Parents with overweight children

Not sure if people saw my second post in this thread but yes I do largely provide healthy snacks not junk, and yes we already walk and less often swim together. She does play netball in winter which is over now here, but does not want to play a summer sport. Her weight has been an issue since well before puberty.

Yes, I was responding to the suggestion of keeping sweets etc as a 'treat'.

The hardest thing with teenage girls is balance. You don't want them to struggle and feel self contious, but you don't want them to have an eating disorder either. 13 it a hard age. You have all the physical and hormonal changes. You have high school and peer pressure. All that stress doesn't help anyone lose wieght. ( think about how hard it is for us to lose wieght when we are stressed.) A teenager doesn't have the same stress adults do, but to them it feels the same.

If she is already eating healthy and you are working on portions, find a physical activity that she can do on her own. Maybe she could take a walk after school with a friend, or you can go for a walk with her when the younger kids don't have to go. That way you can get some one on one time with her. It's not uncommon for one child to be shaped completely different from everyone else in the family. It makes them feel more awkward. I would try to make sure she learns to love herself as she is instead of trying to conform. Just because someone isn't a string bean, doesn't mean they are healthy. We want to promote health to her, not the number on the scale.

Best wishes.

P.S. I do have a 17 year old, that is 5'2' and weighs about 135lbs. The hardest thing to do is to keep the soda and chocolate away from them while they are at school, but; still keeping it in moderation it important. Don't make her feel like she needs to hide what she is eating from you. Food is the worst battle to have with a child at any age. You will NEVER win.

My oldest is 13 and while not fat, is bordering on that. I am very very careful to not discuss weight etc, as I recall as a child having people close to me obsess over weight and it did me no favours.

I am trying to subtley help her by exercising as a family, eating healthily and being generally more active, but she is my one (of four) who tends to emotional eating and is also the most sedentary of my children.

Anyone else have a child whose weight is or is becoming an issue? She is self-conscious about her weight - she is tall for her age (probably about 5'2") and currently weighs 143lbs.(I only know this because they all apparently jumped on their grandparents scales the other day!)

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I think you need to talk to her - not obsess about it, not bring it up constantly, but talk like you would about any other health or safety issue. You wouldn't try to be subtle if you knew she was smoking, would you? Young children need to be sheltered from information that is too mature for them. Teenagers need to be armed with information and made comfortable with talking with their parents about anything or they will get their information from their peers and the media and believe it to be true. At 143 pounds and 5'2", a 13 year old girl has a BMI of 26.2 and in the 94th percentile for her age and height, which makes her overweight edging on obese. She knows her weight is an issue - I certainly did at that age, and I wish I'd had someone to talk to who could have helped me actually make changes in my life. Instead I was told that I was big boned, perfect the way I was, and I should just cut the junk food, which made me feel like crap and want more junk food. I was told that a lot of women in our family have weight problems and it's normal - an idea which stuck in my head for years and made me think that I couldn't change things even if I tried, so why bother? The things you and she need to talk about are the fact that as a young teenager, she does not need to diet, but she does need to be aware of what she is eating, how much exercise and activity she is getting, and how much screen time she gets because those things work together to shape you. Because you are here, I'm guessing you are focusing on health as well, so you could decide that it is something the two of you can learn about together - watch documentaries like Super Size Me and discuss; read books on healthy eating or mindful eating (which gets into why and how we eat, not just what we eat); visit a nutritionist; take a cooking class that focuses on healthy eating together, etc. Make a New Years Resolution to try a new fruit or vegetable each week, or to replace white bread/rice/pasta with whole wheat, or to try to prepare one new healthy recipe a week and vote as a family about whether you liked it. Look at whether you can cut sodium or fat in other things you buy. Think about joining the Y as a family, or taking a class together like Zumba or yoga. If she isn't comfortable playing a team sport or doing an organized activity, maybe she needs something she can do in the home, like an exercise video, fitness games for the Wii or XBox, a mini trampoline, etc. Little changes can make a big difference.

My oldest is 13 and while not fat, is bordering on that. I am very very careful to not discuss weight etc, as I recall as a child having people close to me obsess over weight and it did me no favours.

I am trying to subtley help her by exercising as a family, eating healthily and being generally more active, but she is my one (of four) who tends to emotional eating and is also the most sedentary of my children.

Anyone else have a child whose weight is or is becoming an issue? She is self-conscious about her weight - she is tall for her age (probably about 5'2") and currently weighs 143lbs.(I only know this because they all apparently jumped on their grandparents scales the other day!)

First of all, you're doing a good job by not discussing her weight with her. I also think you're on the right path by doing family exercise and providing her with healthy meals and snacks to eat. I used to work with a woman who had a daughter that at about 11 or 12 years old started having a lot of stomach problems and often not being able to eat (and throwing up a lot). They did all sorts of medical tests to see why this was happening to her, and it turned out to be a psychological issue and she was doing it herself. She would throw up after anything emotional happened (fights with parents, etc) and refused to eat much of anything. This kid got down to 80 lbs (she was about 5'2) and was hospitalized many times due to her weight. They finally got her into therapy to work on issues, and got her on an antidepressant. She started to thrive! She gained weight back, she was doing well in school again, she wasn't have ANY issue with not eating or throwing up, and she was happy! A couple months later, my co-worker comes in and starts complaining about how she wants to take her daughter off this wonderful medication because she was gaining weight and she didn't want her to "get fat". This kid was still probably classified as underweight at this point, or borderline healthy, and I remember thinking "Ah, so there's the stem of her issues".

I'm not suggesting that this will happen with you daughter, I'm just saying that everyone should be very careful about what they say to a preteen or teenage girl. They're already dealing with society and media telling them that only thin is beautiful and they really don't need it coming from their own parents as well. Again, you are doing GOOD with providing healthy meals and snacks, and FAMILY activity times. I agree with other members that said to have some 1 on 1 time. Ask her to go for a walk with you or have other fun mother-daughter times with her (is she your only daughter?) maybe taking a zumba class together for fun or something like that. Make it fun!! Along with increasing activity levels for both of you, you'll get the benefit of spending more time with your daughter, which is an all around win

You know... it really depends on the personality of your daughter.

I was an over-weight teen. Subtile hints eroded my self-confidence. I would have been better off with a frank, direct talk. I still prefer direct honesty I tend to pick up on emotion and notice certain subtile actions/behaviors without actually knowing what is causing those emotions/behaviors and I almost always assume the worst. So something like "mom is concerned about me" becomes "mom is disappointed in me, she hates me, she loves the other children more" (k... I"m exaggerating for effect, although I DID often think that about my father/mother when I was a teen).

If I know what's wrong, then I know what's wrong. Knowledge = power, even if that knowledge makes me sad.

So if you think your teen can handle it, you might try a conversation like this:

"Honey, I love you and I'm concerned about your health and happiness. You are overweight and I've noticed that seems to bother you. Would you like me to help you become a healthy weight?"

If your daughter says "yes" then you go on. You say something like "I think exercise is probably the best way to deal with extra weight. Even if you don't lose the weight, you'll feel better about yourself and have more energy. What kind of exercises do you like? Would you like me to enroll you in dance, gymnastics, swimming, martial arts.... (the list goes on depending on her interests)?'

If she says "no" and gets upset, then you say "Okay, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I love you no matter what. Your weight isn't who you are. You're a wonderful person no matter what size you are. But if you ever change your mind, I'm here. I will do my best to support you with any challenges you face, whether its weight loss or something else".

And then you leave it be.

My parents never did anything like that, but I wish they had. My older sister DID do exactly that and I honestly got pretty mad at her, but later I really appreciated what she was trying to do.

Anyway... just some thoughts. You know your child best, so only you know whether she could handle something like that.

Best wishes!

I know you dont want to talk too much about weight around the children and I do understand why
but could you not talk to her
as her if you can talk to her in confidence as you need her help and support to become fitter - dont mention weight but maybe talk about toning etc - even if you tell little fibs and say you should have done it after having the other two and just didnt have the time - and now its difficult - fi you get her onside with YOUR fitness it will help her too
she can come for walks with you and maybe keep charts of your daily steps etc that way she will be joining in and it wont be for her it will be for you - and she will get the health benefits along side

Maybe get her into a dance class? I struggled with weight as a kid, and like you my mom never had junk food in the house, but I would manage to eat it at school. I did athletics in middle school but hated it, so would fake injuries lol..yep I was that kid.

Finally my mom put me back into my old dance studio and BAM, I did anything to get healthy so I could look and feel and dance my heart out.

I love my hip-hop classes, she would't have to wear a leotard and tights, and it is such a fun way to get into shape without even realzing it. However I do recomend a ballet class, it really tones the muscles, but if she is anything like me, you couldn't have paid me enough to take ballet at 13.

Usually YMCA, or other kid friendly after school programs have pretty inexpensive cheer or dance lessons, as I know studios can be expensive.

-meghan

I serve the dinners and make sure content and portions are healthy. To be honest I think I am doing all I can already re their health and wellbeing.

Then what sort of advice do you want? I'd say the suggestions on trying to get her active are good ideas, but if she doesn't like sports, there's not much that can really change that... maybe just keep trying her out with different sorts of activities (martial arts, dance, anything!!) and see if something sticks...

personally, I hated sports at that age, but loved tap and swing dancing. So maybe she'll discover something she really likes.

I'm going a different route with my pre-teen boy...getting him an hrm, and for each minute in the target zone he will get a minute of xbox.