Weight Loss Sabotagers- How to deal with THEM
PinkSouljah
Posts: 26
I have a few people in my life (who I am close to)who do the following:
-Are overly critical of my weight loss methods.
-Urge me to eat sweets
-Undermine my efforts by making negative comments
They say "Another 20 pounds and you will have lost enough weight" Maybe they are not used to me being healthy but when I lose 20 pounds I will still be 174lbs - im 5'6 and that is definitely not a healthy weight for me.
So far I feel strong and try not to pay attention to what they say but sometimes it gets really hard. I need some advice on what I can say to them....I wish I was a more straight forward person but I want to say it as delicately as possible.
Thank-you in advance!!
-Are overly critical of my weight loss methods.
-Urge me to eat sweets
-Undermine my efforts by making negative comments
They say "Another 20 pounds and you will have lost enough weight" Maybe they are not used to me being healthy but when I lose 20 pounds I will still be 174lbs - im 5'6 and that is definitely not a healthy weight for me.
So far I feel strong and try not to pay attention to what they say but sometimes it gets really hard. I need some advice on what I can say to them....I wish I was a more straight forward person but I want to say it as delicately as possible.
Thank-you in advance!!
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Replies
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i know. that is my hubby he always pushes me to poor eating habits. but im learing to tune him out and do better.
and i have been straight forward just telling him to do what he wants an keep it to himself
you just have to be honest and say what you feel0 -
Ughhhh I hate these people! I think everyone has these people on their life and most of the negativity I have found has come from friends and even family members. I think it's basically them feeling guilty about their habits or weight and take it out on us for having the strength to achieve our goals! There's isn't much you can say to get through to these people cause they would most likely deny if you upfront tell them what they are doing... I've just learnt to let it go and take it as my motivation to prove everyone wrong that I am strong and I will reach my weight and fitness goals! Good luck x0
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It's interesting, my husband does that too.
He offers me sweets or an extra bite of this or that and even when I politely say no he still says, "are you sure? One little bite won't hurt you. You're looking good, if you want some you can have some."
A friend of mine said people like that are insecure. That they may feel that you are changing for alternative reasons and if you stay the same you won't be tempted to go other directions.
How 'bout just making myself feel better! That's my reason!0 -
Please don't let these detractors get to you. People who are "overly critical" often have food issues themselves and feel threatened by the changes that you have made to your lifestyle. If people don't think you need to lose more weight or are critical about your methods, how about saying "Thank you for your opinion" and leave it there. For people who try to push food on you, a nice and sometimes (and repetitive) "No, thank you" should work. The main thing is to stick with your plan. I hope that helps.0
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I know it's tough for people to be overly critical of your success but just keep focused and believe in yourself. If you mention how important it is to you, people will back off.0
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lol
sorry for laughing but i can totally relate! There are a few ppl in my life who do the same thing!
But i had to realize that they are just worried about my physical and mental health and really aren't against my weight loss efforts. They see me dieting, counting calories 24/7 and basically revolving my life around my weight loss and to them i guess its obsessive, taken to far and so out of love they try to tell me to not work so hard at it. to eat more than what im eating and yada yada yada...
They just dont understand the effort it takes to lose the weight & how in order to be successful at losing 50+ pounds it has to become your life and something ur constantly doing and living to do on a daily basis.
just remind yourself that they are only coming to you out of love and concern, but also remind yourself that they dont know what they are talking about AND YOU do, because its working for you so far. so keep it up!0 -
I know this sounds like kind of a wimpy way to deal, but I just smile and do what I want anyway. If you really need something to silence them, I would have a consult with your doctor (at your next regular check up) and just run your goals past her/him to confirm they are within medically healthy parameters- that way when people try to suggest you are being unhealthy, you can invoke your medical professional like "My doctor and I feel that I'm making healthy decisions, and that's enough for me." Usually gets real quiet after that one
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I know this sounds like kind of a wimpy way to deal, but I just smile and do what I want anyway. If you really need something to silence them, I would have a consult with your doctor (at your next regular check up) and just run your goals past her/him to confirm they are within medically healthy parameters- that way when people try to suggest you are being unhealthy, you can invoke your medical professional like "My doctor and I feel that I'm making healthy decisions, and that's enough for me." Usually gets real quiet after that one
You havent met my mother then! LOL!!!!!
I ran into her after almost a year of not seeing her (long story), she was at work, I was there shopping and when she asked what I was doing to lose the weight, she returned real quick with "but, youre not living - thats rediculous!"... I quickly returned that with a "Im living healthier thanks to the test results that just came in from my Endocrinologist - obviously SHE thinks Im doing excellent.... I would think you would, too but your negativity doesnt matter to me".... My mother is a very bitter person - always has to feel like that everything she does is justified, never consults with her physician on HER OWN health, is on at least a dozen medications, is a chain smoker, and has about 100lbs to lose and refuses to make herself healthier despite the fact she has had one heart attack and two strokes within a two year time span.... Yeah, Im not going to end up like her because I know better....
...and Im pretty lucky - I used to work with the Endo as a fellow staff member! LOL!!!!0 -
Don't let them get to you. They're probably just trying to make conversation. I have a lot of people telling me I should stop...and I am still 15 to 20 pounds overweight.0
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This comment made me tear up because it's exactly what I am going through. My husband wants to go to breakfast and if I order oatmeal, he gets upset and says "we could have had that at home!" I try to explain that it isn't the food I eat it's the company I am keeping. He's 5'11 and 155lbs. He would never understand what we all have to go through. Your comment helps me understand where he's coming from. Thank you0
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My brother has started saying I've lost too much weight. I think he's wrong and just ignore it but I'm wondering if he says it because he is recently divorced from a stick thin wife and is now going out with a tubby girl friend......related----much?? What do you think? Lol!0
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Usually, when I say, "No thank you, it's not that I don't WANT it, I've already planned what I'm going to eat today and that's not on my list... " They may roll their eyes, but they never mess with me again. Everybody at work knows I'm calorie counting now. I've even tried to get some of them on MFP with me, but you know, stubborn... Every now and then I eat the crap they give me and then I accuse them of sabotage. That works too. They leave me alone after that!0
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To the ladies with a spouse the reason you're getting no support from him is because the idea that you are losing weight to one day leave him. Recent studies has supported this theory. Also some men prefer large women and don't be surprise if his affection towards you changes.
Suggest you have a sit down with your partner and have a nice talk.
Top0 -
I go through a lot of this with my parents. They say they're trying to eat better but they still eat greasy. fattening foods all the time. Just try to explain to them that it may be enough for them, but it's not enough for you. You want to be healthy because it's important to you to feel good about yourself.. If they don't understand or don't want to understand then there isn't much you can say to make them. The best thing is find a close friend or relative that can do the same with you. My roommate is also on here and we're both working on losing weight so that definitely helps with making healthy dinners and keeping each other in line.
Best of luck to you, you're doing great!0 -
My extremely overweight boyfriend and my very thin step-son (who can eat anything he wants) were trying to push me to eat out with them all the time and at first I gave in. When I put my foot down and said enough is enough, they had some snide remarks toward me. I finally decided that I am losing weight for me...NOT for them. They have since stopped because they now know that they cannot influence me to partake in their unhealthy habits. They still eat out and I just stay home and cook something healthy for me 0
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There's a few guys at work that literally drink every night, drugs etc. Nothin against it, but they try getting me out, or to come check out their new house, etc. They'll be up til 5, 6am. One's 36ish and the other 25 or so.
My basic reply is 'if i drank every night, id have the body of a guy who drank every night'.
That phrase also applies to a few of the girls around there. It's kinda sad.0 -
I keep them at arms length. My hubby was one of them, I just pushed through and ignored him or told him what he wanted to hear every time he would make a big deal of me not eating what he ate or wanting so switch to healthier options.
Like "you are rite, but I am doing it any way and I still love you" for instance. Eventually he stopped being so critical when he saw my dedication to loosing weight and becoming a healthier person. We are having a great time now going to the gym together and he is working on losing weight him self.
Just remember in the end you don't have to do what they say, and even if you say ok to them (just to stop the argument, or move on to another subject) who cares, you can still do what you want it is just saving an argument and they will ketch on, if not sooner than latter but trust me they will ketch on and they will slow down on their comments because they will learn that it doesn't work any more.
I hope this helped, good luck!0 -
I know this sounds like kind of a wimpy way to deal, but I just smile and do what I want anyway. If you really need something to silence them, I would have a consult with your doctor (at your next regular check up) and just run your goals past her/him to confirm they are within medically healthy parameters- that way when people try to suggest you are being unhealthy, you can invoke your medical professional like "My doctor and I feel that I'm making healthy decisions, and that's enough for me." Usually gets real quiet after that one
You havent met my mother then! LOL!!!!!
I ran into her after almost a year of not seeing her (long story), she was at work, I was there shopping and when she asked what I was doing to lose the weight, she returned real quick with "but, youre not living - thats rediculous!"... I quickly returned that with a "Im living healthier thanks to the test results that just came in from my Endocrinologist - obviously SHE thinks Im doing excellent.... I would think you would, too but your negativity doesnt matter to me".... My mother is a very bitter person - always has to feel like that everything she does is justified, never consults with her physician on HER OWN health, is on at least a dozen medications, is a chain smoker, and has about 100lbs to lose and refuses to make herself healthier despite the fact she has had one heart attack and two strokes within a two year time span.... Yeah, Im not going to end up like her because I know better....
...and Im pretty lucky - I used to work with the Endo as a fellow staff member! LOL!!!!
Wow!!! Goo for you! My mom was my best friend. She died 3 years ago and I still cry. I can relate though, because of my older son. (long Story)
You are doing great!!! I hope things work out, but we know the only people we can change is ourself.0 -
People have a hard time with change....
Let them know that you are comfortable with where you are at, that you have personal goals and you are working to achieve them....
It's funny, when we work on professional, emotional, cognitive, educational goals - people cheer us on - hold celebrations, etc...
It may be the green monster.....Let them know that you have lots of goals in life and you'd appreciate their support, just like how you support them in ___________.0 -
I have a few people in my life (who I am close to)who do the following:
-Are overly critical of my weight loss methods.
-Urge me to eat sweets
-Undermine my efforts by making negative comments
For the ones who are overly critical:
Slightly assertive: "Well, I've already lost ____ lbs, so I think my way is working pretty well. But, thanks for the tip!"
Slightly less assertive: "That's a really great idea. Thanks." (But continue to do what you're doing, as it's clearly working for you)
For those urging you to eat sweets:
"Thanks. I'm going to save this for later." Then put it in your pocket/desk drawer/whatever, and throw it out when they're not looking. No, it's not solving the problem, but it'll shut them up, right?
For those making negative comments:
It kind of depends on what the negative comment is, but read this article and see if you get anything good:
http://jezebel.com/5862253/how-to-deal-with-the-thanksgiving-food-police
My favorite would have to be: "Thanks for trying to give me your insecurities, but I was really hoping to get a Wii this year"0 -
Ughhhh I hate these people! I think everyone has these people on their life and most of the negativity I have found has come from friends and even family members. I think it's basically them feeling guilty about their habits or weight and take it out on us for having the strength to achieve our goals! There's isn't much you can say to get through to these people cause they would most likely deny if you upfront tell them what they are doing... I've just learnt to let it go and take it as my motivation to prove everyone wrong that I am strong and I will reach my weight and fitness goals! Good luck x
Yes, this.0 -
It's not paranoia if everyone's out to get you...
Seriously, these threads pop up all the time, and I gotta say, it's kinda scary. People offer you dessert and you immediately jump to the conclusion that they want to see you fail, rather than wanting to share something they think is delicious with you?
And of course, the responses, "they're just jealous," "they're just dumping their insecurities on you!" Wouldn't it be you that's insecure for automatically insisting that anybody that says something that isn't flowing praise is completely evil and determined to see you fail? Not everyone is out to make you fail. The average person isn't sitting there, twirling their moustache, thinking "haha! Watch me force this girl to eat a donut so she can balloon right up and get fat again!" I'd find it more rude for someone to bring food to work and intentionally not offer me any.
[/end rant]0 -
tiger, I'm so with you. When I read about people thinking their loved ones are sabotaging them I have a pang because they actually have someone in their lives who cares enough to nurture them. Nurturing with food is something they have probably always done and it will be quite a difficult transition to recognise the way things have always been has changed.
Because I am on a plan that delivers the food I eat I say "no I can't eat anything that doesn't come in a little plastic bag", not entirely true but it gets people off my back.
GG0 -
:happy:0
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Tiger: I believe you found my post under the forum "motivation and support"- I dont find your comment motivating OR supportive but thanks for spending a few minutes of your time on ME 0
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This is something I have been dealing with. Most of my family is amazing, but I have some good friends whom have been negative (sometimes I think unknowingly). The other day it was my sis-in-laws bday and my boss kept trying to get me to have just one piece of cake. I said I already had one bad meal this week, so I don't need nor want it. Still the rest of the day she kept commenting on how I should have one piece or cracking jokes about how she was going to have a piece of cake while I ate my healthy lunch. I have had two people tell me I was obsessive about my diet. I told them I'm not dieting, I'm changing the way I live my life. And that was answered with a smirk and a "No you're dieting." It's frustrating to have those you love either knock you down or not understand and I'm realizing that nothing I say will change their behavior. I just need to ignore it and continue on my journey. In the end, the results will be what shuts their mouths 0
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You know, I used to be one of those saboteurs. It wasn't out of jealousy or anything. I just didn't understand. I was blessed with a high metabolism. Then I got pregnant with my son and it disappeared. Now I have to watch what and how much I eat or I gain weight like a bear getting ready for hibernation.
I also happen to have a passion for good (ie fatty, sugary and/or salty) food. I enjoyed sharing that passion with others, especially when I tried a new recipe and someone refused to taste it, I got mildly offended.0 -
To the ladies with a spouse the reason you're getting no support from him is because the idea that you are losing weight to one day leave him. Recent studies has supported this theory. Also some men prefer large women and don't be surprise if his affection towards you changes.
Suggest you have a sit down with your partner and have a nice talk.
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If you are married to the person you are supposed to be with than the loss of weight shouldn't change the affection that is showed. Your husband should love you and treat you the same no matter what size you are. He should be supportive of the fact that you are trying to make yourself healthier so that you guys can live a longer life together. The only thing I agree with in this post I quoted is that the ladies should have a sit down with their spouse and explain why they are changing their lifestyle... for their family.0 -
The issue at hand is when your loved ones and friends DONT LISTEN, feel the need to push that food on you despite the fact you have stated 'no thank you' and dont stop or the ones who are truly nasty with you.
Its rude not to listen to a person who says "no thank you" and think its ok to continue pushing the food. Ive left my individual family's houses when they kept pushing the food! They are all of the 'finish your plate' generation - and most have serious medical conditions that they willingly choose to ignore, dont care about other people, and are so damn sensitive that no matter what you say or do, they keep pushing. When they finally come around to calling me back and asking if Im ok after the night I left, Im BRUTALLY honest with them....friends OR family....
Thats why being subtle doesnt do any good (at least for my situation).... I have to tell-it-like-it-is when they dont accept "no thank you" as my final response because they truly DONT care.
Nuturing would be someone that DID care, and understood that its nothing personal against them if we turn down their junk food, or an extra portion of food, or what not.
If that person accepts the first response of "no thank you" and leaves it alone for you to decide, THAT is how it should be.
If that person continues to push that food, even after you saying "no thank you", THAT person is WRONG, no ifs ands or buts...0 -
To the ladies with a spouse the reason you're getting no support from him is because the idea that you are losing weight to one day leave him. Recent studies has supported this theory. Also some men prefer large women and don't be surprise if his affection towards you changes.
Suggest you have a sit down with your partner and have a nice talk.
In my case he was having nightmares of me leaving him or forcing him to eat veggies he doesn't like lol (he never admitted this till a week and a half ago). It took him a while to come around after reaching my goal, but now he is proud of me and wants me to help him loose weight too.
Good luck to all!0
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