Feeling self conscious around family?

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kekl
kekl Posts: 382 Member
in Motivation and Support
For Thanksgiving I visited my stepmom's family down in Florida, and for the first time in a long time I just felt very self conscious and weird about my body around them.

My stepmom's family are built very tiny... small shoulders, small chests, small waists, small everything. My stepmom for example is 5'2, and has weighed no more than 110 lbs her entire adult life. Nothing wrong with that, that's just the way she is.

I'm 5'5, and weigh about 145-150lbs, wear a size 6 in pants/dresses... have been the same ever since I hit puberty. I am built like 'a man with boobs' as my mom puts it... broad shoulders, big bust, no waist definition. I've always been naturally muscular - and ever since joining the army and upping my exercise I've gotten even more muscle and definition. I want to trim some fat, don't get me wrong, but 99% of the time I am happy with what I see in the mirror.

However, The entire week was filled with little jabs... from making fun of my biceps and chest, from discussions to how "freakishly huge" my shoulders were getting, how big my calves were, little stuff like that. It left me feeling extremely angry and more than a little self conscious, which just made me even angrier - I love my body, I love what it looks like, and I love what it's capable of. I hated that by the end of the week we took some family pictures and instead of being happy all I could think was how I looked towering over everyone. That is just not me.

So that is my rant in a nutshell. Not sure why I posted but it felt relevant.
Can anyone relate to this? (or have any witty comebacks?)

Replies

  • DaniellePF
    DaniellePF Posts: 308 Member
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    How old are these people? They sound like high school age b**hes. If they are not, then they need to grow up and 1. Get a filter, 2. Learn how to treat people, and 3. Figure out that people come in all shapes and sizes--and that they are not the end all be all on how to look (unless, they are the ones I was just looking at in ELLE magazine? If not, time to stfu).

    Also, you said it--YOU love YOUR body. Why make what people (who are obviously rude and immature anyway) think or say have more power than how you feel about it? Your the one who goes home in your body, not them.

    As far as witty comebacks, I am one of those unfortunate people who come up with them a few days later. However, in this situation I would call them out. Set your boundaries. Simply let them know you do not want to hear any more comments about how you look. Tell them their words are hurtful and out of line. If they continue, limit your exposure to these people.
  • tinydancer24
    tinydancer24 Posts: 98
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    They may be smaller then you, but you are stronger and healthier. Challenge them to an arm wrestling match, I bet you would win. If you are happy with yourself, that is all that matters. I have quite the opposite problem with my family, they are all obese and make jokes about my healthy eating habits and how often I am at the gym. You are beautiful inside and out and it is their loss if they cannot see that. It's a good thing we only have to see certain family members during the holidays.
  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
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    No witty comebacks other than how you'd be able to defend yourself if confronted, where a teeny tiny person may not be able to as well... *shrug*

    I can relate though. Even at my lightest weight I've ever been-133-I was a size 6 and had big muscles all over (I'm 5'3''). My calves are huge. My thighs are huge-and not just fat. I have big thigh muscles. I have a lot of muscle, period. I blame my dad... haha

    To me, you sound built perfectly... I know it's how I am striving to look again!
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
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    Kekl,
    They know they can never have the kind of body that you have, or achieve the things you can with those strong shoulders and strong legs. Probably honestly some jealousy is there on their part and it comes out in those jabs that they make.

    Just keep doing what you are doing! Obviously you are a really good person, or you would have beat them all to a pulp before you left! :smile:
  • CannibalisticVegetarian
    CannibalisticVegetarian Posts: 1,255 Member
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    Agreed with Danielle. How immature and hurtful is that--even if they didn't know better. I mean, what would they say if you constantly called them munchkins, and told them that they were cute enough to be carried around in overly large purses like celebrity dogs? I'm sure someone would feel a little sad about that.

    If you love your body, then that's all that matters. Don't let them get to you. The way I see it, they just don't know any better. You continue on with your amazing look.

    I've gone through the same thing. My Dad's side of the family are all these smaller framed people and so I'm constantly getting weird looks when I show up in the fat skin I'm in. XD
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
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    Kekl,
    They know they can never have the kind of body that you have, or achieve the things you can with those strong shoulders and strong legs. Probably honestly some jealousy is there on their part and it comes out in those jabs that they make.

    Just keep doing what you are doing! Obviously you are a really good person, or you would have beat them all to a pulp before you left! :smile:

    P.S. I find that witty comebacks are usually wasted on people like that because it generally goes right over their head!!
  • mavers1
    mavers1 Posts: 39 Member
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    I'm the same way. When I get down to my smallest weight I'll still have the broadest shoulders and the thickest thighs and calves. It's muscle, you're strong, you're beautiful and they're ridiculous to poke fun at you for something that means you are healthy. You're strong and beautiful.
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
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    Thank you for your lovely responses. I feel a lot better now that I'm out of that environment. I don't think they necessarily meant to be hurtful, family can be weird sometimes.

    Thanks again though - you guys pump me up! :)
  • nursepent
    nursepent Posts: 8
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    You said it . . .You are happy with your body :smile: You also said you work to have that body and you are sounding pretty fit . . .size 6!!!! Thats awesome!!! So when they are commenting on your shoulders and legs let them know that was your goal and thanks for noticing . . . that should calm them down and if it doesnt then you can use what my husband used to use on people when they brought up something he didnt want to talk about . He would just say and only say," AND . . . . . " It worked for him . .try it!
  • JanetTerry
    JanetTerry Posts: 123 Member
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    keep in mind that lots of people, possibly not even realizing it, make comments about others out of jealousy. You've painted a picture of yourself very well for us and I think you sound really healthy. Just toss their comments away if you can. Id rather be healthy than tiny and boney any day! I like the comment someone made above about an arm wrestle match. That's funny! Youd win against toothpick arms any day. Im proud of ya. Keep up your healthy goals for yourself. And in my opinion, super skinny isnt pretty. Healthy is pretty. Muscle tone is pretty. Boney is ... eek!

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