Constant comments about weight loss.....
JeSuisPrest
Posts: 2,005 Member
I have been on this journey solidly now for just over 160 days, to date I have lost 31lbs. In the beginning it was nice to hear comments when people noticed, but lately it's all I hear. I don't want to sound disingenuous but I'm not one that likes constant attention and the comments are becoming a bit negative. A very close friend has comment twice in the past week that I am looking anorexic I even lifted my shirt to disprove her point. Let me say I am 5'2" and 131 lbs, my goal is 120, although I may try for 115. Last night I went with coworkers for Mexican, I almost didn't go because of the temptation but stuck with eating just a few chips and drinking one margarita. (huge nsv for me btw, I love the margaritas at this restaurant). I had already eaten dinner w/ my family, but then had to hear comments like "I knew you weren't eating!" And was told yesterday if I lose anymore I will "blow away in the wind".
My question is....has anyone else experienced this? And how did you handle it? As far as the BFF and her anorexic comments, it is making me very angry and I plan on telling her so.
My question is....has anyone else experienced this? And how did you handle it? As far as the BFF and her anorexic comments, it is making me very angry and I plan on telling her so.
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Replies
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Before Thyroid and Liver Disease I was a skinni mini. I remember everyone (even my own children) telling me I was too thin and needed to eat. Thats when I started lifting weights. After a while everytime someone said I was too thin, or was not eating, I challenged them to arm wrestle me:)
Imagine how bad my teenage boys felt when I could beat them arm wrestling! The comments became less and less... you just have to take it with a grain of salt and know what you are doing is better for your body than what most people making the comments are!
Hang in There
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I usually direct the conversation towards nutrition and fitness. I'll say that what I'm happiest about is that I'm eating healthy now and I feel so much better. I'll annoyingly go not detail as to what I eat till they lose interest. Lol as far as your BFF you are correct in talking to her. Im honest with my friends and my feelings. My BFF visits me for weekends at a time so she knows how I eat/exercise.0
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I mostly find it insulting, I am grown woman and not foolish enough to allow myself to become "too thin", besides the fact that I like to eat! My husband even finds it a bit insulting too, as if he'd stand by and allow it too happen. I even told him that BFF is about to ruin a good thing, I have become quite irritated w/ her comments. I even emailed her a link showing her what anorexia looks like.0
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Hang in there with your committment to your health. It is your body and your journey. I believe your friend's comment could be out of concern and and well jealousness. . .KNOW THIS TO BE YOUR JOURNEY. Dealing with this is a part of your journey. Be thoughtful in your response. Something like, "Thank you so much for your concern, I love you also." If the challenge of dealing with her comments esculates, perhaps show her a chart of acceptable weights for your frame. Let her know you have seeked a health professional's consult and are doing just fine. We all get speed bumps in our journey, I believe to keep us healthy and in check with our goals and determination. This is a part of building you strong spirit of self.
You can also just look at her and say, "Hmm." With a thoughtful expression on your face.
Remember the "That's nice." joke.
(Insert Southern accent) There are 2 southern bells on the veranda of the one's house. One woman to the other, you see this mansion my husband bought this mansion for me. Her friend took a long sip of her mint julipe, "That's nice." You see that glistening swimming pool out yonder, My Husband bought built that form me. Again a thoughtful "That's nice." You see that brand new white cadillac in front of the 3 car garage. . .MY HUSBAND bought that for me. Again, with a thoughtful look and a sip from her straw, "That's nice." Then the woman asked, What your husband ever do for you? "He sent me to refinery school." REFINERY SCHOOL!?! What you learn at REFINERY SCHOOL. "How to say, "That's nice." instead of F.. .orget you.
Enjoy this bless day that is a gift to you my friend. (Sorry for misspellings blah blah blah, I'm a running)0 -
Yep. I have a co-worker that is driving me INSANE with the negative comments.
This is one of those pick your battles issues. They are not Drs, nutritionists or personal trainers. They have absolutely no idea what you weigh or what you should weigh, so they are talking out of their *kitten*. You can choose to ignore, or you can set them straight and tell them exactly that. I've chosen to ignore because I don't want the tension in the office. I did make one general comment about it once and it did calm her down a bit. (it was something about eating 2000 calories a day some days as high as 3000 But that they were good healthy calories and not garbage that most people eat)0 -
even told him that BFF is about to ruin a good thing,
BFF I'd set straight. That you don't appreciate the comments, That you hope that BFF doesn't realize the way her words are coming across and that she doesn't really mean what she's saying. That you are hoping that she means that there is such an impressive change and that she isn't able to articulate it properly. That her comments are coming across as rude and insulting and don't give you the credit that you are due, considering the hard work you are putting forward to make this healthy change in yourself, and they are insulting to your husband that BFF would think that he would let you get to a point like that.0 -
Maybe they are just jealous because you're losing weight and looking great. You do look fabulous by the way. Only you know your body and what's healthy for you. Your friends could be genuinely worried about you. So tell them you're okay, explain your goals and that should be the end of it. I had comments like these when I lost weight before. Some of them were kind hearted and some of them were from jealous people. You know your friends best. Keep going and keep up the great work! 0
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Let your physician be the one to tell you whats right for you- It sounds like you are well within the healthy weight range for your height-the chart I use says anywhere from 108 lbs to 143 pounds depending on your frame. Maybe she is just jealous of your success. I know when I lost a ton of weight before (80 lbs) everyone was constantly commenting on it and saying things like that-and I was at the higher end of "normal" weight. It made me second guess myself, so I stopped with the weight loss, even though I really wanted to lose 10 more-I completely regret that now, because when I stopped it didn't take long before I thought oh...this cookie can't hurt much...and now Im starting all over again! As long as you are happy with yourself thats all that matters-and take the compliments about your weight loss-you worked hard for it! Good luck!0
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I got it alot. I'm too thin" "you are gonna get sick!" etc etc. I lift my shirt and do the truffle shuffle. No I am fat. I am not thin. Though I admit it's getting harder to do this now. lol but I at least have the sick thing going. I rarely get sick and haven't missed a day of work because of being sick in over 9 yrs. so they can't throw that in my face. I also play the diabetes card. I found out I had it Dec. 2009 and I got rid of it since Jan. 2011 and been diabetes free.
them: "you can stop with the weight loss you no longer have diabetes!!!"
me: "yes this is true BUT I can easily get it again if I go back to my old habits so I am not stopping."
them: " you are obsessed! take a break! no need to keep losing weight and excercising all the time! it's the holidays!!!"
me: "I have allergies. I have to stay active or my allergies flare up."
them: "what are you allergic to?"
me: "excuses"0 -
me: "I have allergies. I have to stay active or my allergies flare up."
them: "what are you allergic to?"
me: "excuses"
LMAO! Awesome!0 -
Nope, not yet .... but I gotta be honest - I look forward to the day!
Give people a chance to see the new you. After some time this, too, shall pass. But to anyone who continues to make comments that make you feel uncomfortable, stop what you're doing, look them straight in the eyes, and say, "I appreciate your concern, but really, I'm fine." Unless they're total dipwads, they'll get the message. But I do encourage you to literally stop what you're doing and go straight for their eyes and speak in a matter-of-fact tone.0 -
One of my close friends is very persistant about saying I'm ''disappearing.'' It's extremely offensive as she refers to me as annorexic also. I have lost weight, not much but also many centimetres but I am still a long way from my goal. I don't want to be put down or disheartened by stupid comments. Fair enough If I were ''too skinny'' but no - I am still almost as big as I felt when I started this journey.
My Mum isn't one to hesitate staring at me and pointing out my flaws either, but I guess I should be used to her by now. She's been like that all of my life, even when I was a stick representation of a girl
Weight is just a constant battle between ourselves and some people will never understand that. All you can do is keep your head up and believe in what you want!0 -
me: "I have allergies. I have to stay active or my allergies flare up."
them: "what are you allergic to?"
me: "excuses"
LMAO! Awesome!
Yes!!! Very awesome. Nicely played!!
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One of my close friends is very persistant about saying I'm ''disappearing.'' It's extremely offensive as she refers to me as annorexic also. I have lost weight, not much but also many centimetres but I am still a long way from my goal. I don't want to be put down or disheartened by stupid comments. Fair enough If I were ''too skinny'' but no - I am still almost as big as I felt when I started this journey.
My Mum isn't one to hesitate staring at me and pointing out my flaws either, but I guess I should be used to her by now. She's been like that all of my life, even when I was a stick representation of a girl
Weight is just a constant battle between ourselves and some people will never understand that. All you can do is keep your head up and believe in what you want!
It's a subtle form of sabotage! My BFF originally started this journey with me, and has long since fallen off the wagon. I had to bite my tongue from telling her I felt she was jealous.0 -
I don't think they mean anything negative - for the most part - so let it roll off and keep plugging away.0
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say ta ta and delete them thats what i just did and its heaven now x they are not true friends and you dont need the hastle x:flowerforyou:0
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People who are used to seeing you overweight take a while to get used to the smaller you.
I was very tiny most of my life and overweight for about a year-and-a-half period. When I lost weight, I was still about 15-20 pounds heavier than I had been MOST of my life and my mother (who obviously has known me my entire life) accused me of being anorexic. I was 132 pounds and 5'3".0 -
Maybe the people that are giving negative comments are jealous that you are doing so good..Just ignore those negative remarks and keep up the good work!!0
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.I also play the diabetes card. I found out I had it Dec. 2009 and I got rid of it since Jan. 2011 and been diabetes free.
That's the best NSV I've seen!! WTG!!:drinker:0 -
Hi
I too hear this more often then I care too. Even from my mom and hubby. You need to eat more and put on weight,Comments like bag of bones or god forbid you get sick you will have know weight on you at all. Freinds,are you eating? it rives me nuts.
I am 5 2" as well and 115-117pounds. I never starve,Always eat 1800-2000 or more a day. I do workout/weightlift. And have always eating healthy, however made changes, since weight loss, like portion contral, pasta was my weakness. Used to eat a huge bowl, now normal.
Anyway, I think it is hard for our loved ones to see us in a different way. I am sure they all mean well, just cannot adjust. And sometimes it makes them feel like they should be doing more too. A few friends have told me, I have inspired them.
I do relate to your frustrations, I also remember comments about such a pretty girl if she only lost a few pounds comments too;-)lol
You will know where your body is comfortable! As long as its healthy..March on:-)
Happy holidays0 -
I am fed up with ppl who have input on how I should live, eat etc. I don't tolerate it. Anybody starts telling me what I 'need to do' I set them straight in NO uncertain terms.
Just be assertive. It's YOUR body & YOUR life. Thank your friends for their concern but MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS and trust me that I am an adult & can take care of myself!
IF you give them an inch, they'll take a mile - NIP IT IN THE BUD.
Are these 'friends' perfectly together!? no, I doubt it- tell them to straighten out their own probs and you'll deal with yours. I had to dump one 'friend' who was trying to control every bite I ate. She was around all the time and saying stuff like 'you don't need to eat that'
I tried & tried to explain - I'm NOT dieting, eating healthy. she would not stop - so I dumped her *kitten*
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!0 -
Hi
I too hear this more often then I care too. Even from my mom and hubby. You need to eat more and put on weight,Comments like bag of bones or god forbid you get sick you will have know weight on you at all. Freinds,are you eating? it rives me nuts.
I am 5 2" as well and 115-117pounds. I never starve,Always eat 1800-2000 or more a day. I do workout/weightlift. And have always eating healthy, however made changes, since weight loss, like portion contral, pasta was my weakness. Used to eat a huge bowl, now normal.
Anyway, I think it is hard for our loved ones to see us in a different way. I am sure they all mean well, just cannot adjust. And sometimes it makes them feel like they should be doing more too. A few friends have told me, I have inspired them.
I do relate to your frustrations, I also remember comments about such a pretty girl if she only lost a few pounds comments too;-)lol
You will know where your body is comfortable! As long as its healthy..March on:-)
Happy holidays
Sorry grammer etc above--Should never post till had full cup coffe:drinker:0 -
A few years ago I lost about 60 lbs. It was all weight I had to burn. I was completely unhealthy at 180. The people around me were so ridiculous! I had a woman come up and ask me if my hair was falling out because that's what happens when you starve yourself. Even my husband was fussing. He was mostly irritated that I was running instead of waiting on him hand and foot. Ugh! I was running and watching my cals. That's it. I WAS NOT anorexic. People get so crazy when they're threatened. They know you as you've been, and now that you're looking so great, they're probably afraid that the "pecking order" is being disrupted. We are creatures of habit. I admit that my personality changed a little bit, but in a great way. I finally had self-confidence. I didn't let people steam-roll me. So...all that to say, hang in there. Do what feels right to you about how to deal with it. I tried to just laugh when people made ridiculous comments. In my mind, happiness is the best revenge. : ) And most of all...don't let them discourage you. You're doing a great thing for your health and your well-being.0
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There was a time earlier this year that I took all the comments too seriously and started feeling negatively towards those that were making them. Then I decided to quick that *kitten* and turned it in to a positive thing. I haven't gotten any "anorexic" comments as I'm far from that point with 20+ pounds to lose to get to the normal range on BMI - but I've gotten plenty of "disappearing" and "shrinking" comments and just take them in the manner that I believe their intended. People are pround of me and impressed by my progress so I just say "thank you" and leave it at that.
I think having a talk with the BFF is a great idea. There is no way I'd take that crap from even an acquaintance or co-worker, let alone someone who's supposed to be your best friend. Being called anorexic when you know damn well you've now developed a very healthy lifestyle is totally insulting and inappropriate.
Where do people get the idea that these comments are ok? I wouldn't walk up to an overweight friend that looks like they've gained and say "hey, you're looking particularly obese today!". Seriously...0 -
them: " you are obsessed! take a break! no need to keep losing weight and excercising all the time! it's the holidays!!!"
me: "I have allergies. I have to stay active or my allergies flare up."
them: "what are you allergic to?"
me: "excuses"
LOVE THAT!!! 0 -
A couple of thoughts that may or may not be original.
Just like it takes some of us a long time to reset our body image to accept our new shape, it may take others to accept your new shape and get used to it. I think sometimes comments like that are a reflection of the person saying them and not of you...Perhaps they have convinced themselves that their larger size is "normal." And you are shattering that illusion for them. So a "Thank you for your concern!" would be all that is necessary.
As far as BFF...yeah, there appears to be some jealousy there. For her, you need to be honest and tell her that it feels like sabotage. If you started this journey with her and she didn't stick with it, she shouldn't be punishing you or herself really. But that is what it appears she is doing. In you talk I would encourage her that when she's ready, she can be as successful as you.
At a neighborhood ornament exchange party the other night, I got a lot of "You're done losing weight, right?" from people I usually see in just passing. So, "Thanks!" is an adequate enough response.0 -
I have been on this journey solidly now for just over 160 days, to date I have lost 31lbs. In the beginning it was nice to hear comments when people noticed, but lately it's all I hear. I don't want to sound disingenuous but I'm not one that likes constant attention and the comments are becoming a bit negative. A very close friend has comment twice in the past week that I am looking anorexic I even lifted my shirt to disprove her point. Let me say I am 5'2" and 131 lbs, my goal is 120, although I may try for 115. Last night I went with coworkers for Mexican, I almost didn't go because of the temptation but stuck with eating just a few chips and drinking one margarita. (huge nsv for me btw, I love the margaritas at this restaurant). I had already eaten dinner w/ my family, but then had to hear comments like "I knew you weren't eating!" And was told yesterday if I lose anymore I will "blow away in the wind".
My question is....has anyone else experienced this? And how did you handle it? As far as the BFF and her anorexic comments, it is making me very angry and I plan on telling her so.
I didn't read all the responses so if I repeat, I apologize. I do not think 120 is unreasonable for your height. I dont know your age, but I am 5'6" and when I was in my twenties I was 125 and was not even close to skinny.
It is you body. You need to do what jakes you happy. I suggest putting this in your profile, if you read mine you will see that I did.
As far as telling her, only you know how she will take it and how important a friend she is to you.
Good Luck.0 -
Let your physician be the one to tell you whats right for you- It sounds like you are well within the healthy weight range for your height-the chart I use says anywhere from 108 lbs to 143 pounds depending on your frame. Maybe she is just jealous of your success. I know when I lost a ton of weight before (80 lbs) everyone was constantly commenting on it and saying things like that-and I was at the higher end of "normal" weight. It made me second guess myself, so I stopped with the weight loss, even though I really wanted to lose 10 more-I completely regret that now, because when I stopped it didn't take long before I thought oh...this cookie can't hurt much...and now Im starting all over again! As long as you are happy with yourself thats all that matters-and take the compliments about your weight loss-you worked hard for it! Good luck!
Totally agree!!! That is what I did!!!0 -
Some people just have the structure to look a certain way. But as long as you're NOT anorexic, and you ARE eating, and eating healthy, then it doesn't matter. I can see where it would be insulting. I would feel as if all of my hard work just lead to mocking. But I wouldn't let it get you down. Talk to each person privately and let them know how their words affected you. Most will understand. And if they don't, then they're just not worth the thoughts.0
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I've been really fortunate to have had great support from my family and most of my friends and coworkers...I do have one coworker who will comment that I have a great shape but then will do things like yesterday when someone brought in christmas cookies--she asked if I wanted a particular kind. I said no, because I didn't like that particular kind of cookie. She brought one in on a plate and put it on my desk anyway. It sat there for an hour until I got up and put it back in the tray of cookies for someone else to enjoy. Later I picked out the type of cookie I WANTED..and enjoyed it very much. LOL.
The same coworker sometimes has made "skinny" or "anorexic" comments to me, which I do find offensive. I choose to eat healthier and exercise. I don't know why people are threatened by this...I don't push my healthier habits on them. I also would never comment to a coworker, "gee, you're looking particularly overweight today." Why do people think it's ok to comment that someone looks too skinny? Unless someone truly has an eating disorder or health issue...and that's still not something you can always tell just from looking at someone's weight.0
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