Divorcing and need support
Nicola0000
Posts: 531 Member
Hi,
Im 28, and currently going through a divorce. Its been really hard, and wondered if there were any people out there who's also been through it, and could help with some support? Ive lost 27lb and am now 131lb, but Im finding bad habits creeping back in. I got back to the gym yesterday and it feels great, but just got to keep going....
Im 28, and currently going through a divorce. Its been really hard, and wondered if there were any people out there who's also been through it, and could help with some support? Ive lost 27lb and am now 131lb, but Im finding bad habits creeping back in. I got back to the gym yesterday and it feels great, but just got to keep going....
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Replies
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sad but true, I have been through two divorces, finally find Mr. wonderful after the third. My first divorce was at 26, so i can relate. add me if you want0
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I'm so sorry for your situation. My name is Jacky and I have been through it also and the best advice I got from my attorney was "it is like a roller coaster - you will have ups and downs but eventually you will get off." I just kept reminding myself of that when things got hectic. Try to set small daily goals and that will help you feel good about yourself instead of the big picture.0
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I'm so sorry for your situation. My name is Jacky and I have been through it also and the best advice I got from my attorney was "it is like a roller coaster - you will have ups and downs but eventually you will get off." I just kept reminding myself of that when things got hectic. Try to set small daily goals and that will help you feel good about yourself instead of the big picture.
Thats the thing, I keep trying to look to the future and then getting in a panic as it seems so hard. Its only been 2 months so still really raw.0 -
Hello well I have never been married so I do not know what you are going through but look at is a new begiining yes cliche but true. Also take pride in how far you come, you have lost weight, are working out and here on MFP getting support. I hope you have a loving supportive family. Journaling helps me not just what I ate but when and how I felt afterwards. Good luck :flowerforyou: Send me afriend request if you like0
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Hi there,
I went through it myself. I can fully sympathise with you, and dont worry if you feel alone..i certaintly did. I seperated from a 7 year relationship, within which i suffered from depression because of not being happy with how i looked, and since gained loads of weight.. I was 270 pounds. When you seperate in your late 20s it is very shocking. I had post traumatic stress after the breakup as well.
Last year i lost 75 pounds. Sadly when i was with another partner i gained 30 pounds this year. I lost 18 pounds in the last 2 weeks and i am determinded to get to my ideal weight of 150 pounds asap. I do have a lot of muscle however. Now i am doing it for myself rather than out of shock, or unhappiness. Remember that health is the most important thing, and losing weight is crucial for a healthy and happy life.
Problem areas for me
Going out/socialising and drinking and eating unhealthy food and alcohol
socialise less, do physical activities when sociailising, drink less alcohol and water in the bar
Coming home after work and being extremety hungry
always have prepared meals, snacks and water on you always-nuts, peanut butter, apples, bannanas
Some things that help me
Cut out wheat, gluten, most sugars
Eat a small meal or a snack every three hours, which always includes some protein
Reduced carb intake-replace with energy giving foods and drinks
Aim to use up your daily calories-your body will struggle to maintain weight loss-eat high cal low fat/sugar/salt foods
Drink black coffee to increase my slow metabolism and steady blood sugar levels
High lean protein foods-tuna, eggs, beans, nuts
HIIT high intensity interval training
EMS electronic muscle stimulation systems
Supplements:-Adios, kelp, apple cider vinegar, green tea, water retention tabs, cayenne pepper tabs
I hope this helps. Keep your head up and do it for yourself. Fitness and wellbeing will make you happier on its own!
Andy0 -
Hi there,
I went through it myself. I can fully sympathise with you, and dont worry if you feel alone..i certaintly did. I seperated from a 7 year relationship, within which i suffered from depression because of not being happy with how i looked, and since gained loads of weight.. I was 270 pounds. When you seperate in your late 20s it is very shocking. I had post traumatic stress after the breakup as well.
Last year i lost 75 pounds. Sadly when i was with another partner i gained 30 pounds this year. I lost 18 pounds in the last 2 weeks and i am determinded to get to my ideal weight of 150 pounds asap. I do have a lot of muscle however. Now i am doing it for myself rather than out of shock, or unhappiness. Remember that health is the most important thing, and losing weight is crucial for a healthy and happy life.
Problem areas for me
Going out/socialising and drinking and eating unhealthy food and alcohol
socialise less, do physical activities when sociailising, drink less alcohol and water in the bar
Coming home after work and being extremety hungry
always have prepared meals, snacks and water on you always-nuts, peanut butter, apples, bannanas
Some things that help me
Cut out wheat, gluten, most sugars
Eat a small meal or a snack every three hours, which always includes some protein
Reduced carb intake-replace with energy giving foods and drinks
Aim to use up your daily calories-your body will struggle to maintain weight loss-eat high cal low fat/sugar/salt foods
Drink black coffee to increase my slow metabolism and steady blood sugar levels
High lean protein foods-tuna, eggs, beans, nuts
HIIT high intensity interval training
EMS electronic muscle stimulation systems
Supplements:-Adios, kelp, apple cider vinegar, green tea, water retention tabs, cayenne pepper tabs
I hope this helps. Keep your head up and do it for yourself. Fitness and wellbeing will make you happier on its own!
Andy
Thank you. It really does make you feel alone. So many of my friends are getting married/having kids, and now being 28, I feel like Ive wasted 10 years of my life, and having to start all over again. I feel a failure of being divorced already (although the divorce was not my choice at all). Its only been 2 months, so feels so raw and depressing. this time of year doesnt help coming up to Xmas. I try to hide my feelings as dont want people to think that Im miserable all the time and not want to spend time with me. Some people I feel look at me when Im upset as though I should be over it by now. Its hard to look to the future. Everyone keeps saying that everything happens for a reason, but Im struggling to find it at the moment!!0 -
I hear ya. No one in my family has ever seperated. My sister had 2 kids and is living the perfect life and i am now 31 and i am on my own. My family consider me as the black sheep of the family, and i wont even get an invite on christmas day. Sadly when i started to get introverted, i lost all my friends. I gained some new ones last year, but they turned out to be aquaintances only, when things got rough they were not there.
I identified that because my family and friends arent there for me, i had issues with being on my own. I am actually quite content with it now, as i have independence. I can socialise with these aquantences now and again but generally im focusing on my fitness which is the key to success in people respecting you, doing well in business and getting on with partners etc. I was with a model this year, and i dont know how i expected her to be comfortable with me when i am not confortable with myself.
You are a very attractive woman. Just because it didnt work out iwht one person doesnt mean you are a bad person or you should feel ashamed. I just took whatever i could to change, and fundimentally changed myself for my benefit and any future partner.
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Here is the cool part lol, you will loose weight and find yourself a hot younger man...........:)0
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Here is the cool part lol, you will loose weight and find yourself a hot younger man...........:)
Dunno about younger, he was a few months younger. Think I need a more mature older man!!0 -
I can totally relate. Feel free to add me, if you'd like. 0
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I hear ya. No one in my family has ever seperated. My sister had 2 kids and is living the perfect life and i am now 31 and i am on my own. My family consider me as the black sheep of the family, and i wont even get an invite on christmas day. Sadly when i started to get introverted, i lost all my friends. I gained some new ones last year, but they turned out to be aquaintances only, when things got rough they were not there.
I identified that because my family and friends arent there for me, i had issues with being on my own. I am actually quite content with it now, as i have independence. I can socialise with these aquantences now and again but generally im focusing on my fitness which is the key to success in people respecting you, doing well in business and getting on with partners etc. I was with a model this year, and i dont know how i expected her to be comfortable with me when i am not confortable with myself.
You are a very attractive woman. Just because it didnt work out iwht one person doesnt mean you are a bad person or you should feel ashamed. I just took whatever i could to change, and fundimentally changed myself for my benefit and any future partner.
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You're right. I need to analyze what went wrong so know how to identify it and change it in the future.
Im sorry about your family. But sometimes those closest to us are the most toxic in our lives. We need to surround ourselves with positive people who will support us, through good and bad0 -
I'm sorry for your situation. I've never been there, so I don't have a lot of advice as far as that goes.
Keep yourself going to the gym (or at least working out). Exercise releases endorphins, which combat the stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol). That'll make it easier for you to maintain good habits and not give into the stress.0 -
I'm sorry for your situation. I've never been there, so I don't have a lot of advice as far as that goes.
Keep yourself going to the gym (or at least working out). Exercise releases endorphins, which combat the stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol). That'll make it easier for you to maintain good habits and not give into the stress.
I got back to the gym yesterday after 2 months, and felt so strong afterwards!! I finally found what everyone was talking about with the "high" you can get. It felt good, so went back again today. Going to try to go to the gym on the same days at the same time, then might make some friends....0 -
You are a beautiful woman and also on the right track with MFP and your fitness training to become an instructor. Let that be your concentration for now as everything else will fall into place when it is meant to be. I know that sounds a little cliche'; however, I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason. There is something/someone bigger and better out there for you and it will happen. Don't let this event consume you. Trust me, there are worse tragedies that can happen to someone. I went through a divorce in the late 1990's and I didn't know how I would go on, but something like this only makes a person stronger.
Keep on keeping on. You will be great!0 -
You are a beautiful woman and also on the right track with MFP and your fitness training to become an instructor. Let that be your concentration for now as everything else will fall into place when it is meant to be. I know that sounds a little cliche'; however, I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason. There is something/someone bigger and better out there for you and it will happen. Don't let this event consume you. Trust me, there are worse tragedies that can happen to someone. I went through a divorce in the late 1990's and I didn't know how I would go on, but something like this only makes a person stronger.
Keep on keeping on. You will be great!
Thank you. I just keep saying to myself that the future will be better, but at the moment it feels like your whole world is falling apart. Im really grateful for the great people on MFP.0 -
Hello,
I went through a very hard divorce when I was 28 also. My daughter was 1 when her dad left! It was VERY hard, very painful and I had no one to turn to. I was very alone. All of my friends were his friends, his family was my family and of course they all stuck with him. We had moved to his town, and I had no friends or family to help. My family was not supportative at all. It was so hard some days, but I had my daughter to keep my busy and motivate me. I had to move to a new town, get a job and make new friends. I did it though and every small victory was like a boost in self esteem. I started feeling like I could do anything, I was raising my daughter all by my self, I was working full time, paying my own bills and making new friends...good friends that helped me get through all the hard stuff. My X was fighting me for custody of our daughter and I was not gonna let him win, I needed her as much as she needed me! In the end, we setteled for shared custody and it all worked out, her dad and I are friends still and I realize it was for the best. I met a great man in my new town and am now married and have three great kids!
Always remember that you cannot let this beat you, you are too strong for that. Maybe you don't need to lose weight for a while, concentrate on being healthy and getting through each day a little stronger. Exercise can be great if it takes your mind off things for a while. And don't try to be happy to please your friends! Any friends that are worth keeping will understand that you are sad. Like you said, it was 10 years of your life! You have every right to fall apart!0 -
I know things might look tough right at this point in your life. All I can say is find good friends or someone you an talk to. It will help. It might help to connect with a church group of person who can help you find the answers you seek.0
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Everyone is being so nice. Thank you.x0
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I just went through this last year. Our divorced was finalized March 28th 2011. I say one of the happiest days in my life. I know how you feel. Take one day at a time and relax. I'm here I'd you ever need a friend to talk to.0
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I was about your age when my first husband and I separated. My kids were 5 and just barely 2. I got an additional part time job waitressing in order to keep my house and my mom watched the kids so I didn't have a babysitter for that job. I was exhausted but it was empowering to realize I could do it on my own. I went to counseling and she told me to get a notebook and when I was feeling strongly, to write it down and get it out of my head. Sounds weird but it did help...i stopped obsessing over every little thing and focused on what I could do that was best for me and my kids. Two years later, I met my current husband and I actually had the confidence to approach HIM. Now, he's 7 years younger, was a cute cop in uniform and HOT HOT HOT. If you need someone to talk to about it, feel free to add me as a friend. I've been through the good and bad.
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I have to agree with this statement..."I just went through this last year. Our divorced was finalized March 28th 2011. I say one of the happiest days in my life. I know how you feel. Take one day at a time and relax. I'm here I'd you ever need a friend to talk to. " LOL After everything you go through, it is a blessing to finalize it and have it over with! The day mine was over, I went out and got a tattoo and celebrated all evening...and well into the next morning...UGH! Not good for weight loss, but I was So happy to be done with it.0
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I was actually the opposite. I was the one that wanted the divorce because I was so unhappy...but the day I held those papers in my hand...I was just sad. Sad for all the years and for my two little kids...wondering if I had sacrificed them for myself.0
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I was actually the opposite. I was the one that wanted the divorce because I was so unhappy...but the day I held those papers in my hand...I was just sad. Sad for all the years and for my two little kids...wondering if I had sacrificed them for myself.
You cant think like that. It was probably worse for the kids to be in an unhappy family, whereas now you are both much happier. x0 -
I'm not in my twenties but I do know that divorce is hard at any age. I've been divorced twice, one I initiated and one that was a complete surprise to me, and each time was hard in its own way. It can be tough to let go of the hope that things will get better, but sometimes its what we have to do. It is a cliche but time really does heal wounds. Give yourself time and permission to feel what you feel. If you're sad that's okay. Just understand that it is a temporary thing. Experience it, learn from it and move on. As far as sadness goes, I know that cutting back on sugar really does help. It helped me. Good luck to you and keep up the good work. It's hard to maintain good habits after a life changing event like this. Pat yourself on the back for that accomplishment and for recognizing the bad habits creeping in and doing something about it. Feel free to add me if you like.0
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Keep your head up. I went through it, raised two kids on my own, and survived by NOT looking too far ahead. The panic sets in when I tried to plan out the next say 5 years. Focus for now on shorter term goals, similar strategy to weight loss I guess. There is a bright side but it doesn't come quickly. I am 10 years out- remarried, new job, finishing grad school, and (now) ready to tackle the weight I let myself put on in the past two years. Add me if you like!0
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I'm here too if you need any support. I went through a divorce two years ago. Even though I wanted it - it was still so so so sad - I felt like it was somehow sort of a "death" - maybe the "death" of the dream that I thought would be my happily ever after... you're lucky you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.
Going back to the gym is a great start - When life gets crazy and out of control - I think it is always best to concentrate on the things YOU can control... and working out is definitley one of them.
Good luck to you - if you ever need to spill your heart - I'm here for you.0 -
I know what you're going through. I'm 30, and my husband left me and our two kids back in August for a woman almost twice my age. I am also currently going through a divorce. It is rough, but what helps me is to just take it one day at a time. You are definintely not alone. Feel free to add me if you would like.0
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I was on the train home from our work Xmas party, and there was a really nice guy sitting opposite me. We had a few smiles and eye contact, and when he left the train, he gave me a really big smile and looked back as he got off the train. I know its only something small, but it has give me such a massive confidence boost, that one day I will be able to find someone and get on with my life.0
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I have been there and it is not easy. Do you have a good support group i.e family, friends? I cried, needed a hug, and needed to vent to someone close. In time it will not hurt so bad, you will come to a "new normal" after the dust settles. Give yourself lots of love and compassion. An oversize routine at a set time give you routine, which is calming and is something positive you are doing for yourself.
Hope this helps
Hang in there
Hugs Mandy0 -
Hi There!
I dont normally respond to threads but this one really speaks to me. I went through a bad divorce when i was 25...after 7 years of being with the same person and finding out that he was unfaithful during our engagment was devastating. Ending my 7 month marriage was probably THE hardest thing I've ever had to do but looking back I know that it was the best decision i've ever made. I went through a LOT of heartache and depression...I felt like such a failure and disappointment and blamed myself for a lot of things that I really had no control over. I had a lot of love and support from my family, I was really blessed with this and here I am 2 years later with the man of my dreams =D...He really is my other half. Sometimes I think that if I didn't go through what I did, I would have never found him! When you're in a better relationship you dont realize what you settled for in the past.
I guess what I'm trying to say is hang in there and be strong. Like everyone says it DOES get better with time! Work on yourself and growing as an independent young woman and you will come to realize that you really do have the world at your fingertips
Feel free to add me if you want to chat! Having someone to vent to always helps! 0
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