Unsupportive family!!

emmalouise21
emmalouise21 Posts: 41
edited October 5 in Health and Weight Loss
I am trying my hardest to shift this bulge, but my fiance is soo unsupportive! He drinks fat coke, sits there while i'm starving hungry eating sweets, crisps, cakes biscuits, you name it he has it. He knows full well that i'm trying to be good and shift this weight but he still sits there and says 'do you want some' 'are you sure' one night won't hurt. It is literally hell!!! I know people say just stick to it, ignore him blah blah blah but its sooo hard!! And a few times i have cracked, and then felt awful in the morning. How can i possibly lose weight and keep it off with no support, If i lived by myself i know that i could do it and lose soo much weight, How do other people cope with the lack of support.
I'm 5'9'' and currently weigh 11 stone 2 (156lb i think) and would like to overall get down to about 9stone 10 (136lb)
Your advice would be much appreciated.
Feel free to add me :)
Thanks in advance!
xo

Replies

  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
    Keep a baseball bat besides you and threaten to use it if he keeps being so unhelpful :P Maybe then he'll get the message that he needs to support you, not enourage you to eat poorly.
  • emmalouise21
    emmalouise21 Posts: 41
    Keep a baseball bat besides you and threaten to use it if he keeps being so unhelpful :P Maybe then he'll get the message that he needs to support you, not enourage you to eat poorly.

    I LOVE this!!! :P
  • katekrise
    katekrise Posts: 178 Member
    I'll support you :)
    Be my friend :)
    P.S. I love how you talk. Where are you from?
    -Kate
  • SheRa1964
    SheRa1964 Posts: 155
    Hi. What is your eating plan? I mean what kind of foods are you eating what kind of diet are you on? Are you just doing the calorie thing or what?
  • jackiebo
    jackiebo Posts: 115 Member
    Maybe you should have a heart to heart talk?? Sometimes people just don't "get it" unless it's put out there in plain language. And if he still continues, then tell him again. And again. The 3rd time, maybe you should analyze what's going on in his head.
  • emmalouise21
    emmalouise21 Posts: 41
    Heyy, i will add you, thaaanks :). I'm originally from South London currently living in Southampton (UK) xo
  • DKBelle
    DKBelle Posts: 585
    Sounds like my hubby :P he eats all the junk next to me and even asking if I want some. I just ignore it, it's not easy, but its always your decision. I am baking cakes in moderation and making snacks, homemade dish all in moderation and eating those while hubby is eating junk. Nowadays since it smells good or looks good he is eating more healthy and main thing healthy food with me :)
    Check our our site where we share moderated recipes, you might get some idea from it:
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cooking-ideasHomemade-Healthy-Foods/179121125503371
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    Hey you!

    Firstly... you're not really even overweight!

    Secondly...I know EXACTLY what you;re going through... my other half is at the very least overweight and can't pass the regular RAF fitness test.

    He tries to convince me it's "OK" to not go do my exercise or go against what I planned to eat to eat junk... or tries to tempt me with the utter crap he's trying to eat.

    Now, I've managed to get a few wake up calls through to him, but at the end of the day... if he continues as he was doing with me and stopping ME achieving what I want then that'll be it.

    Unfortunately, you and he don;t want the same goals... he's happy as you are and he's happy as he is. It's now up to you to keep yourself and your weight loss to yourself and him and his habits to himself and do this for YOU! It's about you exercising will power to change YOU!

    It's unfair to ask him to give up his lifestyle choices because they're tempting you to lapse. Your choice to lose weight is not his.

    You can lose weight but you need to be dedicated. It would be the same if you were training for a sport - however you could ask him to be a little more sensitive and perhaps give you a little encouragement.

    My best friend's boyfriend did pretty well by making sure he didn't offer her cakes and making sure she went to the gym....she asked him to.

    He's probably scared that you think he thinks your fat and he doesn't want to offend you. Tricky one for a bloke! And I'm a girl!
  • emmalouise21
    emmalouise21 Posts: 41
    Hi. What is your eating plan? I mean what kind of foods are you eating what kind of diet are you on? Are you just doing the calorie thing or what?

    I'm just kind of counting calories really, as i dont want to do a fad diet, i want to keep the weight off for good. I also have a little boy so meal times are important in our family xo
  • wackedoutpet13
    wackedoutpet13 Posts: 72 Member
    Keep a spray bottle with you and squirt him with water whenever he tries to push you off the wagon.
  • polina_t
    polina_t Posts: 7
    I'm having the very same problem! My fiance does the same things and I get upset with him every time and beg him not to let me eat bad or to say "one piece of chocolate won't hurt your diet" etc. etc. and he seems to agree with me, but 5 minutes later he does it again! I know one piece won't hurt- the problem is with me it's all or nothing and it's all ruined if I eat even only one bad thing... So I very much understand you and I would very much appreciate some advise about this too.
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
    My biggest epiphany in this journey was when I stopped holding others accountable for my lack of weight loss and motivation. You have to be ready, truly ready to do this and the work that comes involved in it. My husband and my sons snack on junk food. I have my own snacks. When they are chipping and dipping do I want some? Of course....but I know it isn't worth it. Sometimes I'll have a taste, other times I walk away. You have to be strong, you have to love yourself enough to not eat whatever he is eating if there isn't enough calories left for the day. Maybe exercise more and work some of those snacks into your daily caloric intake. You can do this!!
  • JayneMarie
    JayneMarie Posts: 5 Member
    I laughed when I read this suggestion! :happy:
  • mochalovies
    mochalovies Posts: 192 Member
    Hey there! oh gosh that sucks -- and you are right, it makes it that much harder. Maybe just like most guys (no offense intended :)) he just doesnt realize how important this is to you. He may even think you are perfect, and that you do not need to lose weight, so to him **breaking your diet** is not that that big of a deal. That happened to me once, and I had a heart to heart with my guy. Once I explained to him that what he does bothered me for REAL he stopped, maybe he needs to realize how important it would be to have his support, even if to him it is "silly" you are trying to lose weight.

    On a positive note, having the strenght to pass on unhealthy foods is empowering -- well for me at least because it took me a long time to get there!!! hehe So think of it as a crash course on will strenght!!!!

    but yea -- heart to heart is the way to go, anyone who cares about you will be supportive once they realize how important this is to you!

    Good Luck :)
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
    My biggest epiphany in this journey was when I stopped holding others accountable for my lack of weight loss and motivation. You have to be ready, truly ready to do this and the work that comes involved in it. My husband and my sons snack on junk food. I have my own snacks. When they are chipping and dipping do I want some? Of course....but I know it isn't worth it. Sometimes I'll have a taste, other times I walk away. You have to be strong, you have to love yourself enough to not eat whatever he is eating if there isn't enough calories left for the day. Maybe exercise more and work some of those snacks into your daily caloric intake. You can do this!!

    Good points, well presented and put into better words than I could.
  • mochalovies
    mochalovies Posts: 192 Member
    water bottle/squirt gun = best suggestion ever!!!
  • fallenangelloves
    fallenangelloves Posts: 601 Member
    Im sorry, but I see a bigger underlying problem here. This is the person you are suppose to be able to count on for the rest of your life and support you in all your trials. Although this IS a decision you have to make for yourself and one you have to be doing for you and you first, you need to be able to count on him for support.

    I think the heart to heart is the answer here...

    I may be over thinking this, but I put up with a non supportive spouse for too many years. He needs to know how important this is to you and be there for you.
  • Elisirmon
    Elisirmon Posts: 273 Member
    Here's what I do i find some good healthy snacks like kettle low soduim popcorn or dark chocolate bar and when they are snacking I treat myself to some but I always alot those extra calories in my daily intake so I have the freedom to eat a sweet.
  • tifftaffy
    tifftaffy Posts: 141 Member
    Im sorry, but I see a bigger underlying problem here. This is the person you are suppose to be able to count on for the rest of your life and support you in all your trials. Although this IS a decision you have to make for yourself and one you have to be doing for you and you first, you need to be able to count on him for support.

    I think the heart to heart is the answer here...

    I may be over thinking this, but I put up with a non supportive spouse for too many years. He needs to know how important this is to you and be there for you.

    totally agree with this.
  • healthybabs
    healthybabs Posts: 600 Member
    I haven't looked at your diarys or anything like that, but I can't understand why you are "sitting there starving". If you feel like you are starving you might want to retool your plan. Save some calories for when he is snacking and pick something you plan into your food day. Keep at it, one day he will be glad you did.
  • Susay2942
    Susay2942 Posts: 211 Member
    One of the ways I have started "Coping" with my husbands sabatoge is replacing his favorite snacks with healthy ones that he doesn't even know the difference. He loves cookies... so I try to bake cookies with low fat milk and substitutes as much as possible. Bannana Pudding, I use the low fat surgar free instant jello... he never even notices! That way if I cracked and have a nible or two its not a huge change from my plan and I get a little sweet tooth urge taken care of without guilt.

    As long as I keep him from the store and buying storebought junk we are ok! Who knows maybe along the way he will loose a lb or two and not even notice it!
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    You could just go into robot mode. When he asks, just say, "No, I'm trying to be healthy." and repeat it over and over again as he says, "are you sure". Uhh... why would anyone not be sure that they want to be healthy?

    Maybe he really doesn't know if you are sure and confident about this, but stick to it and he'll figure it out!
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
    Im sorry, but I see a bigger underlying problem here. This is the person you are suppose to be able to count on for the rest of your life and support you in all your trials. Although this IS a decision you have to make for yourself and one you have to be doing for you and you first, you need to be able to count on him for support.

    I think the heart to heart is the answer here...

    I may be over thinking this, but I put up with a non supportive spouse for too many years. He needs to know how important this is to you and be there for you.

    Well said....that's what I love about forums. Different perspectives!! I completely agree w/ the "heart to heart"!!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories