When friends owe you money!

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DiamondInTheDirt
DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
in Chit-Chat
I kind of need to, shift this anger from with in me.
So i have had a friend who owed me money...and she owed me this from months ago. I kept hinting to her that i need it...she kept 'forgetting'. And i also went over on my mobile phone bill, and i dont usually pay attention to my minutes because i rarely use them. My mum uses my phone mostly and so she pays for it...i hardly ever use it. I used it however to call a friend of mine recently and i went over it...about £17...and i only have about £18 in my account. So i would be okay to cover it....however...the VAT is like 20% on the whole bill...so in total i would need £28...SO i thought...i should politely ask for my money back from my female friend....she says that she will give it, but she keeps ignoring me. So i got kind of angry..and my mum said 'you shouldnt ask for your money back' because thats like 'making enemies'. So i said, okay, fine...and i said to my friend, oh its okay i actually dont need the money back.. I said it politely and i even added a few kisses. lol BUT im so angry at her and my mum....its my money, shouldnt i have the right to have it back? this is so unfair. My student loan doesnt come in until january, and my mum loaned a lot of money from me aswell...and i cant find a job. WHat the hell do i do now? i deserve my money back! i Just feel really angry at the moment. I know i messed up with going over my bill and its embarassing enough because i barely speak on the phone, but im still so angry! What should i do? was it right, what i did?

Replies

  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    But the thing is - you did and do need the money back. I would have been honest. If she was really your friend she would understand and besides - she owes you the money.

    Long ago I lent friends money expecting it back - and rarely did they pay it back without being asked.

    Now I won't lend money to anyone. If a real friend needs a few bucks I give it to them only if I can afford it and don't expect it back.
    I'm not an ATM machine or a bank. You learn over the years who your true friends are and I don't squabble about money with them.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    Never lend out money you expect to get back. Sad, but true... it never amazes me at the people who will ask to borrow with zero intent of paying it back. Now that you told your friend that they don't need to pay it back... they will be very confused with you ask for it again.

    I had a friend, who was dating a guy and she moved his credit card debt to her cards because she had zero % interest and his was sky high. They had a plan of him paying it back within 6 months. About two months into, she decided she was done with him. Best believe he had zero intention of paying her back after she dumped him. He even tried to hold it over her head and laugh about it.. she then informed him... "Best 5K ever spent loser". After that, he never talked to her again.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I kind of need to, shift this anger from with in me.
    So i have had a friend who owed me money...and she owed me this from months ago. I kept hinting to her that i need it...she kept 'forgetting'. And i also went over on my mobile phone bill, and i dont usually pay attention to my minutes because i rarely use them. My mum uses my phone mostly and so she pays for it...i hardly ever use it. I used it however to call a friend of mine recently and i went over it...about £17...and i only have about £18 in my account. So i would be okay to cover it....however...the VAT is like 20% on the whole bill...so in total i would need £28...SO i thought...i should politely ask for my money back from my female friend....she says that she will give it, but she keeps ignoring me. So i got kind of angry..and my mum said 'you shouldnt ask for your money back' because thats like 'making enemies'. So i said, okay, fine...and i said to my friend, oh its okay i actually dont need the money back.. I said it politely and i even added a few kisses. lol BUT im so angry at her and my mum....its my money, shouldnt i have the right to have it back? this is so unfair. My student loan doesnt come in until january, and my mum loaned a lot of money from me aswell...and i cant find a job. WHat the hell do i do now? i deserve my money back! i Just feel really angry at the moment. I know i messed up with going over my bill and its embarassing enough because i barely speak on the phone, but im still so angry! What should i do? was it right, what i did?

    Honestly, you don't lend out money unless you never intend to get it back. Lending money can be a death to a friendship. I lent my friend $200 or $300 to help cover rent almost 10 years ago. I've written off that debt a long *kitten* time ago, the friendship is more important than the loot.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    I have learned the hard way never to lend money. If I do, it's with the expectation that I'll never get it back. Bad things happen when you lend people money.
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
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    The way I see lending money is, I only lend to people I trust. Now if that trust is broken, not being paid back, CUT THAT LOSER FREE! That may seem harsh but this person obviously isn't your friend, if they were they would have paid or explained why they are having difficulties around not paying! By not paying they have dissolved the friendship :(
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    I have learned the hard way never to lend money. If I do, it's with the expectation that I'll never get it back. Bad things happen when you lend people money.
    Yep. Lending money is the best way to ruin a relationship. We've learned that, especially with family, it's best never to expect repayment.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
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    The people you would be comfortable loaning money to will never ask you.
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
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    I have learned the hard way never to lend money. If I do, it's with the expectation that I'll never get it back. Bad things happen when you lend people money.
    Yep. Lending money is the best way to ruin a relationship. We've learned that, especially with family, it's best never to expect repayment.

    Ditto! When dispensing money, in your mind, say "I'm giving this to them". If that doesn't sit well with you and you can't afford to lose the money if it's not paid back, decline to lend it.
  • DiamondInTheDirt
    DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
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    dounble post
  • DiamondInTheDirt
    DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
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    I kind of need to, shift this anger from with in me.
    So i have had a friend who owed me money...and she owed me this from months ago. I kept hinting to her that i need it...she kept 'forgetting'. And i also went over on my mobile phone bill, and i dont usually pay attention to my minutes because i rarely use them. My mum uses my phone mostly and so she pays for it...i hardly ever use it. I used it however to call a friend of mine recently and i went over it...about £17...and i only have about £18 in my account. So i would be okay to cover it....however...the VAT is like 20% on the whole bill...so in total i would need £28...SO i thought...i should politely ask for my money back from my female friend....she says that she will give it, but she keeps ignoring me. So i got kind of angry..and my mum said 'you shouldnt ask for your money back' because thats like 'making enemies'. So i said, okay, fine...and i said to my friend, oh its okay i actually dont need the money back.. I said it politely and i even added a few kisses. lol BUT im so angry at her and my mum....its my money, shouldnt i have the right to have it back? this is so unfair. My student loan doesnt come in until january, and my mum loaned a lot of money from me aswell...and i cant find a job. WHat the hell do i do now? i deserve my money back! i Just feel really angry at the moment. I know i messed up with going over my bill and its embarassing enough because i barely speak on the phone, but im still so angry! What should i do? was it right, what i did?

    Honestly, you don't lend out money unless you never intend to get it back. Lending money can be a death to a friendship. I lent my friend $200 or $300 to help cover rent almost 10 years ago. I've written off that debt a long *kitten* time ago, the friendship is more important than the loot.

    So if my friend is in need and i lend them money, then its okay, but when im in need and i need my money, i cant ask for it? Im a student, and she works full time, she lives with her mum and doesnt pay any bills...its not like she owes me £100 and doesnt work or is unemployed. do you see what i mean? its just that the favour would never be returned when im in need,...
  • DiamondInTheDirt
    DiamondInTheDirt Posts: 117 Member
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    I have learned the hard way never to lend money. If I do, it's with the expectation that I'll never get it back. Bad things happen when you lend people money.
    Yep. Lending money is the best way to ruin a relationship. We've learned that, especially with family, it's best never to expect repayment.

    Ditto! When dispensing money, in your mind, say "I'm giving this to them". If that doesn't sit well with you and you can't afford to lose the money if it's not paid back, decline to lend it.

    The thing is, she said she would pay me back when she went to her bank...and that was gonna be a day after i lent it...so i lent it to her, but it dragged out over a long period of time. I guess i shouldnt have lent her money, and thats what makes me so angry, lol.
  • rainbowcandy2004
    rainbowcandy2004 Posts: 44
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    Call up the person who owes you money and ask if you can borrow some money to help pay your bills. Maybe she will forget she owes you the money and lend it to you. Then you would have been paid back and when she asks for it back tell her she was repaying the debt. I have learned to not lend money I will not get back as well.
  • Ben2118
    Ben2118 Posts: 571 Member
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    Write the debt off, move on and learn from it. If she didn't go out of her way to pay you back AS SOON as she had the means to, then she isn't worth lending money to. If she asks for help again, refuse it, if she kicks off, tell her why.

    Ben.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    I kind of need to, shift this anger from with in me.
    So i have had a friend who owed me money...and she owed me this from months ago. I kept hinting to her that i need it...she kept 'forgetting'. And i also went over on my mobile phone bill, and i dont usually pay attention to my minutes because i rarely use them. My mum uses my phone mostly and so she pays for it...i hardly ever use it. I used it however to call a friend of mine recently and i went over it...about £17...and i only have about £18 in my account. So i would be okay to cover it....however...the VAT is like 20% on the whole bill...so in total i would need £28...SO i thought...i should politely ask for my money back from my female friend....she says that she will give it, but she keeps ignoring me. So i got kind of angry..and my mum said 'you shouldnt ask for your money back' because thats like 'making enemies'. So i said, okay, fine...and i said to my friend, oh its okay i actually dont need the money back.. I said it politely and i even added a few kisses. lol BUT im so angry at her and my mum....its my money, shouldnt i have the right to have it back? this is so unfair. My student loan doesnt come in until january, and my mum loaned a lot of money from me aswell...and i cant find a job. WHat the hell do i do now? i deserve my money back! i Just feel really angry at the moment. I know i messed up with going over my bill and its embarassing enough because i barely speak on the phone, but im still so angry! What should i do? was it right, what i did?

    Honestly, you don't lend out money unless you never intend to get it back. Lending money can be a death to a friendship. I lent my friend $200 or $300 to help cover rent almost 10 years ago. I've written off that debt a long *kitten* time ago, the friendship is more important than the loot.

    In my opinion, that last sentence is not completely correct... A friend that cannot understand that being a friend is giving and receiving isn't a very good friend. If I had a friend that I loaned money to, or ANYTHING for that matter and it wasn't important enough to them to see that I was struggling without it... they would NO LONGER be worth my friendship.
  • damonmath
    damonmath Posts: 359 Member
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    When I loan money to friends it is a gift. You can't expect to be paid back, if they had the means to take out a loan and pay it back they would. So the fact they are coming to you for cash, means that they cannot pay it back, so I never expect it back.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    Don't you feel there is a slight difference tho when they are TELLING you that they will have it and WILL pay you back? That's not a friend that I would want...sounds like a liar to me. It's one thing if it is a friend that you KNOW won't pay you back and you choose to do it anyway. But another if you really believe that they will.... IMO for what it's worth :)
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
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    I pay money back without being asked. I mean seriously, the person was already kind enough to lend me money, the least I could do is return the money without being asked. It's not like she forgot. Unless she pays you back, just chalk it up as a gift and don't ever loan her money again. She just lost her credibility for future loans.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I have learned the hard way never to lend money. If I do, it's with the expectation that I'll never get it back. Bad things happen when you lend people money.
    This is exactly how I feel. I see it as a gift, not a loan. Most of my friends know not to even ask me.

    Since you've already loaned the money, and it's already ruined your friendship with her, don't be polite about getting it back anymore. It's time to be annoying. Call her and ask her when you're getting your money back. Show up at her place, show up wherever you know she'll be periodically. If she says tomorrow, be on her doorstep "tomorrow". If she says next week, surprise her with a visit next week. Remind her of how nice it is of her to fck you over for the holidays.

    You can see why the mob resorts to kicking people's *kitten* to make a point, right? It's easier and there are no excuses.

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