and here.....we....go

hello there. this is terrifying for me, actually.

i am a compulsive over-eater. food, for me, is quite literally an addiction. i have tried SO many times to stay on track since high school, when i began the downward spiral, and it's been extremely hard every time. this is my third time trying MFP and hopefully my last. i'd like to succeed this time, but i am so afraid of failing even the TINIEST bit.

i'm twenty-three, reasonably outgoing and fun, and hate eating in front of people because i think they all think i am jabba the hut. that is what i see when i look in the mirror. i know, realistically, that that's not the case, but body dysmorphic is something else i've let myself get in the habit of believing. it began with an abusive relationship wherein i was never skinny enough or pretty enough and this year when i finally found someone who appreciated me no matter what my weight and didn't even notice when i gained weight.....i became so insecure that that contributed to me losing him.

it's time i manned the *kitten* up and realized that this is a disease and i'm the only person who can control it. friends would be awesome--i've always done this alone, and i think that's made it harder. it might not be easy--i might get anxious a lot and post about it a lot, but i am always reciprocal with support given, and seeing other people doing this, too, might make me more motivated. i have always thought the people on this site are amazing, and i think it's time i started meeting more of you.

anyways. that's me. hi. : )