Sigh I hate breakups

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13

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  • sparrow747
    sparrow747 Posts: 87
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    Yesterday was the one year anniversary of what I call "the worst day" -- my ex ended our relationship of three years, totally blindsiding me. i really didn't know how i'd get over it, but after the holidays i decided to spend the entire year changing my life and rediscovering myself. so here i am, 365 days later, 48 pounds lighter, and a WHOLE person ready for my soulmate to walk into my life. i spent a few months being so angry about my breakup and time i also considered wasted, but in the end, it was the catalyst to great change in my life. i hope it can be one for you too, just keep your heart open and love yourself more than anyone else can.
  • meggawatt
    meggawatt Posts: 145 Member
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    I am in a similar situation although the roles are reversed. We've been together for 7 1/2 years, married for 3. I was honest from day 1 that I did not want to have more children, I have one from a previous relationship, and my husband was ok with it. We re-opened the issue shortly before marriage and again agreed that we would not have children due to my health and our finances. 2 years into the marriage he chanded his mind. It is now an open festering wound that is destroying our marriage and friendship.

    I know the pain hurts a lot now, but in the end its so much better this way. You're young and have plenty of time ahead of you to find the one person you're meant to be with and create a beautiful family together.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    I'm so very sorry :(
  • staceyGO
    staceyGO Posts: 376
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    Awwwwe, better late than never though sweet pea! Babies are very important to me too, if you two didn't agree on that subject than it wasn't meant to be anyways. You will find a wonderful man and you will make wonderful babies!! Chin up, weight down - you rock!
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
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    So sorry To hear this. At least you found out before getting married.
  • nikkijay25
    nikkijay25 Posts: 42 Member
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    People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. His time is up. You would rather have this few months of pain vs a lifetime of pain with someone who didn't want what you wanted. Believe me life does go on and God will send you the right person. Use this time to heal and focus on other areas of your life. :-) We all have been there.
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    oh sweetie, it's gonna take time, crying, some wine and friends.
    it's great that you're already being mature about it all by saying it wasn't a waste of three/four years. Has he suddenly got scared, he's not scared is he of you finding someone else.. younger fitter etc.As he is older he may feel insecure about your weight loss?
    Give it time and patience and everything happens for a reason, it may not be clear now but afterwards you'll have thaqt a-ha moment.
    keep in there and keep your head held high.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    the only pearl of wisdom I can offer is that it was better to find out now, before the wedding, but either way its not easy. I'm so sorry. :frown:
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    One way to look at this is: You could have found yourself married to a douche but now you've dodged that bullet. Celebrate and look forward to really living it up the last two years of your 20's and on into your 30's.

    I wouldn't fault him though for not wanting any more kids if he already has some. However, you can fault him for leading you to believe he actually wanted more or maybe yourself for fooling yourself into believing that. That's not me being harsh either, just honest. We women, often fool ourselves into believing things. My advice is don't be sad, don't spend your nights curled up in a chair crying over some 41 year old guy. Go out, move on, and enjoy what life has to offer you. :flowerforyou:

    PS: You have an adorable puppy in that picture. Also from what I can see of your pictures, you're a lovely woman and shouldn't have a difficult time getting dates in the future.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
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    At least you did not go through with the wedding and then get that info. I am sorry you have to go through all of this tho. Best to you.
  • bigalfantasy2004
    bigalfantasy2004 Posts: 176 Member
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    Hang in there. The same thing happened to a friend of mine a few years back. He wanted to get married and start a family and his girlfriend did not. They broke up, and a week later he met his wife and now they have four children together.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    *hugs* I'm sorry, and know how much you're hurting.

    Thirteen years ago yesterday, I had the same sort of thing happen. I was 26, and my boyfriend of 8 years decided he wasn't into the whole relationship thing anymore. And you know what... it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. :smile: (Well, at least in the top 10!) At the time, I was devastated. Heartbroken. But it freed me to find someone who really WAS perfect for me, someone who was totally honest and 100% committed.

    You deserve someone with all the same goals as you have. And you'll find that someone. Promise. :flowerforyou:
  • 3GKnight
    3GKnight Posts: 203
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    Sorry that you're hurting so much. Time will heal.

    This has me thinking about my situation. I've recently become a divorced father of 3 and if I ever go down the relationship road again, I'd better make up my mind about wanting more kids. I'm not completely against it, I like babies and miss some of the things I enjoyed raising mine, but on the other hand, the expense of another kid(s) isn't very attractive right now. This may sound horrible, but we purposefully had our kids early so we could 'get it over with'. lol

    But on the other other hand...perfection is taking a nap with a baby sleeping on your chest. *sigh*
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
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    I am very sorry.
  • josaleigh
    josaleigh Posts: 73
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    I am 31...and engaged. After a 13 yr failed relationship (8 of which we were married), I figured why even try? It took me a year to start dating again, then it felt even worse. The people I met were crap and I just knew in my heart my chances were over...

    I tell you this sob story, because as soon as I really gave up...I met the most amazing man! Perfect for me, no compromises, no lack luster life for me... It can happen to you too.

    You need to sit down and decide what you want, then be up front at all times about it at all times. If you are true to yourself, you can find someone who wants the same things.

    Pick your head up, concentrate on the things you love..and love will find you. Just remember the most important thing...breathe.
  • rose_mortem
    rose_mortem Posts: 147 Member
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    today, I finally found out why people break up when they still love each other... hope you feel better ((hugs))
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    *hugs* this sucks.

    What everyone said is very true. My first husband nagged me constantly about children, we had them and he lost interest. So he has only been sporadically in their lives. I won't say it would have been better if we had not had children, but knowing the person and what they want out of life (not just what they say to please you) is a definite must, and you had a close call.

    GG
  • CCSunlight
    CCSunlight Posts: 249 Member
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    it sucks. it really really does. i was with my ex-boyfriend for four years when he dumped me... in an email. i always hated when people told me "well at least you didnt get married" because to me the break up was just as devestating as a divorce would have been.

    but i don't regret being with him for those four years. i grew up a lot during that time and learned a lot about myself, but honestly i've learned the most about myself in the year since we've broken up. don't regret the time you spent with him because you were with him for a reason. you shouldnt ever regret being in love. the hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that, that part of your life is over and now it's time to move on.

    it's hard and it sucks and its definitely okay to get mad and yell and cry. i sure as hell did. i felt duped by a guy who i had picked out names for my children with, and you probably feel the same. but at some point you'll realize that you'll still be okay.

    lots of love your way!
  • mlucarelli74
    mlucarelli74 Posts: 22 Member
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    I am going through a similar situation. I broke off my engagment 6 weeks ago. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. It completely sucks. I have days where I am okay, days where I am angry and days when I cry. I'm like an emotional roller coaster. To add insult to injury...I recently found out he has been dating someone since a week after we broke it off...lol That's true love for you. There is no easy way through it. We just have to feel it. And one day...it won't hurt as much...and evenutally it will just be a distant memory. We just have to do the work to get there.
  • cherokeebunnie
    cherokeebunnie Posts: 15 Member
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    I was in the same boat a few years ago but I can not have kids and he said he did not want any well long story short he wanted a child as long as he was not the father so he went back to an ex who a had a child that was not his and now they are engaged... I am sorry you deserve better than a man who can not make up his mind... btw he is a few yrs younger han me and I would never want any to treat me that way again nor would I want to treat any one that way. :happy:

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