Bit of a situation

Mallory0418
Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
edited October 5 in Chit-Chat
Before I get into it just know this. I work in an office of cubicles surrounded by a bunch of IT guys. I'm the only girl in this section of the room and I'm by far the youngest. I don't get offended by "guy talk" and I get along great with almost everyone.

So there's this guy at work, he's that guy who nobody can really stand but it's unavoidable to not be around him so he's tolerated. (We'll call him Bill) Well when I first started a little over a year ago, Bill always wanted to talk to me and teased me a lot. That was fine, until it got to be too much. This is my first job out of college and it's hard getting people to take me seriously being young and working in government anyway, but then the way he treated me got other people to pretty much only see me as the "kid sister" of the office. That's all well and good but I don't want that to be the way people see me in my profession. I want to advance in my career and be thought of as a professional but that was becoming impossible with him bantering at me. When it got to the point where Bill tried to pull me into an argument and I got upset and my supervisor had to tell us to stop, that was the last straw for me. I was embarassed that I let him push my buttons like that and decided that I just shouldn't talk to him anymore. We work on different contracts for different companies so our jobs have nothing to do with each other, so there is no reason that I would ever HAVE to talk to him. I'm polite when he addresses me and acknowledge when he talks to me, but I do not carry on a conversation with him if it can be avoided.

Well apparently Bill doesn't appreciate me paying him so little attention because he went to my supervisor and complained about me being a "snotty b*itch", because I don't pay attention to him and ignore him. The last few times Bill tried to talk to me I was on the phone with customers, so yeah, those times I did completely ignore him...duh. My supervisor told him he was being ridiculous and he needed to chill out. (Thank God!) My supervisor told me all this just to let me know what was happening but told me not to change anything because I was doing nothing wrong. My supervisor sits near me so he knows I'm never impolite to Bill. Well Bill started going over the line with little comments about my supervisor (that he heard Bill say) and so my supervisor made complaint about Bill to his boss. Come to find out, his boss counseled Bill and told him a complaint was made about him. So, of course, Bill thinks I was the one who complained.

Since this whole mess started, I have refused to complain or be involved in anyway because 1) by complaining about me ignoring him, Bill was trying to get my attention...um no, I'm not playing that game, and 2) I just don't want to be involved in this kind of crap. I'm here to do my job and that's all. I already really resent being dragged into it all when I did nothing wrong but I feel like if I were to make a complaint, it would just end up screwing myself over more than anything else. Sorry this got so long but it's a tangled mess! I'm not sure if I need advice or if I just needed to vent, maybe both. Ugh...

Replies

  • kregerems
    kregerems Posts: 100 Member
    Tell your supervisor your work area is becoming a hostile work enviorment, and bordering on Sexual harrassment and if it doesn't stop you will go over his head, and may seek legal council. It may sound harsh but if "Bill" keeps doing what he is doing what will he do next, and who will he go after next?
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    yep he is just pissed you started ignoring him because he liked the fact that he was getting to you. your so cute that he prob has a crush or whatever and is pissed about that too! just be polite when you need to be and it will pass. unfortunately for us women, there is a fine line between harassment and such. just make sure you keep doing a great job. and if you have lost the 50 lbs while at work then they all have noticed!
  • Emily102102
    Emily102102 Posts: 33 Member
    It sounds to me like you are doing everything right! Everyone there can see "Bill" for what he really is, I'm betting they are waiting for a legit reason to releive him of his duties......
    Keep giving your job 100% & ignore the rest (assuming everyone can see his obnoxiousness) :smile:
  • sophjakesmom
    sophjakesmom Posts: 904 Member
    Hang in there. That is a rough situation, but it does sound like your supervisor has your back. If he crosses the line, file a complaint, but it sounds like you are doing the best you can.
  • BiscuitsNDavy
    BiscuitsNDavy Posts: 212 Member
    The office jerk...hate to hate 'em. Ha. Just keep doing what your doing and don't let him get under your skin. Nothing will get a man more PO'd than him not being able to get to you. Stay cool, calm, and collected and he'll get himself in trouble, or best case scenario, asks for a transfer or quits. Most likely if you keep doing what you're doing and don't let him touch your emotions, he'll get the hint and just ignore you too. The best thing about this for you is now the office will probably treat you less as a kid sister and more as a colleague/professional. Remember, that the law is on your side in this case. In the past, women were often treated horribly and when they complained, they were made out to be the bad ones. Nowadays, everyone is so scared of sexual harassment (but still does exist) that they will learn to behave! Or just bring in your tuna chili for everyone and they will all love and worship you LOL
  • marzahl68
    marzahl68 Posts: 201
    Dang, I'm so glad I'm self employed!

    I'd be polite and treat him like everyone else, I'd also make sure that my work is better than his, my turn around times are lightning fast and I'm the most valuable player on the team.
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    Sounds like your supervisor has a pretty good grasp on the situation, so I would just keep doing what you are doing. Be professional, be polite to him, but don't talk to him more than you have to. I think you are handling it just fine. And the fact that he thinks you reported him, so what? Don't let that bother you. It may make you uncomfortable, but try to remember, it's Bill who is the problem, not you. It would be different if your supervisor didn't know what was going on.



    P.S. From your post: "My supervisor told me all this just to let me know what was happening but told me not to change anything because I was doing nothing wrong."..........
  • SpringFever19
    SpringFever19 Posts: 180 Member
    Good for you for being the bigger (skinnier) person! I'm a young professional also I know what we go through to be taken seriously (for me, I have to bite my tongue whenever someone asks me where I GO to school, or what year will I graduate... that was 2008, you missed it) and handling this kind of frustration and distraction is unacceptable regardless of how new or old you are, and where you work. Way to take the high road!
  • radfordgal05
    radfordgal05 Posts: 11
    I work in a position surrounded by men as well. I have been in male dominated industries since I graduated. One thing you will find is that men, (sorry guys) gossip in the work place way more then women. They also stir up trouble. I have boiled this down to the fact they are threatened by females. I think it is important that when Bill speaks to you, you are firm and non-playing in your response. This took me a good four years or so to figure out. Mute the phone, "Bill I am on the phone, if you need me I can stop by your desk when I am off." When you stop by his desk, "Bill, how is it that I can help you." Be extremely professional and not too engaging. If he just wants to chat, excuse yourself by letting him know you have a great deal of work to do. This will help cut down on him approaching you to talk, argue, chat, whatever his intentions are. He can not complain ever to management that you are doing your job.

    Really to handle men in the workplace that act this way you can only kill them with professionalism. That is what he is not engaging in and what I have a feeling you are trying to be. You have to be strict as to not let him get you sidetracked. As you said you are not on the same project so you really don't need to interact.

    I know you needed to vent but I just wanted to give you some feedback from a female who as all too often been in this position :) You will be astonished how quickly this new approach will work and how bosses will take notice and you will be promoted!
  • SpringFever19
    SpringFever19 Posts: 180 Member
    And ps: the reason he thinks YOU reported him is because he KNOWS he is doing something wrong and is likely childish enough to believe that since he complained about you, you would in turn complain about him.
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
    Thanks everyone. It's frustrating because this is not the first issue that he's had. He's had to move desks before because someone complained about his behavior where he used to sit! No matter who is having a conversation and no matter what it's about, he's the guy that interrupts that conversation and makes it all about him. It's ridiculous! He talks terribly about EVERYONE when they are not around to anyone within earshot so I'm sure he's told people around me things he thinks he knows about me. I feel like I'm in high school with the way this guy talks about people behind their backs. I hardly talk to anyone outside of my team anymore because it's too much of risk to get his attention again. It gets so frustrating to be the one who just has to sit back and ignore the little comments he makes. It's not fair to me but I would rather pull out my finger nails that confront him about any of this. It's getting really old.

    I don't care that he thinks I made a complaint about him. What bothers me is that since he thinks I did it, he thinks I noticed him and let him get to me. GAH...I'll still just keep to myself and deal with the best way I can.
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
    Thanks everyone. It's frustrating because this is not the first issue that he's had. He's had to move desks before because someone complained about his behavior where he used to sit! No matter who is having a conversation and no matter what it's about, he's the guy that interrupts that conversation and makes it all about him. It's ridiculous! He talks terribly about EVERYONE when they are not around to anyone within earshot so I'm sure he's told people around me things he thinks he knows about me. I feel like I'm in high school with the way this guy talks about people behind their backs. I hardly talk to anyone outside of my team anymore because it's too much of risk to get his attention again. It gets so frustrating to be the one who just has to sit back and ignore the little comments he makes. It's not fair to me but I would rather pull out my finger nails that confront him about any of this. It's getting really old.

    I don't care that he thinks I made a complaint about him. What bothers me is that since he thinks I did it, he thinks I noticed him and let him get to me. GAH...I'll still just keep to myself and deal with the best way I can.


    actually, you don't really have to sit back and take his little comments. another poster above was right...put your HR person on notice that you feel uncomfortable with the unwanted attention, he has been told to stop and he is comtinuing. they have an obligation to investigate and although you may feel like its a bg deal...it kinda IS, especially since he has a pattern of this behavior. you have every right to be ale to do your asigned duties freely and without fear of interference by a peer.
  • squid116
    squid116 Posts: 16 Member
    Call him out publicly.

    Treat him respectfully and professionally like you already are. Wait until he makes a remark that is inappropriate, and loudly (so everyone else close by can hear) say: "Bill, we are both professionals, In future I expect that you would speak to me in a manner that reflects this!" Then end the conversation - don't get drawn into an 'its only kidding' type thing.

    Two things this will achieve: it will probably embarrass him and he might think twice about doing it to you again. Second it puts you on record as having attempted to deal with the problem through a non aggressive, non escalating manner. This will help if/when you do decide to escalate.
  • 123welk
    123welk Posts: 13
    Sounds like you don't need to do anything any differently. Ignore him when he's being an immature *kitten*, and speak to him professionally when it is needed and warranted. Believe me, your supervisor is all over this, and one day his desk will be sitting there empty when you come in. Above all, STAY PROFEESIONAL ALWAYS!! :D
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    I believe you said its a government job? this guy has probably seen a ton of people promoted over him and he acts out to try and keep others down as well.
    My wife had to make a bunch of complaints when she was fresh out of school.
    Eventually you figure it out and the other people learn not to screw with you.

    Your ticker shows some great progress, good for you.
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