Adoption; yes or no

If you adopt a child that is older than a toddler, meaning they understand at the time they were adopted that you are not their biological parents, depending on their "life circumstances up to that point in their life, they may resent you later. They might embrace the idea of adoption at the time but if they are bitter about their circumstances in life and never deal with it you will have a lot of issues on your hand. I would be hesitant to adopt a child that is old enough to understand. ON the other hand if you adopt a younger child and help him/her embrace the idea of the fact that they are adopted it might have a better outcome.

I adopted an older child, gave them support, opportunity and she is bitter and angry about her life and takes it out on me. I have had a lot of patience but she is 26 now and lives on her own (at my request). She is doing well financially, has gone to three years of college. She has chosen to get in touch with her biological family and she embraces them much more than me (which is fine but let's not forget I'm also part of her family too). I only hear from her when she wants something like money.

I am all for adoption. My mother was adopted. She loves her family very much, but would like to at least know about her parents, though a lot of that comes from medical reasons. My sister was having episodes and since the doctors couldn't figure out what was causing them, we were wondering about it being genetic.
Fostering is another great option. A lot of places that those kids go to are not the best, especially for the teens. My mother had fosters in our house on 3 occasions when I was growing up and it was great to see them in a place where people genuinely cared for them.

i never wanted to have kids, i wanted to adopt but my man wants one of our own so we may do one of each!! yes! what a terrific idea! save a lonely lovely child!!!

I have a very close friend who was adopted as a preschooler (old enough to realize) and although he is curious about his birth parents, he has a fabulous relationship with his parents, and is not resentful at all. They did of course have some struggles as do ALL families. I think it totally depends.

I have two other very close friends who have both adopted children, one through private adoption here in our province, and one from China. Both experiences were VERY positive, although for my friends who adopted from China they did have to wait a very long time. Their girl was about 18mos at the time of adoption.

I have never personally dealt with adoption. My cousin was adopted though, but she was never really considered adopted , she's just always been family. Would I adopt? Heck yeah. I think there are too many kids that deserve a loving and caring home, and I would love to provide that. Even though I don't plan on having kids in the near future, or starting a family, I know for sure that I want to adopt, no matter what.

Adoption is a wonderful gift. I have 3 adopted siblings, two adopted at 10 and one adopted before a year old. The one adopted as a baby was actually the one who went through the "resent the adoptive family" phase, but when he learned we had NO qualms about him contacting his birth family and establishing relationships, things calmed down. The two who were adopted at 10 were our foster children from age 4 to 10, so we knew quite a few of their birth family members and got together with them at times, and that never changed. Now I can go visit my brother's house and hope to see some of his birth sibling, too. There are so many variables that nobody can say how it will turn out. But then again, that is how it is with birth children. Some reject their parents for no apparent reason, abandon all values they were taught, and live a lifestyle foreign to everything they knew in childhood. We each have our own choices to make, adopted or not. When it comes to the child's personality and life choices, we get what we get - adopted or not.

I have 3 biological children and an adopted child who was adopted at 2.5 and is now 7. She came with an attachment disorder due to her very strange babyhood, so I really had to become educated on RAD and work with a family therapist who is guiding me through the maze. Because she came at a young enough age and because we are following the program, she is expected to make a full recovery, and is definitely on that path to recovery. We've seen major breakthroughs, one even in the last week. It is very exciting to see the progress. There is NO difference in the love I feel for her and the love I feel for my biological children, and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to get her the help she needs - just like I did with a couple of my older children with medical problems.

Yes - adoption is a wonderful gift of love. Get well educated, then go for it!

A friend of mine adopted three siblings, and are just finalizing everything. So excited for them.
Another friend was adopted and just started looking for her birth parents because her parents refused to tell her anything, even medical history. She knows she was scheduled to be aborted, but her birth mother changed her mind. Hasn't made contact yet, but is contemplating it, and the possible effects on her family. She is married and has children and doesn't want to put them into the center of a bunch of drama. We'll see.

I was explaining adoption to my three year old, and we read the children's book "the cow who laid an egg". Pretty well covers it. :-)

My father's cousin and her husband adopted a boy of about 7yrs. He'd had a reeally rough beginning. I don't recall specifics of his circumstances but I do recall that his mother had a drug problem throughout her pregnancy and after he was lucky to be regularly fed. We were all thrilled they'd decided to give him a loving home. It wasn't easy, the doctors said he had abandonment issues among a while host of other neurosis. Despite the ups and (mostly) downs, they decided to adopt another boy (age 10). Even with the stable household, with love and support; it doesn't erase the developmental handicaps inflicted by their parents and the system, you can only hope to diminish it. The boys are both adults now; they've been in and out of jail. One has 2 infants that may be taken away by social services too. Our cousins, who should be retired, are now broke (financially and emotionally) as a result of cleaning up after the boys' continued lack of judgement are forced to continue providing for them. It's hard to see my family suffer so, but they committed to boys the moment they adopted them and they've followed through.
Even after having witnessed the destruction these boys have left behind first hand, their story is realistic account of adopting older kids, but it's not the only one. There are more happy endings than not. I, myself, still plan to adopt when I'm in a position to. I applaud you for considering it. I don't wish to scare you off of the idea, and only hope this helps you consider the full ramifications of your decision.

Good Luck!

I would love to adopt or foster a child however my hubby is not thrilled with the idea. He I guess has a phobia of taking in someone elses child, not knowing what could " be wrong" with them. I don't blame him I mean it can be a scary thought. But, people who adopt in my eyes are doing such good deeds

I was adopted when I was 7 and it didnt have a good result for me. My younger sister was adopted with me. MY adoptive parents were very strict and controlling, I remember being happy for the 1st year or so but after that they started getting very controlling. We were no longer allowed to play out. My mum was a teacher and I had to go to her classroom every day after school and help her do filing and putting up displays etc. It meant I never got to see my friends outside of school and when I got to high school by the time we had got home at 5.30 and had dinner and I had done the dishes, it was around 7pm. I then had homework and studying to do. They were issued with 'parenting guidelines' and were still applying the guidelines set out for a 7 year old, when I was 17. We were only allowed to eat at mealtimes and one day I refused to drink my milk as I hated it, so my mum held my nose whilst my father poured it down my throat.

My parents did not like us having contact with our bio father and siblings. I had to call my dad Alex when writing to him and they read everything we sent. Visits were supervised by the social work but were only yearly. When we turned 16 the social work were no longer involved and they (my adoptive parents) made it clear we were not allowed contact. My bio father died of cancer when I was 17 and I still feel so guilty that I hardly knew him. My parents took us to visit him in hospital but my adopted dad didnt listen to our directions and we arrived 5 mins before the end of visiting time. I was then told to hurry up so we could get home. MY sister and I had said we would make our own way there but they insisted on taking us then expected us to spend 5 mins with our terminally ill father. The day he died my adoptive parents took us out for dinner (last place we wanted to be was out for dinner) He died on the saturday and we were in school on the monday.

I was also sexually abused by my adopted father for 5 years. I no longer speak to my adoptive parents and have no good memories of my childhood. My adoptive parents are very affluent and looked like the perfect parents from the outside.

I think adoption is a good thing, if the parents are right. My parents turned me into a people pleaser who was too scared to stand up for myself. My husband has made me a stronger person who fights for my beliefs and will speak up when I feel I have been wronged.

I was adopted as part of an open adoption so I knew the entire time. There were some tough times dealing with my birth parents, but my parents are the best people in the world and I love them dearly. I'm very grateful for them.

Different people will have different experiences (obviously) but I saw to follow your heart. If you adopt an older child they will likely require some help adjusting and sorting out their feelings - therapy is a good tool for that. If you adopt an infant it is your choice to tell them.

My husbnad and I applied for adoption in March, and intend to adopt as well as have our own child. We live in Nova Scotia (Canada) so there's no private agencies here so we were told we'd have a 6-8 year wait for a child age 4 or under. But that's okay with us - our family will come together at some point.

Good luck to you!

I would love to adopt or foster a child however my hubby is not thrilled with the idea. He I guess has a phobia of taking in someone elses child, not knowing what could " be wrong" with them. I don't blame him I mean it can be a scary thought. But, people who adopt in my eyes are doing such good deeds

Its a good phobia....my parents adopted me and my two siblings....my two siblings are hard to deal with...they cause a lot of unneeded stress in the house....they didnt know when they adopted them that they would turn out to have so many issues....

I wasn't adopted, but I have a friend that was.

I don't know how to say this quite right without coming off the wrong way, but here goes. Most people I know who have adopted have done so from other countries. Who knows if somehow that process is easier, but I don't understand the preference when there are millions of children here in our own country. I'm not hating on them or their decision necessarily, but it's almost as if their is an elitism attached to being from another country when it comes to adoption. Charity begins at home. People turn up their nose to the conditions HERE, within our own borders!

My baby sister is adopted from guatemala. I think it's a beautiful thing(: if I couldn't have my own children, I would definitely adopt. Also, domestic adoptions are wonderful. There is need everywhere(:

My husband is adopted as well as his two sisters. They all seem well adjusted. I think adoption is a wonderful option not only for the child but for couples/families. I don't know about my husbands sisters but he has never had any incling to meet his birth parents. I have asked (but not pushed) for him to learn about his family's medical history. So we can be informed for him and our children. So far he has chosen "no" on all grounds and I support him on this as well. I also have a close friend that is adopted. Hers was an open adoption so she not only knows her adopted parents but birth mother and her other birth siblings as well. She loves it.