Wrong for married people to have workout partner of opposite

fasttrack27
fasttrack27 Posts: 324
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
So, I have developed a friendship with a gal at the gym. We attend all the same group classes , at a similar level of fitness, similar age and social status. I have 3 boys she has 2 boys - similar ages. She's a physical therapist for a local hospital and let's me bounce questions off her. Our families have gotten together a couple times and we all get along well. They just invivted us to go skiing together next month. Due to the long holiday weekend and odd gym schedule, we made plans to meet at certain classes and also do an early run together outside before the gym opened at 7. We talked the other day about how we motivate each other to get up at 4:30am to workout and push to higher levels. Our occasional texts are only about fitness or important family things - nothing flirty at all. We have never met anywhere alone.There is no 'funny business' going on. A couple instructors recently asked if she and I were married since we often come/go together,etc. I also get 'the look' from a few of the regular guys at times as if they are suspicious. Her hubby and my wife are fine with everything. So should I be concerned what others think - what it might look like? Anybody in the same boat, or used to be and had problems?
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Replies

  • lindalee0315
    lindalee0315 Posts: 527 Member
    If your wife and her husband know all about it, I wouldn't worry too much. This sounds like the equivalent of an "office spouse." You know, the person with whom you discuss everything with at work. I do know that my husband would have a huge problem with it, especially if we were texting each other throughout the day, or frankly, even occassionally. He might not if the families did things together, but I don't know. He's weird about stuff like that. Once I had to go to a work conference in AZ and I happened to mention that a colleague was also going. He wigged out. He said I was "hiding" that information from him. It was weird. The colleague worked in an entirely different office about 150 miles away, and I rarely saw him face-to-face. To me, it was nothing more than an afterthought. My husband thought otherwise, though. Ultimately, he ended up flying to AZ with me.
  • rsullivan
    rsullivan Posts: 13 Member
    Why not invite the spouses to workout too?
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,900 Member
    I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as it didn't effect us, this if it were my hubby. What I mean by that if she didn't convince my hubby that I was wrong, or he was rite, and as long as they didn't speak about our relationship, and no new controversial habits are picked up (he had an old college friend he met with while I was out of town, she took him to this bikini bar, we don't do stuff like that, when I go back he was saying how much fun it was and took me there, I was livid and told him to never point her out to me as the lady who took him there and that we will never hang with her again) it is not what I want in my life. Knowing my hubby that wouldn't be a problem.
    You need to find out if it is ok with your spouse, if its not then its not worth the fight and leave it at that. There will be other things int he future that are worth fighting for trust me, this is not one of them.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
    Thx Linda! Maybe lawyers have a hard time trusting with all the lies they see and hear everyday - LOL (meaning him, not you)
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    If nothing is oging on and your respective spouses are ok with it, then I wouldn't worry about what other people think.
  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
    As long as both of your significant others are okay with it, then that's all you have to worry about. Strangers will think what they think. Don't let what they think get in the way of a partnership that is helping to motivate you.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
    Why not invite the spouses to workout too?

    Different schedules and family needs. Her hubby is up till 1am and gets up later. She starts early so she can get out of work by 3pm when the kids get home from school. My wife teaches 6-8 zumba classes a week so doesnt belong to the gym. She gets our older 2 kids ready for school from 6-7 while i'm at gym. I get our youngest on the bus after the gym.
  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
    I think if your spouses know and are okay with a platonic relationship then it's fine. I have a friend that was lab partner in anatomy last semester, chemistry this semester, and we're both taking a communications class in the soring. Both our SO know. He's helped me after class too and still no problems. If everybody knows where your relationship stands and they're comfortable with it then there shouldn't be a problem.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    The only opinions that matter, besides yours and hers, are your spouses. If they are fine with it, that's all that matters! Don't let anyone else get to you, some people just love the drama! Workout buddies can be great!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
    Personally, I just wouldn't spend a lengthy amount of leisure time with the opposite sex unless necessary or I had my significant other with me. It's not wrong, but things could happen especially if you're vulnerable for instance a fight with the significant other. Mistakes happen and sometimes there's no second chances.
  • midim
    midim Posts: 1
    I would agree with "honeysprinkle" comments. Only you can tune into your gut insticnt and know what's appropriate and what's not. However, it's quite a fine line and as "honeysprinkle" mentioned a "Bad Marriage" day is ineveitable so just stay aware of the appropriate boundaries and always ensure open communicaiton with your wife in all areas.
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the same sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    Of course people have friends and work buddies of the opposite sex. But there are boundaries, if you start to spend more and more time with that person, sharing and doing things that you like together, texting, planning work out dates, seeing them socially....it's starting to cross those boundaries. Just like many a office romance started innocently, lunch, breaks, maybe getting the families together socially............

    All in all it's nobody's business what it looks like and if the spouses are cool with it well OK. But down the road it could be a recipe for disaster.

    Also...in the younger crowd, it's much more 'natural' for members of the opposite sex to be texting and getting together as friends. In my age group (50 plus..like I said...old). It's not so common...unnatural may not have been a good word.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!
  • FatassFairy
    FatassFairy Posts: 166 Member
    as long as the SO's are cool i would not worry about anyone else, people just like to imagine things because its always more intrsting then the truth
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.


    I know for me personally if my boyfriend all of a sudden was meeting up with a girl he met at the gym 3 or whatever times a week to work out and they were texting each other back and forth I would be like WTF?! and vice versa I'm sure.
  • CouchSpud
    CouchSpud Posts: 557 Member
    Lol, I grew up in a socialist enviroment, so I do not understand the problem fully. Why would a female and a male not simply be able to be workout friends? Men and women can be friends without wanting to hump each others bones ^^
    Anyway, the only people you would have to answer to are your spouse - so if they are fine, don;t worry about anyone else
  • ee_drew
    ee_drew Posts: 3
    I would be fine with my spouse being in your situation... and I wouldn't care what others think. On the other hand, keep tabs on the situation and if you think things are getting boarder-line... find a new workout partner.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!


    Curious as to how you would honestly feel if the roles were reversed? If your wife was meeting a guy from the gym and making work out dates several times a week?

    Also just for a little more background -

    Did you meet her at the gym by just always seeing each other and talking? Or did you know her socially beforehand? I know her and your wife are acquainted now - did they know each other first and you met through them?
  • ninpiggy
    ninpiggy Posts: 228 Member
    You're wife is obviously very self-confident and/or trusts you a ton because there is no way I would be on board with that arrangement if it was my husband. Keep solid boundaries, is all I'm going to say. I imagine there is some hesitation on your part, or else you wouldn't be posting this question.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    If you have a workout pal who motivates you, then consider yourself lucky, and since you mentioned your respecitive spouses are fine with this, who cares what other people think?

    BTW..the fact that they've all met each other makes it cooler...at least there's no reason for your wife or her husband to think you're 'hiding' some relationship...its sounds like its all above board and out in the open.
  • squiggles409
    squiggles409 Posts: 50 Member
    This goes back to that antiquated ideology that men and women cant be friends. That idea just doesn't flow well with me. As long as you ate both being honest and open with your spouses where's the issue? As for the like and stares of the people in the gym...people will think and believe what they want to. So as long as you know the truth let them! Answer this: if you were to end your work out buddy relationship who would change their work out schedule? Or would someone just change gyms altogether? Or would you do that awkward thing where you have parallel schedules by don't speak to each other? I say as long as the two of you are happy, and your spouses are ok with the situation as it is then stick with it!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    the only one whose opinions should ever matter at all in this type of scenario is the two of you and your two spouses. Period. You all know nothing is going on other than working out, so forget any naysayers and people who assume the worst in a situation they know nothing about.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I'm bisexual. Does this mean I can't have friends at all?
  • Qatsi
    Qatsi Posts: 2,191 Member
    Having a workout partner of either sex can be a powerful mutual motivator. The fact that your workout partner is of the opposite sex should not be an problem, especially if both your spouses know about the workout relationship and are comfortable with it.

    If your spouse had an issue with you having friendships with people of the opposite sex, that's a different issue. If that's the case, it would be an indicator s/he may be feeling insecure about your relationship, and a clue that you might need to work on addressing those insecurities with your spouse. Under those circumstances, I would agree with the other posters that you would be better off not feeding those insecurities.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I strongly believe that spouses need to have some of their own friends and activities. Your spouses are ok with it, and your families do activities together. Just make sure you don't cross any lines or give anyone real reason to be suspicious of your activities.
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
    Pishhhh who cares what people think! Geeze! Really cant see how having a workout partner of the opposite sex should matter?
This discussion has been closed.

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