Can you be too Nice?!?!

Just be yourself, and you'll be fine. Too many people now days are so miserable!!!!!

I think that if your niceness is coming off as insincere, that's where you get the "lack of absorption" feeling. People will avoid dealing with something/someone that makes them feel uncomfortable. So, yes, you can be too nice.

This will sound counter-intuitive, but I don't make adjustments in my niceness to people, and I find that 95% of the time I meet new people they're trying to be "too nice" to me to get me to accept them. I just don't make a big deal about anything, including new people in my life, so it comes off as them being less significant to me, I think. They realize that's not the case after a conversation with me, though. Maybe tone it down a little?

I don't want anyone to like me for the sake of liking me. You either will or you won't. Most won't. I'm OK with this. I don't have the energy to be anything other than what I am, which is full of sarcasm and snark.

I wish more people would stop TRYING to be nice and just be. Because as someone said, it CAN come across as insincere.

People probably do like you but don't have over the top gushy way and you are reading it as not liking you. You have to be secure in yourself and let people come to you not try to make people like you. Smile be friendly and polite and the right kind of people will befriend you. Tell your son there are lots of girls that still nice nice guys not all girls like the bad ones. I know because I have 3 beautiful Daughter in laws that love my 3 nice sons.

If it's sincere, then there's no such thing as too nice.

you can't be too nice, but you can be awkward and creepy if it isn't natural! Also, don't let yourself get taken advantage of! Let the niceness continue!!

I can tell when people are being too nice, it is so fake! Just be yourself, that's what I do. Don't like me, well I don't give two ****s if you do or don't.

If it's sincere, then there's no such thing as too nice.

THIS!

One of my friends discounted a man on a first date she went on because he opened the door for her and pulled out her chair when she went to sit down. He was 61 and she was in her 50s. Wouldn't see him again and that was seriously her reason.

What state is this? I'd date him in a heartbeat



Windsor Ontario

As long as it is genuine, I don't think you can be too nice. I don't like phony, fake people, and I know too many! But, be careful, if you are a truely nice person, you have to watch that you don't let people run over you and use you! I have seen that too! Be true to yourself and know your limits and remember that sometimes the nicest thing you can say to someone is "no"! I am a people pleaser and it has been a hard lesson to learn for me!

"Nice" it seems has gotten a mistaken definition lately.
Many now consider nice to be a wishy washy phony sycophant instead of what is supposed to be and that is being decent and considerate to a person.

It is kind of sad but so be it,I will always be nice and don`t care nor can help what anyone thinks of it.
If you treat people good that is what matters and how your character will be judged by others,do what is right and honestly you and don`t worry about how it is taken.

When manipulative is parading as nice, it is too much. My husband dated a woman in college who was friends with his sisters. She dropped off the radar and then showed up again and all of a sudden she is at everything. She is constantly chatting with him on facebook and then weirdly sends me gifts. I hate that ****. I hate it a lot. I don't know her, so gifts are weird. I know she's on a budget, because she won't stop talking the sad sack story about how they *have* to put their kids in catholic school and it costs X amount but they *have* to because of how terrible the schools are in their area. B.S. they live in a large school district known for having lots of magnet schools, and this is just veiled racism and pissiness that they didn't join in on the white flight. These attitudes are not harmonious with my own and the only reason I'd talk to these people is because of the pre-existing and re-kindled weird relationship with my husband. But we always have to put up with stuff because Jane Doe has health problems, Jane Doe can't work full time, Jane Doe gets lonely because her husband is traveling. blah blah blah. Jane Doe can find someone else's husband to have private chats with on facebook. Jane Doe is not a threat, but she sends gifts and acts all nicey nice so that we feel guilty if we choose something different.

When lack of assertiveness and lack of personal responsibility masquerade as niceness, it is too much. I've fallen into this frame of mind, and I get it, but seriously, *I* am responsible for my well-being and for taking care of my kids. I left the non-profit field because I figured out that just because I was, for a career, making the world a better place for low income kids didn't mean that anyone gave a **** about my kids' happiness. I worked myself out of a job, and I almost lost a whole non-profit and therefore my income because of BS politics with the United Way. I found myself getting all whiny about how mean the United Way was (and their Exec Director seriously lacks ethics, true) but seriously, no one's paying my house payment or giving me a bonus because I accepted the job for too little money in the first place. *I* am responsible for myself. *I* am responsible for my kids. AND *I* am responsible for living a fullfilling life, which leads me to this:

People are not objects to be collected. Just because I feel lonely doesn't mean that that is reason enough for me to try to *get* someone to like me. I need to like me and ooze that likableness and find likeminded people I like who like me. People are not objects. They get to not like me and I get to get over myself. If my need is simply to have others like me (because I don't like myself) I'm looking for others to fulfill something that is, truly my job. And apparently, I've been living a pretty hollow life, which is a more important thing to remedy than the number of people I could invite if I had a party.

Some people are just not gonna like me. There are dumb people in the world. There are jerks in the world. There are people who can't see beyond their own nose. If I happened to marry into a whole family of those people, then I need to let go of the need for the mother-in-law to accept me, if what's most important to her is that I don't embarrass the family by having odd ideas about women's equality and am uninterested in making my home look like Southern Living. Sometimes reality is what it is and that woman will NEVER like me, and I wouldn't like myself if I turned into something she would like. Sure, we are all capable of self-improvement, but I saw enough of how she treated the people who came out of her own body and how impossible it was for them to do something that she would approve, why would I continue to try? Seriously, why? She doen't like me? Ok. fine. Her loss. Also her son's. Lovely thing, divorce and getting to try again to find good in-laws (which I did, and succeeded at this time).

If people are trying too hard to get me to like them, I see it for what it is: manipulation. I don't like to be manipulated. If I find that I'm caring too much whether people like me, I see it for what it is (sometimes): my own emptiness, which is my problem, not theirs.

If I find that I have people in my life who are good, admirable people, who are kind, who do nice things, who I am grateful to have in my life, I tell them. I may give them a gift if I see something they'd like and it is an appropriate time. I say thank you. I ask what they think about things. I, in short, extend to them the common courtesies that are far too uncommon. I am a person I would like, and I trust that if they are a person I would like, they will like me.

I totally Agree, be nice and sincere!!

The world could use a lot more niceness, and more people should try to be more considerate and nice and even pump up the matters.