When is time to call it quits?

jplucheck
jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
Ok so like everyone else here, I am serious about wanting to lose weight. Not just shred some fat tissue but to build muscle and be healthier all around.
Lately I have been feeling way more depressed than usual mostly because my significant other is not supportive and actually stresses me out more. For example the other day we were going to go snowboarding for the first time of the season and I had a major melt down right before we left. My pants would not button and I could not get my jacket zipped for the life of me. This hit me really hard because for the last few months I have been hitting the gym relentlessly and watching my calories (not just intake but also what I am consuming.) I thought I was actually do good and losing weight but after not being able to fit in those clothes, I just lost it. Starting bailing and called off our whole day.
My SO comes to me and tells baby it’s ok, I think your beautiful so this is no big deal!!!!! NO BIG DEAL??? To who, you or me the one devastated crying my eyes out, of course it’s a big deal. This lack of support, compassion and sympathy has my head spinning; when is it time to call it quits and drop 165lbs instantly?
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Replies

  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    never give up

    edit: oops, looks like I misunderstood your point. sorry about that. :ohwell:
  • rockyvernen
    rockyvernen Posts: 22
    If I can do it so can you
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,343 Member
    two ways to defeat "man"....either dies or quits.

    as Guru said...don't quit.
  • shantelleclarke
    shantelleclarke Posts: 45
    Never! You have to ask yourself who are you doing this for... you or him?
  • CandiceS86
    CandiceS86 Posts: 61 Member
    Of course it's a big deal for you, but I'm sure your SO loves you just the way you are and maybe he doesn't really get how important this is to you! Just have a chat and explain and tell him that you would want some more support in this!

    And never give up because you can do it, I'm sure :)
  • lkmisztela
    lkmisztela Posts: 23
    Personally? I think from your description, he WAS trying to be supportive, but he genuinely doesn't know what you need from him. I'd sit down and have a good heart to heart about what being supportive means to YOU before you throw in the towel completely. For some people, what he said would make them feel better and be encouraging, but for you it isn't. Our partners sometimes need direction, imho.
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
    Your health is your responsibility, not your SO. If your SO is in the way, kick him out of your life. If you opt not to do that. live with it and do your own thing. No one else can give you health and fitness buy you. And, you can't blame anyone else if you don't work at it and get it.

    Giving up is total weakness.
  • Angel506
    Angel506 Posts: 1
    Dont give up! i have maybe MAYBE 1 pair of jeans i can fit into out of the like 15-20 pairs i own... ive been wearing sweats and yoga pants for way too long! but just keep at it.. go to the gym etc. and i found on here that you know how when you burn calories it adds it back into your food so you can basically eat the cals you burned.. DONT! that was huge mistake of mine, idk if it will help or make a difference, but i wish you luck. and dont be too hard on your significant other... their only trying to make you feel better they just don't understand. Dont give up tho!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    Ooo, you're talking about dropping the boy aren't you?

    You need to evaluate. If you aren't getting what you need, it's time to move on.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    You are asking when is it time to quit him right? To me it sounded like he was being like every other man in that situation and trying to be supportive as much as he could. Telling you he loves you no matter how big you are, etc. and trying to support you as much as he can.. I think that maybe define what being supportive is to him will help like someone suggested.
  • Hassiri
    Hassiri Posts: 35
    How long have you been "serious" about your goal?

    And what kind of support do you expect from him?
    HIs answer was a very common one, that's something my husband would say to me too,

    If there's something I've learned in my journey, is that I have to be consistent and PACIENT, How long did it take you to gain all the weight you want to lose? To me it was like 5 years! So why do you expect it to happen instantly.

    Also I am my own cheerleader, if you expect everybody to be super supportive like... all the time, and you rely on that to keep going, you are setting yourself for failure.
    I hope this helps, I went thorugh moments like the one you just described, and I just kept going!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I don't think anyone has understood the question properly yet. I don't know, it sounded to me like he was trying to comfort you which I would consider supportive. Maybe you'd better sit down and have a talk with him about this before you make any drastic decisions.
  • MummaAimz
    MummaAimz Posts: 81 Member
    My hubby doesn't understand how important my weight loss is to me but I wont ever give up. MY mother in law is my biggest supporter, mainly because I am hers. Whether it be someone who is there by your side all the time or someone from this site, there are people who will be there to help you through the good times and the bad. I agree with CandiceS86, maybe a sit down with him might help him understand.
    Mine on the other hand is a lost cause...he's got it in his mind that I will get skinny and leave lol. Men make me giggle.
    Don't give up! You can do it! Add me and we will do it together!
  • starfires
    starfires Posts: 28 Member
    I understand you're upset but it sounded like he was trying to make you feel better. Maybe you've left out some important information here but I don't think telling you you're beautiful is a reason to dump him?!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Low carbs can make people depressed so be careful.
    Don't quit and good luck.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Low carbs can make people depressed so be careful.
    Don't quit and good luck.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Low carbs can make people depressed so be careful.
    Don't quit and good luck.
  • Peachy_T
    Peachy_T Posts: 138 Member
    Personally? I think from your description, he WAS trying to be supportive, but he genuinely doesn't know what you need from him. I'd sit down and have a good heart to heart about what being supportive means to YOU before you throw in the towel completely. For some people, what he said would make them feel better and be encouraging, but for you it isn't. Our partners sometimes need direction, imho.
    Exactly!
  • TNAJackson
    TNAJackson Posts: 686 Member
    Of course it's a big deal for you, but I'm sure your SO loves you just the way you are and maybe he doesn't really get how important this is to you! Just have a chat and explain and tell him that you would want some more support in this!

    And never give up because you can do it, I'm sure :)

    I agree.
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,343 Member
    Ok so like everyone else here, I am serious about wanting to lose weight. Not just shred some fat tissue but to build muscle and be healthier all around.
    Lately I have been feeling way more depressed than usual mostly because my significant other is not supportive and actually stresses me out more. For example the other day we were going to go snowboarding for the first time of the season and I had a major melt down right before we left. My pants would not button and I could not get my jacket zipped for the life of me. This hit me really hard because for the last few months I have been hitting the gym relentlessly and watching my calories (not just intake but also what I am consuming.) I thought I was actually do good and losing weight but after not being able to fit in those clothes, I just lost it. Starting bailing and called off our whole day.
    My SO comes to me and tells baby it’s ok, I think your beautiful so this is no big deal!!!!! NO BIG DEAL??? To who, you or me the one devastated crying my eyes out, of course it’s a big deal. This lack of support, compassion and sympathy has my head spinning; when is it time to call it quits and drop 165lbs instantly?

    I don't think he was being insenstive (at least from what you wrote). sounds like he is being supportive and thinks you are beautiful the way you are. Also...footnote...remember us men tend to insert foot into mouth quite often.

    I think most people on MFP have felt your pain...jeans not buttoning up, clothes not fitting well. use that as fuel to kick *kitten* in nutrition and working out! this should be your motivation!

    make some short term and long term goals. write them down, with dates and timeframes. post them up and read them daily.

    it's cliche, but just take it a day at a time. one meal at a time.

    good luck!!
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Your SO sounds pretty supportive to me. He tried to be sympathetic to your melt down and to how you were feeling.

    There is no time to call it quits. This is a lifestyle change. Something that has to happen for the rest of your life.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
    Yup, he was definitely trying to support you and show his caring but the 'it's no big deal' comment invalidated your feelings.

    You could just talk to him and say 'I'm sure you were trying to support me when you said '...' but I felt '....'. Next time, could you say something like '....'"

    A good man is hard to find so don't chuck this one unless he's totally useless!

    Also, a good relationship takes lots of talking and compromise and change.

    Good luck on your journey!
  • jplucheck
    jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
    Ooo, you're talking about dropping the boy aren't you?

    Yes yes I am, I am doing this all for me not anyone else and I need some support and understanding not someone that tell me it’s not big you have no reason to change, blah blah blah, it depresses me more to be with someone that can't understand why I want to change my lifestyle and be healthier.
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,343 Member
    I don't think anyone has understood the question properly yet. I don't know, it sounded to me like he was trying to comfort you which I would consider supportive. Maybe you'd better sit down and have a talk with him about this before you make any drastic decisions.

    right...good point. re-read that again. you are on the path i think.

    I agree....have a conversation with him.
  • drog2323
    drog2323 Posts: 1,343 Member
    Ooo, you're talking about dropping the boy aren't you?

    Yes yes I am, I am doing this all for me not anyone else and I need some support and understanding not someone that tell me it’s not big you have no reason to change, blah blah blah, it depresses me more to be with someone that can't understand why I want to change my lifestyle and be healthier.

    from what you wrote...honestly, what he said sounds pretty good to me. I think he was just trying to be a calming influence...which sounds like it came out wrong or didn't take the proper effect.

    I would have a sit down conversation with him...talk to him about how you feel and how he can support you.

    good luck!
  • world2c
    world2c Posts: 175 Member
    take how you feel rght now, and use it as motivation. You just had a bad day, what is important, is what you do now- are you going to stay down, or keep fighting??? In my opinon, you should wipe your tears, put on some rocky music, and get back on your game. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF, YOU ARE WORTH EVERY BATTLE, EVERY CRY, EVERY BIT OF SWEAT. Go get it!!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I think he was trying to comfort you and make you feel better. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel when you aren't so emotional.

    I get your point, but making a drastic decision when you are clearly upset is never a good idea.
  • shanolap
    shanolap Posts: 1,204 Member
    Different point of view:

    You're SO was being supportive in this situation. You were being emotional and dramatic. YOU cancelled the whole trip (that did not just involve YOU) because YOU didn't accomplish what YOU thought you should have. You are lucky that is all your SO said. My So would of hugged me, told me to put my big girl panties on and get in the damn truck.

    Put yourself in his shoes!
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
    Personally? I think from your description, he WAS trying to be supportive, but he genuinely doesn't know what you need from him. I'd sit down and have a good heart to heart about what being supportive means to YOU before you throw in the towel completely. For some people, what he said would make them feel better and be encouraging, but for you it isn't. Our partners sometimes need direction, imho.
    Ditto. Be upset for him not totally understanding, sure, but getting more upset because he tried and missed? Jeez, cut the guy a break.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Different point of view:

    You're SO was being supportive in this situation. You were being emotional and dramatic. YOU cancelled the whole trip (that did not just involve YOU) because YOU didn't accomplish what YOU thought you should have. You are lucky that is all your SO said. My So would of hugged me, told me to put my big girl panties on and get in the damn truck.

    Put yourself in his shoes!
    Exactly this.
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