My boyfriend doesnt want me to lose weight

AmyLange
AmyLange Posts: 3
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
I dont know if anyone can give me any input on what to do but my boyfriend is dead set on me not losing weight. my whole life i have been so self concious of my body. Since i got on this website I have lost 6 pounds and feel great, but he noticed and doesnt like it. I am definatly not a skinny ***** but im not big either. I am 5 foot 3inches and have a small frame. I am captain of my cheerleading team and have just been made a top girl so i need to lose a bit of weight so i can remain competative with the younger top girls. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend though. He gets very mopey and sad even though im still a solid 120lbs (the typical top is about 110lbs and under- and my height). I am being very healthy about losing weight and doing it slowly but he doesnt understand, what should i do? I dont think i should give up my goals for him but i want him to be happy.
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Replies

  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
    How old are you? Is there any chance he is afraid your weight goal is an unhealthy one? I doubt he is trying to sabotage you.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    If you are doing it slowly and not making it a big deal then he needs to realize that. You say you will be more confident - confidence is sexy! He needs to understand it would make you happier
  • driaxx
    driaxx Posts: 314 Member
    I know a lot of people will probably say this - but do what you want for you, not him! If he can't appreciate you at any shape or size, then he doesn't appreciate you enough.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    do not give up your goals for him.
    some people will be jealous of you and some are possessive of you as you are. he might think you are going to change and not be the person you were. you may give him less attention, stop going out to eat at your favorite restaurants. i would tell him that you're the same person, but just a healthier one.
    and if he still doesn't care, he's not worth it. plain and simple.
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,079 Member
    first off u dont look like u need to lose weight. second if its what u need to do (not because cheerleading but FOR YOU) then he should be supportive. My (now ex) hated me losing weight and i NEEDED TO. Long story short he hated it he left and i did what i needed to do because its my body.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    He should support you, not make you wonder if your health and goals aren't worth it.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    I say do what you want. What's the big deal if you drop a few pounds? If you haven't asked him, I would ask why does he give a flip if you lose a few? I'm a proponent of doing what's best for you now in my life and if people can't handle it, there's the road hit it.
  • Puffins1958
    Puffins1958 Posts: 614 Member
    You should be doing this for YOU. He should be supporting you, no matter what you want to do in life.

    JMO

    12117749.png
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    I like women with a little 'bit of meat' on them too but if my fiance wants to lose weight then I'd support her 100%. I'd step in if she let it get out of control but if it's healthy then it's up to her.
  • moxi155
    moxi155 Posts: 15 Member
    My only comment would be...do it for you...not for him. He is probably worried that if you lose weight...he will lose you as the other guys will find you even more attractive. Help him understand that you are with him...he needs to be confident in the relationship and not worry about you going a stray. If he is confident....then he will be ok....so build confidence in your relationship...make it strong and he will be ok. Does that make sense? Less weight=more attractive to other guys=worry about losing you=anger about you losing weight!!
  • kmcka637
    kmcka637 Posts: 13 Member
    Maybe it stems from his insecurities? If you lose weight, he may feel threatened because you will feel more confident and sexy. He needs to get over it and should be supportive of you no matter what you want.

    My opinion is do what makes you happy, as long as you are doing it the healthy way. Have you asked him why he has such issues with it, other then "I like you the way you are"?
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    I see two sides going on here. On the one hand, you should set your goal weight etc based on what is best for you, not him. On the other hand, you should base it on what is best for you, not the cheerleading "standard." Cheering (along with gymnastics and ballet) is a sport/field where there is, IMO, too much emphasis on a small weight. I understand that being top, you want to be fit for your own safety and for the girls supporting you. And your goal, right now, doesn't seem too low, as long as you maintain high muscle tone and work slowly (which is what you are doing). Just as a perspective, I am 5'0" and my best at about 118-120, and that's with a lot of muscle (around 23% body fat IIRC). I'm a bit shorter than you, so your weight is fine a bit higher; but I also have a larger bone structure than a lot of girls, so I carry it well. My point is that, as your goals are stated now, I think you'll be okay, but watch it that you don't fall into the "just a few more pounds" trap that a lot of girls in these competitive fields get into. (This may be what your boyfriend's big concern is. Talk to him and find out why he doesn't want you to lose more, specifically, not just that he doesn't like it.)

    Make sure you are doing what is best for YOU, not necessarily the boyfriend or the cheerleading standard.
  • DesertSunsetRain
    DesertSunsetRain Posts: 194
    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
    I didn't see a reason why he is suggesting you don't lose weight. Is it because you do it in an unhealthy way? or perhaps you have other medical conditions that he is aware of that we are not. If its just because he thinks you will leave him for someone better then he had better up the gift giving this year. If you are losing it the boobs, then I agree with him! Also women who look like Skeletor should have a donut sandwhich or something.
  • samantha1953
    samantha1953 Posts: 156 Member
    5'3" at 110 lbs is still well within a normal BMI especially if you have a small frame. It's really none of his business if you're healthy and not obsessing. Be careful of a controlling man. They only get worse.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.

    110 isn't bad for someone who is 5ft3. That is my goal weight too and is plenty healthy
  • trilikeagirl
    trilikeagirl Posts: 218
    If you think he's not just being a big baby, perhaps a visit together with your doctor or a nutritionist might be help him be more understanding and feel more comfortable. If you think he's just being a big baby, just smile and nod. It's your body.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    Ummm... since when is YOUR weight HIS decision?? As long as you're losing weight the correct way, i.e. making sure you EAT and exercise appropriately, there's no probably with losing the weight. Talk to your coach and get good training advice from him/her. You bf needs to grow up and stop trying to control his gf. It's not his place to tell you what to do with your body, especially if you're not going to extremes.
  • greg331
    greg331 Posts: 38
    Did you ever ask him why?
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.

    110 isn't bad for someone who is 5ft3. That is my goal weight too and is plenty healthy

    Agreed. Many fitness models have the same weight/height and are healthy. It's only unhealthy if you're not giving your body the right kinds of fuel, nutrients, and rest.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    GO TEAM!`
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    you do you and if he can't get onboard, then do a cheer as you show him the door.
  • eatlift
    eatlift Posts: 113
    Lose the weight girl, do what you gotta do! Just keep him assured that you still want him though cause it sounds like he's scared you'll get too hot and might leave him.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    Did you ever ask him why?

    I'm betting, considering he started "moping" and acting like a 2 year old about it, he just likes his girl to be a little thicker. I've heard the same reasoning from LOTS of guys before. If he loves her, he'll love her 10 lbs lighter or he can go pack sand.
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    if you want to drop 5-10 pounds to stay competitive in your sport, thats what you have to do. no different then wrestlers cutting weight before a match. just be healthy about it.
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
    you do you and if he can't get onboard, then do a cheer as you show him the door.

    this!
  • luckybunny84
    luckybunny84 Posts: 82
    You are beautiful as you are, but if this is what you want then as long as you are doing it the healthy way and it makes you happy them I say go for it. This is not an easy lesson to learn but a guy should love you no matter what you look like, if he cant do that than you can do better :)
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    As long as you know you are being healthy, do what makes you happy. Talk to him about it, and let him know that you respect his opinions, but ultimately it's your body and your choice. You could also just not tell him. Good luck!
  • HonkyTonks
    HonkyTonks Posts: 1,193 Member
    I dont know if anyone can give me any input on what to do but my boyfriend is dead set on me not losing weight. my whole life i have been so self concious of my body. Since i got on this website I have lost 6 pounds and feel great, but he noticed and doesnt like it. I am definatly not a skinny ***** but im not big either. I am 5 foot 3inches and have a small frame. I am captain of my cheerleading team and have just been made a top girl so i need to lose a bit of weight so i can remain competative with the younger top girls. I dont know what to do about my boyfriend though. He gets very mopey and sad even though im still a solid 120lbs (the typical top is about 110lbs and under- and my height). I am being very healthy about losing weight and doing it slowly but he doesnt understand, what should i do? I dont think i should give up my goals for him but i want him to be happy.

    Hmmm, well without knowing the full story there could be any number of things going on.

    He could be worried/insecure as some have mentioned, and concerned he'd lose you to other guys if you lost weight... if he is this insecure then he is probably not worth your time and energy.

    He may be genuinely concerned about your health, he might think that is too slim or that you're being obsessive and that it might be verging on an eating disorder? Not saying that you sound like you are too obsessive, just that some people can over worry about things like this. Without knowing you personally it's impossible to tell.

    He also might be worried he'll find you less attractive if you lose weight? I have read a lot of men say they do not find very very slim women attractive and prefer sort of middle of the healthy range. He might just be worried you'll get too thin? It's the same as guys not liking their girlfriends/wives putting on weight. Or even vice versa - physical attraction is important to most people.

    In any case, it's your body and life and you should do what makes you happy.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    110 pounds is not an average weight for someone who is 5'3''.

    He is probably concerned for your health.
    I think that is a very average weight, especially for a young and active girl...I mean, it's small, but it can be perfectly healthy. I was 125 lbs at 5'6" when I was younger, and I was by no means too thin.
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