Other half rathers me fat :-(

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clarech82
clarech82 Posts: 244 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Does anyone else have the same problem? My other half keeps telling me I'm to skinny (I'm still classed as overweight bmi 25.7) but he says I'm all boney and he liked me like I was before :(

I'm happy the way I am but it still bugs me that he keeps on about it. Am I alone on this one?
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Replies

  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
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    Sometimes, I think it is their own insecurities. The other person feels that if you look too good you will leave them.
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    I wish mine would say I'm skinny =_= but in reality he's right, I'm obese.
  • clarech82
    clarech82 Posts: 244 Member
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    I wish mine would say I'm skinny =_= but in reality he's right, I'm obese.

    You don't look obese in your pic
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    I wish mine would say I'm skinny =_= but in reality he's right, I'm obese.

    You don't look obese in your pic

    Thank you, that's because I didn't take picture of my *kitten*. :P
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    It has nothing to do with you & everything to do with HIS insecurities.
    Nobody PREFERS someone "fat". You may love your S/O regardless of their size because you love THEM, but to prefer someone fat? That's saying you prefer them unhealthy, unhappy, etc.... just doesn't happen.
    He "prefers you fat" because he prefers that other men don't look at you & he prefers you not getting the attention from other people.

    My (now ex) husband, was the same way.
  • jdhosier
    jdhosier Posts: 315 Member
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    Not to put too fine a point on it, but your other half is an idiot. Most guys, me included, have been an idiot at one time or another with the one we love. Just keep talking "fitness" to him rather than weight loss. Perhaps he will catch on. Best of luck.
  • rickyd88
    rickyd88 Posts: 75 Member
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    If he truly loved you he'd love you regardless of how you looked and would want to support you in your efforts to be HEALTHY.

    My partner tells me I'm NOT fat when I'm classed as obese by my BMI. He is supportive of me watching what I eat and congratulates me on my weight loss, but I think he worries other people may want me if I get slim.

    It's his insecurities.
  • cflec1
    cflec1 Posts: 60 Member
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    I know every time I tried to lose weight before, mine would go out and get donuts or pastries. But this time, I am doing this for me and I am going to lose this weight .:bigsmile:
  • bjberry
    bjberry Posts: 665 Member
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    Measure yourself and show your other half that to be healthy, a woman should have a waist that is no more than 33 inches (according to Dr. Oz). He says that the extra fat (above 33 inches) presses on the abdominal organs and can lead to different problems for the heart and can contribute to diabetes.

    For men, the waist should be no more than somewhere in the mid-30s of inches for their best health. Tell him you want to be healthy for him and maybe he will relax.

    Enjoy life and :drinker: drink lots of water! ;)
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
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    do you think its his insecurities talking, or do you think its his genuine preference?
  • tcdawley78
    tcdawley78 Posts: 69 Member
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    It has nothing to do with you & everything to do with HIS insecurities.
    Nobody PREFERS someone "fat". You may love your S/O regardless of their size because you love THEM, but to prefer someone fat? That's saying you prefer them unhealthy, unhappy, etc.... just doesn't happen.
    He "prefers you fat" because he prefers that other men don't look at you & he prefers you not getting the attention from other people.

    My (now ex) husband, was the same way.
    I don't agree with this... I think everyone had a body type they prefer... I'd rather my husband have some extra weight on him! He doesn't, and I'm okay with it cause I love him and want him to be happy, but he's definitely a lot skinnier than I would like for him to be!! (but I would never, EVER be so mean as to tell him that, if he's happy, that's the most important thing)
  • clarech82
    clarech82 Posts: 244 Member
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    Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.
  • ingeh
    ingeh Posts: 513 Member
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    Mine just says he loves me as I am. Im 11st (few pounds over) and I was 9st11lbs when we met 3 yrs ago, Iv lost nearly 2st so far. Hes not that bothered but I dont want him to say to me one day -your too skinny,
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I think my husband prefers me closer to a size 12/14 than where I currently am at an 8/10. It's not insecurity on his part, just his aesthetic preference. But, he loves me equally no matter what size I am and he wants me to be happy and healthy.
  • WifeMomDVM
    WifeMomDVM Posts: 1,025 Member
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    Sometimes, I think it is their own insecurities. The other person feels that if you look too good you will leave them.

    This ^^^
  • rickyd88
    rickyd88 Posts: 75 Member
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    Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

    Well tell him that being on a 'diet' is making YOU happy and that you're happy with the changes you've seen in yourself. If he still can't support you then you can always come back to MFP and there are plenty of people who would congratulate you on your loss. I can only hope that I'd one day reach a 60lb loss.
  • ChrisWag
    ChrisWag Posts: 169
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    Mine used to say that too. He doesn't like that I lost by boobs or my butt....he is more used to it now and realizes it is not going away!!!
    And as to him saying he'd rather be happy than on a diet.... A) it is not a diet, it is a life change and B) you'd rather be healthy than killing yourself!!!

    Good luck, stay strong...and remember, you did this for you and your kids, and that is an important thing!!!
  • LilMissFoodie
    LilMissFoodie Posts: 612 Member
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    It has nothing to do with you & everything to do with HIS insecurities.
    Nobody PREFERS someone "fat". You may love your S/O regardless of their size because you love THEM, but to prefer someone fat? That's saying you prefer them unhealthy, unhappy, etc.... just doesn't happen.
    He "prefers you fat" because he prefers that other men don't look at you & he prefers you not getting the attention from other people.

    My (now ex) husband, was the same way.
    I don't agree with this... I think everyone had a body type they prefer... I'd rather my husband have some extra weight on him! He doesn't, and I'm okay with it cause I love him and want him to be happy, but he's definitely a lot skinnier than I would like for him to be!! (but I would never, EVER be so mean as to tell him that, if he's happy, that's the most important thing)

    Agreed.
  • inatay7
    inatay7 Posts: 141
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    It has nothing to do with you & everything to do with HIS insecurities.
    Nobody PREFERS someone "fat". You may love your S/O regardless of their size because you love THEM, but to prefer someone fat? That's saying you prefer them unhealthy, unhappy, etc.... just doesn't happen.
    He "prefers you fat" because he prefers that other men don't look at you & he prefers you not getting the attention from other people.

    My (now ex) husband, was the same way.

    Agreed
  • kir911
    kir911 Posts: 228 Member
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    Thanks guys he's morbidly obese and says he'd rather be happy than on a diet (I have tried to explain its not a diet). I'm doing this for me and the kids but it really winds me up that he can't say a thing nice about all the hard work Ive put in.

    I think you hit the nail on the head here....he's morbidly obese and sees you making a change that maybe he is not yet brave enough to make. Maybe he is insecure that if you get skinny and he is still overweight you will want someone else. It's easier to be fat together than alone. Now, he probably feels guilty when he is indulging in food that you can't or won't eat with him. I think there is probably alot of his emotions going on here.

    I think you definately need to focus on getting healthy yourself, which you have done, and decide when he is ready to join you.

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