I bet your kid is a narcissist too!
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I was pregnant with my second boy, when the first one comes and sits beside me on the couch, sipping on the straw from his sippy cup. All of a sudden, he pulls my shirt up and sticks the straw in my belly button. He looks up and asks "baby dwink?" He was trying to share!0
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Me: "I don't take offense."
4 year old: "It's not a fence.. ?"
Me: "Are you out of breath, sweety?"
3 year old: "No, I'm in breath."0 -
double post0
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*Disclaimer* In college I had a professor who didn't believe in censoring anything from his kids. We'd often see his two young daughters tagging along to adult poetry slams or at art shows with lots of controversial images. The idea was to not let certain issues become taboo and lead to secrecy and shame later on. I always thought that was a good parenting tactic so we try to cautiously incorporate those values into our family. While I love the open dialogue we have...however it does make for some awkward conversations.
Exhibit B:
A few weeks ago my daughter, whose 3, asked me what "gay" was so I tried to find a kid-friendly way to explain it to her so I told her "When you have two mommies and no daddy or two daddies and no mommy that is gay."
The next day we are driving down the street and we see two very similar cars parked next to eachother and my kid proudly shouts out "Mommy look at those two red cars, they must be gay."
*slaps forehead*0 -
One time Loo and I were driving to school in the morning and from the backseat I hear:
Aunty....aunty... aunty..
Me: What Loo?
Loo: Can you turn the music down I want to tell you something.
Me: Turns the music down. What did you want to tell me?
Loo: oh just that I tooted... and it reminded me of you!
Me: How did it remind you of me?
Loo: don't ask questions just say thank you.
this child is also a child that will walk up, go I have a secret and burp in your ear. If you tell her she is cute she goes "I know, I am smart too.. you always forget smart."
I'm pretty sure this is my child.0 -
Too funny! My son always says something to make me laugh.
The other day my son was practically sitting on top of my husband, he is 8 years old, conversation went something like this.
Husband: Seth please move over you are right on top of me.
Seth: Why?
Husband: I need some space
Seth: Well go and make an account on myspace, you can have your space.
a few days ago my husband gave our son a donut for a snack and he comes walking toward me like he was going to offer it to me. Conversation
Me: What is that?
Seth: Donut
Me: *gives donut a EWW face*
Seth: Why would you look at my donut like that?
Me: Like what?
Seth: Like you're better then the donut
Me: cus I am better then the donut, donut does not like my hips.
Seth: What do you mean?
Me: Donut's made mommy fat before.
Seth: Oh, yeah... *Looking at me evil and eating his donut like I'm just wrong for saying that lol.*
This conversation was about a week ago
Seth: I wish it were Christmas every day
Me: I'm so glad it isn't.
Seth: Well if you weren't so naughty all the time you would like it.
Me: who me? I'm naughty?
Seth: Well obviously, you never get anything for Christmas.
Me: What have I ever done naughty?
Seth: Well I guess it has to be when you punish me
Me: Stop doing things to make me punish you then.
Seth: Well mom, let's see here, you think I'm naughty, you punish me, I get visited by Santa, you don't and I'm naughty? I think you have it wrong.
Kid keeps me going!0 -
No kids here, but an adorable kid I used to babysit, Tyler, who was 2 at the time.
One day he came over and my mom and I decided to get him a firetruck, but it needed batteries to run. He got really excited and kept saying he needed a "goosedryer". After asking him what he needed quite a few times what he needed, he sighed, rolled his little eyes, grabbed my mom's face on either said, looked her dead in the eyes and said, "GOOOOOSE. DRYYYY. ERRRRR."
He then made a motion with his hand and we realized he was asking for a screwdriver :laugh:
hahaha... this reminds me of when my daughter was about 19 months old, just after her little brother was born. She pointed to the tv and said, "Wash How-woard. How-woard?" I was like, "Uh... Howard? Who's Howard?" She says, "No Mommy. HOW-woard. How-woard." I said, "Honey, I don't know who Howard is. What show is he on?" She looks me in the eye with infinite patience and says again, slowly and as clearly as she could muster, "How-woard, Mommy. How-woard." I couldn't figure it out, and she just sighed like I was an idiot and went to play with blocks.
About 4 hours later, it came to me. She wanted to watch Word World. :laugh: "Woard" was how she pronounced "world," but I don't know why she was saying "how" for "word."0 -
My in laws were in a couple days ago visiting for the holidays. My father in law had returned to the living room from showering.. My 3 yr old daughter climbed up onto his lap and said..
Daughter: Ew, Papaw, you need to take a shower again.
Father In law: Why, Mackenna? I just took a shower.
Daughter: Because, Papaw, your breath stinks!!
Father In law: What does it smell like?
Daughter: Poop!!!0 -
At 5, my daughter wanted to know why our female cat had never had kittens. I explained that she'd been fixed.....then had to explain that "fixed" means operated on to make sure she could not have babies. She got all huffy and said, "Twilight's not fixed. She's BROKEN!"
She is right! :noway:
Then a year or so later, she was talking to a single 24 year old woman, and suddenly asked, "How come you don't have any babies? Have you been fixed?" :blushing:0 -
My daughter had JUST turned 3, and my Grandpa gave her money to go shopping for toys.. but she was trying to put EVERYTHING in the basket.. so I tried to explain to her about money, and how much each item costs, and how she could only have one more toy, from this shelf, etc.. she listened intently... after I was done with my big long speech.. she told me "I don't even understand what the hell you're talking about".. I gasped loudly [which caused a few elderly ladies to bust into a fit of giggles], and I tried explaining to her that we don't say potty words.. but the more I tried to explain to her, the more the ladies laughed- which basically ended up being a moot point.0
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Bumping this. These are too hilarious! XD0
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One of my friends has this absolutely nutty, skitzo dog - it is a real pain in the behind, anyway one day she came to my brothers salon and let the dog out of the car - it was running around the carpark like the lunatic that it is, and my friends little boy said "You better put Tinker in the car mum, because she might get stolen" - his mum said "oh I don't think anyone would steal Tinker, if they did they would bring her right back" and Harry, so dead pan said "but mum, they don't know that she rips apart the bin!!!"
I lost it - I am not much of a kid person, but I think thats the funniest thing I've ever heard come out of one's mouth.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
bump0
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all kids are narcissists, some new grow out of it into adulthood!0
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bump lol I loved these0
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My daughter had JUST turned 3, and my Grandpa gave her money to go shopping for toys.. but she was trying to put EVERYTHING in the basket.. so I tried to explain to her about money, and how much each item costs, and how she could only have one more toy, from this shelf, etc.. she listened intently... after I was done with my big long speech.. she told me "I don't even understand what the hell you're talking about".. I gasped loudly [which caused a few elderly ladies to bust into a fit of giggles], and I tried explaining to her that we don't say potty words.. but the more I tried to explain to her, the more the ladies laughed- which basically ended up being a moot point.
This made me :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Just a few moments ago...
Seth: I bet Santa is going to bring me a cell phone.
Me: Why would he do that?
Seth: Because I'm nicer then you.
Me: That wasn't very nice, plus who are you going to call?
Seth: Ghost busters!0 -
My three year old while potty training: "I'm a super pooper!"
Also... "Mama, I stank up the whole house!"
Classy.0 -
bumping to read these later...kids are too funny!0
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bumping to read these later...kids are too funny!0
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Just this morning our 3 year old daughter crawled into bed with us. Then she lay her head on the pillow, closed her eyes and said "I'll go to sleep now so you guys can do sex."
Speechless.
Oh man, please say that she sounded like Deena from Jersey Shore when she said "do sex". Please.
Even if you say no, in my head, she did.
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Just this morning our 3 year old daughter crawled into bed with us. Then she lay her head on the pillow, closed her eyes and said "I'll go to sleep now so you guys can do sex."
Speechless.
Hahahaha, omg. I love it.0 -
My 8 year old niece had a real gem...i think this was about two years ago, when we all thought maybe she likes girls instead of boys.
My sister says to her "Meg, you have to like boys, so you can have babies and I can be a grandma"
Meg: "By the time i'm that old, you'll be dead!"
Classic.0 -
My son used to have a theory about breasts: The larger the breasts the more milk the woman had to give her baby. The smaller the breasts, the least milk.
We were out shopping one day and a large breasted woman walked by and he yelled out, "Mommy, she has lots and lots of milk!".
He was about 4 at the time.
He's 10 now and he tells me I couldn't feed another baby, because my breasts shrunk quite a bit when I lost my weight. Dang kid.0 -
"i hope santa has something for me too" "no adults don't matter"0
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Mom: How are you feeling this morning.
Loo: Better than yesterday, but still not very good.
Mom: Here take your medicine.
Loo: It tastes like *kitten*
AHAHAHAHA so funny0 -
When my nephew was around 5 years old he had just figured that Nana was the mommy of his mommy (my younger sister). So he turned to me and asked "Is Nana your mommy too?" :laugh:
This past Thanksgiving I was sitting at the table with my two sisters, mom, and nephew. We were chatting away when nephew just out-of-blue asked if I was adopted :huh: (my sisters and I don't look like each other so I think that's what prompted his question).
He's quite the character.
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Some of my favorite Livia quotes: (Ranging from age 2.5-3.5)
"Mommy, I a pillow!"...after she put a pillow case over her head
"Delicious!"...after kissing my right breast. (This kid loves the bosom. She was breastfed till she was 2.)
"I need to calm down."...after she ran around the kitchen multiple times
While belly dancing with me..."Shake it Mommy!".
While watching Bambi. Bambi is shot at and falls down..."Oh no! Bambi got popped!".
While drinking Carrot Juice.
Me: "How does that taste, Livia?"
Livia: "Mmmm! Carroty!"0 -
More from good ole Nephew:
Last summer he was playing with his Legos and making up a story about a giant spider from outer space. I was playing along and asked what the spiders looked like and he said, "I can't tell you what they look like, they're just pretend spiders. Don't you know anything?"
:huh:0 -
A couple of weeks ago my 5-year-old was playing pretend in the kitchen. Apparently an alien family was looking for a place to land. She advised, "Don't land in Pennsylvania. That's where the bad guys live." :laugh:0
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