Interesting reason to be dropped as a MFP friend

This morning she had removed me from her friends list. No big deal, but if you don't want honesty, please don't friend request me.

I don't think you were rude; but I do think maybe you didn't have the whole picture of why she eats that way. For me, I don't add certain people because I know they wont like my matrix counts. It is not because I am starving myself, but because I cannot physically eat the norm (1200 cal).

I think if you add someone that is willing to provide feedback, you should let them know your situation. Sounds like maybe she didn't want to reveal why her counts were so low (maybe WLS?). Just a thought.

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

It is what it is, if that person just didn't want any questions about what they were eating/amounts they were eating/etc and took you off the friends list then so be it. It's hard to tell online who a person really is and what type of support they need if they don't explain it in their profile. It's neither one of your faults, that person just decided to drop you off the friend list because it was easier then explaining how they felt and you felt as though you were helping them by commenting on their diary. It just wasn't meant to be. Don't take it personally, move on and become friends with people who are like you.

She chose to unfriend me which is not a big deal. I hope she succeeds in her journey. I wish someone had been able to get through to me when I was younger and that I didn't wait until I was 43 years old to finally figure out how to change my lifestyle and get healthy.

I think some people need the extra push and I definetly like some honest criticism because I'm not perfect & I'd like to learn from others criticism. I'm almost 20 and my goal is reach my ideal weight by this time next year. Feel free to add me! I'm open to as much criticism and motivation as I can get!

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

Netting fewer than 1,000 calories a day doesn't put a person in "danger."

I regularly have done so, though I was ingesting 1,200 to 1,500 a day and then exercising. I'm not anorexic. I'm healthy and actually still OVERweight. I am not in "danger." The OP did not have any real evidence that said friend was in "danger." She overstepped.

I don't typically respond to these kinds of threads, but I feel like this is important. I have worked with people with eating disorders, and I agree that there are certainly people on MFP who I believe fit that profile ... that being said, in treatment, you can't just tell an person with anorexia to eat or a person with bulimia to stop purging. It doesn't work like that -- so while I choose to believe that people who encourage their friends to eat more when they feel their calories dip too low are doing it to be helpful (some may not be), if there is a true concern about an eating disorder -- this is simply not productive.

Eating disorders are a mental disorder and are very, very complicated. I feel like this is a term that gets thrown around here a lot and it really is not fair to people who are truly suffering from these afflictions. To be clear, I have worked with eating disorders in the past and it was very hard; in fact, I no longer choose to work with that population. I now work with adjudicated youth and severely behaviorally and emotionally disturbed children because it's way EASIER It takes a long time in intensive treatment and is present for their entire lives. One of my best (male) friends is a recovering anorexic ... and he struggles with it daily.

I apologize if I offended anyone. That certainly was not my intention, but I feel pretty strongly that it is unfair to cry annorexic. Some people on here probably are -- others may be crash dieting -- and still others may have just had an off day. /Endrant

I think comments on diaries are awesome. I know for me..I foe-warned my friends list that my diary will be less than pristine cause of doing a Paleo diet..and that there will be days I will be way way under..

But I think commenting shouldnt be a reason to delete someone..after all..we are here to help each other and motivate...and we expect our friends to pay as much attention to us as we do to them

I don't typically respond to these kinds of threads, but I feel like this is important. I have worked with people with eating disorders, and I agree that there are certainly people on MFP who I believe fit that profile ... that being said, in treatment, you can't just tell an person with anorexia to eat or a person with bulimia to stop purging. It doesn't work like that -- so while I choose to believe that people who encourage their friends to eat more when they feel their calories dip too low are doing it to be helpful (some may not be), if there is a true concern about an eating disorder -- this is simply not productive.

Eating disorders are a mental disorder and are very, very complicated. I feel like this is a term that gets thrown around here a lot and it really is not fair to people who are truly suffering from these afflictions. To be clear, I have worked with eating disorders in the past and it was very hard; however, I no longer choose to work with that population. I now work with adjudicated youth and severely behaviorally and emotionally disturbed children because it's EASIER It takes a long time in intensive treatment and is present for their entire lives. One of my best (male) friends is a recovering anorexic ... and he struggles with it daily.

I apologize if I offended anyone. That certainly was not my intention, but I feel pretty strongly that it is unfair to cry annorexic. Some people on here probably are -- others may be crash dieting -- and still others may have just had an off day. /Endrant

VERY good points, and thank you for sharing!! Most people who have never dealt with an eating disorder (either themself of someone close to them) do not understand them... which, of course they wouldn't, because they are SO complex. But many people who don't understand seem to THINK they do understand... and that can cause even more damage.

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

Netting fewer than 1,000 calories a day doesn't put a person in "danger."

I regularly have done so, though I was ingesting 1,200 to 1,500 a day and then exercising. I'm not anorexic. I'm healthy and actually still OVERweight. I am not in "danger." The OP did not have any real evidence that said friend was in "danger." She overstepped.

Overstepped, though? I guess I just don't see where it's that big of a deal. I don't care to have people comment on my diary generally, but it's really not the end of the world if someone does. KWIM? I'd agree with you if the OP had slapped the girl in the face or called her names or something. She said something like "cutting calories too drastically can make it harder to continue over the long term."

You're right that two days under goal (even that far under) isn't necessarily killing anyone, but the OP didn't take some drastic measure. So the OP didn't have "evidence" the girl was in danger, very true-- but it's not like she tracked the girl down to confront her and her family. She made 2 comments on a message board. It's not the end of the world. The friend was within her rights to unfriend her if that's not what she's looking for, but let's not make it sound like the OP went all ballistic crazy, either.

I think after not getting a response or seeing a change after the first day, she should have not commented on the second.

i keep my diary private because what I eat is only my business unless I want advice. Many times I go back and complete a diary a day later. I also changed my settings to never say "completed her diary and under calorie goal. I get tired of seeing it on posts so I took it off of mine. For the record, rarely ever under calorie goal anyway. I don't comment on others food consumption either; only on their exercise.

Why dont you put that in your profile so they know this information ahead of time. Nobody is perfect, that is why some are here for support. Im very clear in my profile. If you arent going to share your diary then we arent friends. I want more food ideas so i will never get bored eating healthy!

If that's all they're eating, period, it might concern me, although there are reasons that people might be low on some days - being sick and not as hungry, forgetting to log some things, maybe even not logging certain things on purpose (maybe a not-so-good food choice here and there that they just aren't comfortable sharing). I don't comment on people going low though. I've had some days where I netted under 1000 due to exercise and just not being able to eat it all back. Plus I am not quite as concerned with a few low net days here and there if they're really eating significantly more than that but burning a bunch through exercise. At least if their *total* is higher, they are getting in more nutrition. Plus people who still have a decent amount of weight to lose have those extra energy stores for just those occasions.

I do think if you have your food diary open for friends to view, you're inviting comments. I have lots of friends whose diaries are open for viewing and then some who do not have it open. I like to always try to comment on something positive for those that have their diaries open - they are putting it out there so I want to be supportive. I find it kind of impossible to comment on closed diaries b/c I have no idea what I'm commenting on. LOL I welcome comments on my own diary from friends, there are definitely things that they could comment negatively about if they wanted to, but thankfully everyone has always had something positive to say when they comment.