Oy! Some people!

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rml_16
rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
in Chit-Chat
I met and became friends with this girl, K, about a year ago. Within a week of meeting her, she was telling me about how she wanted to find a group to walk and hike with who weren't too physical because she's very overweight and out of shape and her husband is older, so they have trouble keeping up.

Since then, about three times total, I have invited her to go for walks with me and a few others. I'm a lot more fit than she is, but more than happy to tone it down to her level if she wanted to go. She's turned me down every time, and the third (THIRD IN A YEAR) I got a message on FB from her telling me how I was being pushy and she didn't like it and I better stop asking her. Then she deleted my comment on her page where I'd invited her to go.

So, in that same time, she has told me she feels sorry for me because I want to lose weight and be in shape, that it was sad that my identity is so wrapped up in my appearance (not the case, really, but whatever). Then she kept posting all these links to blogs about fat acceptance and how great it was to be overweight and how healthy it was to be overweight, etc., etc.

Then she posted about seeing a nutritionist to change her diet because of her bad moods.

And, finally, today she posts that she's going on a liquid fast to lose the weight.

This is a friendship that (for many reasons) I would kind of like to just walk away from, but we have mutual friends and it would cause drama. *sigh*
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Replies

  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Just leave her alone and stop asking her. You don't need someone like that in you life.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I did stop asking her. It's just the point that three times in a year, to her, was "too much pressure."

    It was weird. Like she developed a whole second personality. I've barely had any contact with her since that happened, but we're still FB friends, so I see her updates.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really :)
  • chelekaz
    chelekaz Posts: 871 Member
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    Oy is right.

    Bottom line some people don't want to be helped. It's the "Poor-me" drama part of their personality where they get energy from people by complaining but really don't want to do anything about it. Most of us have that drama at points in our lives but she was out of line with her response to you!

    I would quietly just stay in the background ... keep the mutual friends but try to limit the outtings that include her.

    Good luck....

    PS - I have plenty of these friends / family in my life. I used to be ONE of them... not anymore.
  • tkn11
    tkn11 Posts: 276 Member
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    She has a LOT of issues.
  • GinNouveau
    GinNouveau Posts: 143 Member
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    I don't really see a need for you to be proactive with someone who

    A) Doesn't want your help for whatever reason

    B) You don't really feel like you want to be friends with.

    So what do you do?
    Nothing. She doesn't feel pressured (realistic or not) and you don't waste any more energy.

    So what's the problem again? :)
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Is this my SIL? LOL
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    They want to be fit but don't want to work for it.
  • april_beth
    april_beth Posts: 617 Member
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    "punch a ho"

    *high five* now that made me chuckle :)
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
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    you can block her feed from your fb and that way you don't see her stuff anymore and then block what you post from her if you don't want to out right delete her.

    that is the bad thing about FB, years ago friendships ended for good and bad reasons, people just went their own way. Now people NEVER lose touch with each other. Sometimes that's a bad thing.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
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    I did stop asking her. It's just the point that three times in a year, to her, was "too much pressure."

    It was weird. Like she developed a whole second personality. I've barely had any contact with her since that happened, but we're still FB friends, so I see her updates.

    She might have another personality?
  • abrown4348
    abrown4348 Posts: 34 Member
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    Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really :)

    That is hilarious! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • jeffpettis
    jeffpettis Posts: 865 Member
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    If fat people are so healthy, ask her how many "old" fat people she has ever seen? That's right fat people don't make it that long. Sounds like she has some deeper issues, you can't help her unless she wants to help herself.
  • Mustangsally1000
    Mustangsally1000 Posts: 860 Member
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    Oy! is right! :tongue: I would just "hide" her on facebook. She won't know..won't have to deal with the high drama if you de-friended her. :noway: And~~~~~ you can excape the rest of her drama.
    You so don't need her.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I partly don't hide her because -- as awful as this is -- it's kind of entertaining.

    The thing is, when I met her, she seemed like this fun, funny, interesting, extremely nice person and she overnight turned into Satan.

    Oh, and I almost forgot. A friend of mine, S, works part time in a grocery store and K and her husband were in there a couple weekends ago and went through her line. S was counting some money and didn't look up right away and K didn't realize who she was and I guess got REALLY nasty with S because she didn't look up right away. Soon as K saw who it was, she turned all sugar. I never would have thought she'd behave that way, but I guess my judgment was way off on this one.

    But still ... entertainment.
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    Now, see, here's where I believe you showed great restraint. I, on the other hand, would have said something like ...

    "Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed when you shared with me last year you were interested in finding a group to walk with, you were serious. Really, I had no idea you were just kidding. I apologize. Next time can you give me a signal or something when you make a comment so I'll know if you're genuinely interested in **insert event** or whether you're just blowing smoke again?"
  • jeffpettis
    jeffpettis Posts: 865 Member
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    Dude, I'd remove or hide what you can from FB, or punch a ho. Up to you, really :)

    LOL!!! I love it!!!!!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Everyone needs that crazy person in their feed. But don't go out of your way to be her friend.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    I have no tolerance for such nonsense. Some friendships aren't meant to last a lifetime.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I had just started typing something helpful, from an extremely obese person's POV, then you had to go and say this:
    "I partly don't hide her because -- as awful as this is -- it's kind of entertaining. "

    Maybe THAT is why she doesn't particularly want to go with YOU. maybe she can sense it. I have a friend, someone I have known since high school and I can absolutely tell she pities me. She is very sweet to my face, but it's a feeling and sense I get, and I always turn her down when she asks about working out together. I go alone, or with other people, but not her.

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