Advice For a New Mother-In-Law

I wish she didn't whine. And she used to constantly talk about when my husband was little. That annoyed me. The things that annoy me might not annoy your soon to be son in law though, since I am a woman and tend to read in to things too much. I'm sure you will be a great MIL. Just try to stay out of their business and be there for them at the same time:) Congrats and good luck!

Don't show up at their house unanncounced/uninvited

I plan on not giving advice unless it is requested. I will also try very hard not to judge their joint decisions especially on child rearing. ie, What do you mean you aren't going to breastfeed my grandchild?! lol. I will try to be supportive and a friend and remember that they had a completely different family and upbringing.

Never bring up any of her ex's...... even if you secretly wished she had married one of them instead of the man she chose.

Drink. Not like kids.

So my daughter is getting married and I will become a mother-in-law in about 4 months. I dont want to be "that" mother-in-law. So...tell me the number 1 thing(s) you wish your mother-in-law didn't do, or just give me your best advice. Ready, set, GO!

Mine cleans up after my husband in our house. She's a wonderful lady, but that is really really annoying!

Well, I'm married and I love my mother-in-law. She's really cool, and similar to my mom (who I also love) so maybe don't stress! You guys might end up hitting it off really well Best wishes!

Dont go to their house when she makes a meal and say "My son never ate that, or he likes this" and the best advice for not being one of those MIL's is don't do what you didn't want your MIL to do to you.

Give it some time let it grow organically. I remember trying to prove myself I lot in the beginning and I may have been a bit over the top. My husband's mother was very kind and encouraging as I became a wife and mother. She never gave me the feeling that she knew better than me (although clearly she did) she praised all my efforts as I became a mother and told me what a great job I was doing. Which not only made me feel good it made me feel like I could go to her when I felt I needed help and I would not be judged.

My husbands step mom did the opposite. When I became a mother she told me all the things I did wrong and how I was worrying too much etc etc. (Don't get me wrong she was right about everything and I get along with her quite well now ) It just made me feel like I was always being judged and I felt uncomfortable around her in the early years of my marriage and the things she was trying to tell me were really lesson I needed to learn on my own.


Best of luck.

My MIL was ok....until we had our son. Then she turned into her MIL that she used to always tell me horror stories about. My husband is the baby of her kids and the only boy, so he is spoiled to say the least. She has pitted him against me (once by turning on the fake tears in the middle of a department store) when she felt she get her way with me where our son was concerned. She made a point to go to every doctor visit my son had for the longest time. Not just go to make sure things were ok, but would go in while the doctor was seeing my son and "take over" the appointment. Once, when my son was really sick we had to take him to a doctor out of town. I asked my husband to politely tell his mom that we would prefer for just he and I to go back with our son to be seen by the doctor (she went to the appointment with us). She was beside herself over this. I lost it on her that day because my son, who was 1, had been very sick for a while and was hospitalized that day. I was in no mood for her drama :grumble:

Just allow them their space. My husband has called his mother during arguments before to give her "his side" of the story and get her opinion - literally in the middle of a disagreement. Don't let that happen - no matter how much your daughter may try and pull you into the middle of the situation. I wish she would have just told him to handle his own business, but she likes being in the middle and interject her two-cents in any given situation. I am sure you will be a great MIL. Just always keep in mind that it is their marriage and if they have children, they are their children. That's my MIL horror story Congrats to you and your daughter!

Do not offer unsolicited advice and do not interfer with their lives. Yhink of all the things your mother and mother in-law did that drove you and your significant other crazy.

Think about what you disliked when you became the daughter in law, use that as a guide. If you wouldn't like it, they probably won't either. I don't have son in laws only a daughter in law, I treat her with respect and support her all the way, even when she is not a happy camper with my son. I try to stay out of their lives and only visit them when I am invited, I think it's important for them to have their own lives without a third party always around. that's it!

Wish I had a mil like this.

Love your SIL and all his faults, warts, etc....lol for no other reason than your dot chose him,
Never let her put him down in your presense, don't listen to it.(because you will rarely hear how they made up) Only give her good advice.
Only visit when they are expecting you.
Embrace your new family member!


I have not had contact with my MIL for years. My husband reminded her too much of her ex, she would not acknowlege the abusive things she did to him growing up now matter how forgiving he was, she would not forgive us for eloping, she totally excluded me and my family from many get-togethers, Never once has she called my boys for their birthday or any holiday/occasion. They have to be taken to her house to receive any acknowledgement. ie. son has bday in july, gets gift in Dec only if they go to see her for Xmas. Hubs has bday in Jan and may get card on Easter if they visit her, otherwise maybe 4th of July
I ditched her forever when she made dreadful comments about my mother who was dying of untreatable cancer at the time.

First of all, congrats on becoming a mother in law!!! That's fantastic!

I personally don't have complaints about my soon to be mother in law. I love her to so much!!! The only thing I wish she would follow through is a couple simple house rules I have in my home.

That sounds kinda rude of me to say...but I have two big playful Rottweiler dogs and they have boundaries and are not allowed in the kitchen for obvious reasons...knocking me while I am holding something hot....dog hair in food etc.....and well....unfortunately those boundaries seem to go out the door when she is here....and its a revolving door. Although I continue to redirect the dogs out of the kitchen she welcomes them in right after.

I don't know....I think that is a reasonable rule....dogs are like kids...they need consistency. Otherwise things become a constant issue and struggle especially because we are trying to have kids...my dogs need to know their boundaries.

I know one day I will be asking the same question as you are now!!! I'm sure you will be great!

My best advice could easily come from me or my husband with regard to in-laws: Don't be jealous! My parents and his parents both live close to us. When one side feels like the other is getting more of our time or more quality time, they make little irritating comments about it. My mom gets especially upset about it, but we cannot be expected to perfectly and equally budget all of our time.