This post has NOTHING to do with weight loss.......

Jacole18
Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
edited October 2024 in Chit-Chat
So I had a first date with this new guy tonight...I just got home. We met at Native New Yorker, had a couple drinks, ate, listened to music. Got a good kiss when we said goodbye. He's very handsome and he's got a good body (he's a persona trainer for a living). He complimented me a lot throughout the date. Where is the problem you ask? Well, I'll tell you. He seems very metro.....almost "gay" at times.....I hope you know what I mean. Mind you, I don't care people's preferences and what not, but if I wanted to date a "womanish" man, I'd date a woman and be a lesbian. I'm confused because I like him, but he has "weird" tendencies....help me out girls! (and guys too if you bothered to read it). What should I do?

Replies

  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    and something else he is soooo sweet, and says all the right things so far. We've been talking like a week or so, and he's so damn nice!! Gggrrrr.....
  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
    Define "weird tendencies". I have no advice, I am just curious what you think is weird (talking to his food, using the ladies room, etc) :P
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    um....he talked like a gay guy would (i was trying to be politically correct). lots of animated hand gestures, facial expressions that women make typically,.....IDK.....i can't seem to explain it right!! LOL......he even said at one point that he can come off metro sometimes, but he said that's just having "personality".
  • heresmyinsidevoice
    heresmyinsidevoice Posts: 311 Member
    Now, are these "weird tendencies" actually effeminate, or is it that he's being respectful and courteous? I know chivalry is pretty much dead, so I could see this appearing that way possibly...or is it that he looks too "polished" - you know - does he look like he gets manicures and gets his eyebrows shaped. Does he look like he spends more time getting ready than you do? If it's the latter, I can see your point. If it's the former, take it and go with it.
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    Now, are these "weird tendencies" actually effeminate, or is it that he's being respectful and courteous? I know chivalry is pretty much dead, so I could see this appearing that way possibly...or is it that he looks too "polished" - you know - does he look like he gets manicures and gets his eyebrows shaped. Does he look like he spends more time getting ready than you do? If it's the latter, I can see your point. If it's the former, take it and go with it.

    well, he def takes time on his hair, and he takes care of himself because of his job, but he didn't appear high maintenance. IDK...like, imagine a guy throwing his hands in the air and saying FABULOUS, but he never actually used THAT word. That's the best way for me to explain it.
  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
    There are some straight dudes that come across as effeminate but are genuinely straight. I was convinced one guy I worked with was referring to the guy he lived with as his "wife". Turns out the wife was indeed a woman and they had a couple of babies.

    You seem the rather "feminine" type. If he is more feminine than you, run. If less, make him man up. :)
  • heresmyinsidevoice
    heresmyinsidevoice Posts: 311 Member
    Oh, okay (just posted my post a bit after you posted your last response)...that. Well, if you feel any sort of "ick" factor with the way he sounds or carries himself, then that could turn out to really irritate the hell out of you soon enough. Go with your gut.
  • photo_kyla
    photo_kyla Posts: 322 Member
    You live in New York (I'm assuming) so chances are he's a better dresser than 90% of the rest of the US. His appearance is part of his advertising for his job. (Would you go to a personal trainer who didn't look like they followed their own advice?) He asked you out, so probably not gay. What's the problem?

    If he was animated and into the conversation, that sounds like a good thing. Also, he spends most of his day being enthusiastic and getting people motivated. The enthusiasm may just be part of his personality.
  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
    Maybe he was nervous? Give him a chance.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    Oh, okay (just posted my post a bit after you posted your last response)...that. Well, if you feel any sort of "ick" factor with the way he sounds or carries himself, then that could turn out to really irritate the hell out of you soon enough. Go with your gut.

    +1
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    You live in New York (I'm assuming) so chances are he's a better dresser than 90% of the rest of the US. His appearance is part of his advertising for his job. (Would you go to a personal trainer who didn't look like they followed their own advice?) He asked you out, so probably not gay. What's the problem?

    If he was animated and into the conversation, that sounds like a good thing. Also, he spends most of his day being enthusiastic and getting people motivated. The enthusiasm may just be part of his personality.

    hhmm....good point. I guess he does have to be animated and what not for his job. And I wish I lived back there, I live in AZ! Thanks for the advice girl!
  • heresmyinsidevoice
    heresmyinsidevoice Posts: 311 Member
    I don't know...he's not at work when he's on a date. I can understand that sort of "over the top" animation if he's a gym trainer at the gym, but if it were in everyday life, I would be wary of a personality like that pushing their personal agenda onto me. You're already saying your gut's doing this "irk" thing...optimism and animation are great to a point, but I'd be wary of a person like that wanting to be the center of attention all the time.

    Opinions are like @ssh*les...everyone's got one. Anyway...never ignore the gut.
  • CouchSpud
    CouchSpud Posts: 557 Member
    lol, there's us moaning for years and years and years we want men that take care of themselves, that can have a conversation without drooling over your breasts and are taking interest in what is being said... along comes the Metrosexual and suddenly we realise we want rough tough manbeast dragging us into a cave and having his wicked way.

    He's working with people, so he is very likely to be using more gestures, have good listening skills etc pp... it's quite commong when you do work daily with others, giving them directions etc, also the chatty, active and encouraging personality. Lots of people go weird when theuy are nervous... lol, I don't shut up for example and coming along with a rather sarcastic personality it can come across... well..

    But if you are really annoyed by iot, listen to your gut feeling. Or just give it a go and see how everything plays out ^^
  • katyejean
    katyejean Posts: 233 Member
    Find out if he grew up with a lot of women. I know a few straighter than board guys who grew up with all sisters and only mom or grandma. Maybe he was nervous and thought maybe having a fem touch would make him not seem "I'm just here to get in your pants." If not, I would give it just a little bit more time before really going anywhere with the relationship. I read all the time where gay guys try to date hot women just to see if they really ARE gay. Then again I hear stories all the time where straight guys' friends friends set them up with a guy because they THOUGHT they were gay! I wish you luck, doll! It's a pretty hard thing to tell.
  • bjshooter
    bjshooter Posts: 1,174 Member
    Totally reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte decides she doesnt mind, then there is a mouse in the kitchen, after he screams and jumps about more than her she decides its not such a good idea lol. Personally, I like a manly man, but it is totally up to you and whether you like him or not?
  • Stefanie7125
    Stefanie7125 Posts: 462 Member
    loved that episode!!!! Go with your gut.
  • monkeymouse74
    monkeymouse74 Posts: 288
    It doesn't sound too serious yet, so just have some fun and get to know him, if he turns out to not be the right type for you, thats ok, at least you'll have a friend, and if he turns out to be what you do want, great! but to walk away before you're sure means you'll never know if you missed out on something beautiful.
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
    thanks for all the advice gals and guys! I think I'll give him another date or two before I decide anything! :)
  • RollinDawg
    RollinDawg Posts: 235 Member
    Define "weird tendencies". I have no advice, I am just curious what you think is weird (talking to his food, using the ladies room, etc) :P

    Wondering the same thing, I mean were you both checking out the waiter's butt as he walked away?
  • BobbyClerici
    BobbyClerici Posts: 813 Member
    If it were me with a butch woman, I'd bring it up and just ask if she swings both ways and what her intentions are with me.
    It could be nothing more than he's a sensitive guy who is just not macho.
    Here's the RED FLAG!
    If he's hyper religious, RUN! That means he's gay - queer as a tangerine but trying to go straight. And you will get hurt in the process of him trying to do what he thinks is the right thing. It's a misguided approach by fundy religion that is very homophobic and intolerant of homosexuals.

    If a man is gay, he just needs to be gay, because nobody chooses sexuality.
    It's like hard-wiring.

    People need to be who they are and learn to love themselves no matter if some do not.
    Good luck!
  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 410 Member
    thanks for all the advice gals and guys! I think I'll give him another date or two before I decide anything! :)

    Good idea!
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,341 Member
    I think I'd try to focus more on whether I was interested in/attracted to him rather than try to figure out how to label him. I'm not saying that's what you're doing. It's just that it's human nature to overthink things sometimes when we might be better off just getting to know people on an individual basis. He could end up being an amazing human being that you're ultimately not attracted to for whatever reason, but what counts is whether there's an attraction or not, not trying to dissect "why." Hope I articulated that well enough to make sense. :tongue:
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
    Go to the home depot gra,b some lumber, build a bridge and get over it. That's what my husband said. I read him this post cause it's just mean.
  • SDkitty
    SDkitty Posts: 446 Member
    IMHO all this speculation of just how effeminate he is or isn't is pretty pointless...it seems to me that if his "personality" ruffled your feathers enough to make you post about it in an online community looking for advice that it's probably not going to last very long. Generally things that bug us a little bit end up bugging us more and more.

    On another note, congrats on being fabulous and getting that goodnight kiss :smooched:
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    and something else he is soooo sweet, and says all the right things so far. We've been talking like a week or so, and he's so damn nice!! Gggrrrr.....

    Run! Run far away, as fast as you can!

    If he's not the type of guy you're into, that's one thing - we all have personal preferences and if he doesn't meet yours, then fine. But to label his tendencies as weird and ask what you should do seems a little "weird" to me. If he's not your type, move on, end of story. And what exactly are woman-type facial expressions?
  • liseyicious
    liseyicious Posts: 29
    he sounds like he was raised in a all women household...nervous and maybe just super in touch with his girly side...

    or maybe he is gay, did he ask you for a tampon or something. sick joke... I kno
  • fitnessgoddess17
    fitnessgoddess17 Posts: 125 Member
    No matter if any of us think its weird, it's up to you. if you don't like it don't date him. I'm a firm believer in never dating someone that you hope to change. Love a person for who they are or not at all. It won't be fair to you or him in the long run. It's fair to ask they put dishes in the sink or pick up laundry but personalty and beliefs, if you don't like it at the beginning just move on. people are who they are. Side note, I know a man that sounds like the man you describe. His mom raised him alone, he picked up some flare but he's amazing and happily married to a women
  • johannajebediah
    johannajebediah Posts: 55 Member
    it seems to me that he might just be metro but not gay. a lot of gay guys aren't really comfortable with their sexuality until they come out, and for that reason they would exaggerate their "macho-ness" rather than talk about doing their hair and being metro, etc. i have a lot of gay guy friends and they all were very homophobic (to the point that they would bully others for acting "gay") before they were comfortable with their sexuality. good luck with this guy, if he treats you well and makes you happy, keep him!
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