Spouse not getting it?

TheFitHooker
TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
Just curious anyone else have the issue of the spouse not really getting it? Not really understanding the excitement when you drop or reach a goal? Don't get me wrong he always says he is proud of me and is pretty supportive.

My husband came in from work and today I hit my end of 2011 goal, and I of course am excited and am telling him, and he didn't really say nothing, and then changed the subject about his game he has been playing, and well I just let the convo die. No it didn't hurt my feelings, but made me think "MFP is the only place that really get's it."...
«1

Replies

  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 614 Member
    Mine doesn't get it either. Same thing... "proud of you" but he has no idea just what a thrill little victories are. I recently made it to ONEderland and I was doing my little dance... not really anything from him. "Good Job" He might get it if he actually tried to lose some weight and found out just how hard it really is.
  • amberpickens
    amberpickens Posts: 149 Member
    My husband is the same way. Hes says "way to go" or "good job" but im not sure he understands.I lose a pound and im dancing through the house all excited and hes just lookin at me like im crazy
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 614 Member
    BTW: Not sure what your goal was but CONGRATULATIONS!
  • speedycakes
    speedycakes Posts: 152 Member
    My guys does the same thing. They just don't get it. I'll be like I LOST 5 POUNDS!! :D His reaction "that's nice." -_- No good job honey?! he doesn't have to be super excited about it but a little acknowledgement or support would be nice.

    ALSO! I hate it when i tell him i'm trying to eat better and he brings me home pizza and junk. No I don't have to eat it but I can't throw it away. I can't stand waste.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Awww sorry you're not getting the support you'd like.

    When I hit 50 lbs lost, my husband went and bought me flowers and a balloon that said 50 on it.....it was intended to be someone's birthday balloon but he re-purposed it! Teehee.

    Hope you know you're still amazing, and we all do get it, the big victories and the small!
  • zippo32
    zippo32 Posts: 1,407 Member
    I say, "I'm thinking about getting a HRM"
    Spouse say, "Can you wait till Christmas?"
    I say, "Sure" .........thinking the hint has been planted.
    This Christmas: No HRM.........................................................................................................................................I'm getting my own!
    Unsupported Z.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    speedycakes - Lol my husband wouldn't let it go to waste, he'll offer like last night he offered me a cookie and I was like "Thank you for thinking about me but no thank you." He doesn't always do it but I know he doesn't think sometimes lol.

    LuckyLeprecha - That's awesome! Sounds like a great guy you got there!
  • bunnysone
    bunnysone Posts: 486 Member
    My husband was told by his doctor a few years back to lose weight or pick out his coffin. Hard but true. It was the only thing that got his butt into action.

    After losing around 20kg he hit a plateau earlier this year and thought he couldn't lose any more.

    I told him about MFP and demonstrated what it did for me (I lost around 10kg in a couple of months) so he joined.

    He lost another 10kg roughly and is still on his way to his goal weight.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
    My husband just wants me to be hot. He is supportive though. But I can't talk to him about exercise and nutrition...Some of the people on here "get it" though and I'm thankful for them.
  • crazy4youz
    crazy4youz Posts: 28 Member
    I don't have a hubby, but I am in a serious long term relationship. It could just be that he doesn't see why you want to lose weight (or doesn't want it to seem like HE wants you to). My bf just keeps saying "You look fine, but if you feel you need to lose weight go for it." I can tell that he would love if i were thinner and more toned, but he'd never act overly excited about it for fear of making me self-consious around him.
  • sarahricks
    sarahricks Posts: 90 Member
    I have the same feeling. My husband can eat absolutly anything and not gain weight, he's been 140 for the last 15 years. I look at food and gain. He can't really understand the joy in loosing weight.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    ya ya...great...whats for dinner?
  • ocrunner11
    ocrunner11 Posts: 293 Member
    Nice job! You are doing this for yourself, congrats!!!!!:flowerforyou:
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    I went through an unsupportive ex. She just didn't understand that I didn't want that "extra helping," or that I would rather exercise than watch that TV show. I just wanted to live better.
    I am remarried, and my new wife is part of this whole journey. Life is better.
    I feel your pain, though.
  • brendabuckeye
    brendabuckeye Posts: 53 Member
    My hubby is supportive in a 'you look nice, but what is the big deal' kin of way. I wish he would jump on board and DO this with me, but in the end, I am taking care of me. He is a grown up and I am tired of trying to drag him along to get healthy. :( I feel for you, but keep up the good work. You are getting healthy and you should be VERY proud!
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    I don't have a hubby, but I am in a serious long term relationship. It could just be that he doesn't see why you want to lose weight (or doesn't want it to seem like HE wants you to). My bf just keeps saying "You look fine, but if you feel you need to lose weight go for it." I can tell that he would love if i were thinner and more toned, but he'd never act overly excited about it for fear of making me self-consious around him.

    Lol oh no, he has made it very clear in the past that I was fat and needed to lose weight. I'm serious, it got ugly quick. I am not losing weight for him and never thought about losing it for him. If someone can't accept me at my worse they don't deserve me at my best. He was able to take me at my worse but he honestly was not happy, and I know that. He is happier now, but if I get excited about a mini goal, the only place I can share that is here, no one get's it around me.

    My end of year goal was to get out of Obese and into over weight status. I reached it today at 169 :)
  • Renee2GetFit
    Renee2GetFit Posts: 162 Member
    OMG - I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only person that has this problem. I've been married for 12 years and over the years, I've let myself go. My husband is the type that will make little comments or jokes about me and my weight that only he thinks is funny and he'll do it in public! Drives me insane!!!
  • fatboypup
    fatboypup Posts: 1,873 Member
    Them guys better start getting it before some other man does
  • ajourney2far
    ajourney2far Posts: 60 Member
    My husband "tries" to get it - but fails badly. There is no gym near me - I have to travel at least 20 miles from work one way to get to a gym and hubby says, "Why can't you just exercise at home?" I once went on a diet and he did at the same time. We ate the same thing. He lost 20 lbs - I lost 4. He said I must have cheated. Also, I love having fresh fruits and veggies in the house on a tray - he goes for the fruit but tells me that the veggies are too expensive - to just get frozen or canned. Nope... he doesn't get it. :sad:

    BUT he has retired and he does get the groceries and cook for me - although it is usually way too starchy. I have to really eat carefully what he cooks. I do appreciate the sentiment though. AND he brings me breakfast in bed - :heart: either oatmeal or Fiber One with an orange quartered. He is a good man... just doesn't get my need to be food conscious. I did finally get him to measure the cereal - one problem though - he buys WHOLE milk!
  • crazy4youz
    crazy4youz Posts: 28 Member
    :flowerforyou: Congrats on reaching your goal btw

    In all honesty though, if he's the one that was complaining about your weight he should be a little more supportive :ohwell: Maybe you could sit him down and talk to him about it?
  • robinhoward123
    robinhoward123 Posts: 106 Member
    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.
  • Cynduck
    Cynduck Posts: 255 Member
    Right there with you and I cant talk to mine about changes either. He thinks I should be able to do this without really changing anything.
  • Alexdur85
    Alexdur85 Posts: 255 Member
    My boyfriend tells me that's great.. and lately he's been trying to lose weight too and recently lost 20lbs and now reading this thread I should have been more excited for him. I get excited about exercise and he doesn't. This week I'm trying to burn at least 1,000 cals a day when I can and he just shakes his head because I'm at the gym twice that day or for two hours instead of my usual one hour, 500 cal burn.

    I roll my eyes when he gets to a new level on his game...he rolls his when I go to the gym longer than usual. We just have different interests. But he supports me in everything else so I really can't complain. He's a pretty good guy.
  • Cynduck
    Cynduck Posts: 255 Member
    Btw congrats on reaching your goal. That is awesome.
  • Alexdur85
    Alexdur85 Posts: 255 Member
    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.

    Sometimes I think that's my boyfriend's fear too. He questions me anytime he see's a guy talking to me.. especially at the gym. He doesn't "like" one of the trainers at our gym because he checked my HRM and tightened my handlebars on the spin bike once.. seriously.. That's his reason.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    My husband doesn't support me, he thinks if i loss the weight that I'll leave him.

    My husband joked so he said that it was a joke "When you lose all your weight, you're gonna leave me, aren't you?" I told him "My weight has never been the reason I'm with you or have stayed with you. If I leave you, it has nothing to do with weight, but I don't plan on going anywhere." I love the man, and want to be with no one but him. He hasn't made the comment anymore, so hopefully that's out of his mind.
  • Gshepmix83
    Gshepmix83 Posts: 99 Member
    I guess all husbands, wives, bf/gf, or domestic partners just don't care or understand the struggles everybody goes through to change themselves for the better. We all wish they would show the struggling person more compassion and more praise but we have to face the facts that it's better to tell family members and friends about your weight loss than the person you're spending your life with.
  • PurelyTheRealMe
    PurelyTheRealMe Posts: 23
    Yep. If he unintentionally loses a pound, he wants me to just about worship him. If I lose anything, big or small, he's like, "oh, good job, hey, you know who I saw today"? So frustrating. That's why I already love my MFP friends, lol.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    People who are not fat or never been fat will never get it.

    Sure, some will be supportive friends or a loving spouse, but unless faced with this challenge, few can relate.
  • moran1917
    moran1917 Posts: 1,133 Member
    My husband wants me to be happy, as long as there is no sacrifice or pain involved. He will tell me you didn't eat enough today when my calorie count clearly says i did and i am not hungry. When it comes to working out he is all don't hurt yourself and if i get stiff and walk a bit funny he is upset that i am overdoing it. Idk how to make him understand that working out hurts, but it's not a bad thing. Idk how to make him understand that every now and then i am going to be hungry. I accept it as part of the process, why can't he?
This discussion has been closed.

Categories