Grr my boyfriend is pissing me off (work out vent)
Replies
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The following is a detailed list of steps I formulated to help you deal with the situation in a rational manner conducive to your own success and happiness.
1. Break up with said boyfriend.
Problem solved.
I second this! I have to say my husband NEVER puts me down like that, not at my heaviest weight, not ever. But, my husband did tell me once that you have to tell guys exactly what you are thinking for them to know what you expect from them and you should tell him how upset this made you and what you are looking for from him when you come home full of pride for an accomplishment. If he can't support you with something so simple what is it going to be like when something big comes along?0 -
so while I agree that I do not like the comments you have related, I also know (from being in a ten year + relationship) that at times you say things to your partner that do not completely reflect the true feelings or nature of the relationship. I have said awful things to my husband, and likewise, he has said horrid things to me. the reason we stay together is those are not the norm, but the exception to the rule. we forgive, move on, and try to be better to each other.
If this is his typical pattern, I do think you should consider whether you want to live with this, and for how long.
If this is not the norm, and you just needed to vent, then I'm glad we were here to listen. :flowerforyou:
Either way, you can accomplish your goals! Stick to the plan and be patient, and stop comparing yourself to anybody else (especially a man, their bodies react differently)
AND congrats on running! You can easily increase your fitness this way! Good job!0 -
so while I agree that I do not like the comments you have related, I also know (from being in a ten year + relationship) that at times you say things to your partner that do not completely reflect the true feelings or nature of the relationship. I have said awful things to my husband, and likewise, he has said horrid things to me. the reason we stay together is those are not the norm, but the exception to the rule. we forgive, move on, and try to be better to each other.
If this is his typical pattern, I do think you should consider whether you want to live with this, and for how long.
If this is not the norm, and you just needed to vent, then I'm glad we were here to listen. :flowerforyou:
Well said! If he says that kind of stuff allthe time or continues to say it now that you've talked, you have a problem. If it was a thoughtless one-time remark... Well, who are any of us to tell you to end a relationship based on one incident you've relayed to us?
You CAN reach your goals and you DO deserve to speak up for yourself when someone undermines you.
peace,
katharine0 -
:noway: RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!! Run, run!
I agree that you are seeing a red flag. I'm not saying that you need to run... yet. BUT - be aware of what he's saying and how he's saying it. Someone who truly loves you will celebrate your successes with you - no matter how big or small. Someone who truly loves you will get his butt off the sofa to hold your feet for you while you do those sit ups.
Take it from someone who has been in an abusive relationship and lived to tell about it... pay attention to the red flags. One of the biggest red flags I missed was my ex telling me, "I like you better without makeup". Sounds wonderful right? Awww... he loves me, just the way I am. Not true... he didn't want anyone else to be attracted to me. Eventually, the only time I wore makeup was to cover the bruises. When he says something to hurt your feelings... pay attention. Talk to him - if it doesn't change, cut bait and run.
Dave - I'm not a man hater... but whether she's been wishy washy or not - he doesn't have the right to make her feel small. We all know that you can't berate someone into making better choices for themselves... it will only make them fall back into old routines.
My husband loves me whether I weigh 286 lbs or 104. He's seen me start more diets and give them up than I care to mention. He's seen me vow to clean the house "this time", get it clean and let it go 2 days later. His positive attitude and love is what gives me the strength to try "one more time". But alas... not everyone can have a man like my Prince Charming. Damn I kissed a lot of frogs to find him!0 -
The following is a detailed list of steps I formulated to help you deal with the situation in a rational manner conducive to your own success and happiness.
1. Break up with said boyfriend.
Problem solved.
this is why I always love advice from Songbyrd. Clear. Practical. Rational. And without any BS.
Seriously, why would you spend time with someone who doesn't celebrate and support anything you're doing to improve and be a healthier person???
And if he only sucks when it comes to this I would have a very clear conversation about what a big fat jerk he's being when he says stuff like that.0 -
is he rich?
LMAO!!!
Ok...there was a lot of really good advice here...and if you were just venting and we all jumped on you, or more particularly your BFs head, eh....its only because we celebrate all the successes even the little ones, and don't understand discouraging positive behavior with meanness.
I will also agree that as women we often expect men to understand what we're thinking or feeling without explaining, and for the most part men and women don't think the same ways....
Way to go you for being able to jog for a half mile....I can make it for about 30 seconds on the treadmill.
and last of all...dave we're not man haters...well I'll speak for myself...i adore men...but sometimes you have to let a guy know when he's being a big jerk...they don't always notice
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Wow I must be the only female to post that isn't thinking he is being a douche-
Okay he made a good point and said you play softball and can only run 1/2 mile that is a good point-
Not to mention she says she does things and doesn't follow through so really he is just going off of her habit.
And he is right as he sits on the couch his muscles are burning calories- Everything he said is true-
Use it as motivation I don't mean to be a B*tch but I don't think what he is saying is all that bad-
It would be different if he was calling you names Like Fatty- or Fat *kitten* ect...
Thats another reason why when your boyfriend/spouse is in great shape compared to the other person the pressure to get fit is stronger--
Not to mention other people need support other ways I have thicker skin and if you think this is harsh - You would hate my husband and his views cause what this man says compared to my husbands views are night and day and alot nastier
he may see what he is doing is motivation--0 -
We all have days where we fall off the wagon (food, not alcohol) and eat something we shouldn't. These are the days that our loved ones should support us more and encourage us to continue.
I personally will not tolerate anyone in my life that is not supportive ALL the time. It doesn't matter how many times I fall and get hit by the wagon, my husband is ALWAYS there to pick me up, dust me off, and get me back on that wagon. That is what true love does (2nd husband).0 -
You know him better than we do, so I really didn't get the "what an *kitten*!" impression.
Maybe he IS an *kitten*, though it sounds like he's just mouthing off for the hell of it. Which at that moment was annoying for you, but talk to him, and if he sees how serious you are, then he'll match it.
Best advice - ignore it. Or mock him right back :laugh: Generally a bad idea to dump someone just because of one comment!0 -
Wow I must be the only female to post that isn't thinking he is being a douche-
Okay he made a good point and said you play softball and can only run 1/2 mile that is a good point-
Not to mention she says she does things and doesn't follow through so really he is just going off of her habit.
And he is right as he sits on the couch his muscles are burning calories- Everything he said is true-
Use it as motivation I don't mean to be a B*tch but I don't think what he is saying is all that bad-
It would be different if he was calling you names Like Fatty- or Fat *kitten* ect...
Thats another reason why when your boyfriend/spouse is in great shape compared to the other person the pressure to get fit is stronger--
Not to mention other people need support other ways I have thicker skin and if you think this is harsh - You would hate my husband and his views cause what this man says compared to my husbands views are night and day and alot nastier
he may see what he is doing is motivation--
LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:0 -
[/quote]
LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:
[/quote]
My husband is an *kitten* but so am I we are completely honest and don't hold back regardless-- I remember one day I was eating something I know I shouldn't have been and him being a smart *kitten* says Oh My I hear the fat which was letting me know its not the best snacking idea and i put it down and we laugh- He also makes comments if I eat too much of something he will say Chunky Buns which I laugh about- But yes my husband makes jokes to give me that kick in the *kitten* I need but I appreciate it- Its alot better than him enabling me-
I even B*tched at him after I lost alot of weight because he never said Babe get your Fat *kitten* away from the fridge or told me I looked like a MOO COW his excuse was how do you tell someone that I said you just say it- To me when your in a serious relationship and in love it is your responsibilty to tell the person the truth regardless if it hurts or not-
Also when I finally lost the weight and we looked at pics he said I looked like a Rhino with Two A$$es- Yes brutally honest and i don't care because trust me I am not easy on him for having trouble gaining weight or how he shams off in the gym (he is already very fit but I want him to have George St. Pierres body lol)
I am not easy on him I don't want him to be easy on me- It motivates me and he is my biggest supporter since I started training- I can't have alot of the things that him and the kids eat for dinner- and he helps me stay on track when I want to stray from my meal plan..
Everyone needs different kind of support some need there hand held and constant pats on the back- while others need a swift kick in the pants and someone to tell them like it is and not beat around the bush.
And instead of pats on the backs they can look for jaws to drop as they transform their bodies0 -
LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:
[/quote]
My husband is an *kitten* but so am I we are completely honest and don't hold back regardless-- I remember one day I was eating something I know I shouldn't have been and him being a smart *kitten* says Oh My I hear the fat which was letting me know its not the best snacking idea and i put it down and we laugh- He also makes comments if I eat too much of something he will say Chunky Buns which I laugh about- But yes my husband makes jokes to give me that kick in the *kitten* I need but I appreciate it- Its alot better than him enabling me-
I even B*tched at him after I lost alot of weight because he never said Babe get your Fat *kitten* away from the fridge or told me I looked like a MOO COW his excuse was how do you tell someone that I said you just say it- To me when your in a serious relationship and in love it is your responsibilty to tell the person the truth regardless if it hurts or not-
Also when I finally lost the weight and we looked at pics he said I looked like a Rhino with Two A$$es- Yes brutally honest and i don't care because trust me I am not easy on him for having trouble gaining weight or how he shams off in the gym (he is already very fit but I want him to have George St. Pierres body lol)
I am not easy on him I don't want him to be easy on me- It motivates me and he is my biggest supporter since I started training- I can't have alot of the things that him and the kids eat for dinner- and he helps me stay on track when I want to stray from my meal plan..
Everyone needs different kind of support some need there hand held and constant pats on the back- while others need a swift kick in the pants and someone to tell them like it is and not beat around the bush.
And instead of pats on the backs they can look for jaws to drop as they transform their bodies
[/quote]
Uh oh. Am I dating your husband? :laugh:0 -
LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:
My husband is an *kitten* but so am I we are completely honest and don't hold back regardless-- I remember one day I was eating something I know I shouldn't have been and him being a smart *kitten* says Oh My I hear the fat which was letting me know its not the best snacking idea and i put it down and we laugh- He also makes comments if I eat too much of something he will say Chunky Buns which I laugh about- But yes my husband makes jokes to give me that kick in the *kitten* I need but I appreciate it- Its alot better than him enabling me-
I even B*tched at him after I lost alot of weight because he never said Babe get your Fat *kitten* away from the fridge or told me I looked like a MOO COW his excuse was how do you tell someone that I said you just say it- To me when your in a serious relationship and in love it is your responsibilty to tell the person the truth regardless if it hurts or not-
Also when I finally lost the weight and we looked at pics he said I looked like a Rhino with Two A$$es- Yes brutally honest and i don't care because trust me I am not easy on him for having trouble gaining weight or how he shams off in the gym (he is already very fit but I want him to have George St. Pierres body lol)
I am not easy on him I don't want him to be easy on me- It motivates me and he is my biggest supporter since I started training- I can't have alot of the things that him and the kids eat for dinner- and he helps me stay on track when I want to stray from my meal plan..
Everyone needs different kind of support some need there hand held and constant pats on the back- while others need a swift kick in the pants and someone to tell them like it is and not beat around the bush.
And instead of pats on the backs they can look for jaws to drop as they transform their bodies
[/quote]
Uh oh. Am I dating your husband? :laugh:
[/quote]
Lol- I don't know is he not home right now cause he is in my living room watching tv :laugh: :laugh: -- If so I can send him your way-- lol I don't like what he is watching anyways 0 -
Okay, if we all broke up with a guy who said something dumb and not supportive we would all be single! Just remind him that although it is nothing for him to run 1/2 hour its a great accomplishment for you and when you are sleek and sexy he is going to want to keep up.0
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LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:
My husband is an *kitten* but so am I we are completely honest and don't hold back regardless-- I remember one day I was eating something I know I shouldn't have been and him being a smart *kitten* says Oh My I hear the fat which was letting me know its not the best snacking idea and i put it down and we laugh- He also makes comments if I eat too much of something he will say Chunky Buns which I laugh about- But yes my husband makes jokes to give me that kick in the *kitten* I need but I appreciate it- Its alot better than him enabling me-
I even B*tched at him after I lost alot of weight because he never said Babe get your Fat *kitten* away from the fridge or told me I looked like a MOO COW his excuse was how do you tell someone that I said you just say it- To me when your in a serious relationship and in love it is your responsibilty to tell the person the truth regardless if it hurts or not-
Also when I finally lost the weight and we looked at pics he said I looked like a Rhino with Two A$$es- Yes brutally honest and i don't care because trust me I am not easy on him for having trouble gaining weight or how he shams off in the gym (he is already very fit but I want him to have George St. Pierres body lol)
I am not easy on him I don't want him to be easy on me- It motivates me and he is my biggest supporter since I started training- I can't have alot of the things that him and the kids eat for dinner- and he helps me stay on track when I want to stray from my meal plan..
Everyone needs different kind of support some need there hand held and constant pats on the back- while others need a swift kick in the pants and someone to tell them like it is and not beat around the bush.
And instead of pats on the backs they can look for jaws to drop as they transform their bodies
Uh oh. Am I dating your husband? :laugh:
[/quote]
Lol- I don't know is he not home right now cause he is in my living room watching tv :laugh: :laugh: -- If so I can send him your way-- lol I don't like what he is watching anyways
[/quote]
Mine's not picking up his darn phone.
Holy crap.
Well, this explains a lot!0 -
double post0
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LOL based on this thread's different responses, we can categorize everyone's significant other :laugh:
My husband is an *kitten* but so am I we are completely honest and don't hold back regardless-- I remember one day I was eating something I know I shouldn't have been and him being a smart *kitten* says Oh My I hear the fat which was letting me know its not the best snacking idea and i put it down and we laugh- He also makes comments if I eat too much of something he will say Chunky Buns which I laugh about- But yes my husband makes jokes to give me that kick in the *kitten* I need but I appreciate it- Its alot better than him enabling me-
I even B*tched at him after I lost alot of weight because he never said Babe get your Fat *kitten* away from the fridge or told me I looked like a MOO COW his excuse was how do you tell someone that I said you just say it- To me when your in a serious relationship and in love it is your responsibilty to tell the person the truth regardless if it hurts or not-
Also when I finally lost the weight and we looked at pics he said I looked like a Rhino with Two A$$es- Yes brutally honest and i don't care because trust me I am not easy on him for having trouble gaining weight or how he shams off in the gym (he is already very fit but I want him to have George St. Pierres body lol)
I am not easy on him I don't want him to be easy on me- It motivates me and he is my biggest supporter since I started training- I can't have alot of the things that him and the kids eat for dinner- and he helps me stay on track when I want to stray from my meal plan..
Everyone needs different kind of support some need there hand held and constant pats on the back- while others need a swift kick in the pants and someone to tell them like it is and not beat around the bush.
And instead of pats on the backs they can look for jaws to drop as they transform their bodies
Uh oh. Am I dating your husband? :laugh:
[/quote]
Lol- I don't know is he not home right now cause he is in my living room watching tv :laugh: :laugh: -- If so I can send him your way-- lol I don't like what he is watching anyways
[/quote]
Mine's not picking up his darn phone.
Holy crap.
Well, this explains a lot!
[/quote]
Here let me ask him if his phone is off lol0 -
bunch a man haters
If he doesn't like the way she is, he needs to go on down the road! He needs to be truthful to her on what is really on his mind instead of criticizing her! Nobody needs to put up with that crap! She just need to make up her mind on what to do, before this gets out of hand!
I am definetly not a man hater---I have been with my husband for 20 years.0 -
HA! :laugh: I love the face!He sounds lovely. :indifferent:0 -
it all depends on what is acceptable in your relationship. I would not appreciate the rhino with two *kitten* comment. But if that's okay to you, then who am I to judge it?
the OP said that his comments were hurting her. she needs to speak up and let him know that his behavior doesn't work for her. then,once she has made it clear how she expects to be spoken to, if he persists in speaking in a way that she has clearly outlined as unacceptable, she has to consider how to respond.
my DH and I have many jokes that sound like outrageous insults. One of the funniest(to us) of these jokes involves my husband burning his face with hot sauce (better not to ask). We both think this is VERRRRY funny, and nobody is insulted. :laugh:
the bottom line is, it is up to the people in a relationship to define acceptable parameters. My friend Dr. Phil says you teach people how to treat you. It is true.
if the OP is unhappy with bf's behavior, she must tell him. silence=acceptance.
that is all.0 -
hold the dang phone here
the Op said she is on a diet one day and at McDonalds the next day
maybe the BF is tired of her playin at gettin in shape while he works out 5 hours a day
you guys are ready to hang this guy and its ok for the gal to be back and forth on whether she is on a diet or not?
bunch a man haters
first of all im not a man hater... just like every relationship everyone fights everyone doesnt like everything that there partner says and today i had it... i am usually the girl that lets people say what they want but today i did it...
WHO HERE HAS GOTTEN OFF A DIET? WHO JUST ONE DAY GAVE IN TO TEMPTATION?
i think everyone has!
so dont go calling people out on their character when ur not perfect either
Sheez!!! GIRL - you've got back bone!!! I love it. Now take that attitude and get rid of this guy.
Then get yourself into awesome shape, and find a great guy.
Whether he is a nice guy or not, if he is making you go "grrrr" (and I mean angry grrrr, not the good kind of grrrr) then move on. You are 19 - these are precious years of youth.
:flowerforyou:0 -
it all depends on what is acceptable in your relationship. I would not appreciate the rhino with two *kitten* comment. But if that's okay to you, then who am I to judge it?
the OP said that his comments were hurting her. she needs to speak up and let him know that his behavior doesn't work for her. then,once she has made it clear how she expects to be spoken to, if he persists in speaking in a way that she has clearly outlined as unacceptable, she has to consider how to respond.
my DH and I have many jokes that sound like outrageous insults. One of the funniest(to us) of these jokes involves my husband burning his face with hot sauce (better not to ask). We both think this is VERRRRY funny, and nobody is insulted. :laugh:
the bottom line is, it is up to the people in a relationship to define acceptable parameters. My friend Dr. Phil says you teach people how to treat you. It is true.
if the OP is unhappy with bf's behavior, she must tell him. silence=acceptance.
that is all.
My husband was right- At that time I did look like a Rhino with two *kitten* I just wish he would have made the comment before I lost all the weight so I didn't walk around looking like that- And that is why I told him to be completely honest with me regardless of it will hurt my feelings I told him we are the two people that can tell it like it is where someone else might sugar coat because of feelings.0
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