Wrong for married people to have workout partner of opposite

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fasttrack27
fasttrack27 Posts: 324
in Motivation and Support
So, I have developed a friendship with a gal at the gym. We attend all the same group classes , at a similar level of fitness, similar age and social status. I have 3 boys she has 2 boys - similar ages. She's a physical therapist for a local hospital and let's me bounce questions off her. Our families have gotten together a couple times and we all get along well. They just invivted us to go skiing together next month. Due to the long holiday weekend and odd gym schedule, we made plans to meet at certain classes and also do an early run together outside before the gym opened at 7. We talked the other day about how we motivate each other to get up at 4:30am to workout and push to higher levels. Our occasional texts are only about fitness or important family things - nothing flirty at all. We have never met anywhere alone.There is no 'funny business' going on. A couple instructors recently asked if she and I were married since we often come/go together,etc. I also get 'the look' from a few of the regular guys at times as if they are suspicious. Her hubby and my wife are fine with everything. So should I be concerned what others think - what it might look like? Anybody in the same boat, or used to be and had problems?
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Replies

  • lindalee0315
    lindalee0315 Posts: 527 Member
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    If your wife and her husband know all about it, I wouldn't worry too much. This sounds like the equivalent of an "office spouse." You know, the person with whom you discuss everything with at work. I do know that my husband would have a huge problem with it, especially if we were texting each other throughout the day, or frankly, even occassionally. He might not if the families did things together, but I don't know. He's weird about stuff like that. Once I had to go to a work conference in AZ and I happened to mention that a colleague was also going. He wigged out. He said I was "hiding" that information from him. It was weird. The colleague worked in an entirely different office about 150 miles away, and I rarely saw him face-to-face. To me, it was nothing more than an afterthought. My husband thought otherwise, though. Ultimately, he ended up flying to AZ with me.
  • rsullivan
    rsullivan Posts: 13 Member
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    Why not invite the spouses to workout too?
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as it didn't effect us, this if it were my hubby. What I mean by that if she didn't convince my hubby that I was wrong, or he was rite, and as long as they didn't speak about our relationship, and no new controversial habits are picked up (he had an old college friend he met with while I was out of town, she took him to this bikini bar, we don't do stuff like that, when I go back he was saying how much fun it was and took me there, I was livid and told him to never point her out to me as the lady who took him there and that we will never hang with her again) it is not what I want in my life. Knowing my hubby that wouldn't be a problem.
    You need to find out if it is ok with your spouse, if its not then its not worth the fight and leave it at that. There will be other things int he future that are worth fighting for trust me, this is not one of them.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
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    Thx Linda! Maybe lawyers have a hard time trusting with all the lies they see and hear everyday - LOL (meaning him, not you)
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    If nothing is oging on and your respective spouses are ok with it, then I wouldn't worry about what other people think.
  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
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    As long as both of your significant others are okay with it, then that's all you have to worry about. Strangers will think what they think. Don't let what they think get in the way of a partnership that is helping to motivate you.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
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    Why not invite the spouses to workout too?

    Different schedules and family needs. Her hubby is up till 1am and gets up later. She starts early so she can get out of work by 3pm when the kids get home from school. My wife teaches 6-8 zumba classes a week so doesnt belong to the gym. She gets our older 2 kids ready for school from 6-7 while i'm at gym. I get our youngest on the bus after the gym.
  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
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    I think if your spouses know and are okay with a platonic relationship then it's fine. I have a friend that was lab partner in anatomy last semester, chemistry this semester, and we're both taking a communications class in the soring. Both our SO know. He's helped me after class too and still no problems. If everybody knows where your relationship stands and they're comfortable with it then there shouldn't be a problem.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    The only opinions that matter, besides yours and hers, are your spouses. If they are fine with it, that's all that matters! Don't let anyone else get to you, some people just love the drama! Workout buddies can be great!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
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    Personally, I just wouldn't spend a lengthy amount of leisure time with the opposite sex unless necessary or I had my significant other with me. It's not wrong, but things could happen especially if you're vulnerable for instance a fight with the significant other. Mistakes happen and sometimes there's no second chances.
  • midim
    midim Posts: 1
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    I would agree with "honeysprinkle" comments. Only you can tune into your gut insticnt and know what's appropriate and what's not. However, it's quite a fine line and as "honeysprinkle" mentioned a "Bad Marriage" day is ineveitable so just stay aware of the appropriate boundaries and always ensure open communicaiton with your wife in all areas.
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
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    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the same sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    Of course people have friends and work buddies of the opposite sex. But there are boundaries, if you start to spend more and more time with that person, sharing and doing things that you like together, texting, planning work out dates, seeing them socially....it's starting to cross those boundaries. Just like many a office romance started innocently, lunch, breaks, maybe getting the families together socially............

    All in all it's nobody's business what it looks like and if the spouses are cool with it well OK. But down the road it could be a recipe for disaster.

    Also...in the younger crowd, it's much more 'natural' for members of the opposite sex to be texting and getting together as friends. In my age group (50 plus..like I said...old). It's not so common...unnatural may not have been a good word.
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
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    It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you're doing the right thing.

    I will say though, be careful. It's a situation that can set you both up for things you may not want now, but if one or both of you have a 'bad marriage day', it can quickly get out of hand.

    In my humble opinion, you should stay away from it.

    ^ I have to agree with this too. It may not be something you're interested in now (a relationship with this woman)....but down the rode when you're thinking jeez why doesn't my wife take an interest in working out and going to the gym with me? Or she's thinking the same thing about her husband........it just doesn't seem right. I'd step away from the situation, it's unnatural.
    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    That's kind of what I was wondering/thinking too. But that's fine, I appreciate all the opinions expressed - keep them coming!
  • FatassFairy
    FatassFairy Posts: 166 Member
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    as long as the SO's are cool i would not worry about anyone else, people just like to imagine things because its always more intrsting then the truth
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    It's unnatural to have a friend/work out buddy of the opposite sex? How so? I just don't understand that way of thinking.

    If you include the fact that both parties are married to other people, then it becomes something that can set up both marriages for a lot of trouble.

    Even if absolutely nothing inappropriate happened between the workout partners, what if one of their spouses began to lose trust, thinking that maybe there was an affair going on? It may not be warranted, but all of a sudden there's some damage and the trust has to be rebuilt.


    I know for me personally if my boyfriend all of a sudden was meeting up with a girl he met at the gym 3 or whatever times a week to work out and they were texting each other back and forth I would be like WTF?! and vice versa I'm sure.
  • CouchSpud
    CouchSpud Posts: 557 Member
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    Lol, I grew up in a socialist enviroment, so I do not understand the problem fully. Why would a female and a male not simply be able to be workout friends? Men and women can be friends without wanting to hump each others bones ^^
    Anyway, the only people you would have to answer to are your spouse - so if they are fine, don;t worry about anyone else

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