Too competitive with too many insecurities
LeanMeanFitnessMachine
Posts: 659
This girl from my high school is a real life Barbie doll - blonde hair, golden tan, feirce smile, flawless body - the works. She's the definition of perfect! Its unreal. She models all over and recently started modeling for Maxim, and of course, uploads all her gorgeous photoshoot pictures to Facebook. It makes me feel so many things: angry with myself for not losing weight, frustrated that I've been working so hard for so long and still don't have a body like that, jealous that she's living my dream of modeling and I have no chance.. Its just tough to see that plastered all over my timeline. It makes me feel so insecure about my own body. I guess its my competitive side coming out - wanting to be the best of the best and all.
I'm not looking for pity or sympathy. I'm sure many of you have gone through or are going through situations similar to mine. How do you cope and not get down on yourself for it?
I'm not looking for pity or sympathy. I'm sure many of you have gone through or are going through situations similar to mine. How do you cope and not get down on yourself for it?
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Replies
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I used to feel that way... but...
Now I'm old enough to know that kind of beauty fades with time.0 -
Spend a major holiday feeding the homeless. It gives me a little reality check.0
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When I'm faced with that, I think about what makes me feel beautiful, to not compare myself with others. And lastly, to remember we ALL want something that's we can't always have.
I also don't really get down on myself like that anymore, I admire those that I find pretty, rather than hate on them or feel inferior.:happy:0 -
It's never good to compare yourself to someone else. Never look at someone being better than you. I don't. No one is better than me and never will be better than me.
Be you. Don't give this woman your power.0 -
Since you asked how I cope, I think it's okay that I post this:
"I will give thanks to You because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." - Psalm 139:14.0 -
I used to be that way, too, until I started training for competitions and learning all I have about nutrition and working out. Now, rather than be jealous of everyone else, I am proud of me.
I even came up with a saying for that, too. "Compete with yourself. There is no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I say we congratulate and motivate, rather than hate." ~ Bry Allen0 -
Since you asked how I cope, I think it's okay that I post this:
"I will give thanks to You because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." - Psalm 139:14.
THIS! ^^^^^0 -
I have certainly felt your pain. In fact, mine was so bad that I ruined a relationship over the fact that I was so jealous of this girl. She worked out because she was TOO skinny... I wish I had the option!! I would always feel so self-conscious about myself when we would go out (especially if bikinis were involved). This was a while ago so I've grown up since then, but the feelings are still there. I realized though that it has nothing to do with her. It was me, my thoughts, and my attitude. Use it as motivation. Set a goal for yourself and hit it so that you have something to feel proud of.
You are certainly not alone though! You are beautiful!! I am jealous of your body :P0 -
Since you asked how I cope, I think it's okay that I post this:
"I will give thanks to You because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." - Psalm 139:14.
I'm Christian, so you're good :-) Thank you <3330 -
It is easy to be jealous of what you "think" her life is ... we never really know what other people's lives are like. You have to start being happy with you and your life. In high school I was so jealous of this cute little cheerleader who had the "perfect life" or so I thought. At our 20 year reunion she admitted to me that she had always been jealous of my many friends and my outgoing personality ....WTH - i almost fell out of my chair. Apparently being thin and beautiful isn't the answer to happiness. You only get one shot at this life ... walk your path and enjoy your journey ... envy and jealousy just waste your time and energy.0
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I used to feel that way... but...
Now I'm old enough to know that kind of beauty fades with time.
I agree with that.. and usually those kind of girls are insecure and unhappy with themselves... they usually starve themselves0 -
I used to be that way, too, until I started training for competitions and learning all I have about nutrition and working out. Now, rather than be jealous of everyone else, I am proud of me.
I even came up with a saying for that, too. "Compete with yourself. There is no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I say we congratulate and motivate, rather than hate." ~ Bry Allen
This is very good advice.0 -
I have certainly felt your pain. In fact, mine was so bad that I ruined a relationship over the fact that I was so jealous of this girl. She worked out because she was TOO skinny... I wish I had the option!! I would always feel so self-conscious about myself when we would go out (especially if bikinis were involved). This was a while ago so I've grown up since then, but the feelings are still there. I realized though that it has nothing to do with her. It was me, my thoughts, and my attitude. Use it as motivation. Set a goal for yourself and hit it so that you have something to feel proud of.
You are certainly not alone though! You are beautiful!! I am jealous of your body :P
Thanks <333 Its good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know its all a mind thing and just learning to love me, but its really hard for me to block out other people and not compare myself to them. Its in my nature or something. I just don't know how to look past and block out all these negative voices.0 -
delete her as a friend and forget about her if seeing her posts makes you feel bad. Everyone is beautiful in their own way
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Even though I was somewhat popular in high school I experienced the same type of insecurities as you are. It's hard not to compare yourself to other people in this society. I went to my 10 year reunion a few years ago and the super skinny gorgeous barbie dolls in high school were the heaviest ones at the reunion! :-) You're gorgeous so don't worry about what anyone else looks like!!!!0
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I have many FB friends that are like yours, models. I also have friends that are college athlete's and doctor's (probably the two things that I ENVY most.) I do get those feelings also, I could've been.. I should have been.. I will never be.. It takes it's toll on me. One part of me is proud of their accomplishments and the other is a jealous chick. It's normal (I think?) Sometimes I unsubscribe to their FB news feed, this way it's not always plastered up for me to see.. sometimes I sit back and reflect on my life, which truly is not that bad! it's goes in cycles.
Hang in there! 0 -
Since you asked how I cope, I think it's okay that I post this:
"I will give thanks to You because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." - Psalm 139:14.
I'm Christian, so you're good :-) Thank you <333
Well in that case...girl, you are made by an awesome God, who are you to question what He made? 0 -
I used to be that way, too, until I started training for competitions and learning all I have about nutrition and working out. Now, rather than be jealous of everyone else, I am proud of me.
I even came up with a saying for that, too. "Compete with yourself. There is no reason to be jealous of anyone else. I say we congratulate and motivate, rather than hate." ~ Bry Allen
Thats a really great way to think about it - competing with yourself. I'm going to put that up on my motivation board. Thank you!0 -
Even though I was somewhat popular in high school I experienced the same type of insecurities as you are. It's hard not to compare yourself to other people in this society. I went to my 10 year reunion a few years ago and the super skinny gorgeous barbie dolls in high school were the heaviest ones at the reunion! :-) You're gorgeous so don't worry about what anyone else looks like!!!!
I always wondered if that steotype was true. Haha, people always say that but I always wondered if it was actually true or just something people said to make others feel better.0 -
I blocked people like that. LoL.0
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unfriend her.0
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Most of us are envious of something that someone else has...human nature. You'll never be that girl - and no one will ever be you! You're young, gorgeous, healthy, and unique. Billions of people the world over would love to be in your shoes. It's all relative.
Love who you are!
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In a way, it's a natural feeling. I try really hard not to compare myself to other people though, there's always someone who will always have something "better." Instead, I try to focus on the things that make ME happy and the positive changes that I'm trying to make for myself. And besides, you never know- you might be "that" girl for someone else on facebook! There could be someone who feels that same way about you! 0
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I've had this my whole life with my younger sister. She has a gorgeous body. and Every guy i've ever met has fallen madly in love with her. And even my ex-boyfriends would tell me how hot she was. And she was epitome of popular. She was the HS homecoming queen and dated the quarterback and everyone loved her. Even my friends. I've always been so jealous of her. Even now it gets hard bc she's married and im single and she has exactly the life i've always wanted. But I finally had a bf point out to me, that 1 while she has a "better" body than me. I'm prettier. lol. And two, how unhappy she was. I just saw that she had everything i wanted. So i assumed she had to be happy. So i learned to one appreciate the good things about myself. And two that noone's life is as perfect as it seems. She may have everything i want but she doesnt appreciate it and until she learns to she will never be truly happy. But me, bc i havnt had those things, i've learned to be happy where i'm at and once i get to where i want to be i will still be happy and i will appreciate what i've gotten. Just focus on what's good about your self. And actually say it out loud. and to people. the more you say it and hear it. the more you believe it. I have a friend who i constantly get to tell me i'm pretty. And i know he knows it. and i know it. but he knows i need to hear it sometimes. You are beautiful! Never forget that. 0
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Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you could possibly do.
You should focus on being your best. On how much you've improved, and how good you feel personally. No matter how much you want to be like someone else, you never will be. That's not who you are. You gotta take what you got and work with it.
I'm sure that you effort will create progress in ways you never could have imagined.0 -
Quit comparing yourself to others. You have a lot to be proud of and I'm sure many people look at you have have the same feelings you do when you look at that girl. Something I read today, "Stop competing with others and start competing with yourself". Your only as sexy as you feel so stop saying she looks better and start saying "damn, I have worked really hard and I look good". There is always going to be someone who is prettier, stronger, hotter, etc. but for all you know she has just as many insecurities.0
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First of all props for being so damn honest. Not a lot of people can admit to being jealous. I've never been particularly jealous of girls I know from day to day life but I've always been jealous of my mother.
At 45 she looks AMAZING. She had a hot face and a killer body and has always had ALL her life. I'm not jealous because she looks like a supermodel but because people have always told me how I'm not pretty enough to be her daughter. How she had the beauty and I had the brains (wTf!) .... and how I went after my father's sisters who are all women who have given up on life and don't look good period. (it truly messes with a 10 yr old trust me!!!!)
But with time I've learnt to except myself and be confident n my own skin. I've seen the insecurities my mother has about aging....and if I was that beautiful....I'd probably be scared to death about aging too!!! Because for people that beautiful often that is what they are recognized for...and you don't ever wanna lose your life's work do you???
So it is completely natural to feel jealous. But honestly have a time to sit down and have a think weather it is really all that valid an argument...you are so GOOD...take a moment to appreciate who u are...all the work you do.0 -
I used to feel that way... but...
Now I'm old enough to know that kind of beauty fades with time.
This. And what did she due to earn her beauty? Pick good parents? A lot of appearance is just luck. Focus on things that you can earn to define you. Be smart, fun, nice, caring and in DAMN good shape.0 -
I remember this quote from my favorite novel (*The Fountainhead*):
"I don't make comparisons. I never think of myself in relation to anyone else. I just refuse to measure myself as part of anything."
Stay focused on your goals, because they're for you alone. Chin up, chest out, keep strutting! 0 -
Maybe her personality sucks.0
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