So upset!!

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Replies

  • twiztedgrl69
    twiztedgrl69 Posts: 191 Member


    Does your mom ....
    jiggle your belly fat?
    say "you look fat?"
    tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
    when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
    Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"

    you have nothing to complain about.

    How rude... :noway:
    By supposedly not "hearing" or understanding that she's lost 60 lbs and is a size 14 now, by not believing that an XL shirt is way too big, her mom is saying:

    "you look fat"
    "whatever"
    and "i can't see a difference"

    ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

    Please grow up instead of only feeling sorry for you. I would feel offended too if my mom had that behaviour!

    (mine, instead, sometimes says that I have a psychiatric illness bc I am counting my calories. When I gained 5 kgs, she said I had lost too much weight!!)

    I am not feeling sorry for myself, or no one for that matter if you can't tell. The world isn't all rainbows and unicorns, how can anyone get stronger in life unless they're knocked down and have to stand back up, all that is being done is putting a bed of pillows for the person who gets knocked down. It's part of life. IF I was in the OP's shoes, it wouldn't phase me one bit. Success is about not letting things stand in your way, yet i am the one in the wrong, okay, if being successful in this matter is wrong sign me up.

    To the OP, i never said anything about your weight loss, you did good in that. Personally this complaint is very minor.

    Pu, you should have just kept your remarks to yourself...absolutely rude and not the time to speak up...OP you have done a fabulous job so far...60 lbs is a great accomplishment and like the rest said celebrate it yourself and with the people who really support you, like us! Merry Christmas!
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    First, I would like to say that not all families are alike. There are a lot of supportive family my members out there. That being said, I am so sorry yours is not one of them. Especially your MOM!!! It kind of says something that when she wants to talk it's gossip about your sister. Thankfully you have a wonderful husband who is very happy and supportive of you. Be proud of your accomplishment. You have done something that a lot of people are not able, or willing to do. We here at MFP are extremely proud and happy. and SUPPORTIVE, for you. God Bless. :flowerforyou:

    This said everything I wanted to say. Please don't paint all families with the same brush. My family, especially my mother, have been nothing but supportive with my weight loss/fitness goals.

    OP, I'm very sorry that your mother is so unsupportive. I'm glad your husband sounds like he's supportive. 60 pounds is an amazing loss! Be very proud of yourself and your accomplishments!

    Perhaps you can find that additional support in other friends or family members, if your mother is unable to provide it.
  • Puffins1958
    Puffins1958 Posts: 614 Member
    OMG, you lost 60 lbs already, that is FANTASTIC!!!! Please don't let ANYONE put you down like that. YOU know how PROUD you should be. Don't let her drag you down, she's probably JEALOUS.... :flowerforyou:
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    it's so hard when people don't notice or care, and family seem to be the worst.

    my parents hardley ever comment on my weight loss, but everytime they see my sister in law they mention "oh look how skinny you are, you've lost more weight" and suck up to her. Yeah, thanks!

    so many people don't seem to even notice my success, because everyone elses success is much bigger. i'm short, so i just don't look lean and tall, or tiny and petite, so i go un-noticed. sucks, but i feel 100 times better health wise, i feel so much more comfortable, and i'm not horrified and humiliated at myself so much anymore.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    First of all, you deserve major praise for losing 60 pounds! Congrats!

    Second of all, while your mom was wrong, moms never stop being moms. She still thinks you need her advice about whether you'd be better off leaving the shirt extra baggy or exchanging it for one that fits better. Also, moms want to be needed. Tell her what you need from her, and she will be more likely to give you that. Otherwise, she WILL go with what SHE thinks you need.

    If she can't do be supportive after having what you find support to be defined for her, learn to tune her out. You deserve congratulations!

    Merry Christmas!
  • Changinghabits68
    Changinghabits68 Posts: 69 Member
    Well I talked to my mom tonight which is the first time of Really talking in over a month. Anytime she wants a lengthy conversation is when she wants to gossip about my sister!!!! Well in the middle of all that I tried to tell her of my successes with losing 60 lbs and the new clothing sizes I was currently in. I said "Mom, I'm in a size 14!!" her response was "14 what?" I said "Pants size 14 and I wear a size medium shirt." she said " We will have to see about that" After that I my son opened my birthday present early and realized my grandparents got me a couple of nice shirts but are in XL. I told my mom that I was going to ask them if they can exchange them for a smaller size and she said "Well I'm coming over tomorrow so try it on in front of me so I can see"

    With all that being said I hung up the phone and was really, really hurt because I am having the hardest time seeing my success and hubby has tried everything to get me to see it and then I have someone like my mom who doubts me. I don't wear clothes that show everything or clothes that are too tight!!!! Sorry guys I just needed to vent!

    Does your mom ....
    jiggle your belly fat?
    say "you look fat?"
    tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
    when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
    Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"

    you have nothing to complain about.

    What a ridiculous thing to say! Of course she has something to complain about. Even if the above happened to you and it's in your eyes perceived as worse than what the OP has experienced that is irrelevant.

    Ignore this post OP, listen to some of the good advice from others and MASSIVE congrats on your 60lbs loss!

    I agree!! You have worked your *kitten* off for you!

    Listen I know there is a part of you that wants nothing more than to have the support of your mum and family. However, sometimes when they are caught up in themselves they, no matter how much you want them to, will never be able to look past themselves. That yearning won't go away, you just need to acknowledge what you were feeling and although you didn't get it, you made a point to post about it, versus stuffing food to replace the pain you are feeling.

    This, is absolutely the best news you could ever give yourself!! CONGRATULATIONS!
  • WilliamsPeggy
    WilliamsPeggy Posts: 440 Member
    I know it's hard not to seek approval or encouragement from our parents, but maybe it's healthier if we just try not to care what they have to say & just do it for the own satisfaction. If they do eventually notice & compliment, then great, say, "thanks" and move on. If they criticize, then just smile, ignore, brush it off, and move on. Then, make a mental note to avoid those who disappoint you & let you down. You don't have to be around people who bring you down. Most likely, a lot of our weight issues started with our parents anyway, so the less we try to involve them in it, the better. We don't need approval from anyone.
  • jen2607
    jen2607 Posts: 148 Member
    Hear me - please.

    Family is NOT a good system of support.
    Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.

    Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.

    Good Luck!

    True life facts. This is why MFP is so awesome!
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
    Hear me - please.

    Family is NOT a good system of support.
    Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.

    Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.

    Good Luck!

    True life facts. This is why MFP is so awesome!


    Glad I don't have your families!!!
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Well I talked to my mom tonight which is the first time of Really talking in over a month. Anytime she wants a lengthy conversation is when she wants to gossip about my sister!!!! Well in the middle of all that I tried to tell her of my successes with losing 60 lbs and the new clothing sizes I was currently in. I said "Mom, I'm in a size 14!!" her response was "14 what?" I said "Pants size 14 and I wear a size medium shirt." she said " We will have to see about that" After that I my son opened my birthday present early and realized my grandparents got me a couple of nice shirts but are in XL. I told my mom that I was going to ask them if they can exchange them for a smaller size and she said "Well I'm coming over tomorrow so try it on in front of me so I can see"

    With all that being said I hung up the phone and was really, really hurt because I am having the hardest time seeing my success and hubby has tried everything to get me to see it and then I have someone like my mom who doubts me. I don't wear clothes that show everything or clothes that are too tight!!!! Sorry guys I just needed to vent!

    Does your mom ....
    jiggle your belly fat?
    say "you look fat?"
    tell you, "you'll be fat your entire life?"
    when you tell her about your success, she says "whatever"
    Lose 30lbs and she says "i can't see a difference?"

    you have nothing to complain about.
    That is insensitive and hurtful.I'm sorry your mom did that to you but you are paying the hurt forward by telling someone they din't have anything to compplain about.
    Now, the OP, girl don't worry about it. Families are the toughest critics. 60 pounds is awesome!! Just keep going. For everyone that tells you something like that you have motivated someone to lose weight. Ipromise. So keep those people in mind when your friends and family give you a hard time. Let your haters be your motivators.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Yes, but you're NOT the OP, and she is clearly upset by this. No, the real world is not all rainbows and unicorns, but this is a situation where the OP has been let down by someone who should be supporting and encouraging her unconditionally, rather than essentially accusing her of lying about a major achievement.

    I'm glad that you are so strong that this would not distress you, or perhaps sad for you that you have taken so many knocks that you have become inured to them. However, when responding so dismissively to someone else's distress, perhaps you could consider that they are not you. The OP has come to this forum for support, and you have decided instead to hand out your own brand of tough love. Perhaps that works for you, but please think about the effect that might have on someone else who is at a low point before posting such a response.

    We all have to do this in the way that works for us, and the OP has lost 60 pounds, which certainly counts as success in my book. If she needs some support to continue this progress, then I, and many others here, are entirely willing to provide it. In a situation where someone is asking for support and validation, perhaps the old quote is something to think about "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

    This is to all my critics, not necessarily the person i am quoting. I understand what you guys are saying. When i read the OP i was like "So what's the problem?" I literally confused.

    I know I could have said things differently. I guess i was trying to make a point. My point is there will always be people that will try to knock you down. I am reminded of the famous quote in rocky, "Life is going to hit you hard, it will try to break you and bring you to your knees. It will keep you down there if you let it. It's not about how hard you can hit, but it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward, that's how winning is done."

    I know a bit cheesy, but has a lot of truth. I do speak the truth, and I always will, even if it's not what someone wants to hear. It's THE TRUTH. If you don't like the truth than change it.

    There are a lot of hard luck stories, if you think you're the only one, you're not. To the OP, if your mom didn't believe you, that's down falls of your mother has nothing to do with you. Don't let it get to you.

    Today my mom came by with my grandma, I did IF stlye of eating today (That's when you eat the majority of your calories at the end of the day). I ate some chicken, they looked at my plate and said "hahaha he's on a diet" my mom said "he's always on a diet." -THUMBS UP TO MY MOM and grandma-

    In closing, the only real support group we have is ourselves. People can't be there for you all the time, or even there for you. You have to be your own main support.
    Ok I can see where you are coming from when you say it like that. Great recovery!
  • LilMissFoodie
    LilMissFoodie Posts: 612 Member
    Aww, I know exactly how you feel! The biggest I have ever been is size 14 (uk) on my top half. Last year my mother in law bought me a size 20 jumper. I told her that it was too big and my father in law asked for me to try it on in front of them which I did refuse to do. So this year, she bought me a size 22.... guess she thought I was lying and it was really too small. I got hubby to tell her in the end what size I am and therefore how insulting it is when she gets these sizes. It does make you feel like absolute crap when people won't believe you!
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
    I've kind of had the opposite problem. My parents have always been in denial about my size. They always get me clothes that are WAY too small. Even when I was a kid, if I wasn't with my mom to try on the clothes in the store, she'd always bring home clothes that were several sizes too small for me.
  • isabelk
    isabelk Posts: 153 Member
    Hear me - please.

    Family is NOT a good system of support.
    Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.

    Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.

    Good Luck!

    Seconded. Even Jesus said that no one is a prophet in his own house, and that dude was perfect. Your mom, I don't know her but I suspect she is overweight. Don't let her bring you down! Just love her and love and respect yourself. I don't blame you for feeling hurt: it hurt to read about it. 60lbs is amazing. So amazing. What a wonderful Christmas for you, on a healthy path. You get three cheers from me!
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
    Hear me - please.

    Family is NOT a good system of support.
    Don't even mention your weight loss, and when you get the gifts, be gracious and just exchange them.

    Expect to be let down by your family, and build your new system of support from like-minded people in the same boat.

    Good Luck!

    Seconded. Even Jesus said that no one is a prophet in his own house, and that dude was perfect. Your mom, I don't know her but I suspect she is overweight. Don't let her bring you down! Just love her and love and respect yourself. I don't blame you for feeling hurt: it hurt to read about it. 60lbs is amazing. So amazing. What a wonderful Christmas for you, on a healthy path. You get three cheers from me!


    I totally agree. I didn't even tell my family that I'm losing weight this time (they have a history of trying to sabotage me when I do). So I just go on like nothing has changed. :) In truth, I've found for me that it's WAY easier to do this journey without family and friends knowing about it. Change is scary for some people and they have a way of wanting you to stay "just the way you are". Either because they get jealous that you're doing something that they themselves want to do but can't (or rather they just HAVEN'T - everyone CAN), or they feel their relationship with you will change once you're eating healthier, exercising more, and getting thinner. To be fair, I think that most people who try to sabotage our weight loss are often not even consciously aware of it. They might just think they are being nice when they are bringing you cookies for the first time ever and it just HAPPENS to be when you're trying to eat healthy. lol
  • Hoaimy
    Hoaimy Posts: 16
    Time to tell Mom how you feel.
  • michiganderrdh
    michiganderrdh Posts: 151 Member
    I just want to say GREAT JOB and don't let her comments ruin your mood! You've done great and deserve to wear those smaller sizes!

    The catty in me : I would re-wrap them and give them back to her :P

    Tne angel in me: Give mom some slack. Unfortunately, the ladies in my families speak their minds which doesn't always match what they mean to say.
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