Men, what do you really think?
xhaller
Posts: 95
We hear all the time that society sets a higher beauty standard for women then men actually care about. My question is, Is that really true? If your wife is overweight, are you less ssexually attracted to her? If your girlfriend is self-conscious because she doesn't have Victoria Secret model-size breasts, does that really bother you? If your partner is skinny but not super toned, do you really even notice or care at all?
I don't want to make huge gender stereotypes here. I don't think all men or women feel the same about this issue. And for that record, if we have lesbians on this page, feel free to weigh in as well.
Is it true that self confidence and a smile really go as far as a great body?
I'll say that I might be aware of the fact that my husband is not stereotypically perfect but it does not bother me the least. I still want to get naked with him as much as I did five years ago when we met. So then I wonder why I worry that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm wondering if these insecurites are more in our heads and not really carried by the people we love.
What do you think? I do realize there are societal standards that are unrealistic for men too, but this questions isn't about that. I want to see some men respond!
I don't want to make huge gender stereotypes here. I don't think all men or women feel the same about this issue. And for that record, if we have lesbians on this page, feel free to weigh in as well.
Is it true that self confidence and a smile really go as far as a great body?
I'll say that I might be aware of the fact that my husband is not stereotypically perfect but it does not bother me the least. I still want to get naked with him as much as I did five years ago when we met. So then I wonder why I worry that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm wondering if these insecurites are more in our heads and not really carried by the people we love.
What do you think? I do realize there are societal standards that are unrealistic for men too, but this questions isn't about that. I want to see some men respond!
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Replies
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Bump bumpety bump bump! Honest answers only though because otherwise we will all live in denial!!!!0
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Doesn't bother me. But I'm attracted to very fit looking woman. But I realize that segment of women(and men) is like 1%.
I can seperate the fantasy from reality.0 -
Nice smile, a sense of humor and some confidence work for me.0
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Yes. You make it out to be far more than it is. It's not your fault though, the media has a lot to do with it. Most men are just happy to be NEAR a woman.
A fit woman (or man) is generally more attractive because it shows that they care about themselves and have a positive outlook on life. That's not always the case but there you have it.0 -
Yes. You make it out to be far more than it is. It's not your fault though, the media has a lot to do with it. Most men are just happy to be NEAR a woman.
:laugh: This is so refreshing!0 -
I am VERY attracted to my guy. He has a little belly ( so he says ) but I think he is HOT HOT HOT. If he gained 10 lbs - I wouldnt notice a difference. Honestly, I like my men "chubby buff"
I am definately more of a face/personality girl when it comes to relationships. But, do I love the beefed up Gorillas I get to google at while I run on the treadmill? You know I do!0 -
I agree. We've been married 10 years. My hubby, while he appreciates a nice looking woman, doesn't love me any less because I am overweight. He still chases me around like a teenager every chance he gets. I certainly don't get it. I mean, I"m not pretty or thin or anything. I'm pretty sure that I am unattractive. I don't wear makeup or do anything special to my hair. Yet he gives me every indication that I am.
Of course, I'm the same way with him too. He's not like model or anything, since he's been sick he's gained weight and lost muscle. But I still want him just as much as when we got married.
I think some of it is in my head at least. I don't know about anyone else.0 -
I feel the same way and eventhough I dont see my self as perfect and have many issues with my body, my husband thinks I am perfect just the way I am and I love him for that!!!
I do believe that the media has a lot of fault to some extent about the way we see ourselves and how we beat ourselves up every now and then but what we dont see is that "those models" dont look like that way all the time. Theres a whole lot that is covered up. But we are who we are and a little change doesnt hurt anyone but in the end this is who we are and we should appreciate and love ourselves even if we dont consider ourselves "perfect"!!!0 -
Short answer, not especially as love is quite blind. Long answer is it all depends, if the person you're with hates overweight people and you put on weight then that's that really, Sylvester Stallone comes to mind.
Top thing to note here is i've never met a guy that prefers fake to real anything, face, boobs, personality. I'd say a guy is much more interested in a girl who is genuine and sweet than a nightmare of a high maintenance supermodel but we wouldn't tell that to our mates up the pub
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bump... wanna get inside the male mind.0
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I agree. We've been married 10 years. My hubby, while he appreciates a nice looking woman, doesn't love me any less because I am overweight. He still chases me around like a teenager every chance he gets. I certainly don't get it. I mean, I"m not pretty or thin or anything. I'm pretty sure that I am unattractive. I don't wear makeup or do anything special to my hair. Yet he gives me every indication that I am.
That's true love
And by the way, I think you're pretty :flowerforyou:0 -
Yes to the last statement (and no attack on you at all). The insecurities we have about ourselves are often not even considered by our partners, husbands or wives (it goes both ways). A lot of these come about because we haven't exactly let that person know in a clear way that "This is what I want, and I am hoping this (me, you, etc.) is what you want." That can't be murky. Hope is not a good advance on your other half.
Let me go in order on the rest...
1. Yes, guys care about beauty.
2. No, I'm not less sexually attracted to my wife because she's heavier than she was when we married - it is actually, and surprisingly making her more attractive (she's about 30 pounds heavier - which at nearly six feet tall, just adds to curvier).
3. Victoria Secret models don't do it for me. I like real people, who actually look like they have souls. <snark>
4. Yes, self-confidence and a smile really go quite aways. My wife may NOT be as attractive as I think she is, but perception is reality, and unless someone can prove otherwise, she's gorgeous. And, I'm not looking for that little gnome who can prove otherwise.
5. Back to the last point, which is our cycles aren't always right where we'd like them to be...morning might be better for him to be into you...maybe evening...that's something you need to figure out. Maybe there are some issues, and maybe they are physical, but they could also be other than physical, which means some good talking to be had.
Hope this helps.0 -
I think after we have fallen in love with that person we always see the person we fell in love with. I never see an extiroir change in my husband. He is always just the man i fell in love with in my eyes. I never put more thought into it than that. I believe i probably works the same way around for them, we just over analyze it, and our bodies for that matter lol0
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We hear all the time that society sets a higher beauty standard for women then men actually care about. My question is, Is that really true?
Not true, there's just as much pressure on guys as there is on girls anymore.Is it true that self confidence and a smile really go as far as a great body?
Confidence and a smile are nice, but it's no match for a tight body.0 -
Yes to the last statement (and no attack on you at all). The insecurities we have about ourselves are often not even considered by our partners, husbands or wives (it goes both ways). A lot of these come about because we haven't exactly let that person know in a clear way that "This is what I want, and I am hoping this (me, you, etc.) is what you want." That can't be murky. Hope is not a good advance on your other half.
Let me go in order on the rest...
1. Yes, guys care about beauty.
2. No, I'm not less sexually attracted to my wife because she's heavier than she was when we married - it is actually, and surprisingly making her more attractive (she's about 30 pounds heavier - which at nearly six feet tall, just adds to curvier).
3. Victoria Secret models don't do it for me. I like real people, who actually look like they have souls. <snark>
4. Yes, self-confidence and a smile really go quite aways. My wife may NOT be as attractive as I think she is, but perception is reality, and unless someone can prove otherwise, she's gorgeous. And, I'm not looking for that little gnome who can prove otherwise.
5. Back to the last point, which is our cycles aren't always right where we'd like them to be...morning might be better for him to be into you...maybe evening...that's something you need to figure out. Maybe there are some issues, and maybe they are physical, but they could also be other than physical, which means some good talking to be had.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for the very thoughful reply!0 -
bump0
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I deal with great looking females everyday. Even get hit on and majorly flirted with. It's nice to look at, but looks don't always mean happiness.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
bump!0
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Males can set a high standard for themselves also...0
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Yes to the last statement (and no attack on you at all). The insecurities we have about ourselves are often not even considered by our partners, husbands or wives (it goes both ways). A lot of these come about because we haven't exactly let that person know in a clear way that "This is what I want, and I am hoping this (me, you, etc.) is what you want." That can't be murky. Hope is not a good advance on your other half.
Let me go in order on the rest...
1. Yes, guys care about beauty.
2. No, I'm not less sexually attracted to my wife because she's heavier than she was when we married - it is actually, and surprisingly making her more attractive (she's about 30 pounds heavier - which at nearly six feet tall, just adds to curvier).
3. Victoria Secret models don't do it for me. I like real people, who actually look like they have souls. <snark>
4. Yes, self-confidence and a smile really go quite aways. My wife may NOT be as attractive as I think she is, but perception is reality, and unless someone can prove otherwise, she's gorgeous. And, I'm not looking for that little gnome who can prove otherwise.
5. Back to the last point, which is our cycles aren't always right where we'd like them to be...morning might be better for him to be into you...maybe evening...that's something you need to figure out. Maybe there are some issues, and maybe they are physical, but they could also be other than physical, which means some good talking to be had.
Hope this helps.0 -
Great answer!0
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bump... wanna get inside the male mind.
No need to dig deep in the male mind, it's all biological. Men are very visual creatures who are turned on via visual stimuli. The old saying rings true "men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears". A sweet personality is important to me, but I still feel that I fall in *love* with what I see with my eyes.
Men are very simple. We are very on/off and attracted/not attracted. I can tell within one second whether I'm into someone or not.0 -
We hear all the time that society sets a higher beauty standard for women then men actually care about. My question is, Is that really true? If your wife is overweight, are you less ssexually attracted to her? If your girlfriend is self-conscious because she doesn't have Victoria Secret model-size breasts, does that really bother you? If your partner is skinny but not super toned, do you really even notice or care at all?
I don't want to make huge gender stereotypes here. I don't think all men or women feel the same about this issue. And for that record, if we have lesbians on this page, feel free to weigh in as well.
Is it true that self confidence and a smile really go as far as a great body?
I'll say that I might be aware of the fact that my husband is not stereotypically perfect but it does not bother me the least. I still want to get naked with him as much as I did five years ago when we met. So then I wonder why I worry that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm wondering if these insecurites are more in our heads and not really carried by the people we love.
What do you think? I do realize there are societal standards that are unrealistic for men too, but this questions isn't about that. I want to see some men respond!0 -
cherubrock22 i think this was more directed at people that had already found someone they had a connection with. Not the five second sweep over to see if you think she is hot enough to ask for her number :P0
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I'll tell you this. Behavioral researchers have conducted studies in which couples (a man and a woman) pass another couple on the street. In most cases, the man looks at the other woman. And the woman...looks at the other woman. I think our society in general places a higher standard for beauty on women--and that standard comes from both men and women.
The second part of your question--does it really matter?--is more interesting. Because by and large, I don't think it does. Sure, men notice physical characteristics (as do women). But noting physical characteristics is entirely different from feeling attraction. Nothing is as attractive as a woman who is confident, self-assured, and knows what she wants, whatever her size. Sure, there are guys who are shallow and only want a woman of a certain body type. But shallow people with shallow tastes lead shallow lives, so who really cares about them? Ignore 'em and let their shallow gene pools dry up.
When I think of the women I've dated and been most attracted to (including my Lovely Wife), the ones who exude self-confidence and wit always come to mind first. And they always haunt my mind last.0 -
Having been married for 20 years, I've probably lost all perspective. I think things change as you get older too. A woman doesnt have to be a swimsuit model for me to notice her anymore. If you have a nice smile, nice hair thats the first thing that gets my attention. I like a nice sense of humor, a little sillyness. Cop some b**tchy attitude verbally or with body language and I wouldnt even give you the time of day. If your a little roundness to you, thats ok. Of course with everything there are limits.0
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Whilst I was out in Italy with just my Dad at the end of October, we got on to a discussion about this. Now as an older man, he was telling me that he is categorically NOT attracted to younger women or those that tart themselves up to the nines... he is interested in elegance, and curves and a decent personality with good values and morals and who looks after their health.
Basically my Mum! They've been married for 25 years and he is younger by 4 years to her! My mum isn't perfect but Dad really does like it when she dresses up and makes an effort and is always encouraging her to look after her health. He also said he LOVES the lines around her eyes, like it tells a story! I didn't realise my Dad was so desperately romantic at heart and it was kind of nice to hear him talk so whimsically about Mum in this way!
He himself, keeps himself fit and is very active and healthy at 52! And I KNOW that women his age find him attractive and he almost has a little entourage!0 -
i think looks matter more than ppl will admit.
there are a lot of factors to take in, but i will give an example:
Many studies show that beautiful people are seen differently than their average and/or ugly counterparts while performing the same actions etc.
If a beautiful person corrects you, "Hey, that is wrong," you will most likely feel grateful.
If an average or ugly person corrects you, "Hey, that is wrong," you will most likely feel aggravated or spiteful.
Pretty people are perceived as nicer, more intelligent, harder working, and overall better.
Ugly people are seen as rude, dumb, lazy, and overall worst.
Many men went to see Transformers because of Megan Fox. Not the actually movie. Even if she is not known for being the nicest girl.
So men might say, "well, if she is rude or mean I wouldn't pay her any attention," but when blindsided by a beautiful girl, their standards for rude and mean are much more pliable than with an ugly or average girl. Meh.
ps: just one more example of how actions speak louder than words:
on dating sites when people state the age range they are looking for...for example: a 40 year old man will put, "No younger than 28" BUT when you take a look at the girls he sends the most messages to, they are frequently lower than his limit: ex 18-27 year olds will receive the majority of his messages.
He just doesn't want people looking down on him. <.<0 -
Bumping for hubby to answer!0
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My fiance may be the awful man, but he doesn't like heavy girls. When I put on 30lbs his sex drive dropped. When I railed on him about it he came out (very awkwardly) and explained as nicely as he could. I think as long as when he wants me to lose weight it would be medically advantagous, it seems fair enough. That being said we got engaged at my heaviest over 200lbs :blushing:
When I get angsty about it he reminds me personality is more important in the long run, but yes he likes skinny girls.0
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