Friends with benefits

13

Replies

  • Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused
    Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused Posts: 935 Member
    <
    Has never had a FWB or a FB.
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    This will cost me my man card, but I can't go there if I don't have feelings in the first place.

    From a woman's perspective, you gained an extra man card for this one.. and respect, admiration, and a whole bunch of other things =)

    this
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    .
    I've not had sex and am waiting until marriage. However if I hadn't chosen that path I'm so easily jealous and emotional I don't think I could have a fwb and NOT get attached with in a couple weeks.

    This too!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    It's a horrible idea *L*
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    The thread is about FRIENDS with benefits, not *kitten* buddies.

    The only FWB I started falling for, we'd been friends for 1 1/2 yrs before we picked up, and I already knew how wonderful he was. 6 months later I had to take a break from seeing and feeling him, because I was in the downward spiral, and he felt the same way. As of right now, we've been off/on (but ALWAYS friends) for over a year now and he's about to move. Neither of us are taking it well.

    As for *kitten* buddies? I grow fond of them, but I don't fall for them. I had one off and on for 4 months and nothing. Another for 8 months and nothing.

    It depends on personality, how well you fit, and whether your heart is ready. (heart, not necessarily you)

    I'm confused. Is a *kitten* buddie someone you don't know? Why would you not be friends with them?

    a FB is someone you know, but only really call up for sex. you don't hang out with them. friendly in public, freaky in private, but no real connection.

    FWB is a friend - someone you hang out with, have fun with and have sex with - but no commitment, no romantic interest.
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
    From personal experience (and stories of friends), it always comes down to "the thrill of the chase". For the women, we typically feel like we "won" because the dude is with us at that moment. For the men, there's nothing to work for. There's no challenge.

    You can still be friends and "hang out" but that doesn't usually equal a relationship.

    I'm going to spit some cliches here:

    "why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?"

    "Never make someone a priority who is only willing to make you an option"
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    I have only had two friends that I "benefitted" and it didn't change our relationship at all... I loved them before we got naked and I loved them after. But nakedness was a once in a blue moon thing.

    FBs are far superior. Come over, take off your clothes, go home. I have been "friends" with all of them, but would never allow them to mix with my real friends. I have had FB relationships last well over a year... and one was on and off for 3-1/2.
  • TheCats_Meow
    TheCats_Meow Posts: 438 Member
    I had lots of them (not all at the same time, people!) back in the day. Read: college.

    I hooked up with the ex when I was 20 and was with him until I was 27 so my views on FB & FWB's changed.

    Now that I've been single for two years, I've had only one FB and it didn't last very long. I felt I was too old to be "playing around" like that and decided to take myself a little more seriously where that's concerned.

    Somedays I totally wish I could just say the heck with it and boink whoever I want, but I just can't.

    I've turned into a prude in my old age, :laugh:
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    If both people are honest about what they want then I have seen that the relationship stays friends w/ benefits. However, most people who claim to only want that secretly want more, everyone wants to be loved. I know friends who have made it work for a long time, and I know people who end up falling for the person because they wanted love all along, as long as both sides are honest it should work out. Usually one person ends up falling and the other moves on because that isn't what they wanted
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Never had a FWB - almost once with one of my best friends in college, but we both decided right in the nick of time that we had too much respect for each other to go there and ruin it - actually he decided (I was drunk lol)

    Instead I just dated casually - meaning I'd date one person at a time, didn't love them and no future but was still physical - they weren't strictly FBs and I didn't consider them "friends" either. It was just dating for a while, one man at a time not a bunch of them, with the understanding that they were not my "boyfriend" and I didn't want them to be... I liked the single life. Most men didn't like this btw. I think it was an ego thing more so than a feelings thing.

    Most men I know "know" within those 1st few months of dating if it's love.... I don't know any man who ever committed to their FBs (not FWBs) - but the men I know didn't see those women as FWBs (not sure what the women thought) - they were FBs and they did not respect them - hence would never commit or be in a real relationship with them. This is another reason why I have never agreed to be a FWB. Any man willing to use me for sex isn't my friend.
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
    What's "Friends with benefits?" :grumble:
  • keddabee
    keddabee Posts: 81
    This is all really interesting!

    I've had a few friends with benefits as I had a really nasty break up a few years ago and was not ready for a realationship (insert commitment phobe caption here).

    Now that I'm ready for a relationship and finding the 'right' person I've stopped really associating with those people and am waiting for that person.

    My last 'relationship' (if you can call it that) started as FWB and we grew feelings for each other and decided to give the relationship thing a go but obviously it didnt last long. Now I have no benefits and no friend!

    I agree with an earlier post... 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
    It's interesting. Most of the relationships I've had, I thought were relationships. Turns out I was THEIR FWB, and they didn't tell me. I would fall for them and then they would be gone afterward, and I would be left hurt. I was told it was because guys don't fall for fat girls.
    Guys have never had genuine feelings for me. It's something you get used to. You realize that if it hasn't happened yet, it probably never will.

    wow, truly sorry that you were treated that way...
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
    I am a heartless harpy and I never catch feelings :(
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    It's interesting. Most of the relationships I've had, I thought were relationships. Turns out I was THEIR FWB, and they didn't tell me. I would fall for them and then they would be gone afterward, and I would be left hurt. I was told it was because guys don't fall for fat girls.
    Guys have never had genuine feelings for me. It's something you get used to. You realize that if it hasn't happened yet, it probably never will.

    Don't ever lose faith in yourself. You have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince - regardless of size - we've all been there (almost all anyway) People of all shapes and sizes are loved because they're wonderful. Don't tie your self worth to your weight and don't stop believing you're worth more.
  • beduffbrickie
    beduffbrickie Posts: 642 Member
    what are these friends with benefits and where do you find them?
  • katherines2230
    katherines2230 Posts: 276 Member
    what are these friends with benefits and where do you find them?

    Found mine at the gym!



    I'm really enjoying everyone's responses!!
  • Amayrial
    Amayrial Posts: 139 Member
    I'm too old. When I was young enough to *kitten* around, we didn't have a cool politically correct acronym.

    omg this made me choke on my tea!
  • Amayrial
    Amayrial Posts: 139 Member
    Honestly though, I'm deeply touched by the male responce in this thread. You personify the type of man I want to find. ..... where are you again?? :tongue: :wink:
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    This will cost me my man card, but I can't go there if I don't have feelings in the first place.

    From a woman's perspective, you gained an extra man card for this one.. and respect, admiration, and a whole bunch of other things =)

    ^^^ agree! it hink u are a real man because of this response and i dont think there are any other men who feel the same way you do even tho it is totally respectable in a woman's eyes
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    Never had a FWB - Any man willing to use me for sex isn't my friend.

    ^^^^ this ^^^^

    Also, i'm very old fashioned. I need to love someone to do that. :blushing:
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I had one for like 15 years (on and off between other 'relationships')....and can honestly say I didn't want anything else from him.

    I guess when I was very young (like 20) and it first started, I might have had romanticized ideas about him, but it didn't take long to figure out he wasn't the guy for anything more than that. After the first date with my now-husband, I knew I was done with the FWB guy!
  • trixylewis
    trixylewis Posts: 197 Member
    This will cost me my man card, but I can't go there if I don't have feelings in the first place.

    From a woman's perspective, you gained an extra man card for this one.. and respect, admiration, and a whole bunch of other things =)

    exactly, more men need to be like you. to me a fwb is someone im in a relationship with. you are supposed to be friends with your partner. seriously, if you just want to get off, get a battery operated device. im married and have one, :bigsmile:
  • sexychick76
    sexychick76 Posts: 31 Member
    i fell for a player !
  • Laura_Ivy
    Laura_Ivy Posts: 555 Member
    Never had a FWB - Any man willing to use me for sex isn't my friend.

    ^^^^ this ^^^^

    Also, i'm very old fashioned. I need to love someone to do that. :blushing:

    This!
  • dcantrell28
    dcantrell28 Posts: 8
    FWB is a legend. No such thing exists. There are always feelings on one side or the other if not both. :tongue: :wink:
  • DisturbedRaccoon
    DisturbedRaccoon Posts: 18
    My ex-bf turned into a FWB. We dated for a short time and after breaking up, we became FWB. We don't have any ground rules though. When I'm back in town its like we are dating all over again, but we aren't. Obviously there are still feelings there. I just wonder if anything will happen.

    Honestly, I think it is impossible to have a FWB without having some feelings for each other.
  • xtinalovexo
    xtinalovexo Posts: 1,376 Member
    in the past with these types of "relationships" i never developed feelings, i got bored and had to move on with my life. a purely sexual partner lacks substance and fails to bring a connection to the table and eventually i just become bored and uninterested. i guess im one of those weirdos who associates sex with feelings, if feelings are not there, eventually i walk away. although, i have let this go on for months at a time before without becoming bored.
  • auntdeedee87
    auntdeedee87 Posts: 706 Member
    It's interesting. Most of the relationships I've had, I thought were relationships. Turns out I was THEIR FWB, and they didn't tell me. I would fall for them and then they would be gone afterward, and I would be left hurt. I was told it was because guys don't fall for fat girls.
    Guys have never had genuine feelings for me. It's something you get used to. You realize that if it hasn't happened yet, it probably never will.

    Don't ever lose faith in yourself. You have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince - regardless of size - we've all been there (almost all anyway) People of all shapes and sizes are loved because they're wonderful. Don't tie your self worth to your weight and don't stop believing you're worth more.

    THIS WAS ME. Above poster was right, don't ever lose faith in yourself! I gave up. And shortly after I stopped looking I found the most magnificent man who loves all 200+ pounds of me.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    Um my husband and I started out with just "FWB" then we dated, then decided to do FWB again, then we got engaged and 8 years almost 9yrs later we are still married and very happy :D
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