I am emotionally tired/non supportive spouse

Loves418
Loves418 Posts: 330 Member
edited October 5 in Motivation and Support
As if this is not emotionally and physically draining enough I have to deal with my spouse who says in theory he supports me yet he isn't. Example yesterday I wanted to go out and buy turkey for lunch he gave me an attitude about buying turkey so much and spending money. Right now it is easy for me to have it for lunch on whole wheat. I enjoy it, its healthy the end. Then to top it off he sits here at night eating, cake, donuts, ice cream. Now the ice cream I don't care I don't like it, I dont like chocolate (don't all pass out at once I really hate it) but the cake or the donut yea it still bugs me. I am in the beginning of this journey again, picking up where I left off last year and I am struggling.
I can't tell him his answer to me is you worry about yourself and don't watch..UGHHHHHHHHh

I need a hug from someone who understands how right now I am still weak and this is all hard maybe in 4 more weeks it will get easier and then I won't care. But 4 weeks in its hard!!
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Replies

  • rmwinters
    rmwinters Posts: 288 Member
    HUGS. you should watch Fried Green Tomatoes, you'll have a good laugh. Don't let someone else bring you down. Take care. Add me if you want.
  • HannahMarieMcDougald
    HannahMarieMcDougald Posts: 544
    -hugs- I am not married nor do I wish to be married..lol...I have a friend though..He sent me food from AppleBee's and I thought how sweet..NOT..it was a big greasy cheeseburger! WTH...He and some of my friends don't care or don't understand..
  • Hoppymom
    Hoppymom Posts: 1,158 Member
    My husband kind of ignored the fact that I had quit drinking Diet Coke and eating chips. I think he was feeling like it wasn't going to last. I kept it up and he finally started losing as well. He still is not as committed as I am but he has lost 25 pounds. He eats whatever he wants but in smaller amounts than he used to.
    I do feel annoyed sometimes that he eats unhealthy foods and doesn't go to the gym. But I also know that when he eats those things in front of me it is not intended to hurt me. I hope that eventually he can start living healthier. I am staying committed and I will not ever say anything to him about what he eats. It is his home too and it is his body that he is hurting. It's kind of like an alcoholic expecting that no one will drink in fromt of him. It's all part of deciding how committed you are. (It's still annoying when you feel weak though.)
  • jbahrami
    jbahrami Posts: 206 Member
    Fried Green Tomatoes...what a great reference! You need to stay strong for yourself...he'll catch on once he sees how determined you are. Sometimes, husbands need a little more time to register your needs.
    HUGS!!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    You can't and shouldn't try to control what your husband eats. If you don't want to watch him eating that stuff, get up and go for a walk or do something else outside the room. You are responsible for you and only you. If the turkey really doesn't fit into your budget, then find something else to eat. I don't know your finances, but there are always options to keep your costs lower. You can buy a turkey breast and bake that at the beginning of the week and slice that for your sandwiches for the week. That could be cheaper than buying luch meat.
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    I am sorry that you are dealing with an unsupportive spouse. A lot of times this all has to do with jealousy. You are trying to better yourself while he is stuck in cake and donut world.
    Don't let him make you feel bad. You are doing this for your health. If him eating donuts and cake bothers you, then leave the room until he is done eating it.
    Hugs and stay on MFP for support.
  • krisbeaver
    krisbeaver Posts: 41 Member
    It has to be hard not having the support of your husband. Keep focused and just keep doing what you are doing. In time he is going to see that you are not going to give up and maybe your healthy lifestyle will rub off on him. You will find all the support you need right here:-) ~Kris
  • khartley535
    khartley535 Posts: 151 Member
    Do you do the grocery shopping? I do, and in my house what I buy for me is what gets bought for everyone. I don't buy anything for anyone that I am not willing to eat as a part of a healthier lifestyle. Hubby is now on board, and we are teaching my little man healthier habits for when he grows up.
  • gravelyc
    gravelyc Posts: 3
    Okay, first off {{{{{hugs}}}}}}! I am going to give you the same pep talk that my BFF gave me and it has resulted in an 18 pounds wt loss. You can onlly control you, you are only responsible for you....decide, commit, succeed...if you need turkey buy turkey....BOTTOM LINE: YOU GET WHAT YOU PUT IN. This is your journey honey and at the end of the day you cant let anyone get in the way...if he is not on board WHO CARES!!!! Sometimes when people see others setting goals and doing good it magnifies thier own weaknesses and they retaliate!

    YOU CAN DO THIS
    YOU ARE DONG THIS
    STAY WITH IT
    DONT LET YOUSELF BE YOUR WORST ENEMY
    LOVE YOUSELF
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    He should leave you alone about the turkey, but you can't expect him not to eat things he enjoys because you're dieting. I know it's tough, but the world goes on despite what we do. Alcoholics are surrounded by people who drink. They have to be strong. Leave the room if his eating those things in front of you bothers you so much.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    If the turkey doesn't fit into your budget then the ice cream and donuts don't either.
  • fatnomo100
    fatnomo100 Posts: 59
    ~HUGS~
    Don't get discouraged! The food challenge was hard for me too! Do it for yourself and when you see your great results you'll be more focused then ever!! Buddy up with a good friend or relative for more support!
  • luppic8
    luppic8 Posts: 580 Member
    (((HUGS))) He is not being supportive at all. Just turn the other cheek and do this for YOU!!!! You deserve to be happy and healthy! Don't let stupid temptations like that hold you back from being the person you wanna be! I know it's hard when the person you depend on to be there for you cheering you on is not, but you have us here on MFP! I would love to be part of your support system, so please feel free to add me as a buddy if you like! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
  • staceyseeger
    staceyseeger Posts: 778 Member
    Hamg in there! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: It will get better. You need to remember that you are doing this for YOU, not him. As time progresses and you are in "sync" with your new lifestyle - what he does won't bother you anymore.

    Keep on smiling! :happy: :happy: :happy:
  • madubil
    madubil Posts: 131 Member
    So there is a very good reason I'm not married- and here it is... Save the money on his donuts, ice cream etc and use it for your turkey!! problem solved... ;)

    But seriously- I'm sure its hard to try to be healthy when he isnt eating well- but you can control what comes in the door- and try to cease buying that stuff- in exchange for healthier options. "whoops, I forgot the ice cream... " works well...
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Hang in there. After about 9 months of me being on here losing weight, my husband finally decided he would join me! Don't worry about him right now, this is YOUR journey. Take the reins and do it for YOU!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Yes and just remeber when we go on a diet the rest of the world should too:huh: He is not jealous,and its not really about support that he eats infront of you.Maybe hes trying to help you improve your willpower
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
    (((HUGS))) I know it's hard. Take a deep breath, find your inner strength, put your head down and plow ahead. Chances are things aren't going to change on his end so don't be afraid to put your foot down. This is for your health-the MOST important thing in the world. I don't make any excuses about taking time for myself to exercise, even when my husband is grumpy and doesn't want to deal with watching our child for that hour. Too bad, I need this. You deserve this. There is a time to be a b*tch and this is it! Buy your turkey - tell him it's cheaper than the medical bills you'll have from poor health and disease :) I hope this doesn't sound harsh-just trying to convey that it's ok to be selfish sometimes and put yourself first.

    Good for you on your lifestyle change! Best of luck!
  • lstnlondry
    lstnlondry Posts: 1,794 Member
    I am sorry that you are dealing with an unsupportive spouse. A lot of times this all has to do with jealousy. You are trying to better yourself while he is stuck in cake and donut world.
    Don't let him make you feel bad. You are doing this for your health. If him eating donuts and cake bothers you, then leave the room until he is done eating it.
    Hugs and stay on MFP for support.

    I couldn't have said it better! But I will add that you are worth it ALL!! Including loving and supportive people around you!! It IS all about you, take care of YOURSELF, build your strength by looking in the mirror daily and tell yourself you are amazing! now add me as a friend and let's get this supportive show on the road!!!!
  • ritaadkins2002
    ritaadkins2002 Posts: 371 Member
    HUGS SWEETIE, He doesn't understand yur feelings. Some of my family doesnt understand how i feel being big, and the emoitional feelings i have either...so i just learned that i have to take care of ME...and not worry what others think. I am the same person and i won't let anyone pull me down anymore. U can do this girl....u are wonderful person, and don't let anyone tell u different. All we can do as humans is tell people how we feel..if they understand great and if they don't ...just don't sweat it!!! because u no in yur heart...u can do this and its all about only YOU...what ever u do DON'T GIVE UP. I am proud of u girl:drinker:
  • darlalu00
    darlalu00 Posts: 187 Member
    I know where your coming from...my bf is the same way! Always trying to get me to eat all the bad stuff that he can't live without! Just one won't ruin your diet! I just respond it's not a diet it's a way of life an I stay strong and say no! I love all that stuff, but I've come to realized I love myself more than I love the food! Don't let him sabotage your success! I know it's hard when someone you love can't give you the support you need, but you have to find it within yourself if you want it bad enough! Good luck on your journey!!! Add me as a friend if you like! Stay strong...YOU CAN DO IT!!!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Men!! How can he justify spending money on unhealthy food like ice cream and cake but complain about buying healthy food like turkey?? Does he want you to be unhealthy? But sadly you can't control what he eats, so just stick to your plan and leave the room when he starts eating junk food that temps you.
  • zippo32
    zippo32 Posts: 1,407 Member
    HUG
    You have found a good site for support while it is not in your home, yet.......................................always optimistic.
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
    You can justify the price. I am also a picky spender at times, but I've realized that I have been cutting down how much I eat on my weight loss journey.... So I sacrificed portion size for better foods... I hope that makes sense. It's a win win for weight loss and even break financially:)

    As for the sweets and deserts, you just have to be strong. You cannot expect someone else to stop how they eat if they don't want to change. This is a test to your mental strength. Just stay strong and don't eat it. If you have to eat it, make sure you fit it in your calorie count.

    Remember that the most important rule of weight loss is Caloric Deficit.

    YOU CAN DO THIS!
  • ecalonge
    ecalonge Posts: 33
    If the turkey doesn't fit into your budget then the ice cream and donuts don't either.

    GOT THAT RIGHT! I agree Fried Green Tomatoes will be good emotional therapy too and it's just such a good movie.

    Super BIG hug to you "((((Loves418))))"
  • SharadaRose
    SharadaRose Posts: 69
    Fried Green Tomatoes...what a great reference! You need to stay strong for yourself...he'll catch on once he sees how determined you are. Sometimes, husbands need a little more time to register your needs.
    HUGS!!

    So well said. I think well atleast i hope they mean well. They just think differently than us. Mine eats whatever he wants because he can. Sometimes its hard. I love chocolate. Love love love it. So its hard to watch his skinny little self eat it.

    like stated above stay strong and hopefully he will get the point! and if he doesn't well bring on Tawanda!! ( watch the movie youll get it ) LOL

    HUGS!!!!
    Best of luck to you
    Friend me if you would like!
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
    I totally understand my SO is the same way...i soo wish he would do this with me cause i dont want him to have health problems down the road...and its hard seeing him chow down on all the things you used to love...:happy:
  • JasonSwetland
    JasonSwetland Posts: 235 Member
    I'm lucky my wife is pretty supportive but I haven't always been married too her. My last wife wasn't supportive of me loosing weight because of her own self esteem issues. When you start dealing with your eating behaviors its a sore reminder to the spouse of their bad eating behaviors and he's not in the same place as you. He just iant ready to deal with his own mess. Don't let that stop you. He can be in a different place than you and sometimes we forget that about our S.O.'s.

    Try to remember he's someone you (once) loved and probably still do and do your thing hoping hell come out of the denial ignore it mode and be inspired by your hard work. I know its hard. But when he comes around (he will eventually) it will feel great. Keep up the hard work you are doing, I'm proud of you.
  • mwilke
    mwilke Posts: 378 Member
    (((HUGS))) I know it's hard. Take a deep breath, find your inner strength, put your head down and plow ahead. Chances are things aren't going to change on his end so don't be afraid to put your foot down. This is for your health-the MOST important thing in the world. I don't make any excuses about taking time for myself to exercise, even when my husband is grumpy and doesn't want to deal with watching our child for that hour. Too bad, I need this. You deserve this. There is a time to be a b*tch and this is it! Buy your turkey - tell him it's cheaper than the medical bills you'll have from poor health and disease :) I hope this doesn't sound harsh-just trying to convey that it's ok to be selfish sometimes and put yourself first.

    Good for you on your lifestyle change! Best of luck!

    Love this! And it's so true Sometimes you just have to be selfish and think about yourself. One of 2 things will happen, he will see your determination and success, and decide to join you, or he will see your determination and success, and decide to keep his habits. You can't control him and what he puts in his body, but you can completely control you and what you put in your body. I know it's hard and he may not understand right now, if ever he does, but you have to keep going. You will find a ton of support here when you need it. :flowerforyou:
  • derrick_walker
    derrick_walker Posts: 3 Member
    HUGS - One thing that I have learned is that you can't depend on anyone helping you get to your goal. After all, it's your goal and there's no guarantee that anyone will be on the same page at the same time as you are. I commend you for your task at hand! Losing weight is a tough thing sometimes and can be a very mental journey. It's always better to the trip with someone though when life doesn't present you with a buddy to travel with set the stakes very high and proceed alone. I'm not a fan of Chocolate Ice Cream either... Strap on your seat belt and go for it! It will be tough though it will be fun seeing yourself fit into things that you could not fit into before. You will begin to feel different about yourself which will make all the difference. This is something that no one can give you, you must get it for yourself but the affects can be eternal! It's worth it either alone or with your spouse.

    Stay encouraged!
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