Parents with overweight children

I'm no parent but you could stop buying treats and things and instead have fruit/veg for them to snack on, emotionally or not. Then, occasionally, have sweets, biscuits etc. as treats

My situation was reversed 2 of my 3 are under weight and people looked at me and acted like i was starving them. My sisters children however were opposite they are "over weight". But they also dont eat junk food and are very active she took them to the drs and the dr said nothing was wrong. But as they are getting older they are starting to thin out a little bit. just encourage healthier foods and more excercise into their regimens. My neice has gotten the Kinect and now plays that and is starting to gradually loose weight.

I totally understand what you mean about the touchy subject. Maybe make a special time for you two to get out and do something together were you two can talk walk jog and that may help her express her emotions.

The result is a bowl of rotten fruit and an overweight teenage girl because she just gets food from someone else or their friends parents

I think sweets as 'treats' is a poor solution - it gives the wrong message about food (that it's a reward of some kind) and locks in emotional eating.

My parents 'warned' me a lot about eating, and the result, I'd say, is that I changed from being a healthy weight teen to an overweight young adult very quickly indeed.

Do you have dogs you could walk together? We do this every day and it definitely makes a difference to overall activity levels. Will she do things with you like go for a short run? I did C25k with my little girl and that worked pretty well. I did frame it as her 'keeping me company' and 'helping me'. And are there activities she's pretty keen on? My daughter's desperate to be old enough to join the gym, as she sees it as something special only I can do at the moment, and also cause she really fancies herself doing zumba....

My parents 'warned' me a lot about eating, and the result, I'd say, is that I changed from being a healthy weight teen to an overweight young adult very quickly indeed.

Another one who did this!

Honestly have no junk in the house. My parents would lecture me about eating healthy yet have the worst junk food in the house. And couldn't understand why I just kept eating it. Didn't want to 'pushing' everyone else (by being healthy?)

Maybe you can make a long walk something you two do? If you have to have the two youngest with you, maybe a walk around an oval so they can play in the middle while you two walk?

Have you considered a team sport? Doing an individual sport can be really boring. Do any of her friends play netball? Get her into a team and it can make a difference.

My children know that I use MFP. I have 4 veiry active kid and one that is built like I was when I was her age...she is strong and absolutely gorgeous but not long and lean like her sisters. She has asked me about calories etc and if they are bad and I take the opportunity to talk about the amazingness of calories and the energy they give us and how they power our lives but that not all calories are not the same...and that too few leaves you weak and tired and too many makes your body store them for later. I tell her that too many extra can indeed make someone fat. Kids know fat, they know what it means and what it looks like so while I never try to use the word in describing a person but to understand that too much food makes people fat is a good thing. I encourage the kids to walk or journal when upset and show them through actions and words that exercise makes stress easier for me to handle. In fact, the more emotional I get about something in my life the more I talk about exercise as a stress reliever.
I provide snacks for the kids. They always have to ask first...not so I overcontrol their intake as much as because I know when and what we might be eating later and if food right now is appropriate etc. They are learning that sweets are treats...but never rewards. We don't go out for ice cream for a good report card etc...but there are days in which we get ice cream as a treat. It is important to understand that no food is "bad" but that some foods are just treats...keep modeling healthy attitudes towards food, healthy options, occasional treats and great active life examples and the kid will be fine..

She could get a newspaper/circular run, or maybe some friends or family have a dog that needs walking?
Or, as its coming into summer if you know anyone that runs a motel/holiday ground, a job doing bed making or other domestic chores is good exercise too, and she gets something out of it.

OH also make sure she's not eating too LITTLE. She'll be needing something in the 1800-2000 a day range.

Not sure if people saw my second post in this thread but yes I do largely provide healthy snacks not junk, and yes we already walk and less often swim together. She does play netball in winter which is over now here, but does not want to play a summer sport. Her weight has been an issue since well before puberty.

Yes, I was responding to the suggestion of keeping sweets etc as a 'treat'.

The hardest thing with teenage girls is balance. You don't want them to struggle and feel self contious, but you don't want them to have an eating disorder either. 13 it a hard age. You have all the physical and hormonal changes. You have high school and peer pressure. All that stress doesn't help anyone lose wieght. ( think about how hard it is for us to lose wieght when we are stressed.) A teenager doesn't have the same stress adults do, but to them it feels the same.

If she is already eating healthy and you are working on portions, find a physical activity that she can do on her own. Maybe she could take a walk after school with a friend, or you can go for a walk with her when the younger kids don't have to go. That way you can get some one on one time with her. It's not uncommon for one child to be shaped completely different from everyone else in the family. It makes them feel more awkward. I would try to make sure she learns to love herself as she is instead of trying to conform. Just because someone isn't a string bean, doesn't mean they are healthy. We want to promote health to her, not the number on the scale.

Best wishes.

P.S. I do have a 17 year old, that is 5'2' and weighs about 135lbs. The hardest thing to do is to keep the soda and chocolate away from them while they are at school, but; still keeping it in moderation it important. Don't make her feel like she needs to hide what she is eating from you. Food is the worst battle to have with a child at any age. You will NEVER win.

My oldest is 13 and while not fat, is bordering on that. I am very very careful to not discuss weight etc, as I recall as a child having people close to me obsess over weight and it did me no favours.

I am trying to subtley help her by exercising as a family, eating healthily and being generally more active, but she is my one (of four) who tends to emotional eating and is also the most sedentary of my children.

Anyone else have a child whose weight is or is becoming an issue? She is self-conscious about her weight - she is tall for her age (probably about 5'2") and currently weighs 143lbs.(I only know this because they all apparently jumped on their grandparents scales the other day!)

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I think you need to talk to her - not obsess about it, not bring it up constantly, but talk like you would about any other health or safety issue. You wouldn't try to be subtle if you knew she was smoking, would you? Young children need to be sheltered from information that is too mature for them. Teenagers need to be armed with information and made comfortable with talking with their parents about anything or they will get their information from their peers and the media and believe it to be true. At 143 pounds and 5'2", a 13 year old girl has a BMI of 26.2 and in the 94th percentile for her age and height, which makes her overweight edging on obese. She knows her weight is an issue - I certainly did at that age, and I wish I'd had someone to talk to who could have helped me actually make changes in my life. Instead I was told that I was big boned, perfect the way I was, and I should just cut the junk food, which made me feel like crap and want more junk food. I was told that a lot of women in our family have weight problems and it's normal - an idea which stuck in my head for years and made me think that I couldn't change things even if I tried, so why bother? The things you and she need to talk about are the fact that as a young teenager, she does not need to diet, but she does need to be aware of what she is eating, how much exercise and activity she is getting, and how much screen time she gets because those things work together to shape you. Because you are here, I'm guessing you are focusing on health as well, so you could decide that it is something the two of you can learn about together - watch documentaries like Super Size Me and discuss; read books on healthy eating or mindful eating (which gets into why and how we eat, not just what we eat); visit a nutritionist; take a cooking class that focuses on healthy eating together, etc. Make a New Years Resolution to try a new fruit or vegetable each week, or to replace white bread/rice/pasta with whole wheat, or to try to prepare one new healthy recipe a week and vote as a family about whether you liked it. Look at whether you can cut sodium or fat in other things you buy. Think about joining the Y as a family, or taking a class together like Zumba or yoga. If she isn't comfortable playing a team sport or doing an organized activity, maybe she needs something she can do in the home, like an exercise video, fitness games for the Wii or XBox, a mini trampoline, etc. Little changes can make a big difference.

My oldest is 13 and while not fat, is bordering on that. I am very very careful to not discuss weight etc, as I recall as a child having people close to me obsess over weight and it did me no favours.

I am trying to subtley help her by exercising as a family, eating healthily and being generally more active, but she is my one (of four) who tends to emotional eating and is also the most sedentary of my children.

Anyone else have a child whose weight is or is becoming an issue? She is self-conscious about her weight - she is tall for her age (probably about 5'2") and currently weighs 143lbs.(I only know this because they all apparently jumped on their grandparents scales the other day!)

First of all, you're doing a good job by not discussing her weight with her. I also think you're on the right path by doing family exercise and providing her with healthy meals and snacks to eat. I used to work with a woman who had a daughter that at about 11 or 12 years old started having a lot of stomach problems and often not being able to eat (and throwing up a lot). They did all sorts of medical tests to see why this was happening to her, and it turned out to be a psychological issue and she was doing it herself. She would throw up after anything emotional happened (fights with parents, etc) and refused to eat much of anything. This kid got down to 80 lbs (she was about 5'2) and was hospitalized many times due to her weight. They finally got her into therapy to work on issues, and got her on an antidepressant. She started to thrive! She gained weight back, she was doing well in school again, she wasn't have ANY issue with not eating or throwing up, and she was happy! A couple months later, my co-worker comes in and starts complaining about how she wants to take her daughter off this wonderful medication because she was gaining weight and she didn't want her to "get fat". This kid was still probably classified as underweight at this point, or borderline healthy, and I remember thinking "Ah, so there's the stem of her issues".

I'm not suggesting that this will happen with you daughter, I'm just saying that everyone should be very careful about what they say to a preteen or teenage girl. They're already dealing with society and media telling them that only thin is beautiful and they really don't need it coming from their own parents as well. Again, you are doing GOOD with providing healthy meals and snacks, and FAMILY activity times. I agree with other members that said to have some 1 on 1 time. Ask her to go for a walk with you or have other fun mother-daughter times with her (is she your only daughter?) maybe taking a zumba class together for fun or something like that. Make it fun!! Along with increasing activity levels for both of you, you'll get the benefit of spending more time with your daughter, which is an all around win