Can You offer some Holiday Family Advice?

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seehawkmomma
seehawkmomma Posts: 815
in Chit-Chat
Okay, so I moved from Washington to Florida about six months ago. Since I've gotten here my little sister (who is 12) has managed to successfully turn me into the bad guy. She cries and says that I hate her and makes me out to be the bad guy regardless of what actually happened. Whats frustrating is my dad and step mom dont see this. Anyway, she managed to twist something I said and relay back to my step mom that past gifts I've been given I didnt like or apperciate(not sure how it got twisted but it did). Now I am so frustrated. I dont want to go down to my parents for the holiday because A: I feel ganged up on every time she does this and B: My step mom is a bit of a drama queen and I am so sick of the drama. Now I am faced with the feeling of not wanting to even be there on Christmas. It feels like every time I try to make things right it gets twisted up. I already skipped out on Thanksgiving because my little sister had told me she hopes I get hit by a car (which both my step mom and dad said i should disregard because shes 12) and than got a whole lot of grief for missing it because its "family day". I'd rather skip the drama...is that being selfish?

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  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    If you dont want to deal with it, dont! I have been the step sister that was blamed for everything...Dont let it get to you and do what makes you happy!
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
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    That's tough. I know the holidays can really magnify family issues. I would say, go, do your best to be polite and try to enjoy yourself. If it gets ugly, then leave. Make it known at that point that if they can't be civil that you won't be joining them for family functions because it's too stressful.

    I'm wondering what's going on with your sister. Did you move away from her (they are still in WA but you are in FL?). Were you close before you moved? Maybe she misses you? I don't know. I'm sure there must be some way to repair the relationship. She's only 12 so she doesn't have the maturity to understand that how she is acting is very hurtful and could ruin your relationship permanently. I hope you can work it out at some point. Maybe it will take until she gets older to really reach her.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    If your parents are letting it go that your stepsister said she hopes you get hit by a car.... I would stay home.
    Seriously? That's OK with them she said that? They did nothing? Didn't make her apologize...?

    It isn't your job to make things right when you did nothing wrong.... If it were me, I would probably just make other plans and not make drama about it - just say you have other plans. Then again, if you'll get more grief and drama by not going, I would pop in for a quick visit to keep peace and get out of there VERY quickly. I also wouldn't be alone with the sister - who needs more grief and words put in your mouth.
  • Maryfullofgrace
    Maryfullofgrace Posts: 342 Member
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    She's 12. You are more than twice her age. Don't worry about it. Go, be an adult.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    You are the grown up, she is a child. Don't get drawn into childishness and act your age, Go home for Christmas and don't act like a child, the only person you can change is you, if when you get home you act like a child, your Dad and step Mother will treat you like one, don't play your sisters game, don't get into childish arguments, don't react in the childish way. We all do this round our parents, hence the difficulty people have with familial relationships and family gatherings, if you study yourself and are honest you will see that you act like a child when you are there, because you are treated like one, so you act like one, and so they treat you like one......etc. Change into your adult all grown up self, the one your sister is jealous of and is successfully sabotaging...don't join in. Grow up and act your age at home, petty arguments over who said what about what and who likes what gift...pah...just say to your parents, I really liked the gift you gave me, I have no idea why my sister has got the idea that I didn't, but then, as you say she is only 12.....play her at her own game, but don't PLAY her game...play your big grown up one instead.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
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    @Mary you sound like my parents. I am trying to be the adult here. I dont know exactly what that means. I assumed I was. Its frustrating to have a little sister who puts me in these situations.

    @kimmie basically my parents think that because she 12 she is able to say whatever. She is pretty disrepectful to both my parents and gets away it.

    @mleoni I moved to Florida so i could be closer to both my little sister and brother. We werent close and I moved down so i could be apart of their life. Since i've gotten here though its been one dramatic scene after another with her.
  • 1grammie
    1grammie Posts: 163
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    She's 12 and that can be a tough time for a kid. Don't let a 12 yr. old spoil your relationship with the family. My guess is that she is having typical pre-teen issues and may need a little extra understanding. Try being especially nice to her. If that doesn't work, just ignore what she does and remember you are an adult and she's a kid.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    @Mary you sound like my parents. I am trying to be the adult here. I dont know exactly what that means. I assumed I was. Its frustrating to have a little sister who puts me in these situations.

    @kimmie basically my parents think that because she 12 she is able to say whatever. She is pretty disrepectful to both my parents and gets away it.

    @mleoni I moved to Florida so i could be closer to both my little sister and brother. We werent close and I moved down so i could be apart of their life. Since i've gotten here though its been one dramatic scene after another with her.

    That's too bad things are not going well... all you can do is try. When parents don't parent, kids act like your sister - and unfortunately from what I've seen personally, it only gets worse. If parents don't discipline their children when they are young - and try to start later, it rarely works. I can't stand listening to parents rant about their misbehaving children/teens when they've done nothing to correct it, making excuse after excuse why it's OK. Kids don't know what they do is wrong or the right way unless you tell and show them. But that's another conversation.... what ever you decide I hope you have a happy Christmas!

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