discouraging people who think they're 'helping'

lunaephiliac
lunaephiliac Posts: 64
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
I have heard this a couple times now:
"oh, you're eating a bagel? you know you just basically negated your entire workout"
"oh, you're doing sit-ups? those are useless without some resistance"
why not say,
"oh, you're trying something new? well, unless you're perfect, don't even bother. you're just wasting your time and none of your hard work will get you anywhere."
drives me nuts and gets to me every time! the first one was from a friend with an eating disorder, the second from a female bodybuilder who does TERRIBLE things to her body just to look good.
Please, some sane person on here tell me all my work is not worthless! I've been logging religiously for the last six months and only lost 15 lbs. And you know what?
I'm okay with that.
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Replies

  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    O.o Don't listen to them! You are doing great then :]
  • papastu
    papastu Posts: 737 Member
    who cares what other people say

    long as the weight coming off and it works for you

    STUFF THEM !!

    :smile:
  • Mybabie
    Mybabie Posts: 239
    All you work is not for nothing. You are dong awesome. Sounds like you need better friends. Add me if you like.:smile:
  • JDNOX
    JDNOX Posts: 619
    The only question you have to ask is do you feel better? If yes screw them. Be happy and smile
  • Helloitsdan
    Helloitsdan Posts: 5,564 Member
    If it fits your macros
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
    Keep it up and forget them.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    That's why I don't like to tell people that I'm 'dieting' ;(
  • lunaephiliac
    lunaephiliac Posts: 64
    wow! 40 seconds and a bunch of people who want to support!
    I love this site, and you guys!
  • missjoci
    missjoci Posts: 412 Member
    They have no idea what works for your body. I'd tell em to shove it where the sun don't shine. :P You're doing great at 15 lbs lost!
  • DaniellePF
    DaniellePF Posts: 308 Member
    Ha ha ha! I'm laughing because of the source of the comments. You don't need anyone to tell you that your efforts are not in vain, but I will :flowerforyou: 15 pounds is amazing and awesome, NO MATTER how long it took to lose it. You are doing a great thing for your health. The difference (well, one of them!) between you and those other people with their "advice" is that you are doing it right, AND you are smart enough to know that nobody likes unsolicited opinions! Keep on keepin on, let people have their opinions--you have so much more. Yay for YOU!:drinker:
  • juicygurl1
    juicygurl1 Posts: 195 Member
    your work is not worthless!!! hang in there!
  • DesertSunsetRain
    DesertSunsetRain Posts: 194
    You can eat bagels if you want. If it fits into your calorie goals, then its all good. People just have a really distorted view about what it means to diet and lose weight. You're doing great, don't listen to those negative Nancys.
  • ShrinkRapt451
    ShrinkRapt451 Posts: 447 Member
    People who treat their bodies badly and are skinny have as many (if not more) distorted ideas about food and image than those who are overweight. You're wise to consider your "friends" to be in need of help. If you're not satisfied with your progress, check out your log with a dietician, but don't let yourself get discouraged by people who are more obsessed with their weight than you are!! :)
  • LilMissFoodie
    LilMissFoodie Posts: 612 Member
    Some people are so silly!

    I would say: 'hahaha I do the workout SO I can eat the bagel!' and 'Hmm you mean half of my body weight vs a little extra added 'resistance', are you so sure it makes that much of a difference?' :wink:
  • ciaobellakiss
    ciaobellakiss Posts: 142
    That is actually pretty good because your building muscle tone and you get to eat!
  • lunaephiliac
    lunaephiliac Posts: 64
    Ha ha ha! I'm laughing because of the source of the comments. You don't need anyone to tell you that your efforts are not in vain, but I will :flowerforyou: 15 pounds is amazing and awesome, NO MATTER how long it took to lose it. You are doing a great thing for your health. The difference (well, one of them!) between you and those other people with their "advice" is that you are doing it right, AND you are smart enough to know that nobody liks unsolicired opinions! Keep on keepin on, let people have their opinions--you have so much more. Yay for YOU!:drinker:
    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm a nursing student and i'm surrounded by people whose life ambition is basically to know better and tell others what to do. I have so much insecurity connected to my weight that somehow any discussion about fitness and nutrition becomes connected to my self-worth somehow, and i just can't stay rational.
  • kiwi1855
    kiwi1855 Posts: 218 Member
    If what you are doing is healthy - ie eating within your calories, and eating ENOUGH calories and you are showing improvement (15lbs is nothing to laugh at!), then you are doing it "right". Keep it up, you are becoming a better you, and doing a darn good job of it! People who say otherwise when what you are doing is healthy are usually either jealous or misinformed. Keep up your awesome work!
  • caveats
    caveats Posts: 493 Member
    Get new friends.
  • lunaephiliac
    lunaephiliac Posts: 64
    Some people are so silly!

    I would say: 'hahaha I do the workout SO I can eat the bagel!' and 'Hmm you mean half of my body weight vs a little extra added 'resistance', are you so sure it makes that much of a difference?' :wink:
    I actually managed to not take it personally. And just to humor her, I found the only resistance I could and put it on my chest as I did sit-ups..and she sat on her butt. I may have looked silly with a pumpkin on my chest, but I was burning calories!
  • josiesumerlin
    josiesumerlin Posts: 79
    That is one thing my friends and I have decided not to do, we are ONLY positive each person makes their own journey we are just there to cheer them on. You need to let them know to knock it off or delete their *kitten*!
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    Your work is not worthless. Your journey is your own and only you know what works for you, both physically and mentally.

    But sit-ups are worthless. They bulk up the outer layers of muscle instead of actually tightening your belly. Do exercises that work your transverse abdominal muscles instead. They are the deepest layer of muscle, the ones that are responsible for holding in your organs and intestines. Tighten those up and your belly will be flatter and slimmer. You can do a Google search for exercises, just know that they're often targeted at postpartum women looking to get their pre-baby bellies back. But the exercises are great for everyone. Or, you can do Pilates which focuses on using those same muscles.
  • DakotaKeogh
    DakotaKeogh Posts: 693 Member
    Okay so you took a big risk putting it out here in the open. Lots of mean people waiting to jump on and kick others around as a tool to avoid their own private demons.

    So look, if you're trying and you're making progress - quick or slow - you're getting it done and you have everything to feel good about. Stick with your plan if it's working. Get more aggressive if it's not. Either way, have friends that will be there for you however it goes and whatever they need to say to you.

    You can do this.
  • IDontLikeRegistering
    IDontLikeRegistering Posts: 51 Member
    You're not making yourself fit for anyone else - you're doing it for YOU. Other people have different ideas of how to be fit, and they certainly have a wide variety of fitness goals. Your fitness goals are your own, and if they aren't the same as other people's, and if your methods for achieving them are different from other people's methods, then YOU ARE RIGHT and THEY ARE WRONG about you.
  • lunaephiliac
    lunaephiliac Posts: 64
    Your work is not worthless. Your journey is your own and only you know what works for you, both physically and mentally.

    But sit-ups are worthless. They bulk up the outer layers of muscle instead of actually tightening your belly. Do exercises that work your transverse abdominal muscles instead. They are the deepest layer of muscle, the ones that are responsible for holding in your organs and intestines. Tighten those up and your belly will be flatter and slimmer. You can do a Google search for exercises, just know that they're often targeted at postpartum women looking to get their pre-baby bellies back. But the exercises are great for everyone. Or, you can do Pilates which focuses on using those same muscles.
    SERIOUSLY? Do you know how much it takes for me to even get my butt of the couch and do that? I'm not a bodybuilder. All I'm worried about is just burning some calories, and i honestly don't care how I do it. Honestly, you're exactly who I was talking about. Please, never ever tell anyone that what they're doing is 'worthless'. Why get off the couch in the first place then? Please learn how constructive criticism works-I read 'worthless' and didn't read the rest of your post. Please use positive words, not negative ones.
  • Keenasgettingfitnhealthy
    Keenasgettingfitnhealthy Posts: 169
    15 pounds is great!!! =D You are doing amazing =D Weight loss takes time and your friends need to support you by boosting you not being all negative!

    Keep on doing what your doing =D or even mix it up a bit to stop you getting bored lol I know I have to!

    Good luck!
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Your work is not worthless. Your journey is your own and only you know what works for you, both physically and mentally.

    But sit-ups are worthless. They bulk up the outer layers of muscle instead of actually tightening your belly. Do exercises that work your transverse abdominal muscles instead. They are the deepest layer of muscle, the ones that are responsible for holding in your organs and intestines. Tighten those up and your belly will be flatter and slimmer. You can do a Google search for exercises, just know that they're often targeted at postpartum women looking to get their pre-baby bellies back. But the exercises are great for everyone. Or, you can do Pilates which focuses on using those same muscles.
    SERIOUSLY? Do you know how much it takes for me to even get my butt of the couch and do that? I'm not a bodybuilder. All I'm worried about is just burning some calories, and i honestly don't care how I do it. Honestly, you're exactly who I was talking about. Please, never ever tell anyone that what they're doing is 'worthless'. Why get off the couch in the first place then? Please learn how constructive criticism works-I read 'worthless' and didn't read the rest of your post. Please use positive words, not negative ones.
    I think you're focusing a little bit much on the one negative in a highly positive post. Otherwise, it's clearly not a waste to exercise, not at all.
  • DaniellePF
    DaniellePF Posts: 308 Member
    Ha ha ha! I'm laughing because of the source of the comments. You don't need anyone to tell you that your efforts are not in vain, but I will :flowerforyou: 15 pounds is amazing and awesome, NO MATTER how long it took to lose it. You are doing a great thing for your health. The difference (well, one of them!) between you and those other people with their "advice" is that you are doing it right, AND you are smart enough to know that nobody liks unsolicired opinions! Keep on keepin on, let people have their opinions--you have so much more. Yay for YOU!:drinker:
    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm a nursing student and i'm surrounded by people whose life ambition is basically to know better and tell others what to do. I have so much insecurity connected to my weight that somehow any discussion about fitness and nutrition becomes connected to my self-worth somehow, and i just can't stay rational.
    You're welcome---and I think its pretty normal to feel that way. A big part of my confidence / self esteem has to do with how I am doing with my workouts/food on a given day.
  • ladycat924
    ladycat924 Posts: 4
    Sounds like you are on the right track and progressing. Isn't that all that matters? Sure there are better exercises and best exercises, but ANY exercise is better than sitting on the couch! Good for you and "you go girl!!".
  • softsculptor
    softsculptor Posts: 102
    Everyone thinks they are some sort of expert. So annoying! Just because it works for them, does not mean it will work for you. Weight loss plans are as unique as we are; we all need something different. Try to forgive their ignorance/arrogance, and just focus on what works for you.
  • persian_star
    persian_star Posts: 197 Member
    Everyone thinks they are some sort of expert. So annoying! Just because it works for them, does not mean it will work for you. Weight loss plans are as unique as we are; we all need something different. Try to forgive their ignorance/arrogance, and just focus on what works for you.

    This ^^!! There are so many theories out there, people jump on them like fact and then don't like it when someone does something that doesn't fit in with it, especially if it means they have to admit they're wrong (or at least, not totally right! ;o) One thing I've really learnt from MFP is - you never stop learning! There are so many wise people here and so many tips and ideas, you do what works for you for your whole lifestyle, as opposed to starving yourself (not good) or bulking right up (unless that's what you're after ;o) - it's about HEALTH. And health definitely allows you both carbs (what on earth is wrong with a bagel? Has she not heard of BMR??) and even - shock horror - treats. And the we exercise to keep our blood flowing better and heart beating harder and burn a few extra cals.

    YOU, my dear, are an inspiration. Exercising when you don't want to is the HARDEST thing (believe me, I know ;o) and losing 15lbs is a real achievement! Nothing you do is in vain, it's all about having a positive attitude, winning the small battles and living YOUR life for YOU. A huge well done xxx
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