i need encouragement

My oldest daughter got married 5 years ago. It was a rather spur of the moment thing and I did not get to help plan it or go with her to pick out her dress or anything. There was no reception b/c she did not want one. When I saw the wedding pictures I was discusted by how fat I was.
I swore that by the time my other daughter gets married I will look stunning by loosing a lot of weight. I have lost aprox 45 pounds in the past 9 months or so. I thought if and when my youngest would announce an engagement that I could always kick my diet into high gear -I mean it should be at least a 6 month engagement --right?
Well, last night she told me she went and got married a few days ago. She married a man she met in Italy over the summer and he is out to visit her in Cal. for the past month. She will move to Italy in just 2 weeks to live with him and start their life. I am just heartboke that she got married so soon. I feel ripped off. I wanted to help plan a beautiful wedding and reception. I wanted to be so happy for her. She says she does not plan on having children for at least 5 years as she will be going to college for that long. I also hate that when she does finally have children that they will be in Europe and I will be in Ca.
So all I am thinking about is loosing my baby girl and all I want to do is eat eat eat. She says she plans on haveing a big wedding in maybe 7 months in Albania--where her husband was actually born and raised. But,..... still...... I can't help plan a wedding in Albania- I live in Ca in the USA!!
I wish I could go to the gym and maybe take out some of my aggression on the treadmill or somthing but I am stuck at work for the next 24 hours.---with a stuffed refrigerator -i might add. GRRRRRR!!!!!!


  • RonneyKay
    RonneyKay Posts: 464 Member
    OMG! THIS sounds like me!

    My son ran off and married this b**** who lied and said she was pregnant, surprise surprise She wasn't and they broke up 6 weeks later... THANK GOD, that woman was horrific.

    My daughter married a guy in VA who I never got to meet. My ONLY daughter. And now she lives in GA and doesn't want kids because she is afraid it will mess up her body. (another motivation for me to lose weight and get fit is to show her it can be done after kids) I am ready to be a gramma already! sheesh. Anyhow, she lives across the country in GA (i live in AZ) and we have no money to visit, or bring her here for a visit.

    My youngest is 15 and has social issues so I am not sure he will ever meet anyone. I'm hoping, I am cautiously optimistic with him:)

    But yea, they do grow up and fly away and do their own thing. It's nothing personal against you, its just their happiness and what makes them happy. Now is the time for you to focus on you. Its hard to let go because we focused on them for so long. But now its okay to put you #1 now. They have put themselves first, so now you put yourself first. I think we get lost along the way somewhere, we forget that we are people too. We are not only moms and wives, we are also people. REAL LIVING PEOPLE with feelings, and lives. Our children are not our lives anymore when they grow up and start planning families of their own. So we have to create a new life for us.

    So just breathe, put down the food and take a brisk walk, you will feel better:) I know when I exercise I definitely feel better. I love that sense of well being.

    Good Luck.
    Let me know what happens, I'm going to add you:)

  • ngcgurl03
    ngcgurl03 Posts: 207 Member
    Keep up the great work you have acomplished so far. Do not give up. You are doing this for you. to have a better lifestyle so one day you can be there for your grandchildren. You are doing so well i am so proud of you. You can do this. Do not give up hope. Where there is a will there is a way please dont stop doing what you are doing.
  • ellekay22
    ellekay22 Posts: 147 Member
    I'm so sad for you! Food is not the answer! Think how stunning you're going to look in Albania in 7 months!

    That really sucks, but focus on the positive - she's planning to finish school, she's found someone she loves, you've done so well in your weight loss journey already! And between you and me, planning a wedding sucks. Oh, it sounds all fun, but no one is every happy (because your ideas and hers are different...).
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    If it were me, I'd plan my weight loss and budget around an extended trip to Europe to visit your daughter and new son in law (not to mention to see the sites and look fabulous while you're doing it!).
  • chris6515
    chris6515 Posts: 131 Member
    Everything is easier when you are healthier. Eating well affects your energy level, your sleep, and your mood as well as your overall appearance. So Ronnie is right, now is the time to put YOU first. Keep up your good work, think of ways you can make and save money to visit your daughter (and eventually your grandkids) in Europe. What an adventure that will be. Try to look at some of the positives--hopefully your daughter is wildly in love and happy and starting a new adventure of her own.
  • 707janette
    707janette Posts: 77 Member
    thank you ALL for your support. I am feeling better just putting it all out here b/c she asked me not to tell anyone that she is married yet b/c she will tell everyone when she is ready. Well, it was just announced in the newspaper today so....... everyone will know sooner than later. I guess I did not do enough Congratulating her last night as I was just in shock. Today, she told me she is upset with me because I did not congratulate her and her husband..... (I thought I said it, but maybe I didn't.) So I told her I'm sorry, but I was caught off gaurd-Normally a mom would have a few months to get used to the idea of her baby getting married. Then she got upset saying, that this is not about me. And she is right. It's not about me and what I am missing. I need to be happy for her and I am but just have these other feelings that makes it so hard for me to express my happiness for her.
    So now I want to do something very special for her and her new husband but need some ideas.
  • chris6515
    chris6515 Posts: 131 Member
    Wrote her a heartfelt card expressing your best wishes for her future happiness and how much she means to you. Apologize for any misunderstandings and tell her how much you love her. And if you can, include a check for what you would have spent on a wedding here in the states and let her do what she likes with it--put it toward the wedding expenses or for furnishing their new home, etc. Get to know your new son-in-law via Facebook, emails, phone, or scype. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers, but they are grownups now so focus on YOU!
  • CathiAnne
    CathiAnne Posts: 193 Member
    Like the other ladies have said, focus on you now and when you lose the weight your reward will be a trip to Europe. Wish them well because there is nothing you can do about it now. You don't want to part with ill feelings toward each other. Kids! Anyhow, it IS about you and losing the weight you want to lose for your trip to Europe. :flowerforyou:
  • Justin_1972
    Justin_1972 Posts: 25 Member
    Personally i think she should have told you in advance. Its not selfish of you to expect that. Any mother would be hurt by your daughter's actions. Just my two cents. But yes, it is time to focus on YOU.