I can't get on somebody for eating a chocolate bar or ice cream, I mean, what if it's their fat day or something. Then I really don't have the right to rain on their parade.

    I figure if they eat crappy all the time and don't have results like their friends, then they might catch on. If I'm asked, however, I'd be glad to give those two cents.
  • brookepenni
    brookepenni Posts: 787 Member
    If their diary is open, they are looking for feedback (at least that's what I would think).

    Yep thats what I thought too. One day I asked someone why they werent eating any fruit or vegetables (instead their 1200 calories was full of cake, chocolate and icecream) and I was told to mind my own business.

    Now I only look and provide comments for people who are actually serious about this. I often defriend for the same reason....
  • aranchmom
    aranchmom Posts: 176 Member
    If their diary is open, they are looking for feedback (at least that's what I would think).

    Yep thats what I thought too. One day I asked someone why they werent eating any fruit or vegetables (instead their 1200 calories was full of cake, chocolate and icecream) and I was told to mind my own business.

    Now I only look and provide comments for people who are actually serious about this. I often defriend for the same reason....

    I didn't tell you to mind your own business!!! ROFLOL!!!:bigsmile: :bigsmile:

    To the OP: I have had positive critiscism from my MFP friends on my diary, and while it makes me wince at times, it also makes me think. I have had people give me a nudge to log my water, eat more veggies^^ :wink: etc, and while I may not always follow advice, I feel like I have to take it in good faith and goodwill, cause my diary is open. If I have an emotional time where I can't handle feedback, I just close my diary. BUT, its easier to take advice when couched in praise or understanding.
    Example: brookepenni -"Looks like a yummy day. Do you not like veggies? I didnt see any there." See, she agreed that it looked good, (didn't condemn me for a yummy day) but nudged me to eat better.

    All that to say - I never give advice, I'm too squeamish. :laugh:
  • rockstarginaa
    rockstarginaa Posts: 1,529 Member
    I wouldn't say anything unless asked.
  • friendtotortoise
    friendtotortoise Posts: 18 Member
    "I'd avoid commenting unless they ask for feedback. In my case my diary's private but I don't want people to come along and make suggestions because I am an extremely fussy eater and struggle with finding a lot of healthy things utterly repulsive. So it has been difficult for me to make even the changes I have (and my diet is *much* healthier than it was before mfp) so having people come along and tell me to add salad wouldn't be helpful. I'm on the autistic spectrum and have the common aspie traits of being very fussy about smell and texture of food, being a creature of habit who wants to eat the same thing every day and having an insatiable love of salty food. Someone who didn't know this about me might feel tempted to tell me to cut down on sodium and add various things which I couldn't stomach, without knowing how many improvements I have already made and continue to make in a less scary and abrupt way."


    very good points. love your post,
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    While I'm not all that likely to say anything unless asked, I also recognize that if i keep my diary open, some may consider that an invitation to comment. And I'm ok with that.

    Or, put another way, someone who keeps their diary open shouldn't really get all that upset about constructive comments about their publicly (within the community of users) displayed food diary.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,284 Member
    My vote is for not making suggestions unless they're asked for.
  • HonkyTonks
    HonkyTonks Posts: 1,193 Member
    Hmmm, I think people shouldn't comment unless the person has asked for feedback. I'd say most people KNOW what they need to eat more of - I get a bit annoyed when people assume because I am overweight I don't know how to eat well or how to exercise so try and give me pointers. I am pretty aware of what I need to do to lose weight and what foods I should and shouldn't be eating. I am sure most mean well but it still sometimes feels like they're being condescending.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories