Do I need new friends?

AliceIsRunning
AliceIsRunning Posts: 220 Member
edited October 4 in Motivation and Support
I hope this is the right forum.

I'm hoping I can get some help/suggestions.

I'm beginning to feel that I don't have the support of my friends. It seems since I've started my weight loss journey, it's been difficult for me to stay connected to them. All of the social activity with them involves unhealthy food and inactivity -- two things I'm now trying to avoid.

Like me, most of my friends are heavy. We all have spent many nights having dinner, bar-hopping (drinking), watching TV/Movies with snacks etc. etc. But since I'm trying not to do these anymore, I find it hard to socialize with some of them.

I've invited them to join me for walks instead of getting together for a movie but they declined. They would joke about me being a "stick in the mud" when I wouldn't drink alcohol when were at a bar recently celebrating a birthday. Or I've even offered to host dinner but a few of them declined the offer, half-joking that I'd serve "rabbit food". It was hard not to be offended by those comments, especially since I had done alot of searching for menu ideas of foods that were both yummy and healthy.

I understand that weight loss is MY journey and nobody else. I'm choosing for ME to be healthy. I just don't quite know how to handle it when the people surrounding me do not have the same goals as I do.

Any suggestions?

Replies

  • Jfearn64
    Jfearn64 Posts: 353 Member
    If I had "friends" that made fun of me for not drinking and for eating healthy to try and better myself,,,,Think I'd find some different friends. Ones that really support me and care about me.
  • sinilau
    sinilau Posts: 20
    I know how you feel my family is the same way! I think it would help out to have some new friends that you can communicate on the same level with because you have the same goals. People you can work out with or share healthy recipes/meals with.

    Hopefully your current friends will come around and see how important this is to you. Who knows you might be a great influence in their own lives! I commend you for your courage, it's not easy.
  • nicesty29
    nicesty29 Posts: 1
    Congrads on your weight loss, its not only a journey but a life style change I have lost a total of 94 pounds in all I put back on about 20 of it but currently trying to drop it... I feel your pain. Girlfriend you just need some new friends. Dont get me wrong they will all ways be your friends but while you are trying to get fit and fine find you some new friends that share your passion and desire for a better you. And remember their is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good and look good. Feel free to email me or add me as a friend nicesty29 - Keep your head up my dear and let no one still your sunshine while raising to be a better you. Stay positive and keep positive friends around you. I tell my friends this train is leaving and you are either with me or against me but either way I got to keep moving down the road - forward progress.
  • hooah_mj
    hooah_mj Posts: 1,004 Member
    I like to think that friends serve a purpose for a particular period in our life, very few continue to the end, and there's nothing wrong with moving on to others that share your new purpose in life.

    Take no offense to them...you're the one who has changed, for the good...Congrats
  • ms78
    ms78 Posts: 37 Member
    I think you have to look at this from their point of view too. Even though you are doing a great thing for yourself, they are not at a point in their lives where they feel the motivation or courage to do something about their own weight. As a former heavy person myself I can relate to feelings of jealosy over people losing weight when I felt that I was unable to and taking comfort in having people around that were as big as me to make it feel ok. I'm sure they love you and want the best for you but it is hard when you feel that your friend is leaving you behind. Maybe that is what has happened and you've outgrown them or maybe they just need to deal with your healthy lifestyle in their own time!

    I personally don't go out or drink or eat nearly as much as I used to - but I moved cities just when I started losing weight. I don't see my friends much so when we do meet up, I ditch the diet for a day as a treat for myself but I guess it might be a problem if I was around all the time and turning down nights out drinking or meals together in unhealthy restaurants.
  • carolebville
    carolebville Posts: 140 Member
    Never toss your friends away. You may want to find a few new friends by clicking on the Find Members link of MFP. I'm sure there are some MFP'rs in your area of California that you could hook up with for healthy food and activities! Best wishes in your journey--it is a life long trek!
  • skfj5
    skfj5 Posts: 70
    You don't need to ditch your old friends (even though they seem intent on ditching you)...but it might be a good idea to widen your friend base and make friends with some new people that share your goals. It's more fun, you'll have people to talk to who don't criticize (by the way...they do that, and because they're jealous and feeling insecure about you making progress although they are stuck), and you may find that your "new" friends become your "everyday" friends.

    You can never have too many friends!!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    it makes them uncomfortable...the things you had in common aren't so common anymore, such as drinking and eating. What else do you guys have in common now? Include them in your cheat day, and read

    http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-people-who-will-ruin-your-attempt-to-lose-weight/
  • Chika85
    Chika85 Posts: 92 Member
    You don't need to ditch your old friends (even though they seem intent on ditching you)...but it might be a good idea to widen your friend base and make friends with some new people that share your goals. It's more fun, you'll have people to talk to who don't criticize (by the way...they do that, and because they're jealous and feeling insecure about you making progress although they are stuck), and you may find that your "new" friends become your "everyday" friends.

    You can never have too many friends!!

    ^This.
  • redheadc2
    redheadc2 Posts: 29 Member
    I think your on the right track. start making some new friends and when your current friends get jealous. Just tell them the truth.

    You love them dearly but their actions and reactions don't support the lifestyle changes you are making, and right now you need every once of support you can get. So if they can support you by doing things that don't involve food every time you see them then great! If not when they are ready you can commit more time to them but for now your focus is on making your life a very long life by getting to a healthier place. and that you will always be there to support them and if they need you, you will be there at their side.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    I hope this is the right forum.

    I'm hoping I can get some help/suggestions.

    I'm beginning to feel that I don't have the support of my friends. It seems since I've started my weight loss journey, it's been difficult for me to stay connected to them. All of the social activity with them involves unhealthy food and inactivity -- two things I'm now trying to avoid.

    Like me, most of my friends are heavy. We all have spent many nights having dinner, bar-hopping (drinking), watching TV/Movies with snacks etc. etc. But since I'm trying not to do these anymore, I find it hard to socialize with some of them.

    I've invited them to join me for walks instead of getting together for a movie but they declined. They would joke about me being a "stick in the mud" when I wouldn't drink alcohol when were at a bar recently celebrating a birthday. Or I've even offered to host dinner but a few of them declined the offer, half-joking that I'd serve "rabbit food". It was hard not to be offended by those comments, especially since I had done alot of searching for menu ideas of foods that were both yummy and healthy.

    I understand that weight loss is MY journey and nobody else. I'm choosing for ME to be healthy. I just don't quite know how to handle it when the people surrounding me do not have the same goals as I do.

    Any suggestions?

    Im sorry but - why would you continue your friendship with people who think its ok to pull this garbage on you and basically be nasty?

    If they cant understand, that's their loss... If they choose to belittle you, why the hell keep people like that in your life?

    Im sorry but I dont keep people around like that. NO ONE deserves to be treated poorly at all, nor spoken to like that... I dropped a friend about two weeks ago who kept arguing with my not wanting to go out to dinner every Friday night with her anymore... I told her I would rather create a meal at home and have her over OR go to better restaurants where I know they dont mind making special dishes that I know I could have... OVER AND OVER I kept getting the "its just this once" or the ever classic "this one time isnt going to make THAT much of a difference".... and unfortunately in my case, it can result in going to the emergency room thanks to strong food sensitivities and allergies... she is just not worth it if she cant see the whole picture and resort to being rude and nasty about it.

    If they were your REAL friends, they would be supportive and understanding - plain and simple.
  • KLi531
    KLi531 Posts: 130 Member
    I agree, I think you should keep your friends, but add some new ones. Just make sure your current friends don't get in the way of your success. I know how hard it can be going out with a bunch of people who are ordering it up and drinking like fish. You tend to feel sort of left out.

    ...or you could get new friends that are losing weight/ healthy and refer to them as your "skinny friends." That should make your current friends feel bad enough about themselves to jump on the bandwagon. :wink:
  • Rachiepie6
    Rachiepie6 Posts: 423 Member
    See if you can find some MFP's in your area and organise a walk or a catchup.
    My bf's SIL and I talk about MFP all the time, it's great, coz a couple of my friends make me feel like I shouldn't be happy about my progress, because they don't do anything like I do for their bodies and don't understand. I won't let them make me feel like that though. I have new/other friends, but doesn't mean I can't be their friend too.
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
    Agree with everyone here. Keep your old friends, but make new friends who are also losing weight or who have a healthy lifestyle. I still go out with my friends at least once a week and have a cheat meal, so I don't feel like I'm depriving myself from the food I love, and from my time out with friends.

    Also, when you go out, choose restaurants that have healthy options (I find most do), and order that. At first it's hard not to fall for temptation, but TRUST ME, it gets easier!!!

    Good luck, girlie:)
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