What's the point?
_beachgirl_
Posts: 3,865 Member
So, my ex-boyfriend is still harassing me even though we've been broken up 7 months. What he did today was quite laughable. He sent an email to my bosses, under another name, saying that I make long distance phonecalls, send nude pictures from my work computer, among other nonsense.
It might have worked except:
1. He has called me at work so much that my boss has called the police about him.
2. I've warned my bosses that I have a lunatic harassing me, showed them messages on FB, emails, texts, etc.
3. The name and address he used on the email was fake.
4. He used a Florida address, except the IP address was from Clairton, PA and there have been no long distance phonecalls to Florida on my line at work.
My question is....what's the point? Everyone who knows me knows that he is harassing me. It doesn't effect me in anyway. Why keep doing it? What's he hoping to gain from this?
There was a time that I still wanted to be friends, that I cared what happened to him. At this point instead of remembering anything good about him, he's just something I regret and have put behind me.
It might have worked except:
1. He has called me at work so much that my boss has called the police about him.
2. I've warned my bosses that I have a lunatic harassing me, showed them messages on FB, emails, texts, etc.
3. The name and address he used on the email was fake.
4. He used a Florida address, except the IP address was from Clairton, PA and there have been no long distance phonecalls to Florida on my line at work.
My question is....what's the point? Everyone who knows me knows that he is harassing me. It doesn't effect me in anyway. Why keep doing it? What's he hoping to gain from this?
There was a time that I still wanted to be friends, that I cared what happened to him. At this point instead of remembering anything good about him, he's just something I regret and have put behind me.
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Replies
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I would call the police and get a restraining order maybe then he will leave you alone.0
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Hes trying to gain control over you. These are pretty classic abuser moves. Like I said before, Im glad you got away from him before he escalated ON you. Just keep letting it roll off. He doesnt have the power to get to you.0
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Do the restraining order! He is obviously still ticked that yall aren't together and has made it his lifes mission to make you miserable!! Jerkwad! His balls would meet my foot if I could get a hold of him **huggles** girl....Ya know we are here if ya need to talk !0
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This whole thing is one of the crazier things I've heard of.
It baffles me how this man cannot let go.
I am so so so very sorry for all that you have gone through at the hands of this man.0 -
oopsie daisy0
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Wow, that's just crazy. Restraining order, asap.0
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He does have arrest warrants, but unfortunately he's in PA and I'm in CT, so they will just sit there unless he comes to CT.0
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This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.
If you were my daughter, I'd have sent Mr Wrong to ER by now.0 -
I would call the police and get a restraining order maybe then he will leave you alone.
I second this-immediately! Your safety is the most important thing.0 -
Be thankful that you made the best decision of your life and got away! Do not fall into his trap, he's trying to gain any little bit leeway to control your life. Check into a restraining order, change numbers, ect. Get a support system for yourself of people you trust and can help you.0
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I went through this exact same thing last year. You could try the restraining order, but it usually doesn't stop them. The only thing that slowed my ex down, was ZERO contact or response from me. Don't ever reply to an email, not even to tell him to beat it or to tell him you're calling the cops (again). Nothing at all, not a word. If he follows you or drives by you, pretend you don't even see him.0
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Sorry you have to deal with that. At least your boss knows about the situation and you won't get in trouble for the ex's antics.
We can try to guess at the motivation behind the behavior, but it doesn't matter and we won't ever really know. Relationships seem to have a special stranglehold on us. I've seen otherwise well-rounded, intelligent people become unhinged over relationships - crazy stuff that comes out of nowhere.
To answer your topic subject line: there is no point. Not really. We hurt and lash out and say and do crazy stuff, disillusioned that it might make the other person suddenly realize how wrong he/she is. It's hardly ever logical or reasonable. It's just unfettered emotion spilling out the constraints of normal social behavior.
I agree that a restraining order might be a good idea. You have to take care of yourself. That the police have already been involved should make the process easier.0 -
Grr this dude definately has some issues. It seems he needs to fell some sort of control and gains that by getting a reaction from you. Get a restraining order and make sure to have a clear record of all his shenanigans.
Keep your head up and know that if need be...I'm still willing to go down there and kick his *kitten*, NH style.
LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.
If you were my daughter, I'd have sent Mr Wrong to ER by now.
^^^^This. Kick a*$ first and ask questions later. Do that or start vicious facebook rumors about him. That always riles people up.0 -
If he is willing to do all that you need to get a restraining order and start carrying a weapon or pepper spray. He is mentally unstable that after 7 months he is still going after you. You need to protect yourself and be safe from that crazy SOB.0
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Sounds like the guy needs to rolled into a ditch, grab a few people and make it happen..... ahem...now the more PC answer... Restraining order and pepper spray.0
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This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.
If you were my daughter, I'd have sent Mr Wrong to ER by now.
^^^^This. Kick a*$ first and ask questions later. Do that or start vicious facebook rumors about him. That always riles people up.
^^^^WORST possible thing you could do.0 -
There is no way to try to understand why...it sounds like the person is demented so while it is irrational for some reason it makes sense to him.
Whether he is trying to get even in his mind or whatever reason just do all you can to block him and protect yourself from him.
At least file a report with a police department in your area and his.0 -
This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.
If you were my daughter, I'd have sent Mr Wrong to ER by now.
^^^^This. Kick a*$ first and ask questions later. Do that or start vicious facebook rumors about him. That always riles people up.
^^^^WORST possible thing you could do.
Not the worst. Hiring a hitman or carrying out the deed yourself would be worse. But I get your point ('twas a joke btw).0 -
Document everything...phone calls, text msg and ect. Call the police and get the information documented. A restraining order will help you in ther form of giving the police power to arrest if he violates it.... I suggest you dont mess around with this. Dont start rumors, call him or text. Just file the police report and get the restraining order...you will be happier in the long run.
Its not perfect, but it can help.0 -
two words........restraining order!0
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get the restraining order and have the wording as such that he is in violation if he has contact of any kind with your work. that way, if he tries this again, you can have him put in jail.
see if you can get anti-stalking laws to apply too - they varry by state, and unfortunately don't exist in all states, but it's worth the check.
and, i'm sure you know this, but i'm going to say it anyway: mace, tazer, gun. pick one and keep it on you at all times, w/ proper permit of course. you need to know that you're safe physically.
i'm so sorry you're going through this.0 -
two words........restraining order!
I agree! He sounds like he is a mentally unbalanced... I guess you could also pray for him to meet someone else- maybe a nasty chick who will abuse him, LOL- and he will forget about you! It sounds like he feels you are his property.0 -
If he is willing to do all that you need to get a restraining order and start carrying a weapon or pepper spray. He is mentally unstable that after 7 months he is still going after you. You need to protect yourself and be safe from that crazy SOB.
I agree with this.. really, after 7 months and he still so hell bent on "paying you back for breaking his heart". Do you know if this is how he treats everyone that's broken up with him?0 -
That guy has issues!0
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Have your boss send him a letter from their lawyer stating they will press charges for harassment if he tries to contact them again in any way. Have them send a copy of their evidence that it was him behind the email, so he knows that they know it was him. Also, a restraining order only works if the person is afraid of being charged. He might try to escalate physically. I would ask a lawyer about getting him charged for slander. Most lawyers offer one free consult. Shop around. Pester the police to go have a talk with him. Keep a record of everything he does.0
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Maybe this guy needs a hobby. Maybe he can try writing poems and secret messages on his walls, or see how many nickles he can eat.0
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Hes trying to gain control over you. These are pretty classic abuser moves. Like I said before, Im glad you got away from him before he escalated ON you. Just keep letting it roll off. He doesnt have the power to get to you.
Exactly this. He's trying to reassert himself over you. It's tough, the more you try to break the cycle (ignoring him) the more effort he has to go through to get back to his familiar pattern. It's more difficult to stop his antics because you are in different states. You are doing great by trying your best to ignore it. Have you tried contacting the police department in his city? Maybe they will have some advice. I'm sorry you are still dealing with this and can't move on until he does.0 -
Document everything...phone calls, text msg and ect. Call the police and get the information documented. A restraining order will help you in ther form of giving the police power to arrest if he violates it.... I suggest you dont mess around with this. Dont start rumors, call him or text. Just file the police report and get the restraining order...you will be happier in the long run.
Its not perfect, but it can help.
This. Take the high road, don't get sucked in to the BS, and stay safe.0 -
Have your boss send him a letter from their lawyer stating they will press charges for harassment if he tries to contact them again in any way. Have them send a copy of their evidence that it was him behind the email, so he knows that they know it was him. Also, a restraining order only works if the person is afraid of being charged. He might try to escalate physically. I would ask a lawyer about getting him charged for slander. Most lawyers offer one free consult. Shop around. Pester the police to go have a talk with him. Keep a record of everything he does.
I completely agree with this. I think that there has got to be a lawsuit in there somewhere.0
This discussion has been closed.
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