Beginning to think that I'll always be fat and ugly...

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Aussie4870
Aussie4870 Posts: 120
in Health and Weight Loss
i really thought that by now i be beginning to work through my extremely low selfesteem and be able to see myself as a semi-attractive person...but all i see is a terribly ugly, unattractive and huge whale of a person standing in front of me and in pictures...

i try to think of a body part that i love or am at least happy with but just cant find anything and really just want to hide away in my house and never leave since im sure that people are totally grossed out and disgusted to even look at me...

i really dislike feeling this way...but i dont remember a time that i have felt different about myself...

how do you change a mindset that has been with you since you were a child? i really worry that i will project this onto my daughters, even though i constantly tell them they are beautiful, inside and out...

any advice...anyone???
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Replies

  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    I have nothing to directly help you but I wanted to say good luck, congrats on the progress so far. 90+ lbs down is an incredible accomplishment. I hope you get your issues resolved!
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
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    Girl you are not at all ugly! I know how you feel about the low self esteem. I am right there with ya! My advise is to just keep going. Everyday is our chance to move forward and become healthy! I too hope some day we can all look in the mirror and at least like what we see staring back at us.

    Im here for ya
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,106 Member
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    Start changing what you say about yourself.

    They call it "Fake it till you make it."

    Change the fat and ugly to attractive and kind. You have created this in your head. You look like an attractive woman in your picture.

    Maybe some professional help is in order. I am sorry you are hurting, but it doesn't have to be that way. :flowerforyou:
  • grannygethealthy1111
    grannygethealthy1111 Posts: 422
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    Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them. You are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful young woman. I would seek a good counselor in your area to help you work through these issues. Congratulations on your huge weight loss. What a fabulous thing you did for you and your family!
  • catfan
    catfan Posts: 90 Member
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    Maybe you need some therapy?

    If thats not an option you would like right now just start retraining your thoughts one day at a time. You didnt get this way over night so you are not going to be fixed over night either.

    Im sure you tell your kids how beautiful they are all the time and etc so you need to start giving some of that right back to yourself.

    Good luck! you can do this!:flowerforyou:
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    I'm sorry that you think this way but i think you look great! You just need to fake it till you make it. Instead of thinking how much you dislike how something looks think of all the great things your body can do. You can smile and say encouraging things to others, your arms can hug your children and lift them up when they get hurt. Your legs can carry you after your kids and up stairs and get you to where you need to be. Your body does such amazing things, once you start to be thankful for this you'll appreciate your body more. Best of luck!
  • Jenniferrosesmyth
    Jenniferrosesmyth Posts: 14 Member
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    Hi,

    I completely understand how you feel. I deal with this everyday of my life. On Thursday I went to the Marine Corp ball with my Husband. I got all dressed up, and the whole night all I kept thinking about how big I still was. I have had so many people tell me I was absolutely gorgeous, but sometimes it is hard to get past the weight. But, we have to realize we are beautiful no matter the size. We just can't see it yet. Unfortunately, it will take us longer to see it then other ppl. I don't know if I will ever see myself the way others see me, but everyday I try. I post signs up throughout the house for myself to repeat when I see them. I think it is helping some. I can tell you; you are very very beautiful, and one day I pray you will see just have beautiful you are. Same goes for me.
  • kittytrix
    kittytrix Posts: 557 Member
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    Many times we think that by changing our outward appearance, that's all we need to have our lives sync, but what really needs to change is our feelings toward ourselves. It's much harder to change one's feelings and attitude toward ourselves than our bodies.

    You are a beautiful woman but it doesn't matter how many times others say it because who really matters is you.

    Don't get overwhelmed. I've been there. Focus on the positive. Start with just a few affirmations that you can build on.

    Sending you lots of love your way.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them. You are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful young woman. I would seek a good counselor in your area to help you work through these issues. Congratulations on your huge weight loss. What a fabulous thing you did for you and your family!

    I agree with this. Whatever underlying issues we had before losing weight don't disappear while we're losing weight or after we've lost weight. Unfortunately, those things stick with us. And low self esteem is something very tough to overcome. I think speaking to someone about it would help you a lot.
  • Jenniferrosesmyth
    Jenniferrosesmyth Posts: 14 Member
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    It will take us longer to see it in ourselves than for other people to see us as beautiful. That is what I meant to say. We are always last to know.
  • susanswan
    susanswan Posts: 1,194 Member
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    First of all, if your profile picture is you you have beautiful hair and skin. That is only on the outside, though. My husband always remarks that the most beautiful thing he can see on any woman is a smile. I can spend hours picking myself apart. I know my flaws intimately. Maybe others notice, too. But that is not everything that makes you YOU. Don't forget you can be beautiful on the inside, too. Kindness, gentleness, caring, helping, these are just a few characteristics that make some one a beautiful person. I'm sure the library, bookstores, and internet are full of self help books on the topic. Give yourself a chance. You'd never look at a stranger and tell them they look hideous to you so why treat yourself like that. Whatever the reason you feel that way, only you can change it. Start by telling yourself you are beautiful. You might feel foolish and not believe it but your brain will believe it in time. Good luck to you.
  • AI1108
    AI1108 Posts: 488 Member
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    I really am confused about why you feel like this because I read this and pictured an ugly person and then looked at your picture. You really are not by any means ugly. 90 lbs down is a great feat and I'm sure you have a beautiful daughter too. There so many upsides in your life. Don't negate that by giving yourself negative thoughts.
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    I think you're beautiful but I likely won't be able to convince you. Try doing little things for yourself: Painting your nails, buying a lipstick, getting new sexy shoes... All these things help me feel pretty. In fact, getting laser hair removal on my neck and chin was a FAR bigger boost to my vanity than losing weight. Truth to tell though, I always felt pretty. Now I just feel pretty and healthier too (well and sexier).
  • lkblazek
    lkblazek Posts: 36
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    Whatever problems we had before losing weight, losing the weight does not cure them. You are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful young woman. I would seek a good counselor in your area to help you work through these issues. Congratulations on your huge weight loss. What a fabulous thing you did for you and your family!

    I agree
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    I can sympathize with how you are feeling. It's difficult to get past the same mindset you've had up until this point. It's difficult to look in the mirror and see anyone different than the same old person you've seen in the past. I still have this issue frequently. Even when I get nice comments or compliments, I don't always believe them. On some level though, you have to decide to just overcome it or it will drag you down. I think some of the comments here are accurate. If you had self esteem or self confidence before weight gain or unrelated to the weight, those issues are still hanging around. I've accepted this for myself and have been trying to work through things.
  • galaxyhearts
    galaxyhearts Posts: 258 Member
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    I have the same problem .. I'm only 23 but I can't remember a time in which I didn't hate my appearance. You just have to try to put yourself in a more positive light. If you tell your daughters they are beautiful from the inside out, then that's how it has to be for you.

    If you're a good person on the inside, you're beautiful on the outside.

    Conventional beauty seen in the media whether it be printed in a magazine or lit up on the movie screen is mostly artificial. As a graphic designer, I can tell you that most of hollywood looks good because of photoshop.

    If it's moving (tv, movies, commercials, etc), then they look good because of excessive amounts of professionally applied makeup, strategic camera angles, and professional lighting. Not to mention the plastic/cosmetic surgery.

    We have to start thinking that *REAL* people are beautiful, because that's what we are. You are an amazing collection of molecules, cells, atoms, and energy.. life in itself is beautiful. We are all beautiful no matter what our appearance. It's difficult to move past the self-hatred and we're our own worst critics but try to think of the vastness and beauty of life.

    We only get one life to live, so try not to spend it disparaging over your own outward appearances. Chances are (believe it or not), there are people who would rather look how you look than look how they look.
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
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    You've already accomplished far more than most people could ever hope to do or have the willpower to do. I'm 67 years old, lost most of my looks and developed a thick waist and big butt and still think I'm damn cool. The difference is that I accept myself the way I am and I've learned to like and respect myself. That's what you have to do. You're no doubt much younger than me. You have years to accomplish so much. Why spend one precious moment hating yourself? That's just stupid. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about yourself.

    Bow to your Inner Self.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
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    I know where you are coming from. I often feel the same way!! It is a hard thing to get over and even if I am feeling good while in my personal space sometimes that all goes out the window when I am in public. I turned 30 in Feb of this year and have since started to work on this attitude. This summer I really realised how much it dosen't matter. What I look like, how I dress, what I say. I ran in a 10k and at the end felt more accomplished for staying and visiting after even though I was coverd in sweat, red faced, and probably stunk. It really is something you have to work on for yourself. I do not have any experience with therapy but it has helped many people. Maybe something to think about?

    For what it is worth, your pic is beautiful!! Skin, hair, eyes, cheekbones, all of you! Great job with the weight loss! Keep up the hard work!
  • Aussie4870
    Aussie4870 Posts: 120
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    i really appreciate everyones comments, compliments and words of encouragement...

    getting my head to change and think the way that i want it to think is a huge struggle for me...but i want it to change cause feeling like hiding makes it really difficult for me to even leave the house sometimes...

    thanks again everyone... :)
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I think a lot of us have a problem realizing exactly where we are after the weight loss - and I've only lost 28 lbs! Today, I asked my daughter to point out someone who's about my size the next time we go out. I'm hoping that will give me a comparison point. You could try the same. Ask someone you trust to point out a "before" you and a "now" you.

    I have a good friend who also suffers from self esteem issues. Her therapist told her to post self affirming quotes around the house so that she sees a bit of encouragement every day. On the mirror, things like, "I am a strong woman", "I am in charge of my own destiny", "I am truly beautiful", "I have accomplished a great deal and the best is yet to be". Stuff like that. Notes in the fridge about eating what she needs, not what she wants. Notes in the car. Notes tucked into pockets. You get the drift. Anyway, it's helped her. It might help you. The other thing to remember is that you are loved. Looks are relative. Go to a museum and look at paintings from 200 years ago that show what people then thought of as female beauty.

    And, remember - models in print are airbrushed, and on tv have undergone an hour with a makeup artist. No one is perfect.

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